Incentive behavior chart to get present - any advice?

[magnoliaparadise]

Hi,

I'd love your advice. My DD1 (6 yo) really wants an American Girl Doll. We have a hand me down from a friend, but she wants another. I'm not against that technically, since DD2 (2.5 yo) has been wanting DD1's doll - so I could give her that. But it's expensive.

Since there are no birthdays/holidays/celebrations coming up, I told her no.

Since then, DD1 has been asking if we could do an 'incentive' chart like a friend of hers is doing. I would have said no outright, but for the last four days since she asked, her behavior has been kind of out-of-this-world great in anticipation that I might agree to the chart and eventually buy that doll... so I'm considering it. On the one hand, it feels like bribery. On the other hand, I am starting to think that if it gives DC an opportunity to get used to/pattern good behaviors that she can continue, it might be worth it.

Here are some questions I had:

1) I would love your thoughts, both from those who don't like incentive charts and those who have BTDT, why you came to your decision and if you have done the chart, whether it worked.

2) For those who have done it, I have some logistic questions: What tasks exactly do you have your DC do? And how many tasks do you include?

Some tasks that I have thought of (not sure which I'd include) that I would like DC to work on are:
- Night: cleaning up after artwork; cleaning dinner table; 5 minute clean of stuff generally before bed; putting away clothes; bath/shower when asked (periodically a struggle); picking out clothes for next day; homework when asked - ie all without pushback...
- Morning: getting dressed/ready for school quickly without dawdling; checking backpack; getting out door on time
- General: listening to me and doing what I ask without pushback, not being cheeky/sassy (this is a hard one to quantify); not physically hurting DD2 (DD1 is generally very good with her, but can get angry and pinch, etc); try new foods when asked

3) ...And most importantly, how does your DC get stickers for the chart - ie one every day for every category?

For instance, if I included all the categories above, that would be up to approx. 14 stars each day.

4) ...And how many days (generally) would you do it for?

I thought of doing a chart for a month - so DD1 would need approx. 30 stars for each category (some less, like taking a bath, which is only 3x a week, but most categories are daily), but... if I gave her a star for each category each day, that would mean 30 days ... and assuming she messes up, it will be more like 40 or 50 days... that seems way too long for her to sustain and I worry that it will backfire and she'll get frustrated.

Thanks in advance!

[Mommy_Mea]

I am, in theory, against incentive charts. I don't like the idea of rewarding my kids for what they should be doing anyways.

1) But we are in the middle of using one for the kid's sleep. We had SO many battles over staying in bed at bedtime, kids coming into our room in the middle of the night, and getting up so freakin' early when I just wanted a cup of coffee of 5 minutes of quiet before facing the day. I figured it was worth a shot, why not?

I have been amazed how well it has worked! Initially really well with my 4 year old, and then pretty well with the (much worse sleeper) 2 year old. The 4 year old has slept through the night since the first night, and it took a little over a week, but the two year old is sleeping through the night too!

2) We are focusing on just sleep right now, because that was the biggest thing we wanted to tackle, and wanted to keep it simple. But we have already mentioned maybe using it for my 4 year old when he is ready to stop sucking his thumb.

3) We give a sticker for: 1. completing quiet time (1 hour) without me having to come to their rooms 2. After lights out at night, not having to come down to their rooms 3. Not coming into our room in the middle of the night 4. Staying in bed until 6am

After 10 stickers (8 for my 2 year old), they get a Hot Wheel. After 4 Hot Wheels (both kids have to get them), they get to pick one of the two movies we bought at Target for $13 (Frozen and Planes).

4) I am not sure how long we are going to do it. Once we achieve handing out the first movie (or maybe the second), we may shift gears to only providing stickers when they accomplish all three or four events in a day.

It has been heaven since we started doing this. Bedtime is SO much less stressful, we are getting more sleep, and my 2 year old is napping again! (He stopped napping when we moved him to a twin bed).

I would recommend providing interim prizes so it doesn't feel too abstract with up to 2 months before she gets her reward. Maybe give her a portion of the cost of the doll every time she gets 10 stickers?

I don't think we are going to jump in and start providing sticker charts and rewards for everything the boys do, but I am much less against doing it now for tasks that are causing the family strife overall...

[OKKiddo]

Take a look at Accountable Kids, it's not really an incentive chart but has spots for rewarding their "extras" with an incentive. http://www.accountablekids.com/

I don't have this but it's on my wish list for the kids. I know my homeschool group did a group buy this year and those that purchased the kits are very happy (and I'm envious). My DD will be 3 at the end of this month and that's the youngest it says you can use the program with--so if I get it this month or next it will work for all of my kiddos. Yay! ;)

[BunnyBee]

Behavior charts can be very useful in certain situations, mainly when used to adapt one difficult, problematic behavior at a time. All of the things you listed seem to be very developmentally appropriate tasks that she is already learning on her own.

Is she going to expect a new AG doll every month and a half? Or expect *something* for performing developmentally appropriate skills? I think you might be setting an unrealistic precedent that isn't actually helping either of you. If you want to get her a doll, get her a doll. Surprise her with a visit to the AG store and make it something she will remember. We were there for a birthday lunch and the girl at the next table had a doll with her, then the hostess brought over another doll and asked if Julie could join them for lunch. At the end, they told her Julie loved having lunch with her and Molly soooo much that she wanted to go home with her. It was a surprise from her dad. I burst into tears and I didn't know these people. :)

[lalasmama]

I found a chore-style sticker chart at Office Max that goes by week--a MUCH more obtainable goal, IMO. It also came with matching stickers, and then I bought stickers as well, so DD could decide what stickers she wanted on it.

