No kids receptions!

[infocrazy]

My brother is getting married! Yea! ...but he just me told that while they want the kids at the ceremony, it is a no kids reception. It is out of town for us and all my family will be at the wedding. He plans to get a hotel room and a few babysitters (from where I have no idea) and have all the out of towers kids there. The hotel has not been chosen yet (fall wedding) but the reception is not at a hotel.

I'm annoyed because I doubt my kids will stay with these sitters and I'm not sure how well it will be done anyway. Mostly though I'm sad because I have such fun memories and pictures of DH nieces and nephews at our wedding and I've been looking forward to that with our kids.

I have thought about leaving them home which would solve a few other issues but I know I would regret it in the end since it is my brothers wedding after all.

[wendibird22]

I had a no kids reception and I've attended a few after having kids of my own. A few ideas...
-Your DH doesn't stay for the reception and goes to the hotel with the kids. That's no fun for you as a couple but it's practical.
-you bring along a sitter...a family member from DHs side, a trusted sitter from home, etc. We did this once and brought my mom along. We got a 2nd hotel room and she and the kids stayed in that one and DH and I could come back late and not wake anyone.
-Go w one of the two options you listed above.

Honestly I don't think your kids will miss not being there or feel left out nearly as much as you will be disappointed they aren't there.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[belovedgandp]

Stinks, but I'd leave them home. I was the kid left at home for tons of family events when I was in the 5-15 age range. Every once in a while older cousins who were invited or my aunts/uncles/parents will mention a specific event that I missed. I have no angst about missing them. We have a huge family and I did go to enough cousin weddings in that same time period to remember being bored at many a wedding reception.

[abh5e8]

Oh that sinks! How old are your kids? I for one would not be comfortable leaving my kids with strangers in a hotel room in an unfamiliar city. No way. I would bring a nanny or relative from dhs side. What is the timing? Could you take kids to the hotel and put them to bed? Then have your nanny or dhs family stay with them?

[mikala]

I had a no kids reception and I've attended a few after having kids of my own. A few ideas...
-Your DH doesn't stay for the reception and goes to the hotel with the kids. That's no fun for you as a couple but it's practical.
-you bring along a sitter...a family member from DHs side, a trusted sitter from home, etc. We did this once and brought my mom along. We got a 2nd hotel room and she and the kids stayed in that one and DH and I could come back late and not wake anyone.
-Go w one of the two options you listed above.

Honestly I don't think your kids will miss not being there or feel left out nearly as much as you will be disappointed they aren't there.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

These are the same options I was thinking of. You might also ask your friends to see if anyone has family or trustworthy babysitting contacts in the wedding city. We've lucked out that way for a few events. There is absolutely no way I'm leaving my kids with a total stranger in a different city but I'm more comfortable with leaving them with someone my close friends have vetted and I've chatted with beforehand.

On the plus side it can actually be a lot of fun to enjoy the wedding festivities until the end of the night without worrying about cranky kids that are up past their bedtimes.

[Fairy]

I had a no-kids wedding and reception, and I'd do it again. But this there seems to be alot I'd do differently than your brother is. I didn't have sitters, I hadn't thought of that way back when. That's the one thing I'd do differently. But I had my ceremony and reception in the hotel, so that's my main sticking point here, is that the reception won't be where the sitters are. I wouldn't feel comfortable as the parent. No problem not bringing the kids, but big problem having them with strangers offsite. So, I'd just leave them at home and do this with adults only.

[HannaAddict]

We had a no kids wedding and reception and zero regrets. We get a sitter when we go to family weddings too and way more relaxing for us and our boys have no desire to go to weddings and my daughter is curious but not upset about missing it. The one wedding they were all excited to be in and attend was our former nanny but it was designed as kid friendly and her friends all had little kids (unlike our peers who didn't have kids when we married) Many weddings here (ours included) are at hotels and at night and not a kid party venue. That is really nice he is arranging child care and I would take him up on it (if from a reputable agency or trusted sitters from their family friends) or bring along a sitter from home or book a sitter to stay at your hotel through an agency. How far is the reception site? That might give me pause depending on distance and age of your kids. But we've used nanny agencies while at a hotel and had great professional responsible nannies.

[JBaxter]

Unless its very local I we generally don't go to no kid reception. My cousin got married 2 hrs away evening wedding so it would have been well after midnight until we could have got home My mom went to the wedding and she was my only over night sitter so we declined. If a sibling got married with and requested not to bring their blood nieces/ nephews I'd be a bit miffed. I've never used professional nanny services and one of my boys would have freaked out.

[KrisM]

That's a tough one. Sorry you are feeling stuck.

