Is this a little bizarre?

[khalloc]

Last night my kids came home from their friends house across the street. I sat them down for dinner. Then the doorbell rings and its their friend, along with the kids father. The father tells me that my son took a stick from their yard and his son wants it back! I was a little flabbergasted. I said something like "Really? We're fighting over sticks now?" I just couldnt believe that the father agreed to come over and get a stick back. I made my son go get it, but then he wouldnt so I told him I'd bring it over in a few minutes. So they left. I got the stick from DS's room and had my daughter bring it over because DS didnt want to give it back.

In retrospect I kind of wish I had said something like "Oh, I broke that and threw it in the garbage when he brought it home because we dont allow sticks in the house". This was a regular old stick from a tree. There are tons more just like it in everyone's back yards here. My DD brought it back and the boy (who is 8) told her that he hates my son (who is 6) and is never playing with him again. Which is a joke since this kid is an only child and practically lives at my house. I should have had a 3rd child because I basically do anyways with the amount this boy plays here.

I guess I'm not surprised that and 8 year old would want a stick back or would act like this. But I am surprised a 46 year old man would knock on a neighbors door to ask for a stick back. WDYT? I dont know what the mother thought, but I bet if the husband wasnt home she would have told her son no, that we arent going to go ask for a stick back from our yard. I could see if it was a toy or something more personal, but a stick?

[elephantmeg]

weird!!! definitely weird!

[egoldber]

Well, I have seen some vicious altercations over sticks LOL!!!! The "right" stick of the right shape and size for a particular play scenario is worth it's weight in gold, at least to some in the elementary set. I have seen a particular stick used alllllll summer because it was a particularly good one.

JMO, but I would bet that there was some kind of disagreement over whose "turn" it was with the stick, or one kid was hogging the "good stick" or was taunting another kid. There must have been some sort of explosion at their house over this stick.

Now, would I have made a trek to someone's house at dinner time to reclaim a prized stick? No. And I don't think that's a great thing to model for your kids.

[SummerBaby]

Definitely weird. At first I thought maybe the kid was 5 and freaked out about the stick so the father brought him over just to get him to stop crying or whining. But an 8 year old????? The father should have told him to get over it!

[khalloc]

This father is definitely on the wierd side.

So the kids thought this stick was like a "sword". But when I saw it it was a regular old stick. Nothing great about it. It was skinny too. Later we walked around the block and found a stick just like it within a minute or 2. I just cant believe the Dad came over to get a stick. What a dolt.

[hillview]

I guess I'm not surprised that and 8 year old would want a stick back or would act like this. But I am surprised a 46 year old man would knock on a neighbors door to ask for a stick back. WDYT? I dont know what the mother thought, but I bet if the husband wasnt home she would have told her son no, that we arent going to go ask for a stick back from our yard. I could see if it was a toy or something more personal, but a stick?

Yeah so I don't THINK that DH would go do that but honestly I am not 100% positive if I was away DH might have done it :) and I agree!!

[123LuckyMom]

This is embarrassing, but I don't think it's that bizarre. My kids have two sticks that are actually really special to them. One is Mr. Pokey, which we use for the wood stove and campfires. Another is a branch we've had since DS was a toddler. It's the perfect length for small children to use as a staff, and it has a natural trident on top. Of course there are a million sticks out there, but those two are special, and if a neighbor child took one home without realizing it wasn't just another stick, I very well might go over to explain and ask to have it back. We once left Mr. Pokey at a camp site, and drive back a half an hour to retrieve him. Are we crazy? Absolutely! Still, when we move to our new house, those sticks are coming with us!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't think it's totally bizarre. Kids latch on to weird items. I can see that it was more than just a stick to all involve. Your DS wouldn't give it back either. :)

[khalloc]

Well I trust my daughter and she said that my son had the stick first and it was just a stick that he found in their yard when they were playing outside. So it wasnt a "Special" stick.

[khalloc]

I don't think it's totally bizarre. Kids latch on to weird items. I can see that it was more than just a stick to all involve. Your DS wouldn't give it back either. :)

Yes, but a 46 year old man came to ask for it back? Thats the bizarre part. If my kid wanted his stick back I would have told him to go over and ask for it back himself. I wouldnt be a part of that.

[Momit]

The dad is definitely an odd duck to come with his 8-year-old and demand a stick back.

[hillview]

Yes, but a 46 year old man came to ask for it back? Thats the bizarre part. If my kid wanted his stick back I would have told him to go over and ask for it back himself. I wouldnt be a part of that.

:yeahthat: "work it out"

[SnuggleBuggles]

Right but I'm sure there are some reasonable explanations. Mind, I wouldn't have done it either and would probably be a bit baffled. Wouldn't go as far as calling it bizarre though. :)

[carolinacool]

I don't think it's totally bizarre. Kids latch on to weird items. I can see that it was more than just a stick to all involve. Your DS wouldn't give it back either. :)

Yep. I was totally the kid who latched on to certain things, no matter how mundane they are. Even now as an adult, I want *my* stuff back. If you borrow my $2 Pilot pen, I want it back. And I'll ask you about it. I figure we all have our quirks that we should get over, but we don't. And this it totally mine. LOL

[khalloc]

Ok, bizarre was probably not the right word choice. Wierd maybe...

[Momit]

Yes, but a 46 year old man came to ask for it back? Thats the bizarre part. If my kid wanted his stick back I would have told him to go over and ask for it back himself. I wouldnt be a part of that.

Exactly. By this age kids don't need their parents intervening in minor disputes like that IMO.

The fact that it was a stick does make it tricky. If my DS walked in with a toy that wasn't his, I would ask him to return it, but if he came home with a stick I wouldn't think anything of it.

