When having a joint birthday party for your kids...

[Mommy_Mea]

We are having a joint birthday party for our boys, one big party with our friends, family and the boys' friends.

The boys have a number of friends in common, but this will be the first year they will be inviting friends from school who only know that child.

In the past, we just had a single invitation with both boys name, and the guests brought a gift for each child (which wasn't a problem because they were friends with both boys).

But this year, how do I word the invitation for those kids who are friends with only one boy? I want them to know it is a joint birthday party, but I don't want them to feel obligated to bring a present for a child they don't know.

[specialp]

That's tough if you are doing one invitation for both groups. Why do you want them (classroom invites who only know one child) to know it is a joint party? I've gone to joint parties and not known it until I got there.

[DietCokeLover]

I would do separate invites. You can say something like "Bobby and Timmy are having a party! Bobby has asked you to be his guest. Please join us for ....." if you want it to be known it is a joint party.

[KrisM]

What is the reason you want the guests to know it'll be a joint party? We've done joint and they just invite their own friends and they find out it's joint when they get there.

[Mommy_Mea]

I guess I was worried it might be strange to show up for a birthday party for one kid and find out it is a joint party? But if that isn't the case, I will just do separate invites! Thanks!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I'd want to know. Joint parties can be awkward so I'd want to be prepared. I'd use DCL's wording.

[carolinacool]

I'd want to know. Joint parties can be awkward so I'd want to be prepared. I'd use DCL's wording.

Would you feel like you had to bring a gift for the other kid?

DS had a joint party with a friend last year. In our case, though, a lot of our friends had no idea who the other family was, so I really didn't want to put both names on the invite. In the case of siblings, though, I can get behind DCL's wording. You might still get double gifts, but everything will be going to the same family, if that makes sense.

[specialp]

I'd want to know. Joint parties can be awkward so I'd want to be prepared. I'd use DCL's wording.

What do you do differently to prepare for a joint party?

[KrisM]

I guess I was worried it might be strange to show up for a birthday party for one kid and find out it is a joint party? But if that isn't the case, I will just do separate invites! Thanks!

DS1 and DD had theirs together last year and a couple people know going in it was joint. They are our neighbors. Their DD got an invite from my DD and their DS got one from my DS. They each just brought one gift. The rest wondered who the other kid was and when they found out it was a sibling, they thought it was a great idea. No one thought it was strange to have the parties together. It was at the gym and was only friends. My kids are 2 years apart and have completely different friends.

[SnuggleBuggles]

What do you do differently to prepare for a joint party?

I don't do joint parties but when I've attended them, I'd always want to at least be aware that it was joint. I might bring a card for the other kid bc I don't like being caught empty handed. I might not bring something but I'd at least want to plan for it. But, I guess I like to know more about what to expect at the party- it's why I like when evite guest lists are shown. I'm nosy. :)

[lhafer]

IMO it's not your responsibility to let guests know it's a joint party. I would do separate invites because some guests only know 1 of the boys. If I knew in advance that it was a joint party, I would feel obligated to get something for both kids, even if I didn't know them. If I just showed up and only had a gift for 1 kid, that would be fine with me since the invite was from 1 kid. Does that make sense? For guests who know both boys (and family) - they would get the "We are having a party for Tommy and Jimmy" invite. Otherwise I would send "We are having a party for Tommy" to Tommy's friends, and "We are having a party for Jimmy" to Jimmy's friends.

[BunnyBee]

Separate invites to prevent guests feeling obligated to buy two gifts. If it's a "no gift" party, then it doesn't matter.

[JustMe]

I always did separate invites. For people we knew well or I otherwise thought woud want to know, I mentioned that it was the other kids party too, "just so you know". Sometimes I outright explained I did separate invitations as we did not want people to buy gifts for the kids they did not really know as well.

[sarahsthreads]

I'd either use the suggested wording or do separate invites. DD1 got an invitation to "The Monkey Twins' Birthday Party" for C & D LastName when she was in 1st grade, and C had been in her class for two years. I had no idea who D was, was very confused to discover the C had a twin - and honestly, kind of embarrassed, because we'd obviously all been to class events and I had never seen C's twin sibling and I felt badly that somehow I had "known" this family for 2 whole years and not acknowledged one of their children? So I wound up buying both kids a set of Legos appropriate for 1st graders. Turns out D was C's four years older sibling, which explained why neither of us knew that C had a twin. Because, well, they weren't twins. And I'm sure they wondered why on earth I bought their 10 year old a starter Lego set for a 6 year old.

