7 week old - bad sleep associations? Colic? Reflux? Or just high needs?

[nomnom]

I need help. My baby will not sleep by himself! He only wants to be in a baby carrier or nursed until completely passed out ( at which point I may or may not successfully transfer him to his own crib).

Aren't babies this young supposed to be sleepy? I tried many times to put him down to sleep when he's awake but sleepy but he cries bloody murder. The longest I've let him cry is about 10-15min. I've gotten him to sleep after 15min of full blown crying, only to have him wake after 20min or so to another round of intense crying.

When I nurse him to sleep and don't transfer him successfully, he'll cry and cry and cry.

He's not especially spitty (no projectile vomit, etc)- though he does spit up some and is gaseous. I don't think he has reflux but I am just trying to figure out why he doesn't like sleeping. Oh and he's been like this since the beginning. Even the first week of life he would cry if he wasn't held.

I feel like I am sleep walking. I am desperate for more hours of sleep. Please help! Any one relate? Any ideas at all or would be much appreciated.

[Liziz]

I can relate. It sounds like you have a normal 7 week old. My DD loved to sleep....on me. And only on me. I've definitely been there! A couple ideas:

~are you swaddling him? It was an absolute lifesaver for us. We love The Miracle Blanket the most. The key is to make it *tight*....babies that little often feel more secure and do better when they're swaddled.
~do you have a swing or a rock n' play? My DD slept almost exclusively in her swing for the first several months of her life -- she absolutely wouldn't sleep in her crib, but slept much better in the swing. Sometimes we'd let her fall asleep with it on, sometimes I'd put her in it already sleeping. I hear similar good things (from this board!) about using a Rock N Play.
~Do you have any white noise playing in his room? White noise (and pretty loud is okay, even better) helped immensely in getting my DD to sleep.
~Read Happiest Baby on the Block. I read it around week 5 when I was in a similar place to what you're describing. I think it save me! It was a huge help to me, and it's a quick and easy read.
~can you get someone else (DH, friend, family, etc.) to watch your baby for a few hours so you can sleep? Even if that means that you wake up to nurse, then hand off to someone else to hold him for awhile -- a day to catch up on sleep is a lifesaver.

More than anything, hang in there. It's tough having a newborn, and it sounds like you're doing great. Sleep can be so tough, but it will get easier!

[Blue Hydrangea]

I can commiserate- my babies were the same way. By 7 weeks they are definitely more wakeful than those first couple sleepy weeks when they're brand new, and it's natural for them to want to be close and cuddled up to their parents. Do you swaddle? I had luck with swaddling and then nursing, so that I could more successfully transfer the sleepy "baby burrito" to the crib with less chance of them waking up.

[123LuckyMom]

Exactly what Liziz said! Get yourself a copy of The Happiest Baby on The Block. They have a DVD which may be easier for you than trying to read a book, and there's a CD of white noise, too. You want any white noise to be loud. A vacuum cleaner or hairdryer next to the baby is about the level of noise you'll want. Babies tend to prefer annoying white sounds like those, not nice, peaceful sounding ones. They also like motion and the feeling of being contained. Basically you want to recreate as closely as possible the conditions the baby had inside the womb.

Unfortunately many very little babies will not sleep unless they are in physical contact with mom. You cannot sleep train a 7 week old baby. It's not going to help anything or anyone to let the baby cry. There are ways to calm a baby, though, and the book or DVD mentioned above will help immensely. New babies are really, really hard! It will get better, though! When your baby is a few months old, things will be very different.

[mikala]

I agree with the pp about swaddling, swing, rock 'n play, and Happiest Baby on the block. I'd also suggest babywearing to help you feel like you can move around when baby wants to snuggle. I liked the Moby wrap or similar for that age and also loved the Beco Gemini a bit later, maybe 3-4 months?

