It's time..I'm pulling back...

[niccig]

DS wants to use the men's restroom all the time. Depending on where we are, he uses the men's or I make him come into the women's restroom. He's 9, but small so can pass as a 7 year old. Last time we were out, no one said or looked at him, but he looked so uncomfortable being in there. We talked. We now have rules:

1. only use the stall
2. no talking to anyone
3. if feels uncomfortable at all, he's to come straight out/yell for me.
4. I'll be waiting outside by door and if he's taking too long, I'll be yelling out/coming in.
5. Some places, we'll find the family restroom or he'll have to use the women's restroom eg. LAX airport - no way, no how is my 9 yo going to the men's restroom there by himself.

Anyone else have any rules to add.

[JElaineB]

Sounds good to me. It's a tough one! I had a near panic attack a couple years ago when DS took a minute too long at an aiport men's room. After that I have always looked up where the family restrooms are at airports ahead of time, and will go out of my way to use them.

[KpbS]

Right there with you including the 9.5 yo who could pass as a 7 yo. Your rules sound good. I especially appreciate # 3. We had a scare at church a couple of months ago when he apparently had to wait in line for a while. Freaked me out! I agree, it's time.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Sounds good to me. I frequenty call in, even if it hasn't been long...just to let everyone present know that mom is paying attention. :)

[niccig]

Sounds good to me. It's a tough one! I had a near panic attack a couple years ago when DS took a minute too long at an aiport men's room. After that I have always looked up where the family restrooms are at airports ahead of time, and will go out of my way to use them.

That's a good idea. I'll do that when traveling by myself with DS.


Right there with you including the 9.5 yo who could pass as a 7 yo. Your rules sound good. I especially appreciate # 3. We had a scare at church a couple of months ago when he apparently had to wait in line for a while. Freaked me out! I agree, it's time.

I'll add another rule - come out and tell me if there's a line so I know it'll take a little longer.



Sounds good to me. I frequenty call in, even if it hasn't been long...just to let everyone present know that mom is paying attention. :)
I was planning to do that, then my therapist mentioned how that may embarrass DS, and I think it would. So I think I'll call in sometimes, but it'll depend on situation. There's some place he's been using and I'm fine with those.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Ds1 hasn't mentioned being annoyed or embarrassed. I expect he would. I say more things like, "DS, I'll be by the water fountain when you're done". Always a work in progress.

[Globetrotter]

BTDT! I've resigned myself to the fact that he will go into the men's room, but one thing I learned from the BBB: As he goes in, say really loudly: "(insert name), I'll be waiting here for you!" That should discourage any unsavory characters..

[ShanaMama]

BTDT! I've resigned myself to the fact that he will go into the men's room, but one thing I learned from the BBB: As he goes in, say really loudly: "(insert name), I'll be waiting here for you!" That should discourage any unsavory characters..
I would actually leave out his name. Maybe just "honey, I'll be waiting here" or something. Along the lines of not personalizing briefcases. I'm paranoid like that & wouldn't want anyone else hearing his name.

OP, good luck with the transition. You sound prepared & most importantly you are listening to your son & showing him that you trust him & listen to him.

[niccig]

Ds1 hasn't mentioned being annoyed or embarrassed. I expect he would. I say more things like, "DS, I'll be by the water fountain when you're done". Always a work in progress.

Now that would be fine. I was thinking I'd be more like, "Hurry up, DS, what are you doing in there?" kind of embarrassing.

[hillview]

I send my 8 year old in (he looks 10) and he is a TOTAL rule follower. I don't specify the stall but rules are
- no talking to anyone
- come right out
- if you are going poop I need to know and we go somewhere else
- if you take longer than I think you should I will yell for you

[cilantromapuche]

like a PP I yell in. I love it that there are family bathrooms in lots of places like airports, etc.

