Wealthy, but cheap friends

[blisstwins]

DS is very good friends with a boy from a well-off family. Father own a company, mother works for a bank, homes in Dominican Republic, ski resort, and a weekend place. I am going to drive the two to camp this summer, but due to some of my children's scheduling they will have to hire someone to drive their son 2 afternoons a week from the camp to me (and then I will drive everyone back from there). The total amount is less than $100 a week (very high cost of living area). Apparently this is an issue. I am paying tolls and gas, and it is less than bus service. It is just so random and now I feel so bad trying to make everything work. I just cannot be in two places at once....

[bisous]

What? They think YOU should pay the cost? That is cheap! You sound like you are doing a ton for them! Are they paying you??

[blisstwins]

What? They think YOU should pay the cost? That is cheap! You sound like you are doing a ton for them! Are they paying you??

No. They don't think I should pay the cost, but we are going to have to hire someone to drive 30 minutes (gas+tolls+their return trip twice a week). This will cost about $30 a day and they are very surprised it is so expensive, her husband won't be happy about this. I am making all the other aspects of this work. Money is not an issue. They are just randomly cheap, especially when it coming to paying working people, and it drives me crazy.

[Melaine]

No. They don't think I should pay the cost, but we are going to have to hire someone to drive 30 minutes (gas+tolls+their return trip twice a week). This will cost about $30 a day and they are very surprised it is so expensive, her husband won't be happy about this. I am making all the other aspects of this work. Money is not an issue. They are just randomly cheap, especially when it coming to paying working people, and it drives me crazy.

Wow. how unbelievably stingy. I would be steamed over this. I have known people like this and it is disgusting being around them.

[blisstwins]

Wow. how unbelievably stingy. I would be steamed over this. I have known people like this and it is disgusting being around them.

Yes. I like these people and my son adores their son. They are VERY GENEROUS. The always try to grab the bill if we eat out, for example. But the total cost for transport for them will be $60. If I was not doing the driving and they used a bus it would be $100. They knew there would be some cost, but they are surprised by the amount. They will pay it, but I now feel so bad because of their reaction and I have been trying really hard to puzzle out the logistics of this to make it work for the kids. Grrr....

[georgiegirl]

I'm guessing they had some idea in their heads of his much they think it should cost and the actual amount far exceeds that.

[hellokitty]

I'm guessing they had some idea in their heads of his much they think it should cost and the actual amount far exceeds that.

I agree with the above. I would be surprised too, if total transport cost $60 for one child. I don't think that this is a case of being cheap. I think it is that they have sticker shock.

[blisstwins]

Curious. To hire someone for 2x a week for one hour, driving 30 minutes+gas+tolls what would you expect to offer that person? We are in a very high cost of living area and it is not easy to find someone.

[boolady]

I really don't know. I do know, because someone just told me, that door-to-door drop off and pickup for the very expensive summer camps, with about 30 minutes each way, is $50 per week per child, so $10 per day. That is by van, though, so the same van load, at least in this person's case, had 4 kids. Also a HCOL area.

I do think $60 for 2 30-minute drives is costly.

[123LuckyMom]

I really don't know. I do know, because someone just told me, that door-to-door drop off and pickup for the very expensive summer camps, with about 30 minutes each way, is $50 per week per child, so $10 per day. That is by van, though, so the same van load, at least in this person's case, had 4 kids. Also a HCOL area.

I do think $60 for 2 30-minute drives is costly.

I agree. Just because you have money doesn't mean you like to be cheated or to overpay. If I were in your shoes I would say, "I know it's expensive, but it's the only option I could find. Would you be willing to do a little research to see if you can find a less expensive option I might have missed?" That way she'll understand if it really is the only option, and if not, you both can pay less.

[daisysmom]

I know a lot of well-off people that got that way because they were very careful about not overspending money, so I really don't think I would call them cheap or stingy. I think I live in a HCOL area and the nanny rate is $15-16 an hour. I would think that you could hire a babysitter to drive them for and just pay a cheaper hourly rate and add in something for gas and tolls. Are you thinking of hiring a professional driver?

[HannaAddict]

Wow. how unbelievably stingy. I would be steamed over this. I have known people like this and it is disgusting being around them.

