Do you do a birthday party for your kids every year?

[mommylamb]

I know that there are some real birthday party gurus here, but I'm not one of them. I have to say, I dread planning birthday parties so much. It just seems like a massive waste of money and it stresses me out to no end. Just call me scrooge. DS1 will turn 7 at the end of June and I am already dreading it. I have no idea what we're going to do. I really want to offer to take him and one friend to an amusement park or something and not do a real party thing.

Last year all I did was take him and a few friends miniature golfing. Sounds easy. Except one of the kids totally wouldn't listen and kept finishing before the other and going onto the next hole while the people in front of us were still playing there. He was totally off the wall hyper and really difficult to deal with. DS1 is just not like that so it was a really different from what I'm used to with him. I was so glad when it was over.

We live in a townhouse and it's just not very conducive to hosting something at home. DH and I did that one year, and we swore we wouldn't do that again. I'm also not good at crafts or planning games. I kind of suck at this. DH doesn't even bother. So it's totally on me.

I feel like he's getting too old for a lot of the standard party places. Plus, I just don't want to shell out $400-500 bucks on this. Sorry, but that just seems crazy to me.

I also feel like kids expectations for parties these days are way out of whack and that parents get stuck in the keeping up with the Jones mentality where they feel they have to do it because that's what their kids expect. So far DS2 has just had family only parties where our extended family comes over for lunch and that's it. I really hope we can do that again next year when he turns 3, but already some of the kids in his class have had bigger birthday parties.

Anyway, I know this is a total whine and that I'm looking for someone to tell me it's ok to not do it, and that I might not get that. Whatever. I just want to whine. I hate this stuff.

[Neatfreak]

No, my youngest hasn't actually had a party yet (she turns six this year), and my oldest had parties when she turned five and when she turned seven. She had smaller get-togethers (went out for ice cream sundaes, made/decorated cupcakes) with just a couple of friends when she turned six and nine.

[KpbS]

It's totally ok not to do a party each year! As mine get older, I've loved having a couple of smaller celebrations. For my sister's kids, this is the norm. They only have a traditional party every few years because it's just not in their budget. So she will plan something special for her DC to invite one or two friends along and have treats and that is it. It is far easier to take 3/4 kids to the jump place and then for treats afterwards (this is what we did for DS1 this year) than plan an entire party with invitations, food, favors, decorations, etc. Amusement park, swimming pool, movies, trampoline place, roller skating, are all fun options. :)

[Melaine]

Good grief, it is OK not to do it. I really think we have to teach our kids what is special. We are the parents, we can make the birthday special. All the hype and fanfare is not necessary IMO. the girls went to a ninjago party a few weeks ago for a boy turning 7 and they ran around the park, "fought" bags of leaves with decorated pool noodles, ate cake and fruit with juice boxes and had a great time. We have never had a venue party but we still have a lot of fun. I do spend a lot of time planning but not a lot of money. But we hang out with a very down to earth crowd so low key parties are very normal in our circle. I'm sorry you feel there is so much pressure, I would hate that.

We had DS's birthday this weekend and we had a nice Easter meal with family, blown up balloons and ate a Costco cake. It was lovely and easy.

[egoldber]

I do something almost every year. Older DD now only has a few friends over for pizza/cake/movie and a sleepover. That's pretty typical for older kids.

At 7, a lot of kids still do "event" parties. But even here they don't have to be that expensive. Tae Kwon Do parties are very popular with kids aged 5-8. That is what younger DD says she wants this year. They are about $200.

Less expensive than that is to do a pool party at one of the Rec Centers. We've done that a couple times. You get a party room for cake and food and then basically unlimited swim time for the kids. At age 7, I would ask for a parent to stay. They don't necessarily have to get in the pool (IMO) because the Rec Centers always have at least 2 lifeguards on duty during open swim. That's about $100-$150 depending on the size of the party room.

Hidden Oaks Nature Center is also very popular: http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/parks/hidden-oaks/birthdays.htm

There are many other Fairfax County birthday party options too, Lake Accotink, Burke Lake park, : http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/parks/wp-parties.htm I like the Rec Centers though because they are indoors. :) Older DD's birthday is in August and we never know if it will be raining or not.

