Would you be ok with DH going away with his friends over Mother's Day weekend?

[buddyleebaby]

DH and his friends occasionally go camping together for two or three days. These excursions only happen 1-2 times a year and it is generally pretty difficult for them to coordinate their schedules as they are all civil servants with crazy swing shifts.

They came up with Mother's Day weekend as a time that works for almost everyone, work wise. They are split about 50/50 married/unmarried. Several have children. DH pointed out that it was Mother's day weekend and they all went home to their significant others promising to be back by "mid-afternoon" on Sunday. My DH bumped that up to "high noon". :rotflmao:He said he doesn't want to take anything away from me and won't go if it would bother me. (Which translates to: I really would like to go and I think there is a good chance you'll be ok with it, or I wouldn't have brought it up.)

I understand his desire to go. He works hard in and out of the house and definitely deserves the break. I also understand how difficult scheduling is for them. And realistically, it wouldn't be the most difficult weekend for him to be away. But I would be lying if I said that him going (in part) on Mother's Day wouldn't annoy me a tiny bit, and I can't even really articulate why. It just would!

[niccig]

No.
Just as I wouldn't go away on a girls' weekend over Father's Day. That weekend came up in my mom's group for a weekend away as only time that worked, and I shot it down as I would be upset if DH did it to me. We treat those weekends as family weekends. We do special things we don't normally do.

[rlu]

I said yes, but I have my parents near-by who we spend the day with anyway. Also, I only have one kid and he's 10, so he's perfectly capable of making me breakfast, giving me a card and time to hang out.

[Philly Mom]

Yes. It wouldn't bother me. I don't take those days to seriously though


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[BunnyBee]

If he's taking the kids, sure. ;)

[Cam&Clay]

If it's truly the only weekend, then I'd be okay with us celebrating it the Sunday before or after. As long as I get my day, I'm happy!

[mackmama]

Personally, I think it'd be pretty lame of my DH to schedule a trip away on Mother's Day. Yes, he could do it - but it would hurt my feelings since he could just as easily schedule it for a different weekend. This scenario wouldn't happen though because none of DH's friends would be away from their wives on Mother's Day (and I don't think my DH would either).

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sure. So long as I got an IOU. He has missed the past two mothers days because of a work trip. I have had lovely days with just my boys.

[sste]

I understand the poll instinct . . . but at the end of the day it only matters if you are truly OK with it and not just convincing yourself that you "should" be.

If it was me, h*ll no! Mother's day is a big deal in our house and it is one of the ways DH gives back to me and our family for accommodating his long work hours. I think celebrations and special occasions are very important. It is too easy to let life pass by without celebrating happy events, each other, etc. Time with friends is important to but is it really the case that only this one weekend will work??? It seems to me they need to start their planning earlier . . .

[StantonHyde]

*I* have been gone camping on Mother's Day weekend!! I am not tied to the day. Do it the week before! My DH often has to work Mothers Day anyway (and Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc) so making up a holiday isn't a big day to me.

[buddyleebaby]

I understand the poll instinct . . . but at the end of the day it only matters if you are truly OK with it and not just convincing yourself that you "should" be.

.

To be clear, I already gave my DH an answer. I didn't include it because I don't want to skew the results one way or the other. I'm just curious! ;)

[nfowife]

it wouldn't bother me. We would just do Mother's Day a different day (the weekend before or whatever).

[Ceepa]

If DH came to me ahead of time and expressed his concern that I would be unhappy with his going away that weekend then I would be less likely to be unhappy. Does that make sense? We could celebrate another day. Now if this were an anniversary, then that's more personal and we'd negotiate. ;)

[squimp]

I wouldn't mind, but I would probably just move Mother's Day to the next weekend. I do like Mother's Day because I have decided it's about me. The last 2 have actually been quite pleasant now that I make the ground rules: family hike, no cooking for mom and some sort of shopping - pretty much my fantasy day.

[specialp]

I wouldn't be okay with it, but just because it is an unforgiving time of year for us from April to July. (Just to give an idea, we are celebrating Easter with my family THIS weekend because we cannot do it any other time and we are going to look like we are crazy out there hiding eggs and doing egg races.) There is no other weekend we could celebrate so we have always told everyone we are off that day. Because of that, DH would never ask. But if MD was earlier in the year where we had more time, I'd be okay with it.

[HannaAddict]

I wouldn't be upset about it the way you've described. If he was ditching me to go to Vegas or visit my not very nice MIL, I would be annoyed. But a regular camping trip with real scheduling challenges, that would not make me upset. We aren't big on all the holiday expectations though around here. I think we are very mellow about things compared to posts I've read and expectations people have. That said, my husband is a full partner every weekend and when he's not at work and does give amazing presents on his own for birthdays, Christmas and is thoughtful. So, this wouldn't phase me. We don't do the brunch or spa day deal as something special on that day either. Only you can decide if it will work for you. Are all the other wives okay with it?