I remember the exhaustion of the early days well and that feeling like you're always attached 24/7. Ask your partner and friends for help too. One of my friends came over and held my first baby while I took a long shower one morning and then had coffee while we chatted and it was heavenly. I remember thinking it was the best gift I could have received. She was happy to snuggle a little guy and I had a brief moment of freedom. DH and I took turns in the evenings and often watched shows with the volume low while we snuggled baby.

I also had luck cosleeping for naps. I'd clear the bed of covers/extra pillows and nurse baby to sleep beside me and I sometimes fell asleep too or spent quality time with my Kindle.

[hellbennt]

Peruse through infantreflux.org
-not all babies have reflux- check out the colic info there, I have an article from the author of colic solved- I agree w/ all if the above: babywearing , happiest baby on the block, nursing on demand (should be baby-led nursing, lol), etc...How're poops? 'Normal' mustard/seedy? You said 'gaseous' - foul-smelling? Painful? Skin? Rashes? Excema, cradle cap?
hang in there, mama.

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[Katigre]

I need help. My baby will not sleep by himself! He only wants to be in a baby carrier or nursed until completely passed out ( at which point I may or may not successfully transfer him to his own crib).

Aren't babies this young supposed to be sleepy? I tried many times to put him down to sleep when he's awake but sleepy but he cries bloody murder. The longest I've let him cry is about 10-15min. I've gotten him to sleep after 15min of full blown crying, only to have him wake after 20min or so to another round of intense crying.

When I nurse him to sleep and don't transfer him successfully, he'll cry and cry and cry.

He's not especially spitty (no projectile vomit, etc)- though he does spit up some and is gaseous. I don't think he has reflux but I am just trying to figure out why he doesn't like sleeping. Oh and he's been like this since the beginning. Even the first week of life he would cry if he wasn't held.

I feel like I am sleep walking. I am desperate for more hours of sleep. Please help! Any one relate? Any ideas at all or would be much appreciated.
Babies like to be held - especially newborns who are comforted by the smell and warmth of another person, especially mama. I would do the following:

1. Reframe it in your mind as 'normal' and 'healthy' that he is drawn to human contact and wants you to rest deeply - this will change as he gets older. Right now, being held is a need he has - please don't leave him to cry. Changing your mindset can make a big difference.

2. Figure out how to get the rest you need. For me, nursing laying down in a safe cosleeping environment helped SO MUCH in my baby's needs being met and my needs being met. At 7 weeks he should be able to nurse while you lay down next to him quite easily (I started this at just a few days old or less and it was a huge difference).

3. I nursed to sleep all the time with my babies and don't regret it a bit - it was so nice and a great tool. None of my kids nurse to sleep now except the 4 month old ;). All are great sleepers.

4. Do you have a Rock n Play? A swaddle? Happiest Baby on the Block?

5. Have you considered a chiropracter for an adjustment? They're very gentle on babies - but if your baby had an especially hard birth he may be more easily agitated/uncomfortable which means he isn't able to rest peacefully (hence needing your arms to help).

IT WILL GET BETTER - promise!

[nomnom]

Thank you so much for your responses! I am part of a large mommy group on FB and it seems like all of the other babies my LO's age are self-soothing and sleeping 7-8 hours at a time. That's also what made me wonder if I was overlooking an underlying issue like reflux, though he doesn't seem to exhibit the classic signs.

I will try to swaddle again and see if some of the other ideas mentioned will help. We do have a swing and a bouncer, but both were rejected by my LO. He also doesn't care for the car seat. The exception is when the car is in motion. Once it stops (even at a red light), we are back to the crying.

And I will check out that website, hellbennt.

Thank you all for taking the time out to encourage this over-tired mama! I really appreciate it.

[DualvansMommy]

DS2 was like that to a point, I would hold him as much I could. He never slept in his crib for first 6 months of his life, but in his rock and play swing.

That WAS a lifesaver! Second was swaddling him really really tight, upon transferring him to a crib it helped him to stay or fall asleep against white noise we had in his room.