[wellyes]

I guess I would have approached it more with amusement than with hostility. Sounds like there is a lot more going on than the stick, if this kid is "practically lives at your house" and you don't like that. I would set some boundaries if I were you.

[khalloc]

Well he is at our house alot. I dont mind him being there, but DH is kind of get irked at the fact that his parents get to sit at home and do what they want while I watch their kid. The kids usually play well. And he keeps my son busy. I used to feed him lunch/snacks, etc. though And I am trying to stop doing that. It gets expensive! To be fair he does want to play at his house alot, but my kids dont want to play there because they say he is "bossy" at his own house. So they usually resist and make him play at our house. In general he is a nice kid and well mannered.

[Ceepa]

Exactly. By this age kids don't need their parents intervening in minor disputes like that IMO.

Don't be so quick to assume you'll be able to send your child out with a "figure it out yourself" attitude by the ripe old age of 8. They are still working out social skills and sometimes what seems obvious or unremarkable to us is tricky for them to navigate. Not saying this is one of those situations.

The dad did seem unnecessarily gruff but maybe he was reacting to his own son making a big deal out of the stick at their house?

ETA: Right outside our front door we have a collection of special sticks that have been found. They cannot be removed. :)

[janine]

I guess it depends on the context? Like if the DH was all serious about it vs. jokingly saying "for some reason he really must have that stick, sorry to bother you!" kind of vibe (I'm guessing it wasn't the latter based on your post).

If it was a serious request, I agree weird, guess everything is a territorial battle in the 'burbs these days ;). The issue of the son practically living at your house is a whole other issue meanwhile!

[MaiseyDog]

Don't be so quick to assume you'll be able to send your child out with a "figure it out yourself" attitude by the ripe old age of 8. They are still working out social skills and sometimes what seems obvious or unremarkable to us is tricky for them to navigate. Not saying this is one of those situations.

The dad did seem unnecessarily gruff but maybe he was reacting to his own son making a big deal out of the stick at their house?

ETA: Right outside our front door we have a collection of special sticks that have been found. They cannot be removed. :)

Exactly. DD1 is 9 and isn't the most direct at asking for what she wants. I can total see how this could have happend at my house- kid is upset about the stick being gone but scared to go over to the other house to possibly face parents and ask for something back that the kids probably knows on some level is a little odd, but it doesn't change the fact that the stick is important to the kid. I would go over with my kid to help her.

As to the bizarre things that kids latch on to, I get that too. I have two rocks that sit in my flower bed that have moved with me to 8 different houses. I have had them since a camping trip when I was 13. If you saw them you would just think they are regular old rocks, but if they came up missing I would definately be hunting them down. To others they are ordinary and mundane, but to me they are special and a memento of an important time in my life. I just really think you can't assume that it's "just a stick."

[daisysmom]

I don't think it's totally bizarre. Kids latch on to weird items. I can see that it was more than just a stick to all involve. Your DS wouldn't give it back either. :)

I haven't read all the replies but I don't think it was too odd -- and your son wouldn't give it back to him even after they came over to get it? Even though it was in their yard that he took it from? I think it was a little odd that the father came to get it, but I bet the father thought it was odd that you wouldn't make your son give it back right then.

[mommylamb]

I think it's strange. I would be put off by the dad coming over to ask for it.

[BunnyBee]

I guess it depends on the context? Like if the DH was all serious about it vs. jokingly saying "for some reason he really must have that stick, sorry to bother you!" kind of vibe (I'm guessing it wasn't the latter based on your post).

If it was a serious request, I agree weird, guess everything is a territorial battle in the 'burbs these days ;). The issue of the son practically living at your house is a whole other issue meanwhile!

Yes, I think the vibe is what makes it bizarre. If the kid's really tired, upset, etc., he's not going to be a good self-advocate. I'd go, but I would acknowledge the ludicrousness of asking for a stick and make it a pleasant, neighborly conversation. It sounds like a humorless demand. Of course, maybe dad has no social skills? Or is really fond of sticks himself? Maybe it's really *his* stick...

[khalloc]

Yes, I think the vibe is what makes it bizarre. If the kid's really tired, upset, etc., he's not going to be a good self-advocate. I'd go, but I would acknowledge the ludicrousness of asking for a stick and make it a pleasant, neighborly conversation. It sounds like a humorless demand. Of course, maybe dad has no social skills? Or is really fond of sticks himself? Maybe it's really *his* stick...

LOL. His dad doesnt have the best social skills. This made me laugh!

[vonfirmath]

Well I trust my daughter and she said that my son had the stick first and it was just a stick that he found in their yard when they were playing outside. So it wasnt a "Special" stick.

Your kids never leave toys in the yard after playing with them?

[TwinFoxes]

Right but I'm sure there are some reasonable explanations. Mind, I wouldn't have done it either and would probably be a bit baffled. Wouldn't go as far as calling it bizarre though. :)

:yeahthat: I can totally see a parent (not me!) doing this. Sometimes it's easier to head off a tantrum than to end one, maybe the dad saw it coming, and decided to bite the bullet and make himself look like a loon.

May I tell you about our rock collection? That is kept in our side garden. That is made up of rocks found mostly IN the side garden? The special rocks are in a pile that can't be moved. :rolleyes: Kids get attached to odd things.

[crayonblue]

I don't really think it is weird. His son wanted the stick and your son wanted the stick. It's hard to know the dynamics of what happened in their yard regarding the stick.

[Kindra178]

I think it's weird that an 8 year old would be attached to a certain stick and even weirder that the father would ring a doorbell to get the stick back.

