Timeouts for 3yo?

[mackmama]

Do you all implement timeouts for a just-turned-3yo? If so, how/where/when do you do it? We are thinking about starting to use it but aren't sure how. Thanks!

[TxCat]

Yes, we've been using time-outs since just before the age of 2, and they work pretty well. Here is how we use them:

- we save them for "big" offenses: hitting, biting, kicking, being rough with the pets, or dangerous disobedience (ie, running into the street)
- 1 minute for every year of age
- time-out is in our guest bedroom with the door open, with DH or I right outside - DD1 can see us, but we don't look at her or engage with her during time-out
- set a timer that DD1 is aware of
- calmly state the offense causing time out and duration of time out as we take DD1 to time out
- at the end of time out, offer a hug, state that we love DD1, but that we don't do "XYZ" or that it isn't safe and that's why she went to time out. We don't spend a lot of time belaboring the point.

[BDKmom]

Yes, we've been using time-outs since just before the age of 2, and they work pretty well. Here is how we use them:

- we save them for "big" offenses: hitting, biting, kicking, being rough with the pets, or dangerous disobedience (ie, running into the street)
- 1 minute for every year of age
- time-out is in our guest bedroom with the door open, with DH or I right outside - DD1 can see us, but we don't look at her or engage with her during time-out
- set a timer that DD1 is aware of
- calmly state the offense causing time out and duration of time out as we take DD1 to time out
- at the end of time out, offer a hug, state that we love DD1, but that we don't do "XYZ" or that it isn't safe and that's why she went to time out. We don't spend a lot of time belaboring the point.

We pretty much do this exactly. Our place for time out is a corner of the dining room that is pretty much away from everything. We stand nearby but don't engage.

I also sometimes use it for a cooling off period for DS if he gets overly upset about something. In that case, it may not last as long, just until he calms down enough to talk about something.

The main offense my DS gets time out for is hitting or pushing his little sister.

[doberbrat]

We do - stand in a corner for 1min per year of age also for 'severe' behaviors - hitting, kicking etc.

For more 'minor' things, not listening etc we send to sit on the bed to self calm. They can return whenever they feel they can behave appropriately. Oddly enough, we use this as well when the bickering between the girls gets out of control. We send them to sit on the bed Together till they can be nice to each other.

[llama8]

I have been using time outs since 1 yr old. It works like a charm. i just do a minute or two in a chair. I use it for not listening, hitting, or really extreme behavior. All I have to do now is threaten time out and my kids just stop the bad behavior.

[ahisma]

I have been using time outs since 1 yr old. It works like a charm. i just do a minute or two in a chair. I use it for not listening, hitting, or really extreme behavior. All I have to do now is threaten time out and my kids just stop the bad behavior.

We do time outs starting at 1 yo too, for the same behavior. We do 1 min/year of age. I will do them anywhere - preschool, restaurants, Costco, the zoo, anywhere. They protest at home sometimes but never in public. I just tell them that they're in timeout and point to where they need to sit. It's a lifesaver for us, DS2 gets overstimulated very easily and the timeouts help him to settle.

Location-wise, I do it near us, away from the "fun", somewhere that we can watch them. I only just started sending DS1 to his room for timeouts sometimes, he's 7. That's really only if he's protesting it. For those, he's not on a timer but can come down when he's calm.

Now that they're a bit older and have more self control (5 and 7 yo) I don't start the timer until they are calm. Yelling only prolongs the timeout. They stop yelling pretty quickly:)

[mackmama]

What do you do if your DC won't sit/stand where you tell them to for the timeout? I can foresee this with 3yo DC.

[AnnieW625]

We do a chair in the middle of the kitchen for big offenses like hitting, biting, blatently not doing what we asked her to do, etc. I usually do 2 or 3 minutes. DD2 can see us and if they try to get off then an extra minute gets added on to the timer. When the timer goes off myself or DH will go in the kitchen and get her down and we ask her why she was on the chair and she tells us and then we ask her if she will do it again and she says no and then she usually says sorry and gives us a hug. We did this with DD1 as well until she was about 5/1/2 and then it was just easier to tell her to sit in her room because that is where she would go anyways.