Disgusting it pretty strong. We are very well off and not cheap at all, but $30 a day for transport to a camp would give me pause or I might make a comment about it even if I paid the $$. I'm surprised at this reaction as in this board I'm usually one who spend way, waymore than the average based on posts about tipping, weddings, birthday gifts, sitters, or other things!

[HannaAddict]

I agree with the above. I would be surprised too, if total transport cost $60 for one child. I don't think that this is a case of being cheap. I think it is that they have sticker shock.

Yes to this!

[boolady]

I know a lot of well-off people that got that way because they were very careful about not overspending money, so I really don't think I would call them cheap or stingy. I think I live in a HCOL area and the nanny rate is $15-16 an hour. I would think that you could hire a babysitter to drive them for and just pay a cheaper hourly rate and add in something for gas and tolls. Are you thinking of hiring a professional driver?

Yep. I don't think that because people have a lot of money means they still shouldn't care about value for the price.

[StantonHyde]

I'm confused--it's an hour every day or is it 30 mins of driving?? I pay $15 an hour for a babysitter. I would pay that and then add in tolls. I would pay gas for a drive longer than 20 mins each way. That would be MAX of $30 so $15 a kid.

I understand that there are not a lot of options and that this is what you found. I am just saying that I would have sticker shock.

[kristenk]

I think I'm a little confused, too. Depending on the details, $60 might be horrible and it might not be too bad.

Is it only their son who needs a ride 2 days a week (not yours)?
How far is the drive each day?
How much will tolls be?

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't even understand how this arrangement came about. If they don't like it, why don't they handle their own transportation arrangements?

I do agree that just b/c people have money, doesn't mean they can or should spend freely.

[KrisM]

I don't even understand how this arrangement came about. If they don't like it, why don't they handle their own transportation arrangements?

I do agree that just b/c people have money, doesn't mean they can or should spend freely.

Yeah, that. I also agree that many people become wealthy because they don't spend money freely.

[specialp]

....but we are going to have to hire someone to drive 30 minutes (gas+tolls+their return trip twice a week). This will cost about $30 a day ....

So is it 30 minutes of actual transportation time with the kids per day? And then you are including in the driver's return trip back to his/her home (without kids) to get to the 60 minutes per trip? Trying to understand.

[abh5e8]

I don't even understand how this arrangement came about. If they don't like it, why don't they handle their own transportation arrangements?

I do agree that just b/c people have money, doesn't mean they can or should spend freely.

yes to this, all of this. I am on the receiving end of this attitude from my family and it drives me nuts!

[twowhat?]

Are they making you feel bad about it?? Cuz that really stinks. Or are they just venting to you about the cost because you're a good friend?

[crayonblue]

yes to this, all of this. I am on the receiving end of this attitude from my family and it drives me nuts!

If you mean that you are on the receiving end of the attitude that if you are "rich" you ought to freely spend, then yes, I'm right there with you! I just LOVE how family members wait around for DH or me to pay. Funny thing is that the least likely person to do that, the one person who always tries to help us pay, is my special needs brother who lives on disability and hands out samples at Sam's for extra income! Ok, rant over.

OP, I'm confused as well as to the specifics but I like what a PP said about suggesting they look around for ride options if they feel $60 is too much.

[Globetrotter]

Wait.. you are doing them a FAVOR by driving their kid to camp? This is not even a carpool. In that case, they need to figure out other options and not grumble to you about it, though it would be okay if they were expressing surprise at the cost. I do agree that even well off people can and should be particular about spending. We live well within our means so we can save aggressively, but I also know we are blessed to be able to do this.

It might be cheaper to hire a babysitter to do this, but IME (second hand) it is really hard to find trustworthy babysitters, esp. for something as small as this.

[blisstwins]

No, they are not making me feel bad about it--just that initial call.

To clarify:

I am driving all 3 children to and from camp. It is pretty far.

Their child will stay at the camp later than my kids because of different afternoon activities. I will then drive everyone home.

We don't want their child to be bored waiting for mine, hence the different camp end times.

Twice a week for 3 weeks we need someone responsible to drive about 15 miles in traffic to bring their child from camp to me. I will then continue the drive and take all three home. This is a very limited engagement, hence no sitter.

The person will pick up and be responsible for their child only--this is not a case of sharing a van.

The total cost for the week will be about $60. If they used another camp the bus would be $100, albeit for more transport. Still, overall, they are still saving money.

I volunteered to do this because I know the area and have people I can call to recommend people for this. It is work on my part, but my son loves their son and I otherwise like this family. They are usually generous and we have a lot in common.

