Help! My family eating plan needs a makeover!

[bisous]

I used to be so proud of how we ate as a family but it has really gone downhill over the past couple of months. Actually more like YEARS if I'm being honest.

Here's the thing. 2.5 years ago DS3 was born and he rocked my world and my routine. Chicken nuggets were all the sudden too hard to make because if I put him down to pull the hot tray out of the oven he would cry hysterically for an hour! I'm pretty sure I posted about it back then. I got REALLY lazy about cooking and starting making easier and more processed foods. In my defense, most of them were "good" options, aka they had decent ingredients and were relatively healthy and balanced.

I didn't get my equilibrium back until DS3 was 1.5 years old and would sit still for a TV show (also not something I'm proud of) and I cooked some nice from scratch meals for about 6 months. Then DD was born. She's actually way, way easier than DS3. But I"m falling back into my habits. She's only 5 months (today!) though so my routine can come back.

Then there's the fact that DH decided that he doesn't want to eat meat. This is fine but I like meat and so do all of my kids. However, there are many recipes that I used to make that include using meat as a main course. Various kids will eat some of them but not huge portions and if DH doesn't eat then I kind of wonder what is the point?

Finally, DH changed his schedule so that he now gets home at 7pm. I struggled with eating with the kids earlier and eating a "snack" together in the evening. It isn't working out well. Instead the kids eat at sporadic intervals throughout the afternoon. Twice this week I didn't even make them a dinner because they ate such heavy snacks they weren't hungry at all. Instead they snack all afternoon and evening and frankly that drives me absolutely insane! I miss dinner. At the same time I don't want to keep dragging out "dinner" in the evening as it takes a lot of time, energy and preparation to make it happen and I feel like I'm in a holding pattern from the mid afternoon until 7 when DH comes home.

So we are eating horribly. Kids are fine. They like this "snack all evening" thing and their snacks are pretty healthy but I can't stand it. I feel like we are losing our manners and our togetherness and their tastes are getting less adventurous, etc. Making dinner is a joke. I've been trying to make little things for DH after the kids go to bed but sometimes my 5mo will nurse for an hour or more after the kids are down.

HELP! I need new strategies for eating! I need to somehow figure out how to do dinner with my kids and husband. I need new recipes that are vegetarian because frankly I can't imagine cooking JUST for me and if I make meat, I'm the only one who eats it. Mealtimes are depressing me...

[georgiegirl]

Ugh, I'm sorry. At my house, mealtime at 7 would just not work because my kids are hungry for dinner at 5 or 5:30 and they go to bed early. I guess the key is to find a few meals that everyone can eat (with modifications.). A good example at my house would be eggplant parmesan. DD won't eat it, but I make it with a side of pasta and broccoli (trader joes frozen organic, so I just dump it in the pasta water at the end). Or tonight, I made swordfish for DH and me (DD ate some too), and I make couscous with spinach and a salad on side, which DS ate. I make a lot of trader joes frozen veggies....green beans, mixed Asian veggies, broccoli, peas, spinach, etc. I also do fish and a roasted veggie pretty often.

I think you need to figure out what easy things your kids will eat, like pasta with veggies, rice with beans, quesadillas....stuff that you could fancy up for yourself or even add in something more adventurous. I don't cook meat, only vegetarian and seafood. Trader joes has frozen brown rice, which is so easy.

Granted there are some days where I feel like DS just eats five string cheeses and a sleeve of crackers.

[Pepper]

Heck, I just wrote a long reply and it didn't post:-(

I'll try again: Can you find a way to get a bit of the family dinner without trying for it every night? Like on weekends if DH is able to watch the kids so you can focus on cooking? Or have family breakfast? Or have DH have a snack when he gets home, while the kids have fruit or dessert, then you and DH have dinner together after the little ones are in bed?

Certain cuisines are really suited to preparing several dishes, rather than just a main course and side dishes, that approach might work for the different needs of your family. Spend one or two days a week doing make-ahead things. Indian, Korean, Spanish (think tapas) are some cuisines that work really well for this. Make a plain veggie and some noodles part of the menu if anyone's feeling like a picky eater that day (or offer yogurt as an alternative, PB& J that they make themselves, whatever works). Set the food out on the table at dinner time and lets the kids choose what they want from that day's options.