[boolady]

I would have said I thought it was weird until I had a 7.5 year old with lots of inanimate objects she calls "imaginary friends." Don't worry...she has lots of human contact and friends, lol. She just has some objects she loves to play with in certain discrete scenarios (i.e., the tub, the yard, shells she brings back from the beach and "takes care of" by making them a home in our garden, etc.). She would be devastated if someone took them. DH threw out some old, beat up partial eraser pieces he found in her pencil bag and she was extremely upset because she and her friend play with them while they eat snack at school. They looked like garbage to DH, but they had value to her.

I guess DH or might go ask for them back if she was upset, though I've never really thought about it before.

[mmommy]

I don't really think it is weird. His son wanted the stick and your son wanted the stick. It's hard to know the dynamics of what happened in their yard regarding the stick.

:yeahthat: Of course we don't want our kids fixating on little things, but it sounds like if the other kid had gone home with the stick your DS may have been home upset. You probably would've found a different way to deal with it, but I think its kind of sweet that this Dad took his kids quirky feelings seriously instead of just brushing them off. Yeah, it's just a stick, but this kids knows his Dad will listen to him.

[khalloc]

Your kids never leave toys in the yard after playing with them?

I dont remember ever saying that they never leave toys in the yard after playing with them. Did I say that somewhere?

[khalloc]

I think it's weird that an 8 year old would be attached to a certain stick and even weirder that the father would ring a doorbell to get the stick back.

Thank you! I think its wierd too.

[div_0305]

I don't think it's weird. I think we are all missing the context of what happened and your history/dynamics with your neighbor. Not something I'd be spending time thinking about personally.

[khalloc]

:yeahthat: Of course we don't want our kids fixating on little things, but it sounds like if the other kid had gone home with the stick your DS may have been home upset. You probably would've found a different way to deal with it, but I think its kind of sweet that this Dad took his kids quirky feelings seriously instead of just brushing them off. Yeah, it's just a stick, but this kids knows his Dad will listen to him.

I guess it really depends on how it all went down. If its like my DD said, and my son found the stick and started playing with it and took it home, and this kid decided he wanted it for himself, then I think its crazy to demand a stick back just because it came from your yard. If the kid was playing with the stick first and then wanted it back, I still wouldnt have come over (as his parent) and demanded it back. I would have told my son to ask for it back himself if he wanted it that badly. I think its silly.

[kristenk]

I don't think it's incredibly weird. Kids like different things and attach different meanings to them than you or I would. Your son wanted the stick, too! He brought it into his bedroom! That wouldn't be my choice for the perfect place to keep a stick, but kids are different!

The stick meant something to neighbor boy. Your son took the stick from his yard and didn't want to give it back. Who knows what was going on!

I can see my DD being super attached to something that looked relatively minor to others (not so much now at 10yo, but when she was a little younger). And I probably would have gone with her to the neighbor's house to ask for something back if it meant that much to her.

I don't understand why you'd say something like this: In retrospect I kind of wish I had said something like "Oh, I broke that and threw it in the garbage when he brought it home because we dont allow sticks in the house". Why do you wish you had lied about the stick?

[khalloc]

I guess I wish I lied about it because I think its petty to ask for a stick back (barring any special meaning, which I dont think that was the case here) and seeing as to how much I watch their kid (lets say its usually 2+ hours/day during the weekday, and it can be 8 hours a day on the weekends). And I am often feeding him lunch and dinner! And then to have a parent come over to ask for a stick back. To me, its a little absurd. If someone was taking care of my kid that much I would feel silly to come over and demand a stick back from my yard. We can put this to rest now though. Some people agree with me and some disagree, which is fine!

[minnie-zb]

Well he is at our house alot. I dont mind him being there, but DH is kind of get irked at the fact that his parents get to sit at home and do what they want while I watch their kid. The kids usually play well. And he keeps my son busy. I used to feed him lunch/snacks, etc. though And I am trying to stop doing that. It gets expensive! To be fair he does want to play at his house alot, but my kids dont want to play there because they say he is "bossy" at his own house. So they usually resist and make him play at our house. In general he is a nice kid and well mannered.

You should encourage your kids to spend more time at his house and make it more of a fair split. He's never going to learn how to have people at his house and share nicely if he's not given the opportunity. If your kids don't like how he's behaving, then they should say we need to go home. It's a two way street for him and your kids.

[janine]

I think this might be driven by a bit of tension with the neighbor or situation - yea on paper having a parent come over to ask for a stick sound ridiculous, but in reality this is not so far out there in weird land, I think that's a bit unfair. Kids fight and get attached to all kinds of things while playing ..stones, piece of paper and even empty boxes, especially if someone else has it! So no I don't find this so weird (wanting a stick), nor that a parent be in the mix (8 is not so old), but yes issues with neighbor or other underlying issues can make every little thing 10x more annoying.

[lmh2402]

This thread is headed toward the land of yoga pants and movie theater food. I personally think it's not odd for kid to want stick, but is odd for dad to ring bell and ask for stick.

[Kindra178]

Don't forget this kid is 8, not 5. There is a huge difference developmentally.

[Simon]

People have given you many good examples for why a child would want a stick back and why the father would come with him to ask. Your Dd said the kids were pretending it was a sword so it wasn't just a stick. I think your hostility and how readily you dismiss the other child's feelings speaks volumes. Given your attitude, as the father I would be very glad that I came with my son. You own son thought enough of the stick to a)keep it and bring it into his bedroom, b)not want to give it back right away. Why does that make the other kid weird? Your son clearly valued it, too. If you don't value it, why is there a problem returning it?

[BunnyBee]

Don't forget this kid is 8, not 5. There is a huge difference developmentally.

I got the kids mixed up! Her DS is 6; stick kid is 8. Even weirder that dad is involved.

[niccig]

You should encourage your kids to spend more time at his house and make it more of a fair split. He's never going to learn how to have people at his house and share nicely if he's not given the opportunity. If your kids don't like how he's behaving, then they should say we need to go home. It's a two way street for him and your kids.