ETA: It is also completely fine not to do it. :) Or to invite just one friend for a special event. One year older DD wanted to go to Hershey Park, so we did that as a family instead of a party.

[vonfirmath]

I'm not fond of parties either and we CAN"T afford the destination ones. So no we don't have parties every year.

DS had a party for his 1st and for his 5th. PRobably we'll have one this year.

DD hasn't had one yet. I'm trying to see if I could make a combined party this year because their birthdays are 7 days apart and I don't even want to think of doing two!

[HannaAddict]

You don't have to have a party. Up to you and your family. Nobody really cares what your family does, and if it works for you, then go for it and just don't worry about it. People aren't just keeping up with the Joneses, but actually like having parties so that's okay too.

[speo]

I know that there are some real birthday party gurus here, but I'm not one of them. I have to say, I dread planning birthday parties so much. It just seems like a massive waste of money and it stresses me out to no end. Just call me scrooge.

I could have written this word for word!! No, I do not think a party is necessary every year. I think some nice acknowledgement of the birthday is required, but that doesn't have to be a party. For many kids at younger ages, I don't even think they are that valuable to them on a personal level. They don't really seem worth the time, effort, and expense. Your son is getting older so I would think he would personally get something out of it. We always do a big family party (mostly adults). I am used to it now and find them relatively easy. We BBQ and have dessert. It is a good way for everyone to get together. So that is a little why I haven't felt a great need to do lots of kid parties.

DS1 had a party at 4, 7 and now in 2 weeks at 9. DS2 has had one at 5. Two of those were at the park and one at home. This is the first year we are doing a destination party at a laser tag place. DS1 is turning 9 and while I find the cost overly expensive I do think it is worth it at his age. I do not intend to do many (if any) more like this though for him.

I think it is hard when the planner doesn't really enjoy it. Even cheap, easy parties require a lot of thought and are stressful. I don't think kids need a party every year to be happy. :)

[Philly Mom]

I am struggling with this myself. We have never had a birthday party beyond my parents and us. DD1 will be 3 this year and I think this is the year lots of people have parties. There are only so many places to have a party and her birthday will be last. We have a house that could hold her class and parents but we don't love people in our house like that. I suggested we hire a music person to come to do something to keep things cheaper. DH did not love the idea of people in our house. If it was a nice day the kids could play out back but if not, it would be tight. I find this very stressful. We both work and are not crafty. I just don't have the time for this.

ETA: I actually think DD1 has enjoyed her four person parties of my parents and us more than any party. This year, I think she would like a class party, just not sure if she will get one.

[hellokitty]

I hate throwing bday parties. There are always a few kids who are really hyper and I feel like it can set the tone of the entire party. For my kids, I throw them a kids bday party every 2-3 yrs. HOWEVER, I always offer an alternative, "fun family" day activity. Like going to cedar point or some other day trip, with just our family. Thankfully, my oldes one (he's 10), usually seems to lean in this direction. We did a nerf war party for DS2 last yr for his 8th bday and that actually went over really well, but it was a that martial arts studio, with plenty of padding and room for the kids to run around and run by one of the instructors, so I basically was there just to make sure things went smoothly and to provide food for the kids, etc.. DS3 will be 5 this summer and I know that he will definitely want a party. I'm thinking about doing it some place where there is no limit as to how many ppl can come, so I can invite the entire family, instead of just one child/parent, kwim? I find that family event bday parties to be more enjoyable and the parents are there to keep an eye on their kids. However, I cannot do one at my house, so those are usually at venues. Of course, that also means shelling out $$$.

[lizzywednesday]

We had a party when DD was 1.

We brought ice cream to her daycare when she was 2; we also brought ice cream & cake to my brother and SIL's apartment and had a mini-party for the kids after we took their Easter photos.

We did nothing last year, but she has started getting invited to and attending schoolmates' parties and I feel awful not being able to reciprocate. Our house isn't big enough for her whole class (17 3-and-4-year-olds in my narrow townhouse in the northeast, in the winter?) ... and DH hadn't given me the go-ahead to call around to bounce houses or anything while I was willing to plan (in January.)

DH's parents also snowbird in another state, so it is difficult to get him to think about DD's birthday objectively because his parents will always be out of town for it.

Unfortunately, this usually means that DD's birthday goes uncelebrated with MY family as well and I get questions from my family. It's hard to find a balance.