Browse through these treads to get more specific ideas for make-ahead dinners, etc:
http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/930274
http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/966166

HTH!

[daniele_ut]

My DH gets home very late on 3 out of 5 nights each week and is often not home for dinner on one of the weekend nights either. My kids would not wait until 7pm to eat as two of them go to bed at 7:30 and one at 8:15. I eat with the kids at 5:30 or so and DH either eats in between cello lessons at school or when he gets home. I understand wanting family dinners together, but it was more important for us to keep a routine for the kids and I just plan family meals for the nights I know he will be home, usually Sunday and Monday.

I can't really help much with the meat issue, as my dh is totally opposite of yours. If I serve a meal without meat he is back scrounging around in the fridge 20 minutes after dinner.

[ray7694]

The crock pot is your friend. I wouldn't worry about hd and sit down to dinner with the kids. We have places where you can make 10 crock pot freezer meals. Highly recommend

[specialp]

Instead of a total overhaul, I would work on selecting a few nights a week where you have the good sit at the table meals. Maybe the weekends at first. Try a couple of new vegetarian recipes that you could add a piece of grilled chicken or fish to and slowly build up your go-to recipe stash. A new vegetarian, a new baby, a new schedule all seems like too much to manage a total revamp of dinner. Plus, I remember you were trying to do shopping differently too. I think if you can have 2 nights that work out how you like it, you’ll feel better about the others that don’t and then you can slowly increase a night, add in a new recipe, etc. I had to revamp my recipe box last year when I needed things I could double up, freeze so I would only be cooking 3 nights a week but still eating homemade the rest. Not easy, but start slow.

Vegetarian recipes aren’t my thing b/c so many vegetarian recipes are pasta or rice heavy which I need to avoid. We do eat fish one night and meatless one night, but honestly, meatless isn’t a kid favorite (unless it is coconut flour pancakes) and I typically have leftovers or an individual mac and cheese those nights to round out the kid plates. If it were pasta or rice based, it would be no problem. Maybe black bean quinoa would be a good one pot dish for you to try. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/quinoa-and-black-bean-chili/

[hillview]

Sounds like 2 issues. One is what time is dinner second is what do you serve given the not eating meat.

To sort out issue #1, could you make breakfast the family meal? Dinner seems really hard given when DH comes home (at least in our house DS2 goes to bed at 630 and DS2 heads up at 730, a 7 or 730 pm bed time just wouldn't work). Can you eat with the kids and then DH eats alone or you sit with the kids and then eat with DH? There is NO way I'd wait til 7 or 730 to feed small people.

In terms of meals, I'd plan something easy, something where meat is an optional part. So spaghetti with meatballs, Stir fry with chicken. I think I'd come up with a bunch of options. Take it easy on yourself! Make simple meals. Here we do
fish sunday (usually salmon)
red meat Monday (usually hamburgers)
taco Tuesday
breakfast Wednesday (pancakes or omelets)
TBD Thursday
out Friday

[123LuckyMom]

I hear you, sister! It's HARD! I feel like I'm just getting my feet under me, and DS is FIVE! We are also an eat-at-7 or later family, because DH gets home at 7. This is what I'm doing now, and it's working pretty well.

I pick up DS from school at 5. He's always starving, so I don't even make him wait until he's home! I bring a snack like cheese and apple slices or similar that he can eat in the car. His snacks are always food that I would feel okay with as his meal if he's picky later. I don't serve junky snacks. When we get home, I try to get him to bathe (if it's a bath night) and get into pjs before dinner. There's enough time now that he can do that and also have play time outside for about an hour.