[infocrazy]

We already have 3 soccer games and a hockey game for the kids on Mother's day all spread out...so, not a big deal anyway. We really aren't holiday people so as long as he deals with his own mother--who WOULD care--and doesn't make me entertain her, I don't think I'd care. Truth told, I know he'd also feel guilty and would ramp up whatever he would have done to celebrate Mother's Day so it would be a win! ;-)

[Pennylane]

Yes. It wouldn't bother me. I don't take those days to seriously though


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Me either. My DH works so hard and I would love for him to get away with friends if he could. Now if it was reversed , he would be super upset if I went away on Fathers Day.

Ann

[rin]

I absolutely would. To me, there's nothing special about THAT day; I'd be perfectly happy to have a celebration on another weekend. As friends get older and lives get more complicated, it can get impossible to find times that work for everyone; if that weekend works for him and all his friends, I'd sign off in a New York minute. Maintaining friendships is important!

(Specific dates aren't important to me, though; last year, DH spent our anniversary on a 3-day mountain biking trip. It was the only weekend that worked for everyone; we celebrated our anniversary the weekend before. I encouraged him to go!)

[KpbS]

High noon is just fine for me! Let the celebration begin at lunchtime! :)

[anonomom]

Tough one. Honestly, I'd be irked and would let him know it, then I'd get over it and let him go with the understanding that we would do a "make-up" mother's day another time.

There's some conference or leadership thing in DH's field that is consistently scheduled to begin on Mother's Day and DH has had to go a few times. Can't say I was pleased about that.

[Jen841]

I would let him do it and cash in big time at another point in time :)

[hellokitty]

Yes, if he re-does mothers day on another wknds without any of his activities in the way.

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[123LuckyMom]

If it's truly the only weekend, then I'd be okay with us celebrating it the Sunday before or after. As long as I get my day, I'm happy!

I can't vote, but this is how I feel. I wouldn't care what time he got back that particular Sunday, either. I'd want to choose a different day on which to be celebrated. In fact, my mother always steals Mother's Day, so we've discussed having "Mother's Day, observed" on a nearby weekend so I can really have a day for me. It's not the actual day that's important in my book. DH tends to feel differently, though. His birthday needs to be celebrated on THE day, so I can understand others feeling differently.

[TwinFoxes]

I would be lying if I said that him going (in part) on Mother's Day wouldn't annoy me a tiny bit, and I can't even really articulate why. It just would!

This is how I feel too. Intellectually it shouldn't bother me, but I know I'd feel pangs. I think part of it is my girls would want to celebrate the actual day. So I'd get two partial celebrations which don't add up to a whole. And maybe part of it would be because my dad was always a jerk about MD when I was growing up.

I doubt I'd say "no" though.

[mom2binsd]

I'm divorced now, so a bit different, but my kids are capable of celebrating with me just fine on my own.

Prior, we didn't make a huge to do about, I think Mother's Day is way overblown....

[bisous]

Well, considering I did plan a trip (to DC from CA!) over Father's Day Weekend several years ago, I probably shouldn't care if DH did the same. But secretly, I'd still want to cash in on "my day". I know Mother's Day is somewhat silly but seriously I love the concept of ANY DAY where I get the same treatment I dole out. Does that make sense?

[MMMommy]

it wouldn't bother me. We would just do Mother's Day a different day (the weekend before or whatever).

:yeahthat:

[dogmom]

I would say yeah, let him go. But then I'm always slightly embarrassed by the annual whining posts about how their Mothers Day was not what they wanted. In all fairness I have zero tolerance for adults whining about how their birthday went. My sympathy tends to be reserved for people whose mothers have died.

[sste]

It is funny in that I wouldn't be bothered by celebrating our anniversary on a different weekend but mother's day it would bother me. There is something nice to me (personally) about celebrating with a community of mothers, all being honored that day. We have shifted mother's day to a different date (and I will say the brunch is much cheaper and better) when DH has had to work. But my feeling is that that happens enough that he/his friends should organize as many months in advance as is necessary to avoid family holidays that are important to us.

I am surprised to hear all of this negativity on mother's day. I love mother's day! It is a celebration of my most important role and let's face it many sacrifices. I will say I have been very (very) clear with DH about my mother's day expectations and he now has it down to a wonderful day: special apple pancakes made by him and kids and served to me in bed; family outing to botanical garden or nature type place; a beautiful arrangement of different potted plants that they sell in my favorite local flower store; sweet card. I ousted MIL to a different weekend and have not looked back, honestly my time is now and MIL barely sees our family anyway I don't feel a big sense of obligation. IME micromanagement and DH education can make for a lovely mother's day! :)

[ZeeBaby]

I would be ok with it, but I would come up with some wonderful ideas on a make up weekend away for me on a tropical island!