I don't like thinking I have to call in favors, vet a driver, and then quibble over $5-10 a week when it is not a case of a long-term arrangement or something that is challenging financially.

These are good people. I just feel bad about the whole mess and angry at the same time. FWIW, I asked other people in the area what they thought was fair and they said they did not know how we would get someone to do it for less than $35. A cab would cost 2X.

[KrisM]

No chance their kid can just leave early with your kids those days? That would eliminate the need for them to meet up with you elsewhere, right?

[twowhat?]

Yeah you've done more than your part. I like the PPs idea to say that you've tried to find a cheaper option but can't and ask them if they could take a stab at it. They're the ones that should be hashing out the logistics since you're doing the huge favor!!

[SnuggleBuggles]

It just seems like a hassle all around to coordinate rides. Just take care of your kids and be done. With apologies that it didn't work out.

[blisstwins]

No, no...it was just one conversation with people I really like. My son likes their son so much and this experience means so much to him that I would move mountains to make it work. This family is otherwise generous. Maybe they were just surprised. I don't know. I think I overreacted because I have been trying hard to make this something great and their reaction seemed not pleased. Plus I am incapable of negotiation with regard to money. I think it will work out, but I just hate this stuff and needed to vent!

[sariana]

I hope it works out. Good friends are worth their weight in gold. Good luck.

[SnuggleBuggles]

What would their transportation plan have been if you weren't involved?

[Seitvonzu]

i get trying to make things work out to delight your child. i'm sorry they were grumbly about what you arranged and you felt responsible to them for their reaction. i also tend to take responsibility for everyone's feelings/reactions to things. i'm working on it with my therapist ;) you can't control their reaction or force everything to be perfect. it sounds like you tried your best to make things nice for their family and your kid, but now -- i think you are right to just let them feel what they feel and take it or leave it :)

[HannaAddict]

Can you add activities that your child can do so they leave at the same time? It sounds like you might have suggested the camp, but not sure, and it is hard to be the organizer. I would have a hard time letting someone I didn't know and trust very well drive my child 15 miles in traffic. I have a full time nanny but I do the majority of driving, and all driving to and from horseback riding lessons and horse camp about 30-40 minutes away. That driving gig seems like a hard spot to fill for a one off deal! Good luck.

[AnnieW625]

I don't even understand how this arrangement came about. If they don't like it, why don't they handle their own transportation arrangements?

I do agree that just b/c people have money, doesn't mean they can or should spend freely.

:yeahthat: I wonder if they have consulted with the camp to see if they have this driving service or they just called a local transportation company. Transportation companies charge by the mile and for waiting time like taxis do and add tolls onto that as well and it gets expensive, but there has got to be another option than $60 a day for two kids especially if the camp caters to well off families. What about aftercare?

eta: somehow I didn't see your other response when I was reading this post on tapatalk. I would honestly just bring their kid home with you every time your kids have to leave early. I am sure the boy will be fine when your kids are doing their stuff. I did that plenty of times when I was a kid and my mom couldn't pick me up so another friend's parent picked me up and took me with them while their kids did another activity. I just brought a book, but now they have kindles, DSs, Ipads, Itouchs, etc. to keep them entertained.

[ChristinaLucia]

I agree with you. You went out of your way to help out and tried to find someone responsible for such a short period of time? Sorry they reacted that way. It's weird.

[Melaine]

I was also hazy on the details and the arrangement was confusing to me but let me be clear: I am perfectly familiar with frugal wealthy people and certainly have no problem with any person being careful with their money, no matter how much of it they have. My comment about it being "disgusting to be around them" was specifically in regard to a later comment by OP that they did not want to pay working folks which I extrapolated (perhaps erroneously) to the wealthy customers who are cheap tippers. I stand by my statement: I can't stand being around people like that. My understanding of the situation is that OP was doing a big favor to her friends by driving their child to camp and was researching the best option she could find as a solution to the time problem. If I was in this position I would be grateful and pay the cost without blinking an eye to preserve the friendship, even if I felt it was a high price. It's my opinion that the wealthy friends should have thanked OP and left it at that. Also, because I am terribly paranoid about childcare and car safety, I would probably be uncomfortable with hiring someone random to drive my child, so nitpicking at the cost of something like safe driving arrangements wouldn't even cross my mind.