Hang in there! Also DS2 had eczema which was probably cause of his discomfort in his early months. Once DX and treated he became much better at sleeping.


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[SnuggleBuggles]

I can't imagine a 7 week old self soothing. My ds1 did sleep through the night at that age- ds2 totally didn't! Luck of the draw. A newborn doesn't/ shouldn't be sleep trained, IMO. You aren't setting up a habit by nursing to sleep or holding. At this age, you need to do whatever you can to stay rested (but without cry it out). If you know what will put baby to sleep, do it. :). And enlist your partner to wear baby and take some of the work.

[pastrygirl]

The ones that sleep and self-soothe are an anolomy!! (In my experience, anyway. I had very bad sleepers, and only survived by co-sleeping and babywearing. Yes, every nap was ON ME.)

ETA: both of mine had reflux, but meds never helped with their sleep issues.

[BDKmom]

All of this sounds pretty typical for a 7 wk old, IME. Even my awesome sleeper DS didn't start settling in until 9-10 weeks. And my DD didn't really STTN until 9 mos, and is still up most nights at least once at 2.5 yrs.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm glad we could help you know that your friends' babies are unusual, and yours is NORMAL! Reading the chiropractic suggestion above reminded me to recommend Cranio Sacral therapy. It's gentler than chiropractic and works very, very well for sleep and feeding issues. BTW, if your friends are trying to sleep train their babies, they need a little education. I love Ferber's methods and used them very successfully with my children, but I didn't guess at how to do it. I bought and read the book. He explains why sleep training should never be attempted with a baby younger than six months old. Even that is very early. We trained ours at 10 months. No baby is capable of "self-soothing" at 7 weeks. A baby might have a very placid temperament and be a good sleeper, but not one is reasoning his or her way to happiness.

[nomnom]

How early should I be setting up a routine and good sleep habits? For example, when should I stop nursing to sleep? I'm thinking there's an age where it will become a sleep association that could become hard to break.

[goldenpig]

You may want to try eliminating dairy (and possibly soy) from your diet. All of my kids were poor sleepers and had "silent" reflux (not big spitters) but it turned out to be milk protein intolerance (and milk and soy protein for my littlest). They did so much better when I eliminated all dairy (and this time soy as well) from my diet. It's hard for them to sleep well when there is a medical reason for it. Some have said that up to half of all cases of "colic" are due to reflux and/or protein intolerances. I wouldn't worry about sleep training at such a young age.

[pastrygirl]

How early should I be setting up a routine and good sleep habits? For example, when should I stop nursing to sleep? I'm thinking there's an age where it will become a sleep association that could become hard to break.

It's not something you *have* to break. I never did and everything ended up fine. I always nursed to sleep.

[SnuggleBuggles]

How early should I be setting up a routine and good sleep habits? For example, when should I stop nursing to sleep? I'm thinking there's an age where it will become a sleep association that could become hard to break.

I don't think habits are really formed til 6+ months. Until then, they are still in cat nap sleeping style and you aren't going to mess up their sleep ability. Of course, I always nursed to sleep because it's easy and it works!!!! By 7-9 months, the boys wouldn't fall asleep nursing anymore so we just put them down awake. They played til they fell asleep. So, despite always nursing to sleep, it never once became an issue.

[Katigre]

How early should I be setting up a routine and good sleep habits? For example, when should I stop nursing to sleep? I'm thinking there's an age where it will become a sleep association that could become hard to break.
I stopped nursing to sleep when it stopped working, around a year old for each child. No regrets at all - I have so many precious memories of cuddling and nursing a sleeping baby. I'm doing it all again with #4 :). For me the most important sleep habit is putting your child to sleep when they're tired and making sure they get adequate sleep - that can be done in arms and at the breast just as well as in a crib.