[hillview]

we move a lot of dates around (bday, anniversary, mother's day etc) so it would be ok and we'd just celebrate another day

[kerridean]

I really would not care. DH is military and is deployed or TDY for holidays much of the time. No big deal for us. I would just celebrate it with my girls. We do not make a big deal out of MD anyway.

[kerridean]

Not divorced but totally agree with PP. Like every other holiday, it has been made into WAY too big of a production. Brunch, presents, flowers, the works. Please. I just want a card from my girls. They usually make me a sweet breakfast in bed as well. PLEASE nothing from my DH...I am not his mother!

[melrose7]

DH has done this in the past when we just had DD1. It was the only weekend that worked with his friends, but none of his friends had kids. It wasn't my first one at least so must have been my 2nd. It did bother me but he promised to be home by early afternoon and be in decent condition. He knows if he goes away for a weekend and comes home early, he must be ready to function. He use to come home early but be so hungover I would have rather he still be gone.
He hasn't gone over Mother's Day again and I don't see him doing it again either. He knows it's a day the matters and I am big about celebrating things on the day. As I have taken my kids for a birthday picture every year and it HAS to be on their birthday.

[sarahsthreads]

Not really, no, I wouldn't be OK with it, but I'd let him go anyway. And I did, sort of, last year - not a camping trip, but his 20th high school reunion was last year, Mother's Day weekend and it wasn't local. I was pregnant at the time, too. I was not thrilled, but to be fair, it was the first time he spent Mother's Day with *his* mom since he went away to college and then got married to me. He also was OOT on Father's Day weekend last year for a cousin's wedding.

I'm not into to the whole commercial aspect of Mother's Day/Father's Day - we don't do lavish gifts and we don't go out for meals - but I enjoy celebrating our family on those days and it really made me kind of sad that we weren't together for either of those days last year.

Sarah :)

[lalasmama]

It would upset me, too, even though it's hard to articulate why. Perhaps in my case, my birthday falls during Mothers Day day/weekend/day on either side of the weekend/etc., may color my outlook a little. I just want to enjoy my family on Mothers Day, and I'd be upset if DH wasn't there. Admittedly, though, I tend to be a bit emotional about holidays, commercialized or not!

[mommyp]

I'd be fine with celebrating on another day.

[PZMommy]

We don't really do much on Mother's Day (or Father's Day for that matter), so I'd have no problem with it.

[baileygirl]

It wouldn't bother me, plus dh would have a plan on how he was going to make up for it.

[georgiegirl]

So long as he makes it up to you then okay, we had that situation a few years ago, and it was a disaster because (1) DH arrived home 2 hours later than we discussed, and (2) he was a little hung over and very tired from having so much fun with his friend that he wasn't in the mood for a nice dinner and wine. Needless to say I was raging mad. He thought I was being unreasonable, which made me even more angry.

[MamaInMarch]

Me either. My DH works so hard and I would love for him to get away with friends if he could. Now if it was reversed , he would be super upset if I went away on Fathers Day.

Ann

I wouldn't mind - I'm not tied to celebrating on a particular day, though. I would be fine if we had Mother's Day the weekend before or after the trip.

But I agree with Ann that my husband would be upset if the situation would have been reversed. He would be hurt that I asked.

[khalloc]

I would let him go. Because it sounds like he has been pretty considerate of you. He knew it was a special weekend and he came and asked you first and he's going to try to get home early. I would have been mad if he just made the plans and mother's day was an afterthought. Maybe you can celebrate the weekend before or after?

[Pear]

I would be a little irked, especially at the idea that arriving around noon would be enough to compensate. Odds are he will run late and then be tired and need to be unpacking gear and such the rest of the day.

I guess if it was the only weekend possible I would ok it, but I would expect compensation another weekend. For me the biggest part of Mother's Day is getting to sleep in. I would want 2 sleep in days in exchange.

[AnnieW625]

No it probably wouldn't bother me much and we'd just do it another day. Most years we veg out at home anyway.


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[Still-in-Shock]

I said No way. Maybe I will feel different in a few years, but I waited a long time to be a mother, I am not going to settle for observing it on another day!!!!!

As hard as it is for those guys to get together, I still say that they can either find another time, or maybe they should just go Friday to Saturday. If they wouldn't get together over Thanksgiving or Christmas, then they should treat Mother's Day the same. It doesn't matter why you can't explain why. It's your day. Period.