That said, we typically take her for an "experience" - last year, it was shopping; this year, it was the grocery store, but I had wanted to go to Philly.

[wendibird22]

My DDs are 6 and 4 and neither has had a kid party before. We invite grandparents, my brother's family (close by) and my one aunt and uncle (who live close by). If they can all come, great, if not, no biggie. We do a deli platter or hots/hamburgers and cake. I make sure the cake and the plates, cups, napkins are in the theme of the kids choice. My kids enjoy the attention and DH and I are not stressed out or exhausted by the prep and clean up. And we already have so much kid toys/clothes that I can't handle DDs getting friend gifts on top of it. Both DDs have attended friend parties but have never asked me for one so I just roll with what we've always done.

[arivecchi]

We did big parties this year. DS1 was turning 7 and has a lot of new friends from sports and school. He wanted to invite all of them and socially (for him), I thought it was a good idea. DS2 turned 5 which is a pivotal birthday IMO and had enough friends to throw a bigger party as well. We don't plan to do it every year.

What does your DS want to do? That would be key for me.

We just went to a bowling party with 10 kids and that seemed pretty low key.

[elektra]

This year (March) was the very first friends party for us. We did DD's 7th birthday at a bounce house place. I had avoided it previously for basically all the reasons you mentioned!
We also always have family parties with DH's family on at least a monthly basis that we often host and so I just get really partied out. The kids still have a party with family (now combined with at least 1-2 other relatives) but we had never even done a friends party until last month.
DS's birthday is in a week and a half and there was no way I was up for another party. Honestly, I think the parents in his class are probably sick of them too, as it seems like every kid in their class had a party and invited the whole class. With a late spring/early summer birthday towards the end of the school year, I think everyone is just DONE. I know I am.
So we are taking him to Disneyland with just our family instead.

So yes, I think it is fine to not have a party if you are not feeling like it. :)

I do have to say though, that for DD, hosting the party seemed to open her up to some new friendships and increase her "social confidence". I have never been good at socializing with other parents but hosting the party allowed for a better setting to do so. So in that regard, I am glad we did the party, but I think we may just do something with a few friends next year.

[JenChem]

We've only ever had family parties, of course we have 6 cousins (all boys) around DS's age. But since it's family I usually stake out a park picnic shelter (free) and provide pizza and cake. I have an aunt who always brings me goodie bags lol so I've never had to do those. Pick up some balloons and themed plates and I'm done. DD's first birthday was cake after thanksgiving dinner. This is our first year trying a venue party so we're going to a small local children's museum, but honestly I think they'd prefer a park. It's just that the weather has been so crazy I'm afraid to plan for outside. Also since we're doing a venue I invited some friends plus all the cousins, I hope it works out. But for 3 years we've gone to friend parties without reciprocating and no one seemed to mind.

[westwoodmom04]

We've had a friend party every year for dd, except for her second birthday, and every year for ds since he turned four. I don't particularly like planning parties and have had every single party at a party venue with the exception of the year we took dd and a few friends to an amusement park. Yes, it is more expensive that way, but it is minimal planning -- usually just ordering some snacks and a cake and showing up. My kids really look forward to it. I definitely prefer a day party to a sleepover party. I will gladly stop when they don't want to do it anymore.

That said, not all their friends have big parties every year, I would say about two-thirds of the kids do.

[div_0305]

We have parties every year for the kids because we want to, not because we feel we have to. We really enjoy them, and I'm not shy about reigning in a hyper or misbehaving kid. I usually have a couple of parents I'm close to stay, and they are like me--keeping things under control. I do not have parties at home as I don't have the time or energy for that. My kids love sharing their birthdays with their friends, so that's why we have parties. I think in our area about 2/3 of the kids at school/preschool have friend birthday parties.

[citymama]

Absolutely. Although that's been everything from a playdate with 3 kids to a party at a kids museum with 40 people. Our typical m.o. is 10 kids or so in the backyard or at a playground. I'm terrible at organizing, but we now have a system that works - Costco snacks and fruit, Vietnamese banh mi and cold spring rolls for parents, pizza for kids. Piñata, one activity (craft or games), party's over.