Or tell the kid that now isn't a good time to play at your house and send him home. If it's coming up to dinner time, you don't have to feed him, tell him it's time to go home.

It sounds that he's over all the time and it's too much. He doesn't have to play at your house 2 hours/day and 8 hours on weekends. Even if the kids play well most of the time, your family needs some space.

[khalloc]

You should encourage your kids to spend more time at his house and make it more of a fair split. He's never going to learn how to have people at his house and share nicely if he's not given the opportunity. If your kids don't like how he's behaving, then they should say we need to go home. It's a two way street for him and your kids.

Yes! I have told them exactly this. I do encourage them to play over there. But they usually resist. And I've told them that they have more "leverage" since they can both leave if he is not treating them fairly and they still have each other to play with. At some point he will come around since he'll be at home without a kid to play with.

[khalloc]

People have given you many good examples for why a child would want a stick back and why the father would come with him to ask. Your Dd said the kids were pretending it was a sword so it wasn't just a stick. I think your hostility and how readily you dismiss the other child's feelings speaks volumes. Given your attitude, as the father I would be very glad that I came with my son. You own son thought enough of the stick to a)keep it and bring it into his bedroom, b)not want to give it back right away. Why does that make the other kid weird? Your son clearly valued it, too. If you don't value it, why is there a problem returning it?

I dont think the other kid is wierd. I am thinking its strange for the father to ring the doorbell to ask for a stick back. I didnt have a problem returning it. I guess in retrospect I did. But I got the stick from my son right away and had DD walk it over to their house.

[barkley1]

You didn't say you thought the kid was weird. I agree...pretty strange of the dad, though. Especially since it wasn't a beloved stick with a history behind it :)

[JenChem]

If my son wanted a yard stick back from my neighbors son I'd tell him no way. If it led to a complete melt down, I'd tell him to ask for it the next time they play. I would feel silly going to my neighbors to make such a request. I don't think you sound hostile at all. It sounds to me like you've been rather nice to this kid. This thread definitely took an odd turn. I read it as 'here's something quirky I'd like to share' and I agree - quirky indeed.

[TwinFoxes]

Don't forget this kid is 8, not 5. There is a huge difference developmentally.

Fair point. :)

I do think some kids/people tend to anthropomorphize random things more. Did anyone ever see this Ikea lamp commercial?

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dBqhIVyfsRg
I'm a sucker for things like that, I know things don't feel, but I still think "poor lamp". So maybe to this kid, it's more than a stick.

I wouldn't (as an adult) ask for the stick back.

[carolinacool]

Fair point. :)

I do think some kids/people tend to anthropomorphize random things more. Did anyone ever see this Ikea lamp commercial?

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dBqhIVyfsRg
I'm a sucker for things like that, I know things don't feel, but I still think "poor lamp". So maybe to this kid, it's more than a stick.

Yes, that's it! LOL I am horrible about this. If there are two of something, I *hate* taking one and leaving one alone. My DH totally ribs me, too, because he knows it bothers me to do it. But he also puts up with my quirkiness, so he sounds like the dad in this case. I'm totally about to bond with an 8-year-old over a stick. LOL

As an adult, I don't make much fuss because I know people would think I'm looney, so I probably wouldn't work up the nerve to go over and ask for the stick back.

[marie]

This thread is headed toward the land of yoga pants and movie theater food. I personally think it's not odd for kid to want stick, but is odd for dad to ring bell and ask for stick.
:yeahthat: and I had the same thought re: yoga pants, etc. LOL


If my son wanted a yard stick back from my neighbors son I'd tell him no way. If it led to a complete melt down, I'd tell him to ask for it the next time they play. I would feel silly going to my neighbors to make such a request. I don't think you sound hostile at all. It sounds to me like you've been rather nice to this kid. This thread definitely took an odd turn. I read it as 'here's something quirky I'd like to share' and I agree - quirky indeed.
Another :yeahthat:

Also, a question for those that said they wouldn't expect their kid (8 years old) to go over and ask for it, how/when will the kid learn to speak up themselves? The kid is obviously very comfortable with khalloc and her family, house, etc to spend so much time there. It seems like the "safest" possible scenario to say "if you want your stick, go over and ask for it." I'm just thinking that kids don't wake up with confidence, etc. to advocate for themselves at some magic age. It's a gradual process and that would've been a great opportunity to practice those skills. Just MHO.

[Kindra178]

This thread reminds me of a "Do Your Kids Watch TV" post where so many moms of single 18 month olds are like, "absolutely not, tv is terrible, the AAP says that tv rots your brain" whereas moms of older kids may soften their stance about this. Age perspective is needed here. It's really hard for moms of younger kids to realize this (myself included). For the record, I would be pissed to holy h$ll if someone rang my doorbell in the middle of dinner to get a stick. Homework, a jacket, a baseball glove or even a favorite ball, sure.

[MamaKath]

Well, I have seen some vicious altercations over sticks LOL!!!! The "right" stick of the right shape and size for a particular play scenario is worth it's weight in gold, at least to some in the elementary set. I have seen a particular stick used alllllll summer because it was a particularly good one.

JMO, but I would bet that there was some kind of disagreement over whose "turn" it was with the stick, or one kid was hogging the "good stick" or was taunting another kid. There must have been some sort of explosion at their house over this stick.

Now, would I have made a trek to someone's house at dinner time to reclaim a prized stick? No. And I don't think that's a great thing to model for your kids.
Yes to this. I don't think trekking over is a great model, nor would I have thought lying about it would be either. Sounds like the boys had a fight that is bigger than that stick and the dad was making an effort to somewhat end it, at least for his son. It doesn't end it for you though. I wonder if after some time passes the whole story about the stick will come out.