[KpbS]

So OP, what was your answer? :)

[Dream]

We don't take separate getaways/trips/vacation, we either go as a couple or as a family with kids. Having said that I selected it wouldn't bother me, for me mother's day doesn't really carry any importance for us. Nor does father's day. Its just another day for us. We never do anything special.

[Corie]

Wouldn't bother me at all. We aren't really big on Mother's Day, Father's Day, Sweetheart's Day, Valentine's Day, etc. I don't really need
everyone to fawn all over me for Mother's Day. I already know how awesome I am! :)

[AnnieW625]

We don't take separate getaways/trips/vacation, we either go as a couple or as a family with kids. Having said that I selected it wouldn't bother me, for me mother's day doesn't really carry any importance for us. Nor does father's day. Its just another day for us. We never do anything special.

us too, our kids are always with us except for work trips or a random night a few times a year DD1's godparents watch the kids.

[buddyleebaby]

So OP, what was your answer? :)

I told him it was fine as long as he was back by early afternoon to make me eggs Benedict. :p

He has had to work on several mother's days (and other holidays). There's just something intellectually different about knowing he is choosing to be away rather than *having* to be away. But I do think he is doing his best to be considerate, as others have said, and it's really not a big deal for him to be gone a few more hours. The kids and I will be at Church in the morning anyway.

[lkoala]

OP, I'd be curious how your DH's Mother feels about it.

[buddyleebaby]

OP, I'd be curious how your DH's Mother feels about it.

DH's grandmother (who raised him) and biological mother both live in South America.

[lkoala]

DH's grandmother (who raised him) and biological mother both live in South America.

That's ok then... just wanted to make sure that was taken into account too :)

[flashy09]

I don't take Mother's Day that seriously so would be fine.

[BDKmom]

It might bother me a little, but I wouldn't let on to him and I would support him going. I would request another day to celebrate, because, for me, one of the best parts of Mother's Day is not getting up with the kids at the crack of dawn.

[elephantmeg]

this year I work Mothers day weekend AND DD has ballet recitals on the sat eve AND sunday at 3. So I'm claiming a re-do anyways :) OP I like your response.

[bigsis]

I voted "Yes as long as he's back early" due to the content of your post. Now if he's going to Vegas with his buddies, I would have said "Hell to the No!" :loveeyes:

[niccig]

I voted "Yes as long as he's back early" due to the content of your post. Now if he's going to Vegas with his buddies, I would have said "Hell to the No!" :loveeyes:

This is a big IF for me and why I'd say no. If they're late coming back or DH isn't in any state to do Mother's Day events, you'll be upset. Now, if you totally change the day, then it doesn't matter if he's hungover as you'll still get the celebration, maybe make it the weekend before.. DH went away for a work Christmas Party at the total wrong time for me. The deal was he was to be home early and not hungover as he was ON as soon as he walked in the door. He was true to his word, so it worked out. If he had been selfish and wasn't in a state to help out when he got home, I would have been pissed.

[buddyleebaby]

This is a big IF for me and why I'd say no. If they're late coming back or DH isn't in any state to do Mother's Day events, you'll be upset. Now, if you totally change the day, then it doesn't matter if he's hungover as you'll still get the celebration, maybe make it the weekend before.. DH went away for a work Christmas Party at the total wrong time for me. The deal was he was to be home early and not hungover as he was ON as soon as he walked in the door. He was true to his word, so it worked out. If he had been selfish and wasn't in a state to help out when he got home, I would have been pissed.

If I felt like I couldn't trust him to make good decisions regarding alcohol consumption, what time to break down camp, etc., he would not be going on the trip, Mother's Day or not, as it doesn't sound like it would necessarily be a healthy thing for our marriage at the moment. I trust him.

[kboyle]

Dh has actually gone on camping trips for more mothers days than we have celebrated together. Well, I guess I'd say we are about even now. He has been camping for about 5 or 6 of my 10 mothers days. It's never really bothered me...i usually have a brunch at his cousins house and sit in the sun and watch the kids play, nothing too complex. BUT on Father's Day he takes the kids himself and goes fishing and to cemetery to visit his dad's grave...I get to sleep in and enjoy the silence and he spends the mornig and afternoon with them. So we have backwards way of celebrating, he doesn't take it as a day to relax, he spends the days with the kids by himself, and vice versa. On my day I usually take the boys to a movie or park and spend the day with them, and he makes me a special dinner on my day while we are out and I make him a special dinner on his day.


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[s7714]

Yes. It wouldn't bother me. I don't take those days to seriously though


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:yeahthat: Pick a different weekend, proclaim it as your own personal Mother's Day and let life happen.