Party important in Kindergarten?

[123LuckyMom]

DS will be starting kindergarten at the elementary school in the fall. There are three classes and no guarantee he will be with his friends from preschool. His birthday is at the end of October. I assumed this would be his biggest party yet, because I'd invite his whole K class (16 kids, most likely) plus some of his old preschool friends. They don't have parties in school. There's just one big cupcake day in the cafeteria at the beginning of each month, so he really won't get to share a celebration with his friends without a party.

Last year we went to Las Vegas to see the rodeo (my preppie New Englander son LOVES bull riding!!!) among other attractions, and we stayed at the Four Seasons. DS really wants to go again this year, and the bull riding finals are right around his birthday. I'm absolutely happy to go get pampered at the Four Seasons for his birthday, but DH and I are worried that it's an important year for him to have a big birthday party. We have to decide about the Vegas trip soon in order to be able to get tickets to the PBR finals.

We could do both a party and a trip, but I feel that's excessive. DS wants an indoor party this year after we had frigid weather this past birthday, and he's requested the bounce house place. That will be pretty pricey for 25ish kids. It goes without saying that the trip to Vegas would also be a splurge, and this is the year we're really trying to save for house projects. Also, the party would probably have to be on the weekend before the trip, and the Friday after the trip will be Halloween. It's just a bit much!

We're absolutely attached to the expensive hotel if we go on the trip. I wanted to do a (less expensive) movie party, but DS's friends are all over the map on sensitivity levels, so it's tricky, and DS isn't enthused about the idea.

Do I suck it up and do the big, expensive party and the trip? Is the party not important? Do I nix the trip? WWYD?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Based on our experiences, I don't think a big party in k is a must. I wanted to throw one for ds2- invite the whole class and have a great time. He nixed it! He wanted 8 kids at our house so we did that. There have been very, very few whole class parties this year (and I am a bit bummed b/c I would have liked to know the parents better). The trip sounds great. YOu could at least do a small party and you may be able to find a venue that fits your budget for a party if you still want a bigger one.

[sunshine873]

No way do you have to do both. Nor should you, unless you are 100% positive you can live up to that kind of celebration year after year...because he will start to expect it. I'd bring him into the planning, let him know what his options are and let him pick one. Then it's his choice and truly the celebration that he wants.

[123LuckyMom]

You both make good points! DS would much rather have the trip. DH and I are the ones who are concerned that it might be important to have the party to foster budding friendships among new peers.

[SnuggleBuggles]

What I told myself is that we don't have to be the ones to throw the whole class party. Someone will and we can reap the benefits. Of course, no one has...but we have been able to socialize at school and class events.

[JBaxter]

We never did whole class invites we only did friends.

[KpbS]

Don't feel any pressure to have a big party in Kindergarten--there is always next year! My DC have had some years where they skipped a party and had some other celebration instead, like your trip. I would let him choose party or trip but honestly I would put the decision off until you must book the trip in case he changes his mind, as kid are famous for doing.

Another option would be to choose the trip and take a few friends (1-5) out after school one day for ice cream or cupcakes.

[squimp]

If your son would prefer the trip, I would go for the trip. That sounds amazing, really. I really think the whole class parties are over-rated at times. Not all kids have big parties. I was asking DD about a whole-class party she went to in K where they invited a clown and spent a ton on favors and such, and she couldn't remember it now. Girlfriend has a good memory too! I really think the family vacation will leave amazing memories for you all. Make a photobook and remember it always.

If you really want to do a small party, invite a few friends over to play and serve cupcakes. I hate that people feel like parties have to be a big affair with catering and clowns! I love doing parties but not everyone has to be over the top, otherwise the top just keeps getting higher and higher to jump!

[dogmom]

To answer you direct question in your title, around here a whole class party is not important in K. Part of it is kids can actually start saying who they actually want at their party. Also parents start doing the math and realize the next year you can't invite all the class from first grade, all the friends from K that are in another class, all the neighbor friends you meet at the bus stop, all the kids from soccer/baseball/whatever. I think this is why same sex parties start happening, its a way to trim the guest list without insulting. If the parents have older kids they already have been through this and move quicker to smaller parties, in my experience.

However, I will add the caveat that this is how it goes in my town. Heaven knows I've seen things posted here that look very unusual to me, but are very normal and expected in different areas. I would ask someone with older siblings what usually happens. Also, the end of October party is going to be competing with Halloween parties and events, which become more common in the school age crowd. I would be tempted to do your trip and have a Halloween Party at your house, but I love Halloween.

[PZMommy]

I'd skip a whole class party. Whole class parties are rarely done in my area. I've taught kinder for many years and only know of one whole class party. Most just invite a handful of kids. Our class sizes are 24-28 kids, so that probably deters parents from whole class parties.

[sste]

I think our sons should meet -- expensive taste! My DS will not stop talking about a very pricey trip to turks and caicos we did a year and a half ago and planning our return trips (I was thinking of it as a once in a lifetime splurge actually!).

Anyway, we are just finishing up kindy. Socially it is all.about.the.playdates. I repeat all about playdates. I tried by the second half of the year to leave one afternoon every other week for playdates -- setting them up is a pain IME, if it was easier I would have done weekly. Also, in our area soccer and TKD before school seem to be a place kids gel with peers as well. The birthday party is fun and I found it gratifying to see DS with his class -- they all really look out for each other in his class and it shows. But it wasn't of significant social importance. I think in his class of 20 1/4 did whole class parties and the rest were either no/family party or small group party.

HTH. :)

[123LuckyMom]

Thank you all for the advice. We'll do the trip.

I am soooooo bad about play dates, so it's good to have advance warning that I will have to change!

[essnce629]

I always give my kids a choice-- party with friends (not whole class) or experience with family.

For the past 3 years DS1 has chosen to go to Legoland instead of having a party. This year (turning 11) he wants to have a sleepover.

DS2 chose to go to Disneyland for his 4th birthday last year. This year we're having a triple party with 2 other boys in his class whose birthdays are the same week. No point in having 3 separate parties of all the same people!