[Momit]

I can't believe this thread is still going! It's interesting how seemingly innocuous things turn into a huge controversy here!

I guess I don't understand why so many people assume the stick was so important to the other boy. Maybe OP's DS was playing with the stick the entire time and then the other boy suddenly said "Hey, he found it in my yard! It's MINE!" Then made up a story to his dad so his dad would go get it for him. Who knows?

If my DS and his friend are digging for fossils/dinosaur bones/whatever in my yard and the other kid finds something, I don't expect my DS to demand to keep it just because it came from our yard. And if he told me a kid took a rock from our yard I would not go retrieve it.

[hellokitty]

Well, I have a bit of a different perspective on this. You mentioned that the child is an only child. I have had a few friends with only children and their kids are pretty much used to having everything their way and the parents are used to it as well. I'm not saying that this is wrong, but it's just that their world centers around just one child, so this is what they know. My guess would be that the dad is not used to the dynamics btwn multiple kids playing. Where some of us may think it's not a big deal, to this particular family, maybe it was, b/c their child is used to not sharing. As for attachment to weird things, yeah, I get that. The dad... I think that maybe he doesn't know/understand what it's like to have more than one kid. As for him coming over to get the stick back, if he would have been more light-hearted or said it in a joking manner, I think it probably went over better. However, I can definitely understand why OP was annoyed by it, esp since this other kid is over so often, it's weird to see that they are going to make a big deal over a random tree branch.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Yes to this. I don't think trekking over is a great model, nor would I have thought lying about it would be either. Sounds like the boys had a fight that is bigger than that stick and the dad was making an effort to somewhat end it, at least for his son. It doesn't end it for you though. I wonder if after some time passes the whole story about the stick will come out.

I wonder if the dad was just trying to let his DS know that he's listening and cares- that he'd have gone to bat for anything. Could be some family dynamic that prompted it.

[Corie]

Yes, but a 46 year old man came to ask for it back? Thats the bizarre part. If my kid wanted his stick back I would have told him to go over and ask for it back himself. I wouldnt be a part of that.


LOL! You are nicer than I am! If my kid wanted the stick back, I would have told him to find a new one but no way would I let
him go ask for the stick back!

And the Dad walking over to ask for the stick back, that is just plain crazy.

[Kindra178]

I wonder if the dad was just trying to let his DS know that he's listening and cares- that he'd have gone to bat for anything. Could be some family dynamic that prompted it.

I like how you are giving him the benefit of the doubt. I think he didn't want to deal with a tantrum or outburst. By going over to halloc's house, the dad actually lost an opportunity for a lesson.

[goldenpig]

Yes it does sound weird, but sometimes a stick is not just a stick...I wonder if it seems more weird/annoying to OP because she is already annoyed about how often this kid is over (she is really generous...I personally don't think I would be able to tolerate watching OPK's that much, esp if not reciprocated!). I think if the dad had come over and lightheartedly asked for the stick or joked about it ("Hey, you're going to think this is silly but my son is really attached to this stick...") and she wasn't already a little resentful of the situation, then maybe it would just be more something to shrug off and/or a funny story to laugh about. (BTW I could totally see my 4 and 6 year olds getting weirdly attached to inanimate objects like sticks, but I don't think I'd ever go to someone's house to demand a stick back!).

[khalloc]

These latest comments are all along my lines of thinking. I do think this kids gets his way more often because he is an only child and he doesn't have to share with anyone at home. I definitely would have sent his all in a different light if the father started out saying "I know this is crazy, BUT my son wants this stick back...". and when I fist thought about this thing I didn't think of any special attachment to the stick. I was thinking more along the lines of this boy deciding he wanted the stick since it came from his yard.

I can't believe this thread is still going either!

[lkoala]

Well, I have a bit of a different perspective on this. You mentioned that the child is an only child. I have had a few friends with only children and their kids are pretty much used to having everything their way and the parents are used to it as well. I'm not saying that this is wrong, but it's just that their world centers around just one child, so this is what they know. My guess would be that the dad is not used to the dynamics btwn multiple kids playing. Where some of us may think it's not a big deal, to this particular family, maybe it was, b/c their child is used to not sharing. As for attachment to weird things, yeah, I get that.

As a parent of an only, I agree that I am more likely to go out of my way to accomodate what she wants but there is no way I'm walking her over to the neighbors house for a stick. I would just tell her to ask for it the next time she goes over. That being said, I think that there is more to this than a stick. I think the kids probably argued or something...

That's not to say that kids can't get attached to things... We have tootsie roll wrappers that can't get thrown away for some reason.:rolleye0014:

[TwinFoxes]

I can't believe this thread is still going either!

But we are all playing nicely. :) I like these crazy threads. Sticks! Who knew.

[emily_gracesmama]

Yeah I think it's strange on both parts. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree 😉

[niccig]

As a parent of an only, I agree that I am more likely to go out of my way to accomodate what she wants but there is no way I'm walking her over to the neighbors house for a stick. I would just tell her to ask for it the next time she goes over. That being said, I think that there is more to this than a stick. I think the kids probably argued or something...

:yeahthat: My DS is an only and I'm not going to ask for a stick back. He's also quite capable of sharing and taking his turn with things. Something was going on about this stick, it wasn't just any old stick.

[buddyleebaby]

On the surface I would say it sounds odd and that if my child complained about someone taking a stick from our yard, I would tell my child to go find another stick.

However, the fact that your son deliberately brought this stick home, up to his bedroom, and then refused to give it back when you asked him to, makes me think that there is more to this than just any old stick. If it is odd for the neighbor to be upset to lose it, then it would have to be equally odd for your son to refuse to return it, right?

My thinking is that the dad was probably trying to assist his son in whatever power struggle/issue was going on between the two boys. I don't know if he did so in the correct way, but I do think put in that perspective it's not as cut and dry as being territorial over a stick.