As far as the list itself, I think there were like 4 categories and 5 lines to fill in desired behaviors (could be wrong on this, haven't used it for a few years). I put some really easy things on the list, so she was guaranteed to get a few stickers each day (things like "change undies" which she does twice a day anyway, or "spend 15 minutes playing on your own" which she is great at), as well as tougher ones that we were trying to build into habits (clearing backpack every night, hanging coat on hook after school, going to sleep without 246799642367932 quiet reminders, etc). There was never a punishment for not getting a star, just celebrations at the end of the week for accomplishments.

I recall starting the needed sticker amount seriously low, and moved it up week by week as she got the hang of the expectations. And we did some treat every week if she got the stars, so it was never a "really" long wait for her. After several weeks, I added in bigger prizes for stars gained over a longer period--like a trip to the arcade for x number of stamps in a month, which was a HUGE (and very rarely done) thing in our family. Weekly prizes would be anything from a trip to the McDonalds with the PlayPlace and dessert at Baskin Robbins to a small (under $5) toy.

[candaceb]

We have very successfully used sticker charts over the last year. The first time was for potty training. Once we got to a point where he could stay dry for a day, he got a star for every day that he made it through the day without an accident. When he got 10 stars, he got to go to the toy store and pick something out. That is the only time we have done a "big" reward. Usually, the items are $10 or less but something that he really wants.

We now have 2 charts going - one for sleeping through the night without waking me up (it's not going very well...) and the other for flossing and brushing without giving me problems. For the tooth chart, it is something that he should be doing anyway, so he has to get 10 stickers for the prize and the reward is a small thing - a Schleich animal from the stash that I have from a BBB deal that I think was before he was even born... I make the chart on the computer and put an image of what he's working towards at the bottom of the chart.

The American Girl doll seems like something that could be earned with an allowance, for the types of things you want your DD to do to earn it. She participates in the household, she gets an allowance, she saves her money and buys her doll.

[maestramommy]

We do incentive jars with our kids. For every day that they execute the desire behavior ( don't execute the undesired behavior) they get two beads. If they don't (or do) they lose one bead each time. When they get to 100 beads, they get their reward. So far they have earned a lego friends set, a new Hearts4hearts doll. These are all things in the $25-30 range.

However, when DD1 started asking for a New Generation doll, it was because she wanted the doll that looked like an AG doll but isn't, because our party line has been that we don't buy them AG dolls. This look a lot of soul searching for Dh and I but we finally decided that for DD1, who is almost 9, careful with her stuff, and too young to be burdened by our own hangups over AG dolls, could earn one. But we set new terms.

1) She had to earn 200 beads, so twice the usual incentive.
2) The hook was different. She now has to practice 20 minutes (vs the previous 15) a day on her violin, with a reasonable, cooperative attitude. This is a big challenge, but so far she is meeting it (it's been 2 weeks since we started).
3) When she finishes her 200 beads, we will pay for half, and she will pay for half (she has a stash of bday money that's been collecting since she turned 1 from MIL).

It's very hard for our kids to wrap their head around money, although they know that certain things don't cost as much and certain things cost a lot. She knows that an AG doll costs many times more than her H4H doll, so she will have to work much harder to earn it. We also said she should not bring it to school when she finally gets it, as some girls will not have one and it might make them sad. She understands all these things well.

Of course having 3 girls close in age we then had to deal with the fallout of the other two. We made it very clear they will have a chance to earn on when they turn 8. DD2 has a harder time with incentive strategies (it took SO LONG before we could use it effectively with her), so we want her to be old enough to know what she is getting into so it doesn't become self-defeating. DD3 is still so young and flaky, she only wants what her sisters have. She has 2 H4H dolls and she hardly plays with them, while the other two play with their dolls a LOT, and treat them like they actually love them. It would not be appropriate for her to have an AG doll at this stage.

[123LuckyMom]

We have this:

Melissa & Doug Deluxe Magnetic Responsibility Chart. by Memtek Products http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000NTZL7U/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_sUUutb133W2H5

It was a gift, and we've never used the magnets it came with, but I have used it making my own categories on magnetic paper. I also made my own magnetic stars by sticking glitter star stickers on magnetic paper. This has made the chart completely reusable. We have used it in many different ways.

As an incentive chart, we have used the side with the categories and days of the week for the items that can earn a small star and the blank board down below for big stars. Each day can have one missed star, but you need to get all but one in the day to get a big star. A set number of big stars has, in the past, resulted in some kind of treat or gift.

We found this didn't work for us. If there was something DS really wanted, he got very upset when he didn't get a big star, because it was a delay in getting the gift, and he would start to feel like he wouldn't ever get there. We didn't want the chart to discourage him, and we didn't want to be giving him treats/gifts too often! Also, he was really more focused on the gift than the behaviors. It worked wonderfully for a phase he went through where he was regularly having poop accidents, though. I put up the calendar if the month, and he got a star for each day without an accident. No gifts, though.

We still use the chart with no gift attached. We use it as a tool so he can see how he's doing with behavioral stuff he's working on. I have a chart for me, too, so we look at correlations between his behavior and mine to see how our behaviors affect each other.

I think the effectiveness of the chart really depends on the personality of the child. It might be a great idea to help your DD work toward her doll. In your case, I would put a combination of things that are easy for her and things that are reaches. It might be a good idea to let her earn an extra or replacement star for behavior that is especially extraordinary or helpful. You can combine things, too. On our chart, morning routine and bedtime routine are two stars. The elements of the routine (pjs, teeth, potty, laundry, etc.) have been combined into one. The hard stuff are things like listening the very first time (hugely difficult for my DS), adventurous eating-- that kind of thing.