Advice on toddler weaning?

[gcc2k]

DS2 is 20 months old and looooves his nursing. He doesn't take a lovey or a pacifier, so nursing has been the way to soothe himself. With all that said, I was down to 4 nursings a day at a year old, and when we dropped his morning nap, he was down to 3 a day (morning, before nap, and before bed.) He occasionally asks to nurse other times, but I always give him a cup of milk instead. Nursing is only something he gets in his rocking char in his room.

So over Christmas break I though I would wean him off the pre-nap nursing session. DH was home for 2 weeks (a teacher) and put him down for nap every day. (DS2 is completely fine going to sleep, either before nap or bedtime, when someone else puts him down. But once DH went back to work at the beginning of January, of course I now put him down M-F. The very first day it went fine, but DS2 has cried every day since then.

I feel bad because he asks to nurse before every nap. We read books, rock, drink milk out of a sippie cup, then I put him down. Every day he cries out of surprise that I'm not nursing him. Sometimes he cries for 30 seconds, sometimes it's on and off for 7-8 minutes. I have no issues with CIO (we had to do it a couple different times before he turned one) but I'm wondering if I'm confusing him since I nurse before bed and not before nap.

So what should I do? Start weaning all together? Go back to nursing before nap until I wean him all at once? My goal was to finish nursing by the time he turned 2, so I am prepared to nurse twice a day for 4 more months. However I'm not sure I want him to cry himself to sleep before nap for that long. I don't mind nursing since it's only 5-10 minutes 3x a day, but I slightly loathe undoing the weaning I've done. I'm also worried that the older he gets the harder it'll be to wean. Any BTDT or advice?

[wendibird22]

My youngest is 5 so it's been a while, but I nursed both of mine until 21mos each. I remember that I would slowly cut back the nursing session (whether it was nap or bedtime). I too nursed in a rocking chair in their room. What I did was sing a favorite song (like twinkle twinkle) and told her I'd singing it x number of times and when I was done it was time for nap. Every few days I'd reduce the number of times I was singing that song, shortening the nursing session. Eventually I went from signing once to not singing it while sitting rocking chair but singing it while putting her down in the crib. A song like twinkle twinkle is so short that the cut from 1 to none wasn't a big leap. I think I shortened the # of repeats every 3 or 4 days.

I would guess that he associates sitting in the rocking chair with you with nursing. So if you are going to read and rock in that same chair but not nurse he's going to have a hard time with that especially if that's the routine for bedtime. Maybe change up the nap time routine and make it a bit different from the bedtime routine if you are still going to nurse to bed?

[Katigre]

I'd add back in the before nap session. Weaning can sometimes be two steps forward one step back because it's relational, which isn't cut and dry. It's OK to nurse more now BC in a few months your child will be in a different place developmentally.

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[123LuckyMom]

Give him back his pre-nap nurse and cut out the morning. That one's easy. Just start your morning routine without the nursing. For us, nap and bedtime were the last to go, and nap outlasted even bedtime. Both of my kids nursed past two. I found I really needed to change the routine in order to wean so that I wasn't just taking nursing away but was changing everything. It was easier when it wasn't just about nursing but was more like, well, this is how we do things now.

[daphne]

Hmmm....well, I think it might be confusing him to nurse before one sleep time, but not the other. When I weaned my DD (one at 27 months & one at 35 months ;)), I did both sleep times at once, for the sake of consistency. FTR, it was MUCH easier to wean my almost-3-year-old. My 2 1/2 yo still asks to nurse from time to time (I weaned her in November).

[gcc2k]

Thanks for all the good tips ladies. It sounds like I should rethink how I'm weaning him.

Give him back his pre-nap nurse and cut out the morning. That one's easy. Just start your morning routine without the nursing. For us, nap and bedtime were the last to go, and nap outlasted even bedtime. Both of my kids nursed past two. I found I really needed to change the routine in order to wean so that I wasn't just taking nursing away but was changing everything. It was easier when it wasn't just about nursing but was more like, well, this is how we do things now.
I've thought about this and most days this is a good idea. But on mornings like today when he is up at 4:45 crying and can't get back to sleep, nursing is my saving grace. Sometimes it puts him back to sleep, but at the minimum it delays the official wakeup because I can be half asleep in the glider while he slowly nurses for 20-30 minutes. I suppose I could wean in the morning on days he sleeps normally (between 6:30-7:30) but when he's up earlier and crying I know he just hasn't made it through his last sleep cycle and I would definitely want to nurse. Would that set him up for more confusion?

[Katigre]

Thanks for all the good tips ladies. It sounds like I should rethink how I'm weaning him.

I've thought about this and most days this is a good idea. But on mornings like today when he is up at 4:45 crying and can't get back to sleep, nursing is my saving grace. Sometimes it puts him back to sleep, but at the minimum it delays the official wakeup because I can be half asleep in the glider while he slowly nurses for 20-30 minutes. I suppose I could wean in the morning on days he sleeps normally (between 6:30-7:30) but when he's up earlier and crying I know he just hasn't made it through his last sleep cycle and I would definitely want to nurse. Would that set him up for more confusion?

For us, the bedtime nursing went first and we kept the morning nursing longer.

[ncat]

DS2 just finished weaning a few weeks ago. We nursed morning, before dinner after he got home from daycare, and before bed thriugh the fall. We cut nighttime first since DH could handle it well, then evening. I guess we kept the morning session which DS2 and I liked the best for the longest time.

[gcc2k]

DS2 slept well last night and I hoped to just get him up and go straight downstairs where DH and DS1 were, but he asked to nurse. I don't know how I'm going to cut out any nursing sessions. He wants all 3 of them!!

[mousemom]

DS2 weaned around that age. If you don't mind the nursing I certainly think it us ok to continue with the three sessions. But I also think it's ok to cut out one of the sessions. I think at that age they are old enough to understand if you say something like, "we'll nurse later, before bedtime." The few times DS2 asked after we'd already eliminated a session for a few days, I found it easier to delay him (not now, but later) vs. just saying no.