[american_mama]

Doesn't seem so strange to me. DS, aged 6, has special sticks and rocks and I once spent 10 minutes looking for an utterly ordinary rock that he gave me to hold and which I discarded soon after, much to his displeasure when he found out. Sometimes I can tell that the item has a special shape, most times it appears ordinary to me, but is special to DS. I am a little surprised an 8 year old cared about it. Maybe the dad figured hey, my kid is freaking out, but it's just a stick, so surely THEY won't care, so I'll get the stick and calm my son down. Maybe the problem was more the interplay between the two kids.

[mackmama]

I don't think it's that weird. For whatever reason, the kid was super attached to his stick. Nothing wrong with wanting it back imo. Sounds like your DS wouldn't give it back for some reason?

[wendmatt]

I tried to quote and my comment didn't make sense on it's own
so I deleted!

[bisous]

Hmm. So many things to think about! Is the stick special? Was it the subject of an altercation? Why didn't your DS want to give it back? Does the OP have baggage with the kid or the family of the kid? Is the kid NT? Did the Dad use good social skills? I think all of these are kind of important variables. I think it is enough that the OP was bothered and found it weird and only she can know why. I can imagine lots of circumstances where the same basic acts wouldn't be weird at all to me and others where it really WOULD be weird. The devil really is in the details!

[3isEnough]

Well since this thread is still going I want in ;)

Regarding the stick, no I don't think it's totally weird that the dad came and got it. If it happened to me I don't think I'd think much of it. However, if it was retrieved by a kid/family to whom I already provided a lot (playdates, food, etc.) as in the case of OP, then yeah I could certainly see being annoyed by it. But at that point it's really not about the stick, it's about a lack of reciprocity. Them retrieving the stick just adds insult to injury and touches on an already-existing sore spot.

We have a 7yo on our street who's really sweet and adorable, but I'm starting to get really annoyed with her and her parents as a result of a lack of reciprocity and I can see that it's definitely poisoning my perception of their actions. So in the case of these particular neighbors, a stick isn't just a stick, even though it would be a stick with every other neighbor on the block.

[MamaMolly]

OP just my opinion but I think you need to send the neighbor kid home. He can come play for an hour at the most on week days and maybe 2-3 hours on ONE weekend day. The parents are totally taking advantage of you. Not to be nasty about it, but I think they need a reminder of just how much they don't want to pi$$ you off over stuff like a stick.

[Pennylane]

LOL! You are nicer than I am! If my kid wanted the stick back, I would have told him to find a new one but no way would I let
him go ask for the stick back!

And the Dad walking over to ask for the stick back, that is just plain crazy.

Me too, I would have laughed in his face. Only child or not , that is just ridiculous!!

Ann


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[Mamabear4]

The kid being attached to a stick? I don't find that weird at all (but for the record, I don't think the OP did either). The dad coming over and asking for the stick back without cracking a smile, smirking, winking or otherwise letting OP know that it was ridiculous for him to be the one asking for the stick back for his 8 yr old? Yes - definitely bizarre

[larig]

Well, I have a bit of a different perspective on this. You mentioned that the child is an only child. I have had a few friends with only children and their kids are pretty much used to having everything their way and the parents are used to it as well. I'm not saying that this is wrong, but it's just that their world centers around just one child, so this is what they know. My guess would be that the dad is not used to the dynamics btwn multiple kids playing. Where some of us may think it's not a big deal, to this particular family, maybe it was, b/c their child is used to not sharing. As for attachment to weird things, yeah, I get that. The dad... I think that maybe he doesn't know/understand what it's like to have more than one kid. As for him coming over to get the stick back, if he would have been more light-hearted or said it in a joking manner, I think it probably went over better. However, I can definitely understand why OP was annoyed by it, esp since this other kid is over so often, it's weird to see that they are going to make a big deal over a random tree branch.

I would caution against generalizing about only children that way. I don't think you can attribute it to an only child wanting his or her way (and frankly, I think many onlies and parents of onlies would find that stereotype offensive).

I think a more helpful way to look at it might be like this....I am an only child, and do find that my boundaries about "what's mine and what's yours" are more rigid, or well-defined/black & white than others. It is not that I don't share or won't share, I'm happy to share, but as an adult I expect people to ask. Here's an example, my husband and I were first getting used to living together and he ate something I had put in the refrigerator from a meal out the night before. He thought nothing of it. That wasn't mine, in his eyes, it was in the refrigerator, it was food, it was for eating. Perhaps that boy has similar rigid boundaries, OP, while you and your kids don't have them. So, that doesn't make his or yours wrong, just different. DH and I resolved it--he now expects that if I put something in the frig, and it's there more than a day, it's fair game and I can't complain if he eats it.

[hellokitty]

I would caution against generalizing about only children that way. I don't think you can attribute it to an only child wanting his or her way (and frankly, I think many onlies and parents of onlies would find that stereotype offensive).

I think a more helpful way to look at it might be like this....I am an only child, and do find that my boundaries about "what's mine and what's yours" are more rigid, or well-defined/black & white than others. It is not that I don't share or won't share, I'm happy to share, but as an adult I expect people to ask. Here's an example, my husband and I were first getting used to living together and he ate something I had put in the refrigerator from a meal out the night before. He thought nothing of it. That wasn't mine, in his eyes, it was in the refrigerator, it was food, it was for eating. Perhaps that boy has similar rigid boundaries, OP, while you and your kids don't have them. So, that doesn't make his or yours wrong, just different. DH and I resolved it--he now expects that if I put something in the frig, and it's there more than a day, it's fair game and I can't complain if he eats it.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to generalize. However, I wanted to point out that the other family is probably not used to multiple kids and the dynamics involved and that may be why they approached the situation in a, "bizarre" way. I'm not saying all families of onlies do this, and I'm not saying it's wrong, but it may be their perspective. I'm sorry if anyone here was offended by it. This was not meant as an attack on family of onlies. Just pointing out that it may have played a part in the way things played out.

