Our fur baby is getting closer to her end of life. How to prepare the kids?

[zag95]

Our cocker spaniel is not long for this world- she has been deaf a few years now, and also has lost much of her sight. She doesn't do much- mainly sleeps and doesn't eat as much as she used to- and has accidents in the house (pee only). She'll be 14 in Dec. Sometimes she falls down and can't get her feet underneath her. Sad as it is, I think it is almost time.:cry:

I have been preparing DD1, who is 6, with the fact that our dog is old- and isn't going to live forever. That her body is wearing out. That she doesn't want to be in pain or hurting any more.

Here are some questions for those of you who have recently experienced this, with your kids:

Did your kids come with you to the vet?

Did you bury your dog, have it cremated or?

Our options are: bring home the body, group cremation or private cremation. Due to cost I'm leaning toward the body, but am wondering if that would be very upsetting for DD1. I had dogs that were euthanized when growing up, but I was in HS.

Do you have any recommendations on resources around death of a pet? I have read some info on the internet, but if someone has a specific recommendation, that would be great. Thanks.

[jacksmomtobe]

My kids are a bit older and our situation was slightly different. The kids came with me to the Vet not knowing this was the end and it was determined that our dog had to go to the animal hospital so I brought my kids home. At the hospital they tried to stabilize our gal but it was evident that she couldn't be helped (fluid around her heart which was removed and came back rapidly). I don't believe the hospital would have allowed them to be there because they had a certain age for visiting and my kids at 7&9 were under that age.

Honestly I do not think you want your dd to come to the Vet even at 7 my daughter's understanding was at a different level than my son's. I think with kids you want them to understand that the dog was old & in pain. I don't think being there is helpful for them but rather might be confusing. I also did not say that she was "put to sleep". Our gal would not have survived the night. When I told the kids in the morning they were shocked because she had been up to that point healthy and they just assumed she was going to the hospital. I just focused on telling them that the Drs tried to help her but they could not due to something with her heart, that she was no longer in pain and that she will always be in our hearts.

They both loved her a lot but it impacted the older one more. The younger one was sad but she wanted to go to school. The older one said he wanted to go to school and did but then came home at 9:30am. I guess I would say not to expect the reaction you think you may get from the 6 yr old.

We did private cremation as I wanted to have her ashes to spread in some of her favorite places. It was relatively inexpensive. I do not believe I was given the option of the body but my dog was a lab so a larger dog. Honestly I don't think I would go with the body. I think that could be confusing for your child. I also did not go into the cremating process as Ii thought that could be scary and/or weird for my kids.

Kids don't really want to know or see this type if thing. They just want simple answers. To know that the dog was old ie people and animals typically die when they are old. That the Drs tried to help the dog but the dog had a significant illness. And that the dog is no longer in pain and if you believe in heaven that the dog has gone to a better place. Just give a basic explanation and ask them open ended questions. How kids process things and what they wonder about us often surprising.

[ha98ed14]

My kids are a bit older and our situation was slightly different. The kids came with me to the Vet not knowing this was the end and it was determined that our dog had to go to the animal hospital so I brought my kids home. At the hospital they tried to stabilize our gal but it was evident that she couldn't be helped (fluid around her heart which was removed and came back rapidly). I don't believe the hospital would have allowed them to be there because they had a certain age for visiting and my kids at 7&9 were under that age.

Honestly I do not think you want your dd to come to the Vet even at 7 my daughter's understanding was at a different level than my son's. I think with kids you want them to understand that the dog was old & in pain. I don't think being there is helpful for them but rather might be confusing. I also did not say that she was "put to sleep". Our gal would not have survived the night. When I told the kids in the morning they were shocked because she had been up to that point healthy and they just assumed she was going to the hospital. I just focused on telling them that the Drs tried to help her but they could not due to something with her heart, that she was no longer in pain and that she will always be in our hearts.

They both loved her a lot but it impacted the older one more. The younger one was sad but she wanted to go to school. The older one said he wanted to go to school and did but then came home at 9:30am. I guess I would say not to expect the reaction you think you may get from the 6 yr old.

We did private cremation as I wanted to have her ashes to spread in some of her favorite places. It was relatively inexpensive. I do not believe I was given the option of the body but my dog was a lab so a larger dog. Honestly I don't think I would go with the body. I think that could be confusing for your child. I also did not go into the cremating process as Ii thought that could be scary and/or weird for my kids.

Kids don't really want to know or see this type if thing. They just want simple answers. To know that the dog was old ie people and animals typically die when they are old. That the Drs tried to help the dog but the dog had a significant illness. And that the dog is no longer in pain and if you believe in heaven that the dog has gone to a better place. Just give a basic explanation and ask them open ended questions. How kids process things and what they wonder about us often surprising.

Fantastic advice, JM2B!

[geochick]

My ds was about 6 when our old kitty had to be put to sleep. We didn't take my son to the vet, but we told him it looked like kitty was going to die soon. His body was getting "tired" of being so old and being in pain. We told my ds that we'd be getting a new kitten after that and that we'd need to start thinking about names. On the day we took the kitty to the vet we told my ds we were taking the kitty to the doctor to get some help with his pain. When we returned without kitty, we told my ds that he was such a lucky kitty to have died after he got the pain medicine. He was so lucky to be able to go peacefully. We told him kitty had a little smile on his face, and we said the vet was going to send our kitty to a special pet cemetery (we didn't want to bury the kitty at home). We all cried for days, of course, but my ds still has one thing we gave him that day that he still adores...we gave him a stuffed animal kitty that looks a lot like that kitty. We also gave my ds a picture of him holding that kitty before he died. He still has that picture on his night stand. It only took a few days of mourning before my ds was earnestly picking out kitten names for our new kitten. We got him a big poster board and he wrote all sorts of names on it. It was great to have a new project to focus on. We looked at SO many kittens on the internet. We redirected the pain, and it worked very well.

And ZAG, I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Good luck.

[khalloc]

My DD was 5 when our older dog was euthanized and we told her that DH was bringing the dog to the vet to see if they could help her, but we added that they probably would not be able to help. Both kids kissed her goodbye and said they loved her and all that. I stayed home with them while DH brought her to the vet. She was almost 16 and only had 3 legs. She could barely get up and move and she just layed in the same place all day long. She had no control over her bowels.

Anyways, DH came home without the dog and DD (who had just turned 5) asked if they could help the dog. And DH said no (he was teary) and DD just shrugged and went on with what she was doing in her bedroom. She actually gets sad about it now (she's 8) and even my now 6 year old will cry about that dog sometimes and he was only 3 when it happened. But they really didnt get it at the time, which was kind of nice.

ETA: we had her privately cremated.