We had a mostly no-kids reception. We invited nieces and nephews, but not others. My brother is local, so I also included their good friend and she came for a bit and then took my nephews back to the hotel. DH's siblings are not local, so the few kids that came, came to the reception. It was fine. If anything, they were bored.

I hope the sitter works out. But, when we've been to receptions, even where kids were invited, usually one of us leaves early with the kids and goes back to the hotel.

[TwinFoxes]

Honestly I don't think your kids will miss not being there or feel left out nearly as much as you will be disappointed they aren't there.




Good point. OP, I understand you were looking forward to seeing your kids at their reception, but to paraphrase the words of brides everywhere "its's their day". :) You had the reception you wanted, they get the one they want.

I like the the idea of having a relative of DH's watch them if you don't think they'll hang with the sitter. Although a big party with lots of cousins in a hotel sounds like kid heaven.

[klwa]

I think my biggest issue is the "kids are invited (and encouraged to come) to the wedding, but aren't important enough for the reception." Most of you who have commented as having done like the brother have stated that the WEDDING & RECEPTION were kid free. Not just the reception.

OP, I'd think about doing what others have mentioned. Bring along a baby sitter or set up your own before hand.

[trcy]

I am not going to a cousin's wedding for that very reason. Sorry OP, I am right there with you :(.

[hillview]

I'd bring a sitter or DH's family (mom?) OR leave the kids behind. Sorry you are feeling disappointed. I don't think DB or SIL to be are being unreasonable but I understand your disappointment

[infocrazy]

Yeah, I'm just venting about it...I will figure it out later. We are not paying hundreds to bring a sitter (DH family not an option) but not bringing the kids means not seeing a lot of the family we don't see often. We will see as the planning evolves what is the best decision. For multiple reasons, the date is rough timing for me so that may make it out of my hands.

Obviously it is their day, they can do what they want. But I actually think that is part of my problem...I have been hoping that my brother getting married and potentially starting a family would bring us closer but I think it is really going to just highlight how different we are instead.

[WatchingThemGrow]

I haven't read all the replies (please forgive!) but what others suggested we try when we had this scenario twice a couple summers ago worked out very well.

We asked people we knew if they had any mom friends in those cities who would be okay helping us find a sitter for our own hotel room. We were able to get really nice responsible girls we talked to in advance and could've checked references. My cousins actually used care.com so it was easy for them to pull another person into their rotation who could do that weekend for us. Cousin interviewed and used her 1-2 times as she needed then we had her watch our kids at the hotel. They watched a movie the went to sleep. Sitter sat on the couch (homewood suites) and played on her phone/read. It was easy.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SnuggleBuggles]

If the kids go to the wedding and you find a sitter there, the kids will get to hang out at other functions throughout the weekend. Maybe rehearsal dinner or brunch the day after the wedding. I'd lean to bringing them if you want to have that family time. Good luck!

[Dayzy]

90% of the wedding receptions I have gone to are child-free events. What I do now is to have a group of friends and we all help each other out when weddings come up and open our home for a sleepover when needed. Is there a chance a couple of friends might be willing to lend a hand for a night?

[Percycat]

Yeah, I'm just venting about it...I will figure it out later. We are not paying hundreds to bring a sitter (DH family not an option) but not bringing the kids means not seeing a lot of the family we don't see often. We will see as the planning evolves what is the best decision. For multiple reasons, the date is rough timing for me so that may make it out of my hands.

Obviously it is their day, they can do what they want. But I actually think that is part of my problem...I have been hoping that my brother getting married and potentially starting a family would bring us closer but I think it is really going to just highlight how different we are instead.


If out of town guests are all staying at the hotel, I bet there will be many other opporutnities during the weekend for families to visit in addition to the wedding and reception. We have to travel and stay in a hotel when ever my DH family has a celebration. We wind up spending almost all of our downtime at the pool watching the kids play and catching up.

I would put a little faith in trusting your brother or his bride and her family will vet the babysitters. I think they are being considerate in planning for this option. I also agree with one other PP that the kids may have a lot more fun hanging out at the hotel with babysitters than going to a reception. Plus, it will give you the freedom to celebrate your brother's wedding with him and his bride - without having to focus on your kids - and may help foster the closer relationship you desire.

I hope you figure out what works for your family and have a great celebration.

[khalloc]

As a parent, I PREFER a kids-free wedding. Personally though, I dont mind kids at weddings. Its fun. We just went to a wedding and brought our kids, but it was a day wedding and my kids are older now so I dont have to hover over them.

DH gets offended when people dont want kids at their weddings. I think of it more as a free night without my kids.

I would bring your own sitter, or a MIL or something like that who can watch the kids at the hotel.

