DS is annoying.

[nfowife]

7 year-old DS is a wonderful kid. He's sweet, kind, thoughtful and responsible- most of the time. However, he can often be really really ANNOYING. He in particular loves to antagonize his little sister. He will do something that irritates her- such as touching her with his foot. She will tell him to stop it, and he won't. Over and over again, until either I yell at him or she hits him. I really don't blame her for hitting him (though of course I can't condone this behavior) because seriously, she asked him about 15 times to stop and he didn't listen. This happens over and over and over with both sisters all day long. Also when DH and I ask him to stop doing something it's often the same thing. I haven't gotten any complaints about his behavior from school (to the contrary). We've had serious talks about it, why it is irritating, about stopping doing something or leaving the person alone when they ask you to do so, how you would feel in the situation, blah blah blah. Nothing changes.
I love him, but this kid drives me crazy with his purposeful annoyance!!
Yes, it is often due to his wanting to be part of play that he's not involved in. However sometimes my girls want to play without him or want to do something he does not want to do. How can I help him see that annoyance to the point of insanity will not make them want to include him or change their play to something he wants to do?

[dogmom]

I love him, but this kid drives me crazy with his purposeful annoyance!!
Yes, it is often due to his wanting to be part of play that he's not involved in. However sometimes my girls want to play without him or want to do something he does not want to do. How can I help him see that annoyance to the point of insanity will not make them want to include him or change their play to something he wants to do?

It's a little young depending on the kid, but I JUST had this conversation with another parent about sibling bickering and how to handle it. We basically pull our kids aside and go, "You know how your brother/sister hates this. I see you egging her on/berating him/whatever behavior. You have a choice now. You can continue to go down this path and eventually this will turn into an all out blowout, it may get physical, and both of you will get sent to room/not watch TV/not do some other thing. By that point I won't care how it got started or who did what to whom. So you can either keep going on the path you are on, or step off the path and decide to walk into the other room and leave your sibling alone." We agreed it works about 50% of the time, but it's better than 0%, and then they have been warned.

As far as for the "it's not fair" retort we get from older siblings my usually response is, "Life's not always fair, like its not fair when -insert some thing he gets to do because he is older his siblings don't-but do you want to give that up?"

[Nooknookmom]

Is he the oldest? Just wondering if he's dong the jealousy thing or even if he's not the oldest it could be jealousy.

If it makes u feel better we have an 18 yo DD AND 6 (almost 7) yo DD Who bicker JUST as bad!

My oldest is rude to her sister, picks on every little thing she does and in turn my very independent little one instigates some of the behavior. So I'm like "ahhhhh! How old are you guys!"

I talk to them yadda yadda - but it seems as though as siblings they will continue. I explain to my oldest how I made it a POINT
To treat both of them fairly bc I knew my older one was accepting a new sibling after being an only for 11 years and how she got to so MANY MANY things already that her little sis hasnt gotten to do.

They still bicker. BUT if anyone messes with the little one big sis to the rescue!!!

Dunno if I helped but I commiserate!!

[nfowife]

He's the middle. Bickering is not the problem. He seems out to get on other's nerves and he never listens when we ask him to stop doing whatever is annoying. Like singing in his sister's ear or kicking her seat in the car, etc.

[lil_acorn]

He's the middle. Bickering is not the problem. He seems out to get on other's nerves and he never listens when we ask him to stop doing whatever is annoying. Like singing in his sister's ear or kicking her seat in the car, etc.

I've got a middle child just like this! I'm sorry I have no advice either, but wanted to commiserate with you!

[georgiegirl]

My newly middle child who is 4.5 does that. It drives me bonkers. He's always pushing DDs buttons. Always touching her and saying things to her that she hates (you are a poopy face.). Half of the time they play well, and the other half I'm screaming at them to stay away from each other.

[scrooks]

I've got a middle child just like this! I'm sorry I have no advice either, but wanted to commiserate with you!
Me too!! Ds1 is the same way!

[BunnyBee]

I would physically get between him and the person being touched without consent, and I'd send him to another space. Immediately. After the first "no" is ignored. We had to do this with tickling. That is a huge pet peeve (more than peeve)--when the other person says stop, you stop. It took a few weeks but broke the habit. I only intervene very rarely now, and it tends to be when one kid is over (or seriously under!) stimulated. Over, they take a break in their room or another quiet place; under, they get sent to the great outdoors to run around or do some push-ups to burn off that excess.

[KpbS]

My middle is like this also. It started when he was so young--18 mo or so--and he would knock over his brother's block towers. Sometimes it was an accident, other times it was intentional. He still intentionally bothers DS1 (and DD a bit) but DS1 has started giving it back to DS2 also. :rolleyes: I don't know what to do except emphasize kindness and if he doesn't stop when asked, isolate him till he can apologize and stop. Obviously the car is tricky, but I would pull over and dole out some consequences (loss of privileges) pretty fast. You DDs sound very patient!!

[Simon]

I frame that as a respect issue and I do often intervene. I don't see this as the same as bickering but I'm big on the kids respecting a "No" from one another and also from Dh/Myself. Its a huge pet peeve of mine when kids are saying No to things like tickling/wrestling and the parents or other kids aren't listening. I know its a stretch, but I think of other more risky situations in the future and I want them to be used to other people respecting the boundaries they set, not used to being run over by others.

Sometimes I will repeat the No (use same words but my serious Mom voice) so it can be heard, or I'll repeat/rephrase. Sometimes if the annoyed kid is whining or using non-verbals like moving aside or shifting, I'll use that to "teach" that this means "Stop."

When my oldest is being annoying, I will sometimes stop him and ask him if he thinks he is being funny or annoying, or I will ask him how he thinks he is impacting others with his behavior and whether its really welcome. He is usually quite honest and then stops or else I send him away (so he can be annoying in another room) if he can't seem to get it together.

[123LuckyMom]

I'd have a sit down with him to come up with solutions on how to solve the problem.

I'd also make sure I was always giving attention to the annoyed kid, not the annoyer.

We also have very strict rules about touching and the words, "no" or "stop." Nobody gets touched if they don't want to be. If the toucher doesn't stop, the other child gets protected (and gets the attention). If DS is tickling DD, and she says stop, and he doesn't. I say, "I heard a "stop." If he still doesn't stop, I pick DD up and say, "DD doesn't want to be touched. I'm going to take her away so she won't be touched when she doesn't want to be." DS will usually follow us and want to play again, and I'll say, "Sure, but what do you need to remember?" My kids are 5 and 2, but I'll keep doing something similar as they get older. If it's not an issue of touching, I don't physically intervene, but it's really important to me that my kids respect the "stop!"

_Siblings Without Rivalry_ by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish has lots of good suggestions on handling sibling stuff.