Time for a visit

[Twoboos]

MIL is coming for DDs' spring break in April. She sent her itinerary. I nearly passed out - it is a ONE WAY ticket. Apparently she is trying to coordinate to go to SIL's after us, and isn't sure of the timing. Since the pricing is the same (really?) she didn't book a return flight yet. It's likely to be at least 10 days, though.

She's just so annoying. She'll be here for Easter, which to me is an invasion of a holiday with my family (we're always "SO Italian!" to her, whatever, we make Italian cookies and have no meat on Christmas Eve. Ohhh so international!). She keeps a sewing machine here so there will be sewing in my dining room and trips to Michael's to buy crafty crap to clutter my house that won't be used once she leaves. She likes things to be proper and tidy, and the girls to be quiet. :hysterical: She's always in my space and wants to know where I am if I'm not in her direct line of sight ("I'm in the bathroom!! Do you need something??") Seriously I have taken to turning around and purposefully bumping into her b/c she is RIGHT THERE. She'll probably do laundry 5x while she's here, and not dry anything (even underwear, pjs and jeans) but iron everything except her underwear, bras and socks.

And you know what I figured out today? I really need to get over it. I've been married to DH for 15 years. She's not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere, and DH loves us both. But the real problem is she's not MY mom, and I really want it to be my mom coming to visit. That is the part that makes it so hard.

After 5.5 years, I should be able to handle it. :(

[misshollygolightly]

It's ok to be cranky about her visit. And it's also ok if the real reason you're cranky is because it's MIL instead of your mom. I'm really, really sorry. It sucks. I hope it ends up being a good visit, and that her presence doesn't just emphasize your mother's absence. And if MIL gets to be too much of a pill, just send her to my house--I have a whole pile of things that need to be ironed :-) *Hugs*

[StantonHyde]

oh heck yeah. I would save up my laundry and ironing and let her have at it. As well as any mending projects that have to be done.

[Sweetsunshine]

Ugh that sounds super annoying. Good luck getting through the visit!

[MMMommy]

Ugh. I am so sorry. I can see why you would be annoyed. I would be too!

[doberbrat]

I get it. Your MIL could be my mother. I'd DIE if she got a 1 way ticket!

I totally agree, save up your ironing, your mending and any other crafty projects you can think up. Even better, let her do them w/the girls - she can teach them to sew/craft etc while you stay in your room sipping tea etc.

[Twoboos]

Update. Turns out MIL doesn't need to go to SIL's. She said she would try to book going home on a weekend, so I figured the second weekend of spring break, making the visit 10 days.

OMG. She's staying for EIGHTEEN days. :eek: One eight. She leaves the Sunday of the week AFTER spring break week. The entire second week DDs will be back at school, DH will be at work, and I'll be trapped. :52: Some visits are TOO LONG. I know she wants to make the trip "worthwhile" but it's only across the country, not the other side of the world!!

Time to start hoping for Jury Duty. Or that thing I have to go to... you know, that thing? Really important. Lasts all day. Can't get out of it.

I am going to die. Or go insane. I might need to be medicated. Or self-medicate. :54:

I'm really going to have to get over this. The length of her visits just keeps creeping up. Last time it was 2 weeks. Now we are approaching three weeks. There has been talk of her doing a few MONTHS here and a few MONTHS at SIL's. If this happens I hope she goes to SIL's first, SIL will kill her and it will be taken care of. :icon_twisted: ;)

Any tips on dealing with a needy person invading your space for an extra-long time?? :help:

[maybeebaby08]

Don't clean for the two weeks leading up to the visit and let everything get untidy so she'll be so uncomfortable she won't want to stay or come back.

Sorry, 18 days is too long!


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[mommylamb]

Eighteen days????!!!! That's an exceedingly long time. I can't imagine why she would want to stay for that long? I mean, I would hate to be in someone else's house for that long. My MIL will be visiting us for 2 weeks at the end of April. She comes from England and always stays that long. 2 weeks is my breaking point. She is a lovely woman, but by the end of two weeks I am doing a jig when she leaves. DH also gets frustrated with her often, and feels like it's too long, but then he feels terribly guilty about feeling that way. She's in her early 70s now, and he only sees her once or twice a year, so there's a lot of guilt for him. But God, after 2 weeks I am just so done. Guilt for me too. But 18 days? Wow, you're a saint.