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[JBaxter]

I find it really odd. In honesty I would probably let my kids know and the other little boy know we were taking a break for a couple weeks from playing at each others house.

[maybeebaby08]

I find it odd, bizarre, weird. Whatever you want to call it. I'm not walking my 8 yo down the street to a house he's very familiar with during dinnertime to ask for a stick. I understand that he might have gotten attached to it but he would've learned that 1. It's dinnertime, not ok to interrupt. 2. It's a stick 3. Go find another a stick. 4. If you need it that badly, go down at appropriate time to ask.

If the child has special needs or was younger ( which I'm guessing the special needs are not applicable because he spends so much time at OP's house) then I would have called and said I know this is a little quirky DC really wants that stick would it be ok if he came to get it? An 8yo is old even to go down and ask or know that there shouldn't be a tantrum over a stick.


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[Green_Tea]

The kid being attached to a stick? I don't find that weird at all (but for the record, I don't think the OP did either). The dad coming over and asking for the stick back without cracking a smile, smirking, winking or otherwise letting OP know that it was ridiculous for him to be the one asking for the stick back for his 8 yr old? Yes - definitely bizarre

I agree.

[magnoliaparadise]

Yes, I think the vibe is what makes it bizarre. If the kid's really tired, upset, etc., he's not going to be a good self-advocate. I'd go, but I would acknowledge the ludicrousness of asking for a stick and make it a pleasant, neighborly conversation. It sounds like a humorless demand. Of course, maybe dad has no social skills? Or is really fond of sticks himself? Maybe it's really *his* stick...

This. I would TRY not to be involved and I would at least tell my kid that I wouldn't get involved until the next day. If my kid insisted and was upset the next day and for some reason I really felt like this stick was special to my child, I might (might) go over to the other house - honestly, I can't imagine doing that, especially for an 8 yo - but IF I did, hard to imagine, but if so, I would be very apologetic and humorous in a 'Aren't children insane, I am so sorry for asking this, I am just trying to bring calm to my very upset child' kind of a way - not an entitled gruff 'eh, you, you took my stick outta my yard' rude way.

But yes, on the face of it - odd.
And I don't begrudge your SIX year old for not wanting to return it. I think you did a really nice, respectful thing on behalf of your child not to make him give it back right then and there.
But an adult demanding the stick? And worse, an adult who should feel grateful for all that you are doing for his kid or at least wanting to keep good feelings between the households given that your kids play together all the time? Bizarre.

You know... something about this family feels off. The father should at least be gracious given that your kids are friends and play a lot together, never mind that you do so much for their son. I personally would tell my kids to take a break from this boy, or make plans with other kids for awhile to give a break. It's not the 8 yo boys fault, but... something feels off about this family and I would be wary. At the very least, I hope that I would limit the number of hours the boy spent in my house for at least awhile and be clear about boundaries (making him go home at snack and lunch time, etc).

[Gena]

I just read this whole thread and honestly, I'm not sure if I should be amused or saddened by some of the reactions here.

I admit that that my perspective may be skewed. DS is austistic. Most of the families we hang out with have kids with autism and/or other disabilities. In my world, what the OP describes would not even make it into the top 20 of unusual behaviors or odd parental requests. In my circle, "bizarre behavior" is reserved for the type of stuff that calls for professional intervention. The situation with the stick is nowhere close to that.

[daisysmom]

I just read this whole thread and honestly, I'm not sure if I should be amused or saddened by some of the reactions here.

I admit that that my perspective may be skewed. DS is austistic. Most of the families we hang out with have kids with autism and/or other disabilities. In my world, what the OP describes would not even make it into the top 20 of unusual behaviors or odd parental requests. In my circle, "bizarre behavior" is reserved for the type of stuff that calls for professional intervention. The situation with the stick is nowhere close to that.

I am similarly kinda troubled by the thread. I know that PP didn't mean offense by the only-child comments but the fact that the 8 year old was an only child to me was not at all determinitive (but I don't know the child obviously, so maybe in real life it is). OP's son took the stick to his bedroom and refused to give it back even though he found it in someone else's yard. I don't think that the 8 year old boy was any more bizarre than the OPs son, but I find both of their behavior's equally typical and non troubling. We play at a lot of houses and have a lot of kids at our house. Our rule is generally what is found at someone's house stays at that person's house.

[ChristinaLucia]

Yes, but a 46 year old man came to ask for it back? Thats the bizarre part. If my kid wanted his stick back I would have told him to go over and ask for it back himself. I wouldnt be a part of that.

This. Totally!

[anamika]

I am similarly kinda troubled by the thread. I know that PP didn't mean offense by the only-child comments but the fact that the 8 year old was an only child to me was not at all determinitive (but I don't know the child obviously, so maybe in real life it is). OP's son took the stick to his bedroom and refused to give it back even though he found it in someone else's yard. I don't think that the 8 year old boy was any more bizarre than the OPs son, but I find both of their behavior's equally typical and non troubling. We play at a lot of houses and have a lot of kids at our house. Our rule is generally what is found at someone's house stays at that person's house.


:yeahthat: word for word. I am always surprised by how many posters feel the need to add that so-and-so is an only child when it does not seem to have any bearing on the case (at least to me as a mom of an only).
This whole thing would not have fazed me at all - though maybe my standards are different as the mom of an only ;) Kids are kids - we see a stick, they see a sword or a wand or a light saber :) Who knows what it meant to him?

