Valuing pets more than kids

[belovedgandp]

OK, I realize the title of the post is a bit extreme, but I'm a bit irked. I have a neighbor who is also kind of a friend. She moved in almost four years ago with similar aged kids and we kind of run in the same social circles. She's not the most social person and we aren't terribly close to each other but know lots of the same people and the kids play together outside all the time.

She hit a snag with child care and I basically guilted myself into helping her out. Her DS is the same age as one of my kids and goes to the same school. I now have her kid at my house for 30 minutes every morning before school. I then drive him to school and drop him back at home after school every day. I agreed to finish out the school year for her - what will end up being 14 weeks of this since she got left in a bind. How this came about is a whole other BP but it is what it is and has not been as bad as I thought it was going to be.

The family ended up needing last minute help with their dog while out of town for Spring Break. My kids went up and took care of it. It was truly 6 visits to the house over two days. No big deal and within the realm of being neighborly in my mind.

She very nicely paid all of them today. It is more than she gives me for almost three weeks of taking care of her kid. When she said she'd pay me for the mornings I thought it was a nice offer and certainly didn't counter her, but really? Six visits to your house by my kids for your dog is worth more to you than over 6 hours of watching your child plus transporting him?

[123LuckyMom]

OK, I realize the title of the post is a bit extreme, but I'm a bit irked. I have a neighbor who is also kind of a friend. She moved in almost four years ago with similar aged kids and we kind of run in the same social circles. She's not the most social person and we aren't terribly close to each other but know lots of the same people and the kids play together outside all the time.

She hit a snag with child care and I basically guilted myself into helping her out. Her DS is the same age as one of my kids and goes to the same school. I now have her kid at my house for 30 minutes every morning before school. I then drive him to school and drop him back at home after school every day. I agreed to finish out the school year for her - what will end up being 14 weeks of this since she got left in a bind. How this came about is a whole other BP but it is what it is and has not been as bad as I thought it was going to be.

The family ended up needing last minute help with their dog while out of town for Spring Break. My kids went up and took care of it. It was truly 6 visits to the house over two days. No big deal and within the realm of being neighborly in my mind.

She very nicely paid all of them today. It is more than she gives me for almost three weeks of taking care of her kid. When she said she'd pay me for the mornings I thought it was a nice offer and certainly didn't counter her, but really? Six visits to your house by my kids for your dog is worth more to you than over 6 hours of watching your child plus transporting him?

This is ridiculous! I think she was trying to be generous because of the inconvenience, but also she may have been paying you the rate she would have had to pay a professional. I know I can get a sitter for the kids for $12/hr or even lower if it's a teen, but I have to pay a dog sitter $25/hr! It absolutely doesn't make sense, but lots of salary disparities don't make sense to me.

[weech]

This is ridiculous! I think she was trying to be generous because of the inconvenience, but also she may have been paying you the rate she would have had to pay a professional. I know I can get a sitter for the kids for $12/hr or even lower if it's a teen, but I have to pay a dog sitter $25/hr! It absolutely doesn't make sense, but lots of salary disparities don't make sense to me.

:yeahthat: My dog sitters have cost way more than any babysitter I've ever hired. Usually $18 for a 20 minute walk around here.

[Corie]

I think she was trying to be generous because of the inconvenience, but also she may have been paying you the rate she would have had to pay a professional.


Yes, this exactly!


I don't think it has anything AT ALL to do with your opinion that she likes
her pets more than her kids.

[123LuckyMom]

Yes, this exactly!


I don't think it has anything AT ALL to do with your opinion that she likes
her pets more than her kids.

Yes, or that she appreciates your kids' work more than yours!!!! You're a good friend and neighbor to be willing to help her out with child care AND transportation. I'm sure she really does value your help far more than the dollar amount implies. I can ABSOLUTELY understand your reaction to the pet thing, though. Is be upset, too.

[wellyes]

Here's to hoping she's planning a very extravagent gift for you once your 'obligation' is done too!

[belovedgandp]

Thanks, I know you can't equate dollars with value, but it bugged me. The whole situation kind of stinks as my covering for her kid was a last minute thing not handled well, so I'm on super sensitive alert.

[hellokitty]

I have to agree with the pp. It's not that her dog is, "worth" more than her kids, but it's the typical cost of childcare vs. pet care's pricing is screwed up in this society, and that is what she is going by. She probably figures that it's more inconvenience to go to her place to take care of the dog, since you already have to take your kids to school anyway (which, I totally get your POV, it's still not a cake walk). It doesn't make it right, but I don't think I could be too annoyed with her, b/c I don't think she was intentionally trying to send some sort of message of the value of kids vs. pets.

[Melaine]

Maybe she realizes she is taking advantage and is trying express appreciation in a one time higher amount; perhaps she can't afford to offer more for the daily childcare but realizes it isn't enough and is trying to compensate?

[ShanaMama]

That sounds upsetting. I know that when I 'hire' neighbor kids to take my lawn or whatever I make sure to overcompensate them because I don't want to take advantage. I might not pay a neighbor equally if she offered to do me a favor, even if I knew it was a pain for her. I do hope that she plans to give you a nice gift at the end of this arrangement!

[dogmom]

Feel free to ignore me, it's the BP, but I would not have thought she thought her dog was more important than her kid. I would have seen it more as her trying to reward your kids for a job well done, teaching a positive message about work thing. I think that is completely removed from the child care thing. I can't judge about the payment/non payment thing because I don't know how that situation was proposed/agreed to. I can easily see it as she cares more about her kid and difficulty putting a price on it. Like if I help out someone with a medical issue with their family member I consider that as something I would do for a friend. If a friend offered to help me out with a set period of time bind for child care I consider it similar and would offer a nice gift card/present at the end as a thank you. It's all whether you see it as a favor or a service.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

i honestly don't understand it either, but i don't think it's bc dogs are valued mroe than kids. i think in general most people see childcare as less of a hassle for some reason than say, taking care of a pet or mowing a lawn. This puzzles me as I think i am more like most dads than most moms I know...being around kids, even my own, tires me out!! Whereas i know moms who babysit other ppl's kids all the time as favors, like it's nothing. I didn't even do it when i was a SAHM bc i felt already overwhelmed with my own 2, so I guess that's my perspective. I think to most moms watching another kid is no big deal, but having to deal with taking care of pets or plants is some job that requires payment :shrug:

[o_mom]

Feel free to ignore me, it's the BP, but I would not have thought she thought her dog was more important than her kid. I would have seen it more as her trying to reward your kids for a job well done, teaching a positive message about work thing.

I was thinking this when I read this post earlier today.

I usually pay more on an hourly basis for young kids doing a one-off job for me than some of the sitters we use. She also may have felt like a normal amount split among multiple kids would not seem like much so she increased it knowing that she was not on the hook to pay that every week, but just the two days.