Complicated SIL/MIL situation

[hillview]

DH family is from the UK and still live there.

MIL has been ill -- she is 90 and had a leg amputated a year ago and has been off and on -- she lives full time with my SIL. They are very co-dependent. They've lived together for all but 2 years when SIL was in school. SIL takes care of MIL fill time. SIL had mini strokes when MIL was in hospital for her leg. It is a crazy complicated situation HOWEVER new situation is that SIL is blaming herself (and a pillow she got for MIL) for MIL pneumonia. Like off her rocker worried about this. In addition SIL is convinced that the doctor (2 of them -- got a second opinion) mis diagnosed MIL. SIL is not a doctor or medical person.

So from overseas -- pretty removed and not moving back. Any suggestions for
1) how to help DH in this situation
2) how to help MIL/SIL

TIA

[Philly Mom]

No real advice but that will be us shortly. It stresses DH out. He is an only child. For me, I just tell DH that no matter the expense he should be/go where he needs to go when he needs to and I give no guilt about it. I also try to help him make his plans,etc.


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[hillview]

yeah I am all fine with him going. but valid point. :)

[StantonHyde]

Get SIL on meds....fat chance, I'll bet. See if DH can determine what kind of in-home help they can get (nurse's aid, home health type stuff) to take some of the stress out of the situation.

[Simon]

Get SIL on meds....fat chance, I'll bet. See if DH can determine what kind of in-home help they can get (nurse's aid, home health type stuff) to take some of the stress out of the situation.
:yeahthat: This is good advice and it sounds like they could both use help. Could he frame it as wanting to get extra help for MIL, so that SIL isn't so burdened?

[hillview]

Thanks -- I do think SIL needs meds but doubt that would happen she won't leave the house. They have someone (a very young 20 something nice person but no experience with the larger issue) come in every day to help her bathe. I called a company I've worked with here -- Home Instead -- they have an office near MIL and DH will meet with them when he is there -- we've had good luck with this company (they send an adult -- usually an older person to come and visit and help out -- also will report back to DH etc).

I wonder if there is a visiting doc who could see SIL? SIGH.

[DualvansMommy]

could DH get SIL or his mom to sign waiver for DH to talk to the GP doctor? that way, the GP could organize more in help medical from the visiting nurse assosciations in UK? i feel for you and DH! it is really stressful when you're so far away. I second Phillymom if it could help DH when he gets that verbal ok from you to fly out there as needed.

[alexsmommy]

My thought was is there some type of long term care facility that also has an in-home visiting nurse program like we have here? No idea how it works there. I think that having someone medical come in even 2-3x a week can give great peace of mind and that person can reassure SIL that the pillow had nothing to do with the pneumonia and other distortions that may come up in the future.