[DualvansMommy]

I'm so with you. Can feel your pain and agree that it is quite a lengthy visit for someone who's only across the country; aka 4-5 hour flight time max??

Time for you to plan several day long trips for yourself out of the house!!

[Philly Mom]

So my in laws from the uk were here for 3 weeks in December. We had a new baby and they are great with DD1 so that was helpful. I kept reminding myself how they were being helpful. I did not clean for them. In fact, I had mil fold all the clothes. It gave her something to do. I am sure the next time they come, we will go out by ourselves, a lot. When you are alone with her, volunteer at school, go to the gym, have a needy friend. Good luck! At least my in laws come together so they can be sent on errands together. My MIL would never go alone.


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[georgiegirl]

Sounds like you need to stock up at the liquor store. 18 days is a long time.

[wendibird22]

18 days is a VERY long time, especially when it wasn't you that issued the invite. That's ballsy if you ask me. In addition to leaving the house messy, I'd make her sleep on a futon, pull out sofa, or air mattress...no comfy bed for her. Turn up the heat or or A/C so that the house is uncomfortably warm/cold. Or better yet, tell her that you are swingers and you've invited a few "friends" over for a visit and ask, "You don't mind do you?"

[elizabethkott]

Oh sweet Lord.
I can't. I can't *even* begin.
1. A big :yeahthat: to the stocking up on the alcohol.
2. I think you need new curtains! And slipcovers! And decorative pillow cases! Surely, this craft will take care of Monday.
3. "Can you help me rearrange this cabinet? And this one? AND THIS ONE?!" That's Tuesday.
4. "I like to do a deep clean of all my bathroom tile in the spring. Here's a toothbrush." Wednesday.
5. TIME FOR CLEANING THE GARAGE!!!!! (pick the coldest possible day on the calendar for this one.)
Ladies? Care to help a sister out? We need 13 more to get this BBB'er through!!!!!

[npace19147]

6. "DD's have decided what they'd like to be for Halloween! Let's take a trip to Michaels so we can all pick out patterns/fabric/supplies and you can make them!"

7. "DD's want matching outfits for July 4th! Let's get patterns and fabric for those too!"

[maybeebaby08]

8. I want to surprise DH with a sex swing, can you help me install it? I'd love to test it out tonight! 😜

9. Can you take me to the Drs? I'm having anal leakage and he wants a sample, as you hand her a sample of something resembling poop.

[boogiemom]

8. I want to surprise DH with a sex swing, can you help me install it? I'd love to test it out tonight! 😜

9. Can you take me to the Drs? I'm having anal leakage and he wants a sample, as you hand her a sample of something resembling poop.

I am rolling! LOLOLOLOL! You are my new hero!

[elliput]

Are there a bunch of museums/historic sites/famous places you can insist she must visit? Alone.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

oh man, i am so sorry just saw your update..eek. 18 days sounds like torture. i agree with PP, you are a saint.

I actually love my MIL and she is extremely helpful with the kids, house, etc as is my own mom...but i think it would be hard to have either staying over for more than a week or two. And i work full-time so i am out of the house a ton! I don't know what it is, it's just something about that sacred personal space at home, and it's hard to go without that for weeks in a row. I remember once ILs stayed for a week when DS was 2 months old, and while they were a HUGE help (DS was not yet sleeping through the night, MIL helped a lot iwth cooking, cleaning) after they left DH & I were both relieved to have the house back to ourselves! I can't imagine how it must be like with a nosy guest who is not helpful at all.

also, like PP mentioned..why would you want to stay at anyone's house that long???

[wellyes]

Are there a bunch of museums/historic sites/famous places you can insist she must visit? Alone.
Exactly what I'm thinking. She's all the way on the other side of the country with so much time - how about a weeklong road trip? To anywhere!

[elephantmeg]

hadn't you planned a weekend getaway that weekend in the middle? How awesome that grandma can be there to help DH with the kids while you are gone!

[Twoboos]

8. I want to surprise DH with a sex swing, can you help me install it? I'd love to test it out tonight! 😜

9. Can you take me to the Drs? I'm having anal leakage and he wants a sample, as you hand her a sample of something resembling poop.

