Would this bother you/what would you say?

[JustMe]

So, I have a newish friend who I met as her ds is in my ds' class. We have had some get togethers (kids and us). I have had to push out some of her requests, as she does seem to want to get together more frequently than I do, and I thought this was mostly b/c she only WOHM very part time, etc..it is hard for her to understand that during the week is hard for us. Anyway, I am currently looking to move/buy a house in her neighborhood. Since she learned this she has been "looking" for houses for me, and keeps talking about how she hopes it is really close.

Well, I come home yesterday to 3 messages left in the course of 2 hours from her. Her messages say she wants me to call her right away. The house across the street from her is for sale. She has done some research about it already, and wants me to call her right away. I look it up and it does seem like a good fit. I call her back and leave a message, that it looks nice, but I'm not ready to buy yet as current house is not on the market yet and I cannot find a good way to buy first, and btw there is another house available that I do like. She leaves a message back stating that she thinks I should buy this house, it would be so great, she can help me all the time b/c I am a single parent, she heard some rumor about a rumor about the sub-neighborhood the other house is a part of, etc. I am feeling a little suffocated, but still okay at this point.

Then ds tells me that this mom talked to him today at school today about this house, how it is right across the street from her and how great it would be, how we should come look at it and she will make us dinner, etc. Ds is all happy and excited about this. This last part crossed a line for me. I had not told my kids about this house, and don't have these kind of boundaries with other people's children (probably not even mine, meaning that I tend to not share big "maybes" with them.

So, would this bother you? If so, wwyd?

[TxCat]

I can see why it would bother you, but no, it probably wouldn't bother me. I'd try to attribute the most charitable motive possible, which is that she likes your family and would be excited to have a nice family that she's friends with across the street, vs. neighbors that might not be so nice. I'd just continue to reiterate that you're not in a position to buy yet, and thank her for her help.

[niccig]

Yes, it's a little too much. Hopefully she is just excited about having friends closer.

I'd reply thanks for the advice, but please don't spend any time on this as I'm still months away from moving. I'm not telling the kids about any potential houses until I've made a decision as I don't want to disappoint them if we don't end up moving.

And then keep quieter about any potential homes you're looking at.

[petesgirl]

Yes, it's a little too much. Hopefully she is just excited about having friends closer.

I'd reply thanks for the advice, but please don't spend any time on this as I'm still months away from moving. I'm not telling the kids about any potential houses until I've made a decision as I don't want to disappoint them if we don't end up moving.

And then keep quieter about any potential homes you're looking at.

Yes to this. I would find the whole thing annoying. But maybe she really just hasn't had great neighbors /friends for her kids close by.

[BunnyBee]

Yes, it's a little too much. Hopefully she is just excited about having friends closer.

I'd reply thanks for the advice, but please don't spend any time on this as I'm still months away from moving. I'm not telling the kids about any potential houses until I've made a decision as I don't want to disappoint them if we don't end up moving.

And then keep quieter about any potential homes you're looking at.

Good wording! It would freak me out and make me back off, TBH. I really can't imagine talking to someone else's kids about a house after the parent has already dismissed it. I am an introvert and tend to have pretty strong "outsider" boundaries though.

[Momit]

Yes, it's a little too much. Hopefully she is just excited about having friends closer.

I'd reply thanks for the advice, but please don't spend any time on this as I'm still months away from moving. I'm not telling the kids about any potential houses until I've made a decision as I don't want to disappoint them if we don't end up moving.

And then keep quieter about any potential homes you're looking at.

:yeahthat:

I would chalk up her pushiness to wanting to have a fun neighbor and a friend for her kids to play with. But maybe it means there aren't many other families with kids in that area?

[123LuckyMom]

Yes, it's a little too much. Hopefully she is just excited about having friends closer.

I'd reply thanks for the advice, but please don't spend any time on this as I'm still months away from moving. I'm not telling the kids about any potential houses until I've made a decision as I don't want to disappoint them if we don't end up moving.

And then keep quieter about any potential homes you're looking at.

This is great wording.

It would irritate me, but I would shrug it off. She just got overexcited. It doesn't mean she's a stalker, but I think asking her to stop in the way mentioned above is important. I would do so nicely, though, perhaps even adding a thank you.

We've been house hunting, and I've had friends make irritating suggestions. My BFF kept sending me links to houses that were WAAAAY above my budget, even though she knows my budget! Even in a depressed housing market, nobody is going to get a house for half the asking price! It's irritating but not a friendship deal breaker. Even having mentioned it too your so was probably a symptom of excitement overruling her brain. It's nice that she thinks so highly of you. I'd let this one go.

[janine]

Yes, it's a little too much. Hopefully she is just excited about having friends closer.

I'd reply thanks for the advice, but please don't spend any time on this as I'm still months away from moving. I'm not telling the kids about any potential houses until I've made a decision as I don't want to disappoint them if we don't end up moving.

And then keep quieter about any potential homes you're looking at.

Yes pefectly said. This would bother me too, kind of like crossing a boundary of personal space and involving kids in the "case building" in general is a no- no to me. I'd say the above so the message to back off (nicely :)) is clear.

[MamaMolly]

So often here we mention teaching our children to listen to that inner voice that lets them know when something is 'off'. I will encourage you to listen to yours. It has taken me a long time as an adult to recognize when a potential friend is probably too needy, too intrusive, too etc. to end up being a healthy friendship in the long run. If she's giving off whiffs of desperation and boundary crossing now I'd keep her at arm's length. Be nice, be kind but keep your distance. I know there are people on this board who will slam me for being judgy, or for not reaching out to a lonely mom, or what ever and that's fine. They can pick up my slack.

I think Niccig has given you great advice and a really kind way of telling her to butt out.

[ahisma]

I've been in her shoes (although on a MUCH more mellow level, LOL!) and definitely didn't tell my girlfriend's kids! In fact, we hosted them for a playdate so they could quietly check out the house (down the block) without getting their kids' hopes up. Good thing, because in the end they wound up moving out of state!

It sounds like she's nice and well intentioned, just lacking some boundaries. I'd probably limit what I shared with her and let her know that you prefer not to share this kind of stuff with the kids.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Since we don't plan to move, I get totally sucked into house hunting for friends. I love researching and planning anything so I could easily have annoyed someone with emailing them ideas. :) But, never as bad as OP's friend. I'm with MamaMolly- my inner voice goes off sometimes and I just back right off if someone is too needy. I can't handle that. I don't know if she would really bother me but it sounds like it does bother you. I'd use nicci's wording.

[lkoala]

So often here we mention teaching our children to listen to that inner voice that lets them know when something is 'off'. I will encourage you to listen to yours. It has taken me a long time as an adult to recognize when a potential friend is probably too needy, too intrusive, too etc. to end up being a healthy friendship in the long run. If she's giving off whiffs of desperation and boundary crossing now I'd keep her at arm's length. Be nice, be kind but keep your distance. I know there are people on this board who will slam me for being judgy, or for not reaching out to a lonely mom, or what ever and that's fine. They can pick up my slack.

I think Niccig has given you great advice and a really kind way of telling her to butt out.

:yeahthat:

I would definitely cool the relationship down a little. I'm not sure I would be happy about another parent talking to my child about stuff like that.