[hellokitty]

I have a 10 yr old who looks like a 7-8 yr old in size. Yeah, I have similar rules to what you do, except that since I also have an 8 yr old, I usually make both of them go together, if possible. I did not make a rule about the stall though. I guess I would actually be more worried about them being in a stall, than using the urinals. I've heard about boys being molested in the stalls, so I guess that's why it freaks me out, b/c at least around the urinals, there are other men around and I have some faith that if a man witness another man/boy, "doing" something to a boy, that he would at least say something or step in. Oh and I also yell One time DS1 had trouble turning on the sink faucet and a guy that came out first informed me that he helped my son with it, which is fine, but I'm sure he probably felt the need to inform me too, b/c I was hovering right outside he men's room waiting for DS.

[katerinasmom]

I have girls so it may be a little different. But when their father or my fiance has them by himself and they must use a public restroom I tell them that they must sing. I don't care what they are singing but the moment they stop singing dad or stepdad will be calling in to the bathroom to check on them. They love to sing and my oldest is only 9. I don't know how long it will work. I think the older one may soon find this embarrassing.

[g-mama]

On a bit of a side note, I went into the ladies room this past weekend at our local nursery. There are two stalls and it's a very small bathroom. I'm in one stall and I hear people come in and then a man's voice talking to his daughters. I opened the door and the dad was standing six inches away from my face. It was SO awkward! He had two dd's - about 4 and 8, I'd say. I didn't like it, but I was more surprised that while I was drying my hands, their mom then walks in and says, "Hey guys, are you almost done?" So the mom was right there and available! I've never had a dad come into the womens' bathroom and it was very uncomfortable.

[elliput]

Just this past Fall, 5 yo DS discovered that there were "boys" and "girls" restrooms, it has been the bane of my existence since. Most of the time I can get him to come in the ladies room with me, but sometimes he insists on the men's room. I do stand right outside and yell at him to hurry up.

[MamaInMarch]

I have girls so it may be a little different. But when their father or my fiance has them by himself and they must use a public restroom I tell them that they must sing. I don't care what they are singing but the moment they stop singing dad or stepdad will be calling in to the bathroom to check on them. They love to sing and my oldest is only 9. I don't know how long it will work. I think the older one may soon find this embarrassing.

My friend did this with her 2 (one boy, one girl) and I thought it was genius. It's my plan, too.

[stinkyfeet]

Great tips!! The boys still go with me to the ladies room, but I have been anxious about this for quite some time.

[KrystalS]

My DS is only 3.5 and already hates going in the girl's bathroom! I find family ones as often as I can because there is no way I'm allowing him in the men's bathroom alone anytime soon!

[BunnyBee]

DH has been explaining public restroom etiquette for men (apparently a nuanced artform involving which urinal to choose, how many to skip, proper stall utilization... ;) ) for many years. DS would never ever sing in public and would be completely mortified if I called attention to him in any way. We've treated it like public safety 101. You feel uncomfortable, leave. Someone feels creepy to you, leave. He knows how to find a safe adult in public situations.

[Globetrotter]

I would actually leave out his name. Maybe just "honey, I'll be waiting here" or something.

Come to think of it, I don't actually say the name but a loud "I'll be waiting right here."

[Tondi G]

My now just turned 9 yr old has been using the mens room for about a year I would say. Luckily for me, I have a 12 yr old that is 6 feet tall and I often send him in with his brother. There have been a few occasions with both of my boys once they started to use the mens room without me that I've called out. "Hey ____, I'm waiting right outside alright" or "hey buddy, everything cool in there"... usually I get an annoyed sounding response "Fine Mom, just washing my hands!". I remember one of the first times DS1 used the mens room alone. I was waiting outside and I must have looked a little anxious as a man exited the restroom. He said "He's just washing his hands" and smiled. I told him thanks for looking out! There are places that I will not allow my 9 yr old to go into the bathroom alone. He needs to either be with me in the ladies room or with his brother or his dad in the men's room.

sounds like you have a good list of rules there. It takes time to get comfortable giving your kids a little independence .... but they do have to grow up eventually. :)

[AnnieW625]

DH and DD1 had this convo. as well because DD1 said she was more comfortable going into the women's bathroom alone when she is just with DH. She is 8, but started wanting to go to the womens room on her own last summer, so almost 7/1/2. Thankfully DD1 goes in and does her business and gets out quick according to DH.