[gatorsmom]

Definitely. I really enjoy planning them and dreaming with the kids about them. It gets our creative juices flowing. This year my older boys are planning to mow a maze into our field to play paintball or lazer tag followed by swimming in our pool. Our goal is always to make the parties as fun for everyone as we can. However, I hate when other people think it is all about competing with the Joneses. I couldn't give a hoot what other people do (or dont do) and am very aware that other people might not have the time or motivation to get as involved as we do. We just do it because we simply want to. And my kids love all parties their friends throw no matter how simple just because they enjoy being with their friends.

I say do what you want.

[mommy111]

Hate parties, we've had very fun family ones at home for the last many years and a treat for school. However, this year a friend of mine thought it fit to rub into the child that she doesn't have birthdays and wouldn't she like one at a party place. I'm probably $500 less because of that. I'm with you on this one

[lmh2402]

we had "big" family parties for first birthdays. and then just my immediate family for cake when DS turned 2. but we've had kiddie parties for 3, 4 and 5.

planning to do the same for DD - just cake with my family this year. and assuming she's in nursery school by next birthday, we'll invite some friends for something. not sure what though. i DON'T do kid parties in my house b/c that would just totally stress me out. and she's a july baby, so assuming we'll end up with not very big parties for her, which makes me sad b/c DS has always had pretty much his whole class in attendance.

[rlu]

We have, but when he was young my mom hosted at her house (TY, TY, TY mom!) We have had many park parties when a playground and a few balls were sufficient to entertain the masses. I think at 7 we still did a park party.

We did a pizza party (at the pizza place) for 8 & 9 as DS's choice. The pizza place had a sufficient arcade to entertain but they changed out their games to more violent ones (boo hiss, we complained, loudly) so we had to change up this year.

This year he invited 3 friends and they went mini-golfing and then we met their parents & siblings at the park for brownies and baseball (they brought their own mitts). Very low key. The kids are older and behaved well-enough at mini-golf - sorry OP it didn't go so well for you. Our rain plan was to take the four kids to the movies.

I would do something with a few friends and call it. June may have some good movies out. Our theater is about $10 per kid (the same as mini-golf round on the weekend) so the real expense would be the food.

eta: we did not do a goodie bag for 10, but we did the previous years. done with that!

[egoldber]

I would do something with a few friends and call it. June may have some good movies out. Our theater is about $10 per kid (the same as mini-golf round on the weekend) so the real expense would be the food.

Yes, we did this one year and it was very easy. We had lunch/cake at a pizza place walking distance to the theater and then saw a movie. Easy and < $100 total.

[ZeeBaby]

We have done parties for the girls every year. I was tired of them and tried to explain to DD1 that her 5th bday party would be her last one for awhile, but she begged and begged for a party and now we are doing one for her 6th bday. She wants a Frozen theme and we are doing it at an ice skating rink that does party. I brought a few things from Oriental Trading and that is about it. I always have a party budget of $250 or less. It takes a bit of effort, but there are places around that will accomodate this price range.

I also don't think you need a party every year. I would like to stop them all together, but I don't want to disappoint DDs either. We ony do about 10-15 kids. I don't do class parties either.

[BigBadDaddy]

Yes, a birthday party at home with family 1-5, then with friends and school kids from then on until they stop asking for it.

[Simon]

Ds1 had his first birthday party ever with just a few friends last year. We celebrate as a family every year, but I feel like you do about hosting large parties for friends.
Ds2 and Ds3 had a joint party at an outside venue this year but I have no idea if or when we'll have another. I am not currently planning on having one for their next birthdays.

[*myfoursons]

Once they reach school age, we do a party every other year. We always do cake and presents at home with my family, too. On alternating years we get a hotel room in the city for the night. It doesn't end up being less expensive, as we always go out to eat, end up at the lego store, etc., but I like not having to plan a party.

Ds 3 will get his first friend party this year after he starts kindergarten, and is already trying to plan out all the details. Very excited.

[nfowife]

My big kids have had parties every year since about 2 or 3. My DD2 had a first birthday party at home but not for her 2nd or 3rd birthdays. We will do a 4th for her, I'm sure, as she is now more aware. I am so over birthday parties. DD1's 9th is this weekend. So much work. And I don't even do them at home!
Ugh.

