Talk me through this wise BBBers.

[trcy]

Sort of a follow up to these threads:
http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?473536-Give-me-your-best-tips-for-saying-quot-No-quot
http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?473511-Would-this-be-rude-if-yes-WWYD

Long story short, friend is in a very tough spot and needs childcare help. I have watched her DC a few times and committed to a few more. I thought her plan was to have a perminent solution by then, but no. It is something I cannot continue to do. I will honor the dates I have committed to, but I need to be taken off the list. She is in tough situation but I need to keep my sanity. Please talk me through this.

[nfowife]

I would just email her a note or tell her when you speak to her next that you've been happy to help her out thus far and will stick with the dates you've committed to, but after that you need to take a break from babysitting her DC. Tell her you've got some other stuff going on and it's just too much to add another child to the mix, and you will let her know if and when that changes in the future.
I don't think you need to go into more detail than that.

[Melaine]

So she is assuming you are going to babysit for her regularly? I would just say, "I have marked these dates on the calendar to help you out but after that you will need to find a permanent solution" or say "Do you want me to ask around for babysitting recommendations, because I won't be able to help anymore after March 12th."

[MamaMolly]

I wouldn't take on the responsibility of finding her child care. That's on her. Just tell her that you are confirming you can babysit on XXYY date(s), and that your schedule is unfortunately full beyond that.

[Simon]

It may be a tough situation, but it is also *her* situation and her problem to solve. If confrontation is difficult for you, I would send an email under the pretense of confirming the dates/times you have agreed to (I just wanted to confirm that Friend's Dc will be coming over on X and Y dates for hours blah." and also tack on a sentence or two saying something like, "I am happy to help as we talked about, but I won't be able to after (March 1st, next Wednesday, whatever) and I wanted to let you know in advance so you have enough time to ask someone else if you need help after (insert date you chose)."

You may be tempted to give a reason or excuse for why you cannot help, but you aren't required to explain yourself. Also, there are people who will chose not to hear your "no" and try to wiggle around your excuse. I once told someone No, they asked why, I gave them the (very valid IMO reason) and they said, "Why can't you just take my Dc with you?" I was pi$$ed and held my ground but they did try to get around my reason. IF you feel you must give a reason, then it should be vague and unfixable. Something like, "I have other commitments starting soon and I need to honor them." If pressed, I stay vague, "Oh a few things at work/church/school/related to family." Again, most people should respect your No, but you have to be prepared for those who won't.

[123LuckyMom]

I agree that you need to tell her as soon as possible that you won't be able to continue after the last date to which you committed. I wouldn't give a reason beyond just saying you can't do it. It may be that she has procrastinated in finding a solution because you have been able to help, but you are not the solution to her problem!

[BunnyBee]

I would simply say no the next time she asks if you have specific dates to which you've agreed (versus an unspecified "on Saturday afternoons"). If you had an unspecified end date, I would immediately email that Saturday, March X is the last date you are able to watch her DC, or whatever is at least 2 weeks notice.