[OKKiddo]

The plan that our ABA therapist gave us works well for our family. I even use it for our two year old. He had us write down a list of family rules (with pictures if possible--ours are simple: Use Nice Hands, Use Nice Words, Listen to Mommy and Daddy) and then when a time out is needed (tantrum throwing, hitting/kicking, or intentionally doing what they were told not to do) we take them to their room, let them know when they're calm that we can do their countdown, close the door and wait. At first the tantrums and screaming lasted a while and we would open the door at 5 minute increments to see if they were ready to calm down and do their countdown. If they said yes we would. If no, then we would wait again. Once they were ready for the countdown they had to sit criss cross applesauce with their hands on their knees and count with the adult. Our ABA Therapist told us that 10 seconds for every year of age was sufficient time for an emotional reset and it really is. Not to mention they get lots of practice with counting. After the countdown is over we ask them what the rules are again and if they understand why their behavior landed them in time out. They usually tell us why and we let them know they need to remember to follow the rules/use their words, etc. We always follow up with a big hug and reassurances that we love them know matter what--and then they apologize and hug it out with whomever they weren't nice to.

It takes a commitment to the time--but then again we didn't have typically developing children either (until DD). The time outs work great for all of them and we do use them even when out and about--we find a quiet corner and take care of it.

[lalasmama]

With DGS, who is 2y8mo, we do 2.5 minutes for time-outs. Typical time-out reasons are things like climbing/running across the furniture (oy vey! this is allowed at their house, and not at our house, and he looks at me, says, "Gammy!" and then does it), being mean to brother or grown-ups, or not listening after a reminder (for things that aren't major, but aren't okay, like constantly taking the DVDs out when reminded that they aren't for kids to touch). At our old house, our master suite was right off of the living room, so we would have him sitting in the corner (facing the room, not the corner) next to the door of the master suite. At our new house, we haven't figured out where the spot is going to be, but I'm leaning towards the bottom stair. Like others have said, it's close enough to the hubbub without being in the middle of it.

When I put him in timeout, and he cries (no tears), but doesn't get up. I don't stand by him; just take him to the timeout spot, sit him down, say, "Time out for [name] because ______. You need to sit here until I come back," and then walk away. I'm still in his line of sight, but not responding/reacting to the crying. At the end, I come back, he climbs up on my lap, I go over what got him in time out ("Running on the couch at Gammy's isn't okay. Couches are for booties, not feet."), and have him repeat the rule. Realistically, it doesn't change the behavior at all, but they aren't here consistently enough, I think. This should change shortly as the move closer and we're watching the kids more.

When DD was 3 or 4, she was "famous" (infamous!) for her tantrums, especially in public. During one of these episodes, an elderly grandmother-type came up to me, and said, "When my kids did that, I took them to the bathroom for their time-outs. They stopped quickly when they were made to sit in that place!" Holy cow, it worked like a charm for DD! Tantrum started, and I would just say, "Do we need to go to the bathroom for a time-out?" and after the first few times of going to the bathroom for a quiet time, she would improve quickly when reminded of that option! Totally going to employ that technique with the grandkids, LOL!

[TxCat]

What do you do if your DC won't sit/stand where you tell them to for the timeout? I can foresee this with 3yo DC.

DD1 has only ventured past the threshold of the guest room door once or twice - we just calmly lead her back inside the room with a reminder of "you're in time out - you can't leave until the timer goes off." If I had to do that repeatedly, I'd add thirty seconds to the timer. I thought that DD1 would challenge the staying in one place more, but she really doesn't. I think they are sort of shocked by the whole punishment concept still at this age that they don't challenge it as much as you would think.

[mikala]

What do you do if your DC won't sit/stand where you tell them to for the timeout? I can foresee this with 3yo DC.

I wonder this too. Ds1 is 4 and still won't go to timeout or stay there most of the time when he's in the kind of mood that leads to timeouts.

[BabbyO]

Yes, we've been using time-outs since just before the age of 2, and they work pretty well. Here is how we use them:

- we save them for "big" offenses: hitting, biting, kicking, being rough with the pets, or dangerous disobedience (ie, running into the street)
- 1 minute for every year of age
- time-out is in our guest bedroom with the door open, with DH or I right outside - DD1 can see us, but we don't look at her or engage with her during time-out
- set a timer that DD1 is aware of
- calmly state the offense causing time out and duration of time out as we take DD1 to time out
- at the end of time out, offer a hug, state that we love DD1, but that we don't do "XYZ" or that it isn't safe and that's why she went to time out. We don't spend a lot of time belaboring the point.

This is pretty much our operating procedure, too. That said, when Stachio (4 yo) is just really upset we will also incorporate his timeout glitter bottle (http://mycrazyblessedlife.com/2011/10/03/relax-bottletime-out-timer/) since it seems to calm him a bit.

Peanut, our 2 yo has been REALLY resistant to timeouts and overall been quite belligerent lately. He doesn't get his glitter bottle because he has been throwing it against the wall or floor and we're afraid it will break (it is his goal to break it....). We stand in timeout with him, not engaging. It has been a rough winter with him.

[mackmama]

Thank you so much to everyone for your help. I feel like it really helped me get a better understanding of how to starting implementing time outs. Hoping it goes ok! :)