I serve dinner at 7 at the latest! If DH is home and ready, great. If not, we start anyway. Usually we all finish at the same time even if DH starts late. I cook a dinner for me and DH. DD eats it. If DS doesn't, he can help himself to Greek yogurt or leftovers. I do not cater to the children's' palates. Both kids eat fruit and veggies at every meal, so I'm usually just letting them swap out proteins. I serve good breakfasts, too, most of the time, so if they won't eat the main course at dinner, it's fine. They're still getting nutrition. The important part about family dinner is the family part. If the kids eat mostly cheese, yogurt, fruit, and asparagus ( or whatever the veggies are), they won't die.

When I'm finished eating, I get up to start cleaning up even if the kids and DH are still eating. This is not ideal, but it enables us to get upstairs by 8.

The key for me is cooking for myself and DH and not catering to the kids. If I tried to cook only things I knew they would eat, I'd go nuts and have quite an unhealthy diet! I do try to make sure there's something on the table they like, but if they decide that day that they no longer enjoy the thing they've been eating happily until that very meal, there's always yogurt and fruit!

[firstbaby]

We eat later, too, so that we can eat together when DH gets home. The snacking here got out of control and it impacted their interest in dinner. I finally made the rule that the kitchen closes at 3:30 or 4pm (depending on what time we're eating dinner) and that's it. I will sometimes remind them if they want some apple slices or a clementine or something they better get it before the kitchen closes. Then I serve dinner between 6:30 and 7. It is tough especially when the kids are running around playing football or basketball with their friends starting at 4pm and then they are hungry before dinner. But, the nights I stay firm with no snacks after a certain time they eat much better.

We eat meats most nights, so I can't help much there, but some meals that come to mind are taco nights where your husband could just leave the meat out of his taco or make your own pizza night. Maybe spaghetti sauce with some roasted eggplant thrown in over spaghetti squash? How about baked potato bar with meatless soup?

[Momit]

In our house I'm the one who doesn't eat meat, so I'm used to cooking this way. I do a combination of meatless and meals where the meat is separate.
-crock pot lasagna (sorry, I feel like I mention it every day on BBB but it is so easy and so good. I use Betty Crocker recipe and omit sausage). You and the kids can eat, then DH can reheat
-salsa chicken BBB recipe (I am ok with eating the beans and corn cooked in the crock pot with the chicken, maybe your DH would be too?)
-quinoa quiche (just discovered this the other day after a friend mentioned it, big hit at our house)

I also use the George Foreman grill a lot to cook a piece of meat or fish for DH, then I add beans, hummus, tofu or cheese as an entree for myself.

[schrocat]

In our family I'm the one who minimizes meat eating because of blood pressure issues and the side benefits (losing weight without dieting and exercising). We sit down together at about 6.30 pm (if I cook) or 7 pm (if DH cooks) to eat. DH get back home from work at about 6 pm or 6.30 pm. We eat asian style meals with several dishes. I have brown rice cooking in the rice pot for 2 meals in the ,prmomg so that is usually ready by lunch or if we don't have it ready by lunch, it's ready by dinner time. I start a bone broth soup early in the day so that I don't have to worry about it later. If there's no soup ready, DH whipped up a quick soup with chicken boillon and vegetables or miso. We grill some meat or stirfry something for dishes. I usually have a separate vegetable dish with lots of vegetables. Sometimes we just eat salad as our vegetable dish for dinner and I'll eat more of it. DH has taken to making tofu dishes for me for dinner while still cooking a separate meat dish for him and my carnivorous kids. We have fruits for dessert as a family. The only way this works is that we have a universal 9 pm bedtime for everyone.

[bisous]

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who contributed to this thread. There are so many good hints and helps I'm going to try instituting. I keep coming back to the fact that although it seems less than ideal, I think my best option right now is 7:00 dinner. I'll just be all ready (including having the kids bathed and in PJs) and we'll finally sit down to a nice dinner. I'm going to tell the boys that the kitchen will be closed at 4:00 after they get back from school. They should be able to go three hours without eating! Also, I'm just going to plan on NOT being able to eat family dinner a few nights a week, like when DS1 has cub scouts or DH has a work or volunteer obligation. On those days we'll eat earlier and simpler.

I'm still evolving on how to feed my family, with its complex set of nutritional needs and desires and I think this will take some work--some trial and error.

Thank you for weighing in. It is really helpful!