Do you have to do a lot of reminding/be the tickler system for your child's team?

[JustMe]

In short, things are a lot better for us IEP team wise than they have been in the past (which is not necessarily saying that much for those of you who have read my past posts/saga about getting and keeping services for my dd). For the most part dd's need to receive services is recognized and I no longer feel like I send my child to the wolves everyday.

Nevertheless, there are still lots of issues with follow up by the team. Either if its something that needs to be done for an accommodation or something they volunteer to do, it does not get done until I send an e-mail asking about it (in as nice of a way as possible). Usually, it will then get done in a reasonable time, although I have sometimes had to send a second e-mail and it almost never does it get done without that first e-mail from me (and yes I wait a good amount of time/weeks before I send that e-mail..and it is clear in some of the responses that it had completely fallen off their radar.

Now, I can say that I know this is not intentional/not because they don't want to do these things (which is an improvement over previous years), and is most likely because the school system/personnel are overburdened/underfunded, etc. However, I really hate having to do this. Its not so much the time, but I feel like I am being so annoying, always reminding these people of what they are supposed to do! They have not acted annoyed and, as I said, I always write in a respectful, undemanding way usually saying something along the lines of I am just checking in to see how X (whatever they are supposed to do) is coming along.

So, curious do you have to do this with your public school IEP team? If yes, any tips that help you both feel okay about it and feel you are doing it in a way that doesnt create resentment?

thanks!

[sste]

Yes (see my thread on case management)! I view myself as the de facto case manager and frankly I think that any child on an IEP needs their parent to view themselves this way in order to get things done and to keep high standards. I have iphone list of to dos, I set reminders of when to hound x person about y, and if someone tells me something can't be done I demo it at home or with a private provider to ascertain if this is true (it is often not, despite the fact that like you I am dealing with people with good intentions). If it becomes clear that the school can only provide X -- that is all that is legally required or in terms of their expertise--I find someone privately or find an online curriculum and coordinate with school staff to supplement what they are doing.

So I guess my advice 1) is many parents do this and see very good results for their kids doing this; 2) in my experience after a few months of this staff tend to be more responsive--I am very formulaic and relentless -- I give two weeks to get x done that person said would get done then I email and then I set my reminders to email to check in every two weeks subsequently. Relentlessly. Until it gets done 3) I let our team know that DH and I spend hours every day working with DS and our family has made sacrifices to afford private services for him -- I am not asking them to do anything I am not myself working like a dog to do as part of the team; 4) importantly, I think a de facto case manager has to motivate positively as well as politely nag. I email (with a tag line saying no response needed I know they are busy, I just wanted to share) about all of the special moments that their hard work has made possible -- the first time I saw DS read to his sister, when he started reading street signs for the first time on our vacation, etc. I have sent a photo or two. In our case, combining their work with private services was a big motivator for his team -- putting the two of those together allowed DS to make strong progress and that is something special ed teachers don't get to see that often and find very motivating. I also try to remember his therapists and reading teachers with little tiny things on "smaller holidays" -- I am going to do some sort of little bag of a couple of gourmet chocolates and a note about how lucky DS is to have them for St. Patrick's day for example. I do sincerely believe that special education teachers are among the most committed, loving, overworked professionals out there -- we love all of our DS's team, it is the administration that is tough.

I have been told I am a little intense :) but I can't be the only one out there. A lot of parents are doing this.

[niccig]

Now, I can say that I know this is not intentional/not because they don't want to do these things (which is an improvement over previous years), and is most likely because the school system/personnel are overburdened/underfunded, etc. However, I really hate having to do this. Its not so much the time, but I feel like I am being so annoying, always reminding these people of what they are supposed to do! They have not acted annoyed and, as I said, I always write in a respectful, undemanding way usually saying something along the lines of I am just checking in to see how X (whatever they are supposed to do) is coming along.

So, curious do you have to do this with your public school IEP team? If yes, any tips that help you both feel okay about it and feel you are doing it in a way that doesnt create resentment?

thanks!

I interned with a school SLP last fall. She had 55 kids on her caseload. She had enough work to keep me busy as well as her. She really needs a SLP assisant, but that's not going to happen. She had several systems so she didn't forget things, but it does happen. Sometimes she had dropped the ball, sometimes someone else had. Often there were crises popping up that got in the way e.g. one kid punched the special ed. teacher, so the rest of that day was utter chaos in the special education classroom and the SLP and I had to go cover some of the regular teaching time as no one else to supervise. Then add in the 1 hour IEP that became three and we were really behind in that week. Now none of that is your fault, the school system is overburdened. Just saying, don't feel bad about sending the reminder to the staff. Just send it. You're job is to be your DD's advocate. They do need to do what they said they would unfortunately it may take some reminders.

If you do want to help, please advocate for more special education staff. The school administrations/school board don't listen to staff as much as they listen to parents. SLP with 55-75 kids to see a week + massive amounts of paperwork, means the quality of the therapy isn't that great, especially if the group sizes get too big.

I was thinking of going into the school system, but I'm not so sure now. The workload is relentless and there isn't any support. I'm interning in a hospital now, and while we're really busy, there is more support. I do my 10 hours and go home. In the school, I do my 8 hours and then go home and do several more as one person does the job of 2 people.

[JCat]

Oh yes and I hate it but I have to do it. I have gone through a lot to get my son's IEP in placwe with the services he needs and I still have to doublecheck to make sure everyone is aware of what's on it and things get done. I feel bad doing this too but if I don't things get forgotten.

