bisous
04-08-2014, 03:14 AM
I'm definitely not feeling depressed (and I know that feeling because I get it prenatally!) but I'm really struggling right now and need advice/perspective!
I've been a parent for 10 years. I have four kids, ages 10, 6, 2.5 and 5 months. DD is my 5mo and she's actually really easy. I can't blame my situation on her at all! DS3 is HARD but even he is easier than he ever has been. I just feel so incredibly torn in different directions.
DH is in a stressful recent job realignment and he is working an extra hour a day. It doesn't sound like much but it is seems like it has made a huge difference to how I function during the week. He only has about 1 hour per day with his kids and the rest of the day it is all me.
I feel like I need to work harder to make sure DD gets good quality sleep.
DS3 needs SO much attention and consistency. I feel guilty that he has hardly ever played with fingerpaints or play-doh--I simply rarely have the time to make and clean up such a mess! Oh, and he's starting to drop his nap which means that every afternoon the whole family suffers from his crankiness!
DS2 is my true middle child. His needs are mostly met--but I struggle really hard to make sure that he gets an equal amount of my care and attention even though he's easy. He deserves it!
DS1 is a lot of work. I won't lie, between his ADHD and his type 1 diabetes and his 10yo attitude, I feel pretty overwhelmed.
In addition to all of this, I have two personal failings. First, I can't drop my baby weight. I can't figure out why or what is different this time around. It isn't a big deal in the scheme of things but it means I spend way too much time every day trying to find something that fits. It also means that the little amount of personal time that I have is spent in exercise which I actually don't really love even though I'm "doing it for me".
The second failing is that my contract job has not been renewed after 3 years. This isn't personal--the situation is changing and they may come back and renew in the future. While I felt like my part-time job was rewarding, I'm mostly sad for the lack of income. We've struggled for years. We've never been homeless or gone hungry but we just can't afford to say, eat at the ikea cafe or even for that matter to go to ikea and browse and shop. When I was working, things were just that much less complicated. We mostly saved my income but it meant that niceties like buying Easter ties for the boys was totally possible. And that income is GONE. And I can't figure out why I but I miss it like crazy.
Mostly I just feel like I can't do anything well any more. Like I used to have it so together and now I'm a basketcase and I feel like there is no end in sight! I really can't handle my messy house. I feel like my parenting/relationships with my kids are "messy" also. My interactions with them are desperate and reactionary instead of purposeful and positive. I can't think of anything I'm actually doing well right now.
Any advice? Parents of larger families or with older kids, does it get better? I mean before they move out?
I've been a parent for 10 years. I have four kids, ages 10, 6, 2.5 and 5 months. DD is my 5mo and she's actually really easy. I can't blame my situation on her at all! DS3 is HARD but even he is easier than he ever has been. I just feel so incredibly torn in different directions.
DH is in a stressful recent job realignment and he is working an extra hour a day. It doesn't sound like much but it is seems like it has made a huge difference to how I function during the week. He only has about 1 hour per day with his kids and the rest of the day it is all me.
I feel like I need to work harder to make sure DD gets good quality sleep.
DS3 needs SO much attention and consistency. I feel guilty that he has hardly ever played with fingerpaints or play-doh--I simply rarely have the time to make and clean up such a mess! Oh, and he's starting to drop his nap which means that every afternoon the whole family suffers from his crankiness!
DS2 is my true middle child. His needs are mostly met--but I struggle really hard to make sure that he gets an equal amount of my care and attention even though he's easy. He deserves it!
DS1 is a lot of work. I won't lie, between his ADHD and his type 1 diabetes and his 10yo attitude, I feel pretty overwhelmed.
In addition to all of this, I have two personal failings. First, I can't drop my baby weight. I can't figure out why or what is different this time around. It isn't a big deal in the scheme of things but it means I spend way too much time every day trying to find something that fits. It also means that the little amount of personal time that I have is spent in exercise which I actually don't really love even though I'm "doing it for me".
The second failing is that my contract job has not been renewed after 3 years. This isn't personal--the situation is changing and they may come back and renew in the future. While I felt like my part-time job was rewarding, I'm mostly sad for the lack of income. We've struggled for years. We've never been homeless or gone hungry but we just can't afford to say, eat at the ikea cafe or even for that matter to go to ikea and browse and shop. When I was working, things were just that much less complicated. We mostly saved my income but it meant that niceties like buying Easter ties for the boys was totally possible. And that income is GONE. And I can't figure out why I but I miss it like crazy.
Mostly I just feel like I can't do anything well any more. Like I used to have it so together and now I'm a basketcase and I feel like there is no end in sight! I really can't handle my messy house. I feel like my parenting/relationships with my kids are "messy" also. My interactions with them are desperate and reactionary instead of purposeful and positive. I can't think of anything I'm actually doing well right now.
Any advice? Parents of larger families or with older kids, does it get better? I mean before they move out?