bisous
03-10-2015, 08:19 PM
He's 3 and he's always, always been hard. I had a break from him yesterday (my wonderful family watched my two littlest and took care of my DH who is recovering from pneumonia so I could take my 2 healthy big kids to Disneyland!) and it was wonderful. I felt so invigorated. I feel extra desperate today as I deal with DS3 though. It was almost like having the break made coming back to reality that much harder.
I fear that I am not parenting him very well. I've written about him before. He's both extremely stubborn and very sensitive. He has sensory issues for sure. I tend to be pretty permissive and understanding with him considering that he is really suffering a lot of the time. I think I miss correcting him and disciplining him appropriately as a result. Mostly I just really try to avoid conflict with him. I cannot take it. He pretty much wins. This means that he watches more TV and eats more sugar than all my other kids combined. And he's still miserable. We have small successes, I got him to sit still for 2 books today! But he still had at least two periods of time of screaming and crying because he didn't get what he wants.
I feel bad on two levels. First, I definitely could be a better parent to him and HE NEEDS A STRONGER PARENT. I'm just about at my breaking point many days and I just try to survive. I'm trying to be mindful about getting just a little bit more patient, putting in a little more effort, trying to fix one little thing at a time, etc. But it is hard. I miss the inner peace I used to have as a parent. I feel like I'm always secretly swearing under my breath! HE needs me to be better.
Second, I feel bad for my two older kids. Since DS3 has been born, their lives just do not resemble the way we lived before. We used to be out of the house all the time, on adventures, outdoors etc. We used to read all day and draw and do art projects. I felt good about my parenting then. Now I "manage" the tempest that is DS3. And not very well. My energy is almost gone by the time they get home from school. (On days he naps I try to rally!) We're out of the habit of going ANYWHERE even the library which used to be my happy place.
I'm trying to get some help. I'm calling the district this week to see if they can assess DS and see if he could use some OT. I do think his sensory issues are pretty serious. My parents are helpful. I could use them more. I am thinking about hiring my neighbor boy to work with DS3 a couple of hours a week. (And by "work with" I mean read with him, play games with him etc. so I can do projects and read books etc with my other kids).
I REALLY NEED to know how much I can push him to fit our life and how much I change our life to fit him. I've struggled with this forever. It is a tricky balance. I want to be fair to everybody. I love that little boy. I know in my heart I can do more and I can do better. I also know that I need help and I'm working on that aspect.
DH is still extremely sick as he had pneumonia and was hospitalized last week. He cannot help AT ALL for the next few weeks while he recovers. The doctors are adamant about that! My parents are SUPER helpful though.
Sorry for the novel! Just want to know some things I can do to help our family "work" better!
TIA!
ETA: I really wanted to add that he does not keep himself busy at all. I hold off on putting on the TV as long as possible with him because he throws an absolute fit the moment I turn it off. I estimate that he watches at least an hour a day and sometimes as much as FOUR. This is on days that he watches an hour before we pick up the boys from school and then has raging tantrums from the time he wakes up from his nap until bedtime (8pm). For all intents and purposes, I am alone all day with him.
I fear that I am not parenting him very well. I've written about him before. He's both extremely stubborn and very sensitive. He has sensory issues for sure. I tend to be pretty permissive and understanding with him considering that he is really suffering a lot of the time. I think I miss correcting him and disciplining him appropriately as a result. Mostly I just really try to avoid conflict with him. I cannot take it. He pretty much wins. This means that he watches more TV and eats more sugar than all my other kids combined. And he's still miserable. We have small successes, I got him to sit still for 2 books today! But he still had at least two periods of time of screaming and crying because he didn't get what he wants.
I feel bad on two levels. First, I definitely could be a better parent to him and HE NEEDS A STRONGER PARENT. I'm just about at my breaking point many days and I just try to survive. I'm trying to be mindful about getting just a little bit more patient, putting in a little more effort, trying to fix one little thing at a time, etc. But it is hard. I miss the inner peace I used to have as a parent. I feel like I'm always secretly swearing under my breath! HE needs me to be better.
Second, I feel bad for my two older kids. Since DS3 has been born, their lives just do not resemble the way we lived before. We used to be out of the house all the time, on adventures, outdoors etc. We used to read all day and draw and do art projects. I felt good about my parenting then. Now I "manage" the tempest that is DS3. And not very well. My energy is almost gone by the time they get home from school. (On days he naps I try to rally!) We're out of the habit of going ANYWHERE even the library which used to be my happy place.
I'm trying to get some help. I'm calling the district this week to see if they can assess DS and see if he could use some OT. I do think his sensory issues are pretty serious. My parents are helpful. I could use them more. I am thinking about hiring my neighbor boy to work with DS3 a couple of hours a week. (And by "work with" I mean read with him, play games with him etc. so I can do projects and read books etc with my other kids).
I REALLY NEED to know how much I can push him to fit our life and how much I change our life to fit him. I've struggled with this forever. It is a tricky balance. I want to be fair to everybody. I love that little boy. I know in my heart I can do more and I can do better. I also know that I need help and I'm working on that aspect.
DH is still extremely sick as he had pneumonia and was hospitalized last week. He cannot help AT ALL for the next few weeks while he recovers. The doctors are adamant about that! My parents are SUPER helpful though.
Sorry for the novel! Just want to know some things I can do to help our family "work" better!
TIA!
ETA: I really wanted to add that he does not keep himself busy at all. I hold off on putting on the TV as long as possible with him because he throws an absolute fit the moment I turn it off. I estimate that he watches at least an hour a day and sometimes as much as FOUR. This is on days that he watches an hour before we pick up the boys from school and then has raging tantrums from the time he wakes up from his nap until bedtime (8pm). For all intents and purposes, I am alone all day with him.