HAHAHAAAAA! She would walk back home, LOL!!


Are there a bunch of museums/historic sites/famous places you can insist she must visit? Alone.


Exactly what I'm thinking. She's all the way on the other side of the country with so much time - how about a weeklong road trip? To anywhere!

Yah that would be nice. But she would never, ever drive anywhere alone (or even decide to go anywhere alone, like ask to be dropped off). "There are too many trees" so she "can't see the road." Um, what? She basically panics in the car here, even in the passenger seat. Yes we have windy little country backroads, but there is no need to make a loud gasp/small scream, cover your eyes and grip the dashboard as we go around a corner. And no, it's not my driving. I don't think. ;)

It's true, even a helpful person is invasive after a certain point.

[dogmom]

Yah that would be nice. But she would never, ever drive anywhere alone (or even decide to go anywhere alone, like ask to be dropped off). "There are too many trees" so she "can't see the road." Um, what? She basically panics in the car here, even in the passenger seat. Yes we have windy little country backroads, but there is no need to make a loud gasp/small scream, cover your eyes and grip the dashboard as we go around a corner. And no, it's not my driving. I don't think. ;)

It's true, even a helpful person is invasive after a certain point.

OK, change in plan. Go to you PCP and state you are having panic attacks about the visit,you had similar things in college and Xanax did the trip, you only used it for a month. Get you Xanax script, put one in you MIL morning coffee each am and save some for yourself for evenings. If you DH complains, slip him one.

[elliput]

OK, change in plan. Go to you PCP and state you are having panic attacks about the visit,you had similar things in college and Xanax did the trip, you only used it for a month. Get you Xanax script, put one in you MIL morning coffee each am and save some for yourself for evenings. If you DH complains, slip him one.
Awesome. :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[StantonHyde]

OK, change in plan. Go to you PCP and state you are having panic attacks about the visit,you had similar things in college and Xanax did the trip, you only used it for a month. Get you Xanax script, put one in you MIL morning coffee each am and save some for yourself for evenings. If you DH complains, slip him one.

:ROTFLMAO:This is truly a genius idea!!!

[crayonblue]

Oh no!!! 18 days is long but you can do it. My mom is super needy and yes she does the whole "Where are you???" when I am hiding in the bathroom or closet. I WISH I could send her on errands but like your MIL, my mom is scared to death of our roads.

The one thing my mom is very good at is making homemade bread and soups so I buy the ingredients and ask her to cook. I don't ask for help with the girls because she then looks scared or confused. HOW did she raise 4 kids???!!!!

If I were you, I would pick the one (or two) things your mom is good at and put her to work!!!!!!!

Lord help us, I want to be more helpful and enjoyable to be around when I'm a grandma!!!

[Twoboos]

OK, change in plan. Go to you PCP and state you are having panic attacks about the visit,you had similar things in college and Xanax did the trip, you only used it for a month. Get you Xanax script, put one in you MIL morning coffee each am and save some for yourself for evenings. If you DH complains, slip him one.

Wow, this is the best idea yet!! I may have to use this on some regular days too... kind of an "as-needed" basis!! :hysterical: :rotflmao:

[lkoala]

I don't ask for help with the girls because she then looks scared or confused. HOW did she raise 4 kids???!!!!


Yeah what's up with that? I asked my Mom to watch my 6 year old for about an hour and came home to find my daughter had drawn (with marker) all over herself. After scolding DD, I asked Mom why in the world she let her do that. Apparently my Mom mistakenly believed since DD came home from school with marker on her from art class sometimes, that she was allowed to draw all over herself!

Ugh... makes no sense.

[Still-in-Shock]

hadn't you planned a weekend getaway that weekend in the middle? How awesome that grandma can be there to help DH with the kids while you are gone!

I think babysitting on a weekend is a perfect addition to the list, so we are now up to 10. If you go the Xanax route, you might be able to repeat some of the previous ones, because she won't remember.

11/12. You could have her inventory your pantry during the first week, and ask her what she thinks is missing. Then ask her what SHE plans to cook with all that stuff. Next day, drive her to a supermarket, let her collect the stuff while you have a latte, and then drive her home where the kitchen awaits her. And DH will clean up her mess!