how to get out of a serious funk

[lmh2402]

we broke ground on a massive construction project the first week in November.

I've been holding it together...basically...except I'm becoming more and more aware that I have become very reclusive. I pretty much never want to leave my bedroom or the kids' rooms.

The entirety of the rest of the house depresses me to the point of not wanting to look at it.

I can't deal with the filth anymore and the dust and the missed deadlines.

I function ok during the day when the kids are awake, aside from being extra tense and probably quick to snap

But at night, I literally tuck them in and then don't. leave. my. room.

And the idea of having to put everything back together. Clean it all up. It feels impossible. Like it will never get clean again.

I'm sure others have managed through big renos. Any tips for how to come through to the other side without being such a mental mess?

thx

[Indianamom2]

That can't be any fun. We had just minor (in comparison) repair work on two levels of our house a couple of years ago after an upstairs toilet overflowed and flooded three levels of the house (thankfully, the basement was unfinished). There was drywall dust everywhere, plastic sheeting to attempt to control said dust, industrial fans and dehumidifiers and people in and out for several weeks. I'm somewhat of an introvert and I definitely like my space.....I didn't like people working in my living room and kitchen and master bathroom. I was so glad when it was over...I can't imagine months of renovations. You definitely have my condolences!

However, look at it this way, when it's done, I'm sure it will be gorgeous and functional and just what you wanted. In the meantime, maybe just try to go somewhere each day just to get away from everything. Plus, it's almost spring and all the beautiful weather is just around the corner. You can get out and walk around the block or take the kids to the park. Focus on getting through one day at a time and the end of construction will be here before you know it.

[StantonHyde]

We gutted our kitchen, Dining, LR, and stairs--the only thing on the first level were the 3 bedrooms and the play room. The downstairs was where I cooked, washed dishes, and did laundry. Its a blur now but I think I spent a lot of time in the play room and downstairs--and my room!! Nothing wrong with staying there. As soon as the weather gets good you can go outside. Now that it is all done, I am utterly thrilled--I love it. And we even gutted the downstairs and redid it 3 years later (didn't really affect me--DH had to move into the play room, not so good). You will make it. The winter has not been good on anybody in the east coast!

[pinkmomagain]

We had major construction after Sandy -- so it was really not a choice, it was forced upon us -- which made it even more depressing. We lived in a very small portion of the house for a long time with plenty of setbacks. 1) We tried to make that small portion as comfortable as possible. 2) Tried to focus on some of the "fun" stuff while the structural stuff was getting done (bedding, paint
colors). 3) Tried to spend time elsewhere. As the weather gets nicer, spend more time outside. If it's in the budget, maybe a get- away. 4) I worked very hard at acceptance for what it was.

It is so so hard. But it is temporary. I promise it will get cleaned up and all put back together!!!!!

[gatorsmom]

Ugh, I remember that feeling well when we renovated our last house. I remember that the cabinets were all covered in plastic when they were spraying the popcorn ceiling on in the kitchen. It was a mess and the stupid construction workers wouldn't show up til 10am when they would tell me 8am for sure.... I was ready to kill someone. I was so angry with them everyday that DH actually suggested I move in with my parents (3hours away) while it was getting finished! My home is my sanctuary-it's where I feel safe and I need to have control over everything so with those guys coming in late, screwing things up, making a huge mess, taking extra long, I was going out of my mind.

My suggestion is to set up ahead of time to have a maid do the after-construction cleaning. If you know someone else is going to battle that mess, that might be a load off your mind. Also get recommendations or ask around for a company to blow out your air vents. All that sheetrock dust now and even for a while afterwards will settle in there. It gave me terrible headaches and i couldn't believe how much better I felt when they were cleaned out!

It is really stressful to have people working in your house. Don't feel guilty hiding out in your room, locking the door, and letting your DH deal with the workers and their questions. Renovating is stressful- especially when you are surrounded by it 24/7. Sometimes you just gotta shut it out.

[daisysmom]

We have renovated 3 houses, and the last 2 were with a child (tho the one before this house had a renovation that was really almost finished when DD was born). The second house had a complete renovation (bringing a brownstone which had been coverted into 4 apartments back to single family). I will tell you tho that the last renovation (that we did just last year in a new construction) was the worst. And it wasn't the most comprehensive (painting of most rooms, blew out wall in the kitchen to open it to the den, and a complete redo of 2 bedrooms to expand one and turn the other into a bathroom). It really was tough. We lived with the plastic sheeting and slept in a queen bed set up in a hallway/foyer area upstairs for 5 month. Our contractor told us a few times how bad the fung shei was the way our bed was facing and he was right, we had a lot of bad things happen when we slept that way. I know your pain. Construction dust really sucks.

Lots of our friends renovating now move out for 6 months -- we didn't even think about doing that but in hindsight, I think I would if financially it was feasible.

One thing that helped with us was having ServePro come in after our most recent renovation and the middle whole-house one and really clean everthing. We had plaster dust in our second one, and there is just no getting that up with a simple vacuum. ServePro was expensive, but in one day they literally got everything clean and fresh.

I have loved our end product every time, and my DH and I really do love to renovate, we know our taste and I think DH should have been an architect, we love the challenge of it all. Even that said though, both of us agreed after this last one, we wouldn't live through another renovation again. It was just too energy sucking.

[khalloc]

Let me offer you a worse case scenario - we did the same thing and my husband and I did all the work ourselves - imagine how awful that is! We ripped out our kitchen cabinets on April 4 2013 and we didnt have new countertops installed until late September 2013. So I had pretty much 6 months cooking on the grill outside, a electric hotplate, or the microwave or toaster oven. Plus every weekend was spent doing some sort of project for the renovation. At least you have someone else doing the work for you! Good luck! Just think of the finished result.

[elizamom]

I really feel for you. I've lived through some major renovations and it is really hard. Do not feel bad about spending all of your time in your bedroom or the kids rooms. If that is what makes it more bearable, do it! Could you afford to rent a nearby apartment or take a long vacation? Anything to minimize the time you have to spend living in the renovation mess.... Getting away from it as much as possible would be my #1 goal. :hug:

[lmh2402]

thanks, guys. we can't leave b/c it's a really small town and not many rentals available. I could have gone to my parents (god help us) but both kids are in school. it's just...miserable. and i feel horrible complaining about it b/c really, it's a privilege to be able to do this reno - we're lucky and I should be grateful and happy. instead, I'm literally like in the depths of a depression.

blah. oh well. thanks. i'm going to keep trying to compartmentalize. and will remain holed up in my room.

[Katigre]

Have you considered watching a TV show about it like My Big Home Reno with Jen Hatmaker? The episodes are on amazon.

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[DualvansMommy]

Could you go away for a spring vacation? Not sure if it's in the funds or on the cards with your family schedule. But if you can't swing a week, maybe a weekend will help your mental state of being. Especially now that weather is staying decent.

We started our kitchen/den renovation when DS1 was 18 months old. So that was challenging! Also we had our demo first day starting around dec 28th?!? What were we thinking?? Around Feb or so I just couldn't take.it.anymore that we flew down to Florida for a week. Best thing we did Cuz we came back completely refreshed and stayed in a long term hotel suite that had a kitchen that long weekend we came home. Our Reno was finally done right before st Patrick's week.

There IS no shame in wanting to stay up your room! I did that Cuz dS1 would go to bed around 630-7pm that age and I escaped to my room then!

Hang in there.


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