[Momit]

I wish I could trade places with you, OP, at least for one year. DS is a summer birthday and party planning is tricky. We've had a few family/close friends parties - usually at a friend's house or hotel because we had come in from out of town to celebrate. The one year I tried a My Gym party and invited his whole daycare class, only 8 or 10 kids could come since so many were on vacation.

He keeps talking about his birthday party this year and I just don't think we will do one. My current idea is to invite one or two of his best buds to Medieval Times and call it good.

ETA I know I have mentioned this here before, but my friend always offers her kids the choice of $50 in their pocket or a big party with friends. They choose the 50 every time.

[hillview]

I think I am going to try to convince the kids to do a b'day in NYC or Wash DC this summer vs a party!

[wifecat]

I LOVE throwing parties. I love coming up with a theme and finding DIY stuff on Pinterest. I also hate spending a lot. This year, we did a big party for dd's 5th birthday at a gymnastics place. Never again. She had a blast, don't get me wrong, but it was SO expensive and really stressful for me - I would much rather have planned something at our house.

Next year, we're going back to small at-home parties.

Do what you're comfortable with - there is no right or wrong way!

[belovedgandp]

I follow my kids lead. I can totally do a big party, but at least my oldest doesn't care. Starting at 8 he's invited one buddy to do a big outing. I think it is a great alternative. Sometimes our whole family goes on the outing plus the extra kid (so two adults and four kids) and others it has just been me and the two kids.

I do a huge first birthday party for each kid at the house.

My oldest has bigger parties for the 6 and under birthdays because I am a SAHM with lots of playgroups. I do hate spending my weekends at birthday parties, so I'd just do a really glorified playgroup with pizza and a bounce house.

Even those parties have gotten smaller. My youngest just turned 4. I took her and two friends to Build a Bear on a weekday morning. Bought them cookies at the food court and called it a morning for $100.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Around 8yo, we stopped doing parties and instead did a few kids (2-3) and a special outing. Ds1 has tacked on sleepovers too now. But, they are easy. Before that, we alternated years with big parties and years with small ones. I've never felt pressure to keep up with what others were doing. :) I'll probably still do a bigger party for ds2 next year (at a venue) and then scale back. We did at home this year with 8 kids. Fun but tiring!

The local gymnastics' studio was great through age 7- and only $175.

[cilantromapuche]

It must depend on the kids personality. My DC love birthday parties. We didn't have them until the oldest was four because he begged. They (summer birthdays) insist that they must be home (I don't plan activities)and have home made cakes and pinatas. I am not a great cook but DS tells me all year how is friends are still talking about X cake and they can't wait for this year's b-day.
It is frankly exhausting and every year I try to talk them into a b-day somewhere else or a store bought cake. I am considering purchasing an outdoor ping pong table because I feel as if we have saved enough money from all the bdays at home and it would entertain the kids as they are getting to be tweens.

[essnce629]

From age 1-3 we do a party in my home town (San Diego) with family and all my best friends and their kids. After that we give the kids a choice of either an experience with family (4 of us plus my mom) or a party. DS1 has chosen to go to Legoland the past 3 years instead of having a party. Two years in a row before that he chose to have a bowling party. This year he is choosing to have a sleepover for his 11th birthday. DS2 chose to go to Disneyland last year for his 4th birthday. This year we're having a triple party with 2 other boys from his preschool whose birthdays are all the same week.

ETA: And in the almost 11 years I've been a parent, not once have I ever thrown a party where the whole class is invited. Just DS1's friends.

[HannaAddict]

Definitely. I really enjoy planning them and dreaming with the kids about them. It gets our creative juices flowing. This year my older boys are planning to mow a maze into our field to play paintball or lazer tag followed by swimming in our pool. Our goal is always to make the parties as fun for everyone as we can. However, I hate when other people think it is all about competing with the Joneses. I couldn't give a hoot what other people do (or dont do) and am very aware that other people might not have the time or motivation to get as involved as we do. We just do it because we simply want to. And my kids love all parties their friends throw no matter how simple just because they enjoy being with their friends.

I say do what you want.

I totally agree with all of the above. We are way better at throwing fun kid parties than adult events! A maze and laser tag or paint ball, my ten year old will be right over!!

