3 yo acting like a baby - battle worth fighting?

[TxCat]

So, generally I'm a big fan of picking and choosing my battles with my 3 yo, but this one leaves me a little less certain so I figured I'd ask.

For the past 3 months or so, DD1 will periodically insist on being carried up or downstairs, or outside because she "can't walk" or she's "stuck." It's not quite every day but at least once a day 3-4 days/week. I totally attribute this to her acting out about her baby sister. Generally we give in and carry her (she usually picks the most arduous moments, like we're already carrying the baby or hands are already full), but I've been of the mindset that if this is the one way she is acting out about the baby, it's not a battle worth fighting. The few times we don't immediately give in, she will tantrum for 30-60 minutes, then just whimper sadly, and ultimately ends up getting her way (this is usually the scenario with DH). On one hand, it's totally annoying behavior, but in the larger scheme of things I can't decide if we should put our foot down about it. Any BTDT advice?

[eagle]

i completely understand. we have a 4 yo and a 4 month old. the 4 yo asks to be carried a lot these days, and when i am wearing the 4 month old, many times i just cant do it (outside in dirty wet slush with baby in front carry with a backpack full of library books).

however, when i can, i try to do it as much as possible. that is saying a lot, since he weights a hefty 42 pounds. but i do it because i wont always be able to carry him and i think its sort of sweet, even if he is a huge 4 year old. obviously, with me, its not even a battle. but he doesnt have 30 minute tantrums either.

sorry, im not much help here. but it is an annoying issue we have been dealing with too.

[georgiegirl]

Have you tried playful parenting? Why don't you walk like a monkey? Can you tiptoe?

Her behavior is completely age appropriate. My sisters 3 year old (who is a big sis) acts the same way. My sister calls me several times a week complaining that everything with her dd is a battle

[amom526]

I would not fight this one. If I can carry him, I usually do. 3 yer olds are still babies! If it's just a matter of getting ds2 in the car first, I will give ds1 a choice of going himself, or waiting until I can do it. He's 50/50 on what he chooses. There are very few times that I am in a position when I physically cannot carry him (walking to the car while carrying ds2 with no stroller...) and I am always really stressed out if he asks to be carried then, although try not to let him see it, and distract him with something!

[maydaymommy]

3 is all about the struggle between wanting to be BIG in order to get some control in their world, and wanting to still be a baby who is taken care of.

[Momit]

Well, my DS 5 and does not have a new sibling, and he still asks to be carried to bed once in a while (tonight, in fact). I do it, if I can't I at least give him a hug or carry him to the bottom of the stairs.

It's just one of those things that isn't worth saying no to IME - I figure soon enough he will be a tween pretending he doesn't even know me ;). I will enjoy the carries and snuggles while I can!

[123LuckyMom]

I agree. Don't fight this one. It is annoying, but it's normal for her to want to get to be the baby, too, sometimes. My 5 year old will occasionally do this, (want to be treated like a baby) and when I can, I indulge him. I also make sure to praise him LOTS when he acts in a way that's helpful or grown up. That's the behavior I want to encourage, but I'll indulge the need to be babied, too.

[mackmama]

I carry (our only) 3yo DC when asked unless my back is really hurting that day. I think it's normal for the age.

[TxCat]

Thanks all for the feedback. I figured it was normal and age-appropriate, but it drives my DH batty. Now I can tell him that the BBB agrees with indulging it for a while. ;)

[Pinky]

3 is all about the struggle between wanting to be BIG in order to get some control in their world, and wanting to still be a baby who is taken care of.

Definitely! Our three year old does this even though she's an only child. I just go along with it most of the time. It's mainly just that she really likes to pretend.

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[o_mom]

Another thing you could try is to "fill her cup" in another way so that she may be less likely to seek it in this way. I know mine loved to be wrapped up in a towel after a bath and held and rocked a bit like when they were younger. If you can give her those moments where she is still your "baby", it might feel less like she has been displaced. Looking at baby pictures of her together, letting her play with DD2's toys, etc. At the same time find some special "Big Sister" things that she gets to do and comment on it out loud to DD2 - "Look at your big sister pouring her own drink! Only big kids get to do that!" or "Oh, DD2, I know you need a nap - when you are big like DD1, you will get to play all morning".

Don't connect it at all to the walking, but make a point to talk about it outside of the struggle point.

[TxCat]

Another thing you could try is to "fill her cup" in another way so that she may be less likely to seek it in this way. I know mine loved to be wrapped up in a towel after a bath and held and rocked a bit like when they were younger. If you can give her those moments where she is still your "baby", it might feel less like she has been displaced. Looking at baby pictures of her together, letting her play with DD2's toys, etc. At the same time find some special "Big Sister" things that she gets to do and comment on it out loud to DD2 - "Look at your big sister pouring her own drink! Only big kids get to do that!" or "Oh, DD2, I know you need a nap - when you are big like DD1, you will get to play all morning".

Don't connect it at all to the walking, but make a point to talk about it outside of the struggle point.

Love these suggestions -thank you!!

[twotimesblue]

I would not fight this battle. My DS1 is 3 and enormous (44lbs) and he often asks to be carried. He even asks me to feed him sometimes... I figure it's age appropriate, and also a reaction to seeing DS1 being 'babied'. Like PPs, I try and appreciate the fact that he wants to be close to me, as I know it won't last!

[goldenpig]

My almost 4 year old boy still likes to be carried once in a while and still asks for help to go potty, even though he goes by himself at school.
I have a funny picture of DD at 3 or 4, swaddled up in a blanket like a baby. And she was still occasionally nursing at age 3.
Totally normal for them to want to be babied at times. They grow up so fast as it is, and usually my kids are super independent and stubborn about doing things themselves, so sometimes it's better to enjoy them needing you once in a while.

[Mommy_Mea]

DS1 went through a stage for 6+ months (just before he turned 4) that he would say that he was "Baby DS1" and say "goo-goo ga ga" and asked to be picked up. I always just made sure to give him a special snuggle, and figured it must just be a phase and it would pass. And it did. Not sure why it happened when it did, because DS2 was 2 at that point, and he wasn't competing for attention from a baby. But I figured he just needed some extra babying, and maybe being on that tipping point of being more "boy" than "toddler" was a little scary.

I know if he hadn't been so obvious about wanting to be babied, I would have been more frustrated with it, so I know it must be hard! I agree with PP, if you can't pick him up at that moment, try playfun parenting, or promise to give him some special time in a minute.