[Liziz]

I stopped nursing to sleep when it stopped working, around a year old for each child. No regrets at all - I have so many precious memories of cuddling and nursing a sleeping baby. I'm doing it all again with #4 :). For me the most important sleep habit is putting your child to sleep when they're tired and making sure they get adequate sleep - that can be done in arms and at the breast just as well as in a crib.

This was me, too. I nursed DD to sleep almost every night until she was just under a year -- and when we stopped, it was because she wasn't falling asleep to it anymore, not something I had to break her of. I struggled with this one early on -- I felt like I "should" stop doing the nurse to sleep, and that I was creating bad sleep habits....but then I also realized I enjoyed nursing her to sleep, and that it was a million times easier to put her to bed that way, too. I know it doesn't work like this for every child, but DD would fall asleep nursing, and then I'd un-latch her -- it would usually wake her up a bit, but then I'd hold her until she fell asleep again -- or put her in her crib and "cradle" her in the crib with my arms (easier to extrract myself vs. transferring to the crib later).

I've also learned from DD that learning that "self-soothing" is an on and off skill. DD couldn't do it at all early in life (and we didn't really try). Then, around 10 months, we did some CIO (which was a couple rough days but not much more, for us...worth it) that resulted in DD being able to fully put herself to sleep (i.e. - I could leave her in her crib awake and she'd go to sleep w/o crying). So I thought we were golden....until we hit age 2, where all of a sudden she lost all capability (or, more likely, desire) to put herself to sleep, and it was like I was back to the beginning again...but now she's back to being able to fall asleep on her own. My point being -- don't worry too much about it, because kids find a way to challenge you no matter what!

[hellbennt]

My baby had reflux & (one of) the lesson(s) I learned is: you do what you do that works, until it doesn't work anymore; if it's not broken don't fix it...ds2 didn't have reflux, but the same applied. I: nursed to sleep, nursed lying down (not full co-sleeping), rocked to sleep, wore to sleep, you name it, I at least tried it. My boys were being tucked in by 2, I'd say (weaned at 15mos)...so try & hang in there - everyone will say that you get sleep eventually, & you will :)


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[123LuckyMom]

This was me, too. I nursed DD to sleep almost every night until she was just under a year -- and when we stopped, it was because she wasn't falling asleep to it anymore, not something I had to break her of. I struggled with this one early on -- I felt like I "should" stop doing the nurse to sleep, and that I was creating bad sleep habits....but then I also realized I enjoyed nursing her to sleep, and that it was a million times easier to put her to bed that way, too. I know it doesn't work like this for every child, but DD would fall asleep nursing, and then I'd un-latch her -- it would usually wake her up a bit, but then I'd hold her until she fell asleep again -- or put her in her crib and "cradle" her in the crib with my arms (easier to extrract myself vs. transferring to the crib later).

I've also learned from DD that learning that "self-soothing" is an on and off skill. DD couldn't do it at all early in life (and we didn't really try). Then, around 10 months, we did some CIO (which was a couple rough days but not much more, for us...worth it) that resulted in DD being able to fully put herself to sleep (i.e. - I could leave her in her crib awake and she'd go to sleep w/o crying). So I thought we were golden....until we hit age 2, where all of a sudden she lost all capability (or, more likely, desire) to put herself to sleep, and it was like I was back to the beginning again...but now she's back to being able to fall asleep on her own. My point being -- don't worry too much about it, because kids find a way to challenge you no matter what!

Exactly!!! Every stage brings new challenges, and the important thing is to find what works for you and your kids. There's no right way! When they're so little, you just need to make sure they are getting their needs met. It really is all about them. Once they're older than 6 months, you can start thinking about night weaning and sleep associations and the like. But not until then. Also, you can keep nursing your baby to sleep for as long as you like. I always nursed mine to sleep at bedtime but stopped nursing at night wakings once they were older. If it works for you, it's not a problem.

[nomnom]

Hm... Never thought about it that way. Thanks for your input. I'm going to keep plodding along then! Should I need some more input, I know where to ask! I love this board!