[mommy111]

I am similarly kinda troubled by the thread. I know that PP didn't mean offense by the only-child comments but the fact that the 8 year old was an only child to me was not at all determinitive (but I don't know the child obviously, so maybe in real life it is). OP's son took the stick to his bedroom and refused to give it back even though he found it in someone else's yard. I don't think that the 8 year old boy was any more bizarre than the OPs son, but I find both of their behavior's equally typical and non troubling. We play at a lot of houses and have a lot of kids at our house. Our rule is generally what is found at someone's house stays at that person's house.
:yeahthat: Not odd. And dad's visit? I'd write it off as a different parenting style/philosophy, not as weird. I wouldn't do that. My best friend totally would. We just differ in how we parent.

[Gracemom]

This is such a timely thread! My 7 year old DS and his friends have had many "discussions" about ownership of sticks lately. It's driving me crazy! He has 2 prized sticks right now in the backyard: one in the shape of a gun, and one in the shape of a sword. He would absolutely want it back if a friend took it. Would I go over to the friend's house to get it back? Hell no. I don't think my DH would either, even though he really doesn't have much common sense about these types of issues. If my DS wanted it back, I would have him go over and ask for it politely. Even then, I would feel odd about it. Kids are weird when they get attached to stuff.

OP, do you have a good relationship with the boy's mom? I would be so tempted to mention something about it to her like, "Can you believe how attached boys get to sticks? What's up with that??" and hear her perspective on it.

[sunnyside]

This thread reminds me of a "Do Your Kids Watch TV" post where so many moms of single 18 month olds are like, "absolutely not, tv is terrible, the AAP says that tv rots your brain" whereas moms of older kids may soften their stance about this. Age perspective is needed here. It's really hard for moms of younger kids to realize this (myself included). For the record, I would be pissed to holy h$ll if someone rang my doorbell in the middle of dinner to get a stick. Homework, a jacket, a baseball glove or even a favorite ball, sure.

I'm the person you are referring to starting that thread, and you are completely misrepresenting the thread, and me. I'm not the mother of an 18 month old. I'm the full time working (at the time of that post, though I was laid off this month) single mother of a 3 year old, who is simultaneously building two businesses. Believe me, I may have one child, but I am plenty busy. I also studied child development and developmental psychology, and taught for 15 years, so am not ignorant. I also have no problem with people watching TV, and I couldn't care less what the AAP says.

Lots of judgment in this thread.

[Kindra178]

I'm the person you are referring to starting that thread, and you are completely misrepresenting the thread, and me. I'm not the mother of an 18 month old. I'm the full time working (at the time of that post, though I was laid off this month) single mother of a 3 year old, who is simultaneously building two businesses. Believe me, I may have one child, but I am plenty busy. I also studied child development and developmental psychology, and taught for 15 years, so am not ignorant. I also have no problem with people watching TV, and I couldn't care less what the AAP says.

Lots of judgment in this thread.

I am sorry I offended you. Not my intention. I also pm'ed you.

[Momit]

I hate to even comment and keep this going since it has become so heated, but I just want to say that for many posters (myself included) the opinion that the situation was strange/odd whatever is based on the dad's behavior NOT the kids. Assuming both kids are neurotypical, many people found it odd that the dad would come over at dinnertime to demand the stick back. Clearly it was an important stick to both kids, but I think as parents we need to realize that there are two sides to any story. If we rush to confront another parent or a teacher every time our kid presents a one-sided view of a conflict, we will be very busy but we won't necessarily be teaching our kids to cope (again, assuming kids involved are neurotypical. Obviously it's a much different situation if one or both kids is not).

[janine]

I hate to even comment and keep this going since it has become so heated, but I just want to say that for many posters (myself included) the opinion that the situation was strange/odd whatever is based on the dad's behavior NOT the kids. Assuming both kids are neurotypical, many people found it odd that the dad would come over at dinnertime to demand the stick back. Clearly it was an important stick to both kids, but I think as parents we need to realize that there are two sides to any story. If we rush to confront another parent or a teacher every time our kid presents a one-sided view of a conflict, we will be very busy but we won't necessarily be teaching our kids to cope (again, assuming kids involved are neurotypical. Obviously it's a much different situation if one or both kids is not).

I think that's fair! Of course the dad actually coming over and making that kind of request is random and probably uncalled for..I'd be rolling my eyes inside too. My beef was with what I *thought* was a knee jerk reaction to calling the child weird or bizarre which seemed a bit unfair. And wanting a stick back didn't really seem weird at all to me in the spectrum of odd behavior. Even the dad - yea unnessary and maybe inapprorpriate decision to interrupt a neighbor over this, but still not the weirdest thing I've seen among aduts (who definitely are usually more the problem than the kids!!). I actually find the fact that the child is always over at the OP's house the weirdest part! Anyway, just explaining my POV, totally get what you're saying. And my eldest is 5 so maybe things do change by 8 but my 2 are always fighting over inanimate objects. How apppealing an item is is dependent on how much the other one wants it!

[indigo99]

I hate to even comment and keep this going since it has become so heated, but I just want to say that for many posters (myself included) the opinion that the situation was strange/odd whatever is based on the dad's behavior NOT the kids.

I agree with this. I do find it odd, but I wouldn't have been mad. Answering the door to a neighbor during dinner time isn't a big deal to me even if it is just about a stick. I tend to agree that it was an opportunity for the Dad to teach the kid something, but we don't all parent the same way or take the same opportunities to do so. If the kid was carrying on and on about it then I could see a parent not thinking it was a big deal to just get the stick back and resolve the problem.

Also, I thought that OP mentioned that the boy is an only child in relation to the fact that this was an argument with basically his only local playmate so saying that he wouldn't play with him again was a bit dramatic and not true. A child with siblings does usually have more options than playing alone.