None of my kids have close enough birthdays to do a joint party, but I'd totally do one if they did, I'd just send out separate invites to the guests who only know one child.

Sarah :)

[khm]

That's my thought too. If you did let guests know it is a joint party I feel it is likely that at least some of those guests would feel obligated to buy a second gift. Some, might even feel letting them know was gift-grabby.

The other kid has plenty of guests / gifts, so I absolutely would not feed bad for not bringing him something.

I honestly don't see a downside to NOT letting people know. I guess it wouldn't be on my radar to be annoyed or feel at all awkward about showing up to a joint party and not knowing that beforehand.

[wendibird22]

This is a timely post as I'm toying with the idea of a joint party for my DDs. Both want the same themed party. Both want a kid party (which we've never done for either). DD2's birthday is right at december holidays and so doing it as a half birthday in the summer would be beneficial (I fear no one coming to a party right around the holidays and summer weather allows for outdoor activities). This is all good advice you've provided.

[Mommy_Mea]

Separate invites to prevent guests feeling obligated to buy two gifts. If it's a "no gift" party, then it doesn't matter.

Yeah, I have tried the "no gift" thing, everyone brought a gift anyways :)

I will do three sets of invites, joint friends, DS1 friends and DS2 friends. If I see some of the parents of the individual friends before the party, I may just mention that it is a joint party.

Now I just have to hope that everyone doesn't say yes for our tiny little house :)

[Seitvonzu]

not to hijack, but wendibird-- i have a christmas baby and i was just commenting to her dad the other day about how i NEVER have any trouble with attendence at her parties? i'm not sure why but the two "venue" parties we've had for her (swimming when she was four and her last one at a pottery studio when she turned 6) had what i would have called "too good" attendence ;) for the pottery party i didn't have a single parent stay (including her father, but that's for BP :)) because i did too good of a job trumping up "last minute holiday shopping" or something. that said, i was paying PER KID for that party, so when everyone said "yes" i was like... meohmy!

so you might be surprised about how many people attend these december birthdays... it might be regional though, because alot of people around here don't travel at the winter holidays :) summer is a busier/less stable time for parties in our area! (we have also toyed with the 1/2 birthday idea, but our success has been so good we've never had to do it!)

[SnuggleBuggles]

not to hijack, but wendibird-- i have a christmas baby and i was just commenting to her dad the other day about how i NEVER have any trouble with attendence at her parties? i'm not sure why but the two "venue" parties we've had for her (swimming when she was four and her last one at a pottery studio when she turned 6) had what i would have called "too good" attendence ;) for the pottery party i didn't have a single parent stay (including her father, but that's for BP :)) because i did too good of a job trumping up "last minute holiday shopping" or something. that said, i was paying PER KID for that party, so when everyone said "yes" i was like... meohmy!

so you might be surprised about how many people attend these december birthdays... it might be regional though, because alot of people around here don't travel at the winter holidays :) summer is a busier/less stable time for parties in our area! (we have also toyed with the 1/2 birthday idea, but our success has been so good we've never had to do it!)

I find summer birthday party attendance to be worse than December by a long way!

[kdeunc]

I find summer birthday party attendance to be worse than December by a long way!

:yeahthat:

DD is July and we finally had enough people around for her party in late August. My boys are December and we have had pretty good luck. :)

[lovin2shop]

I'd either use the suggested wording or do separate invites. DD1 got an invitation to "The Monkey Twins' Birthday Party" for C & D LastName when she was in 1st grade, and C had been in her class for two years. I had no idea who D was, was very confused to discover the C had a twin - and honestly, kind of embarrassed, because we'd obviously all been to class events and I had never seen C's twin sibling and I felt badly that somehow I had "known" this family for 2 whole years and not acknowledged one of their children? So I wound up buying both kids a set of Legos appropriate for 1st graders. Turns out D was C's four years older sibling, which explained why neither of us knew that C had a twin. Because, well, they weren't twins. And I'm sure they wondered why on earth I bought their 10 year old a starter Lego set for a 6 year old.

None of my kids have close enough birthdays to do a joint party, but I'd totally do one if they did, I'd just send out separate invites to the guests who only know one child.

Sarah :)

I faced this very similar situation recently, right down to buying an age inappropriate gift for the assumed "twin". If you do a joint invite, I would try to make the ages clear for families that you don't know well.

[theriviera]

I just did this and did 3 separate invites. 1 for each kid and 1 for those that are friends with both kids. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to give a gift for the sibling they didn't know.