creepy kids

[lmh2402]

I hate that I feel this way - but there are a few kids that DS is friendly with...that are just NOT nice. I know they're only five-ish. But still. There is one in particular that I've seen make fun of other kids in truly unkind ways on several occasions. Once, the dad of one of the other kids even told me that HE was watching this kid make fun of his son. He was pissed. Today, the kid was at it again - making fun of the same kid, for the same thing. And this time, I was "lucky" enough to witness my DS joining in the laughter and even the mimicking of the movements (making fun of this kid's flapping.) The second I saw what they were doing, I called DS sharply and he stopped immediately, but he knew I was pissed. And then not five min later, I saw the original nasty kid with his arm around DS' neck pointing in a direction and laughing. I look over and see that he's pointing at a little boy who very clearly has physical deformities - his face and head were severely misshapen. There is no way this kid and his father did not see my son and the other kid. DS' "friend" was laughing and pointing and yelling "GROSSSSSS" and DS was laughing and saying "Oh Wow!"

I got DS by the arm and literally wanted to kill him. The mom of the other kid was totally oblivious to all of this - nose in her phone and not even seeing anything that was going on.

I am SO angry and sad about how people treat each other. And that this little boy is really not such a nice little boy - I've known that for awhile now. and I'm even MORE angry and upset at my son. He knows better. I know this will sound like a typical mom thing - but i KNOW if we had been on our own when seeing that little boy with the deformities, DS would have likely asked me what happened or what was wrong, but he would have NEVER started pointing and laughing and saying "ew grossssssss!!!" like his "friend" was doing. and like he, DS, was then doing.

I had a talk with DS tonight when he got into bed about how it's not necessarily his job to police other people if he's not feeling brave enough to do so, but it is absolutely his job to never, EVER participate in such behavior. And we talked about compassion and being a good person and having a good heart. my DS is usually such an incredibly kind, sweet, sensitive kid - I have had so many adults tell me how kind and polite he is. How he always worries about the feelings of the other kids in class. And then to see him doing this today. Breaks my heart and sickens my stomach.

I hate. creepy. kids.

[elliput]

Helping our children not fall into the "different is bad/scary/gross/funny/whatever" trap is challenging. Even more challenging when we know they are being influenced by kids whose parents aren't trying to do the same. I hope this other boy has someone else in his life to help him learn about compassion, as his mom is apparently not interested in doing it, and not having it ends up causing heaps of problems down the road.

[lmh2402]

amended b*tch to add that i hate that my child is obsessive over everything. he clearly took our talk to heart b/c he was crying last night at bed time.

and he was crying at 2 in the morning. and 5:30 in the morning. and again at breakfast

crying and saying he didn't want to be mean and have no friends. and that he wanted me and the little boy from yesterday to forgive him. i didn't say he had no friends!!!! i said that if he treated people poorly, he would end up with no friends. gah!!! it is impossible to try and talk to this kid without him going off the deep end about everything.

[bisous]

Wow, I think the ADULTS in this story are creepy! I know most kids WILL need direction on how to deal with people who look different. Your son is getting that from you but this other kid...man I hope (like elliput said upthread) that SOMEBODY teaches him the same lesson!

I hope your DS feels better. He's just learning, too. All kids are. Some kids have imperfections on the outside but EVERYBODY is working on something. We just all need to be nice to each other! Hope everyone in that scenario has a better day today.

[JCat]

As the mom of an autistic kid I want to thank you for talking to your son and getting him to stop. It seems like there's always ONE kid who no one watches that sort of bullies and enlists other otherwise kind kids to participate in this sort of thing. If your son really wants to try and make up for his momentary lapse tell him he can be nice to next special needs kid who comes along. Sometimes just saying hello is enough.

[TwinFoxes]

Wow, I think the ADULTS in this story are creepy! I know most kids WILL need direction on how to deal with people who look different. Your son is getting that from you but this other kid...man I hope (like elliput said upthread) that SOMEBODY teaches him the same lesson!

I hope your DS feels better. He's just learning, too. All kids are. Some kids have imperfections on the outside but EVERYBODY is working on something. We just all need to be nice to each other! Hope everyone in that scenario has a better day today.

:yeahthat:

[truly scrumptious]

Sigh. I'm in the same boat. DS has a negative influencer in his class that he idolizes. I have seen this child being rude and unkind to other kids, and tho I've never seen DS do anything I try to proactively talk about being kind, truthful, etc. He notices the kid getting away with rings because the kid is smart about flying under the teachers' radar. I also find that we get into arguments because DS treats everything this kid says as gospel truth, and I don't have a convincing enough (for DS) comeback to "But DF SAID so." Sigh.
However when we were called into a meeting with DS's teachers about behavioral concerns a few weeks ago, I flat out told them that they needed to watch the boys together more carefully so that DS sees rules being enforced without exception. He's a rule follower but if he sees one kid getting away with something he will try it.

[lmh2402]

Wow, I think the ADULTS in this story are creepy! I know most kids WILL need direction on how to deal with people who look different. Your son is getting that from you but this other kid...man I hope (like elliput said upthread) that SOMEBODY teaches him the same lesson!

I hope your DS feels better. He's just learning, too. All kids are. Some kids have imperfections on the outside but EVERYBODY is working on something. We just all need to be nice to each other! Hope everyone in that scenario has a better day today.

yeah, i've been struggling with this kid since Sept. he's been incredibly mean to my DS too. but for whatever reason, DS, is drawn like a moth to a flame. i've never, EVER seen DS make fun of someone before. he's a total lemming (for better or worse, his personality is that of a follower), yet previously he's demonstrated to me that he knows that our rules and limits are his governing force. for example, we were out at a nighttime event for school. it was, IMO, a totally unsafe situation b/c it was pitch black and the kids were all running like lunatics. i set a perimeter for DS that was extremely tight. and his "friends" - ring-led by this mean kid - were totally taunting him, but he would not leave the boundaries I set. I was so pleased to see that he could withstand the herd mentality.

but yesterday, he did not.

i am praying we are not in this kid's class next year. we had an incident earlier this year between this kid and DS - kid was saying really, really cruel things to DS and teacher got involved. kid's mom emailed me - copying teacher - and said that her son had denied the whole thing. it was so awkward and weird. i mean, if it were the other way around and the teacher told me my son was doing these mean things - my reaction would be to deal with my son. NOT confront the other family and say that my known-for-getting-into-trouble kid was telling me he didn't do it.

who knows. anyway. i hope you guys don't think my DS is horrible. he really isn't. he's such a good kid. a sensitive and funny and sweet kid. who made a very bad choice yesterday. i do hope he's learned his lesson. blah.

[ArizonaGirl]

Oh honey, I don't think that your DS is horrible.

He is just young and trying to navigate social situations with peers and learning how to stand up to peer pressure.

It is a difficult situation because I can see my DS being just the same as yours and we have a boy in the same grade as him in the other class and they butt heads and get into trouble all of the time.

It is very difficult to teach them these complicated lessons and have them make a good choice in the moment.

:hug:

[JCat]

It doesn't sound like your kid is horrible at all! He sounds very sensitive and like a decent human being.