Live in nanny/au pair

[Chitowngirl]

My husband and I both with full time out of the house. He works long, irregular hours and many times comes home after DS is in bed. My job is less demanding in the amount of time I work, but more demanding from a flexibility perspective. I have little control over my hours and I have to be there when I am scheduled - ex if we open at 7 I HAVE to be there at 6:55. I can't "just" be 5 min late. We also don't have a lot/any family support, and we panic whenever DS has a cough since we worry he is getting sick and won't be able to go to day care. Once when he was sick I had to beg a friend to let us "borrow" her nanny for the day. It was very stressful. Anyway, with us contemplating baby number 2 we have realized we need more help and day care for 2 will cost a fortune in our high COL area. We are thinking about a live in/au pair situation. We have never done anything like this and don't really know where to start. Anyone here have any tips or advice. Anything we should know before opening our home to a stranger? Any tips on how to get started. Any agencies you have used you would recommend or avoid? Any help will be appreciated. Thanks!

[lmh2402]

we have an au pair. it's been a great system for our family. we personally work with AuPair Care. but we've got friends in the area working with AuPair in America and Cultural Care and all are happy.

it's not an easy or simple process - for me, it was a lot of legwork to decide on an agency and then to figure out what our criteria should be to narrow down our search and find candidates. I talked to a LOT of people in our area to get their thoughts and feedback throughout the process - it really helped me better understand what we wanted to look for and what we wanted to avoid.

my biggest piece of advice is find people local to you who have an au pair and talk to them. Talk to as many people as you can.

Good luck

[westwoodmom04]

I think you need a live in nanny if you want full time care for an infant. Au pairs have restrictions on how many hours they can work a day and a week. Also, not sure you want a teenager taking care of an infant. The people I know who have successfully used au pairs are either sahms looking for an extra pair of hands or families with kids that go to at least preschool.

Live in nannies charge less than live out nannies because you are providing a place to live.

[lmh2402]

westwoodmom is right - there are restrictions on infant care. an Au Pair cannot be left alone to care for an infant until the baby is four months old - first three months, another adult must always be present.

Also, they provide a total of 45 hours of childcare, with a maximum of 10 hours a day.

However, I do want to say that we're on our second au pair and both women that have joined us have been 25. We set our search criteria to look only at profiles of women 23+. We also looked only for women who had completed university and were currently gainfully employed with a clear/specific plan for their career path.

The pros of the program in my mind are:
1. flexibility - you can set the schedule each week so if you have a 7am meeting on Monday, that's fine. and if you have 8 pm meeting on Tues, that's fine too. It sounds like your job is not straight work 12+ hours a day, so the flexibility might actually be perfect for you.
2. cost-effective - you get 45 hours of childcare for much less than you would be paying a nanny.
3. nice experience - my children have strongly bonded with both women that have joined us. Both our au pairs have been Brazilian and my son has had so much fun learning words in Portuguese. Conversely, it's been very fun to participate in our au pairs' first exposure to the U.S.

The cons would be:
1. schedule if you need true full time childcare. We are friends with a couple that both work in the city and based on job hours and commute, they need childcare about 12/13 hours a day. They have an au pair, but also have a babysitter that comes in the mornings and gets the kids ready for school. It's not easy to find someone to fil in just those extra few hours a day.
2. there's always a risk that you could really not match well.

Anyway, hope that helps.

[Chitowngirl]

Thanks for the advice.

How independent is the au pair? A lot of the websites describe her as being like a big sister or a member of the family. If you go out to dinner during her time off does she go too? Do you ever feel like it's more work - like you are raising a teen age child in addition to your own children? Do you ever feel like you need "space" from her? (I'm asking this as someone who has realized through marriage that I need more space than the average person. My husband is mr social who would entertain daily if he could).

Do you know the best way to learn more about live in nannys? Did you consider both before deciding or did you always know you wanted an au pair. I can't seem to find any general information websites about it like I can au pairs.

[westwoodmom04]

The au pair program is suppose to be a cultural exchange, not just a work program. I don't think you need to take the au pair with you out to dinner, but she is expected to join family meals and to be given an opportunity to take classes and travel while she is here.

If you want information about nannies, try a nanny agency web site or care.com.

[musicalgrl]

We have an au pair, too and love it. We invite her to do many things with us, but don't expect that she will always want to. In our experience, her happiness (and therefore, ours) has come from finding a healthy balance between work and having a social life with others her age. In our area, there is a very strong au pair network and she instantly made friends. It's nice that on some evenings and weekends she will go do things on her own which gives us each a little space. We made a point of finding out when she got here what her goals for the year were and we also told her ours. By extending ourselves to help her see, do and experience the things she wanted to in this country, she has really gone the extra mile to bond with my kids and do fun things with them, which is great.

Although the weekly program stipend is low, there are definitely other costs to consider. We bought an extra car for her to use. Plus the incremental cost of feeding and caring for another person can add up. Generally speaking it is pretty cost effective as opposed to other options though.

Having someone live in your house is a big decision, but if it winds up being a good match it can be a win-win for all. Good luck with your choice. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

[lmh2402]

We have an au pair, too and love it. We invite her to do many things with us, but don't expect that she will always want to. In our experience, her happiness (and therefore, ours) has come from finding a healthy balance between work and having a social life with others her age. In our area, there is a very strong au pair network and she instantly made friends. It's nice that on some evenings and weekends she will go do things on her own which gives us each a little space. We made a point of finding out when she got here what her goals for the year were and we also told her ours. By extending ourselves to help her see, do and experience the things she wanted to in this country, she has really gone the extra mile to bond with my kids and do fun things with them, which is great.

Although the weekly program stipend is low, there are definitely other costs to consider. We bought an extra car for her to use. Plus the incremental cost of feeding and caring for another person can add up. Generally speaking it is pretty cost effective as opposed to other options though.

Having someone live in your house is a big decision, but if it winds up being a good match it can be a win-win for all. Good luck with your choice. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

agree with above. we eat together during weeknights - DH is never home, but au pair and I always sit down with the kids for dinner. In general, she does not work weekends, but we will always invite her to join us if she's home. However, she has a very strong friend network here - there are LOTS of au pairs in our area.

yes, to other costs but haven't really felt a difference for feeding or heating or water, etc. you do have to pay to add the au pair to your car insurance though, if you want her to drive. and we also provide her with a cell phone b/c we want to be able to contact her - we don't do a smart phone.