[JustMe]

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I totally understand how overburdened the school system is, but I work in a similarly overburdened system (and yes I have also worked in the schools, so I do know), and would be mortified if a parent kept reminding me to do things...however, I will just continue to do it. What does make me feel even a little weirder about this is that dd is now at the middle school level and there is that general expectation (for the whole school, in every way not just related to me, special ed services, etc) that parents are going to be less involved, start backing off. Saying this not so much because I resent that I can't, but more because I feel d--ned if I do, and d--ned if I don't (because then I seem like a helicopter mom and some people in the past have attributed dd's struggle to that--whenshe has a diagnoses that clearly indicates this is not the case). I guess I will just ignore the middle school backing off expectation for this situation and, like I said, the people I amcurrently dealing with are not expressing annoyance about this either.

Just to add another additional vent, although I know it is partially about the overburdened school system, it is also about dd's needs being so complex, yet not in a way that jumps out at teachers (anyone who looks at her closely is in shock about how great her need is, but with the overburdened school system she knows how to blend in). Not really asking for advice, but just venting that its part of what make it hard.

My last thing is that I feel like I am always balancing not offending anyone, not seeming demanding, not being a know it all, not challenging anyone's belief that they are the expert, while trying to get dd's needs. I know you all have to do this too, but really with my dd she just is not what she seems sometimes and is so easily misunderstood. I am not even trying to be anyone's friend, just trying to do the above and it is like walking on eggshells much of the time!

[hbridge]

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I totally understand how overburdened the school system is, but I work in a similarly overburdened system (and yes I have also worked in the schools, so I do know), and would be mortified if a parent kept reminding me to do things...however, I will just continue to do it. What does make me feel even a little weirder about this is that dd is now at the middle school level and there is that general expectation (for the whole school, in every way not just related to me, special ed services, etc) that parents are going to be less involved, start backing off. Saying this not so much because I resent that I can't, but more because I feel d--ned if I do, and d--ned if I don't (because then I seem like a helicopter mom and some people in the past have attributed dd's struggle to that--whenshe has a diagnoses that clearly indicates this is not the case). I guess I will just ignore the middle school backing off expectation for this situation and, like I said, the people I amcurrently dealing with are not expressing annoyance about this either.

Just to add another additional vent, although I know it is partially about the overburdened school system, it is also about dd's needs being so complex, yet not in a way that jumps out at teachers (anyone who looks at her closely is in shock about how great her need is, but with the overburdened school system she knows how to blend in). Not really asking for advice, but just venting that its part of what make it hard.

My last thing is that I feel like I am always balancing not offending anyone, not seeming demanding, not being a know it all, not challenging anyone's belief that they are the expert, while trying to get dd's needs. I know you all have to do this too, but really with my dd she just is not what she seems sometimes and is so easily misunderstood. I am not even trying to be anyone's friend, just trying to do the above and it is like walking on eggshells much of the time!

EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID!!! This is us as well, except the school is trying to take almost everything out of DD's IEP even when the needs are so great (they listed all the needs, but won't address them...). Middle School is terrible about involving the parent. Our annual 10 minute parent-teacher conference was taken up by an event that had taken place that day; I had to fight HARD for a second conference to cover how DD was actually doing! There is so little communication and I have NO IDEA most of the time if DC's needs are being met or if the IEP is even being followed.

To OP, it is imperative that you keep up the reminders when things don't happen. It's so hard that we have recently hired an advocate to help...

You are a great mom to be so concerned :)

ETA: I have worked in the public school system and they really do pay attention when the parents stay involved...

[JustMe]

EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID!!! This is us as well, except the school is trying to take almost everything out of DD's IEP even when the needs are so great (they listed all the needs, but won't address them...). Middle School is terrible about involving the parent. Our annual 10 minute parent-teacher conference was taken up by an event that had taken place that day; I had to fight HARD for a second conference to cover how DD was actually doing! There is so little communication and I have NO IDEA most of the time if DC's needs are being met or if the IEP is even being followed.

.

Sorry to hear you are going through this also. Our elementary experience was actually worse in terms of the spec ed teacher, and among the things that happened were the spec ed teacher tried to remove accommodations from the IEP and trick me about it (she said some of the dates were wrong , so she was *only* changing dates and left me a revised copy with "sign here" stickies on it. Well, I actually read the IEP and she removed 6 accommodations), so I know how it feels when there are attempts to remove needed accommodations and services. I hope things improve for you!

I will continue to stay involved, although it is a huge walking on eggshells thing.

[JCat]

I havwe had instances where teachers and therapists were never even TOLD certain things so I always make sure I provide everyone with the information myself now. It's crazy but I have to do it!

[niccig]

I guess I will just ignore the middle school backing off expectation for this situation and, like I said, the people I amcurrently dealing with are not expressing annoyance about this either.

Just keep doing it. I agree you shouldn't have to, but the reality is, you will have to do it. Don't apologise about it either.

In the 3 months I was at a school I saw some huges screws up - the system is more broken than I think people realize. You the parent shouldn't have to do anything, but if you don't, your child won't get the services/support.

[JustMe]

[QUOTE=niccig;4093065]Just keep doing it. I agree you shouldn't have to, but the reality is, you will have to do it. Don't apologise about it either.

In the 3 months I was at a school I saw some huges screws up - the system is more broken than I think people realize. You the parent shouldn't have to do anything, but if you don't, your child won't get the services/support.[/QUOTE

Thank your-just what I needed to hear!