[TxCat]

OP, I totally sympathize. I am not a kid party person - I don't enjoy themes and crafty stuff is so not me, and I find gift bags and favors to be really wasteful. So far DD1 has only had small family parties every year. I gave her the option of inviting her class to her 3 yo birthday last October, but she chose family instead. However I think she will want a big party this fall and I will try to accommodate. But, I'm not looking forward to any aspect of the planning. Some people excel at that, and that's great, others excel at different things. I'm much better at making a really great homemade birthday cake, or planning a special birthday breakfast in bed, or planning a surprise trip. Hopefully I'll get to use some of those talents more as the kids get older.

[94bruin]

There are some years where I enjoy throwing a party. This is not one of those years! DD1 is turning 9 at then end of May and DH just asked what we are doing. We were supposed to go to Disneyland in lieu of a party, but it's not in the cards (we are going later this summer - just not exactly for her birthday.)

I just want to invite a few girls for a movie and dinner. Maaaybe a sleepover if I can convince DD to keep the guest list small. We'll see.

[AnnieW625]

We do a party every year for our kids, but unless my parents are in town we haven't invited extended family, and now that the kids are older they have just been friend parties (although my sister usually comes as do dd1's godparents, but sometimes we have them over on their actual birthdays) I do them on the cheap side too and all of them since DD1 turned 2 have been at our house or at the park. We have a small yard (by bbb standards, 5000 sq. ft. total lot size), but we can still fit a bounce house on the lawn and we have a park 500 ft. down the street from our house so those are our two options (and we did use a park near dd1's school for her 7th birthday).

I don't do over the top anything for the parties and my loot bags probably consist of the dreaded bag of crap, but seriously I don't care. The kids have fun and I can spend way less than $500 on a party.

I would like to do a party for DD2 at her gymnastics school that does great parties (they do a mini class not just send the kids out to play on the equipment) and the party voucher usually shows up at an auction or two I just have yet to win it.

[firstbaby]

We do a party for our kids every year. Some years the invites go out earlier than other years, LOL. We are very low key with gifts for Christmas and other religious holidays, but to me their birthday is their one special day a year just for them :) Some years they want something "bigger" whether that is in cost or guest list size, other years are smaller. We brainstorm ideas and know it's "the one" when they get super keyed up about an idea. I love it and hope they look back on their birthdays with the best memories.

[squimp]

We do a party every year. My DD is an only and we don't have family nearby. She's really social so parties have been a big thing for her. She's 10 now so we went through the whole-class gym parties and are now at the smaller sleepover party stage. We love planning and scheming on making the parties awesome and special. Some of the kids her age are opting to do family things or events like Big Wolf Lodge instead of friend parties these days. I think it's so variable and I would never worry about what others think.

[mommylamb]

I asked him last night if he wanted to do a friend at an amusement park instead, and he seemed open to that. Now I just have to get him to let me know who he wants to invite and see if that friend's parents will let him do it. I'm hoping he chooses someone whose mother I know so that I can just take the mom too.

[bisous]

We alternate friend and family parties. Since our extended family parties are now up to about 45 people(!!!) even the odd years are challenging! I do like giving my DCs parties but then I don't spend a lot of money on them ever or at all. This does mean that it is more work but it works for our family. I think there are lots of ways to honor birthdays and PPs have listed some cool ideas. I say what works for your family!

[shweethart]

Nope. This year we put all the money for birthday parties towards a disney trip. We'll just do cake and stuff on actual birthday and a bigish birthday gift


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[123LuckyMom]

DS has had a big party every year of his life. This coming year we won't be doing a party. We're taking a family trip instead. (I posted about it here asking if people thought it was okay to skip a party in his kindergarten year. Everyone said yes!)

DD has never had a birthday party beyond our nuclear family. She was just as thrilled with her balloons, her party hat, her cake, and her birthday song with just the four of us as she would have been with a house full of guests. She just turned two. She's starting preschool this summer, so next year, she'll have a group of little friends, and we'll probably do a party for her.

I think parties should be fun for the parents, too. If it's not fun for you to plan it and enable it to happen, by all means find another way to celebrate!

[pastrygirl]

I like throwing parties for my kids, but we've always had them at home with an easy theme. This year, my 7yo only has one friend so we're thinking of alternatives. (And yes, even if we invite other kids, they will decline.) I might take him and his friend to the local water park and then out for ice cream.