[rkold]

I'm not sure I've ever been invited to a wedding/reception that didn't allow children. I'm not sure how I would feel if I was invited to one, so I really feel for you OP. I suspect depending on where it was and the cost I might not go, even if it were one of my siblings.

I admit, I agree with a PP that it's a little rude to invite the kids to the ceremony but not the reception. To be blunt, it's the ceremony that tends to be boring for small kids and not the reception which tends to have a lot of dancing and eating vs the ceremony which involves being quiet and sitting still.

And while I have used babysitters I didn't know before (We're huge fans of the on-site kid clubs at Disney now, DD loves them and I love getting an adult meal.) depending on the age of the kids I would be concerned over whether the sitters could really handle it. And quite honestly, I think sometimes until you are in a position you don't understand how difficult things are. I know when I got married I certainly wouldn't have realized how many sitters you need based on # of kids and ages of kids.

Being married might eventually bring you closer to your brother, but I think it will take having his own kids before he really knows what it is like to be a parent. You're not going to get closer at a wedding. They're going to be too busy stressing about the event and then either chatting with all their guests or just getting time together as a couple. I barely saw my brother at his wedding. I spent most of the time bonding with the people at my table, relatives I see more often than my brother.

[AngB]

I would honestly skip it.

My cousin is getting married locally in October and there is a rumor amongst our family that it will be kid-free (our family gossip is notoriously inaccurate though so waiting to see.) If that's the case we won't be going at all, though. #1- I'll have a one month old. #2- It's DS2's birthday weekend. #3- My kids have never been left with a non-family babysitter, if I'm going to go to the trouble of getting a sitter I'm going to spend time with DH doing something fun that doesn't include a Catholic wedding that seems like it's 6 hrs long and then a reception.

My siblings are really close to my kids and I really can't imagine them putting us in this situation especially, but I would have no qualms over picking my kids over even my brothers or sister if they chose to deliberately exclude them. Kid-free weddings aren't really very common here though either, I don't remember one that didn't include kids, and if I was going to bring my kids to either the wedding or the reception, I would much rather have to deal with them at the reception than the ceremony. That's really weird to me.

[bisous]

I wouldn't skip if you want to build the relationship with your brother. I'd try to go and try to find care for the kids. Can you all attend the ceremony and have your DH watch the kids at the hotel? Your DB might have kids and then he might get it some day but people are funny about their weddings and understandably very emotional.

I understand the concept behind kids at the reception and kid-free receptions. Both are lovely to me. I see both kinds frequently in my life. Yes, kid free receptions are hard! (I have four kids!) but they can be fun!

[HannaAddict]

I think my biggest issue is the "kids are invited (and encouraged to come) to the wedding, but aren't important enough for the reception." Most of you who have commented as having done like the brother have stated that the WEDDING & RECEPTION were kid free. Not just the reception.

OP, I'd think about doing what others have mentioned. Bring along a baby sitter or set up your own before hand.

I don't think it means they don't think the kids are important enough. They might have a venue where they don't want to worry or watch kids and believe me, you can't always rely on parents to watch their kids. We had no kids blanket rule precisely because my BiL and SIL did zero parenting and their kids trashed other events they'd been too. Not saying OP's kids are like that but maybe there are too many kids and if have some have to have them all, maybe the reception insists on charging full freight for kids and it would drive the price up or maybe they just want an adult party. I've actually heard of several weddings where kids were in or at the ceremony but then got to go do kid stuff with sitters for the party. I really wouldn't feel slighted and kids don't need to go to everything and we enjoy having time to visit with relatives even without our darlings.

[HannaAddict]

I would honestly skip it.

My cousin is getting married locally in October and there is a rumor amongst our family that it will be kid-free (our family gossip is notoriously inaccurate though so waiting to see.) If that's the case we won't be going at all, though. #1- I'll have a one month old. #2- It's DS2's birthday weekend. #3- My kids have never been left with a non-family babysitter, if I'm going to go to the trouble of getting a sitter I'm going to spend time with DH doing something fun that doesn't include a Catholic wedding that seems like it's 6 hrs long and then a reception.

My siblings are really close to my kids and I really can't imagine them putting us in this situation especially, but I would have no qualms over picking my kids over even my brothers or sister if they chose to deliberately exclude them. Kid-free weddings aren't really very common here though either, I don't remember one that didn't include kids, and if I was going to bring my kids to either the wedding or the reception, I would much rather have to deal with them at the reception than the ceremony. That's really weird to me.

"Kid free" has never included new or exclusively breast fed infants. They aren't the kids that are not generally invited. Can't imagine being so set on your kids coming you would snub a sibling's wedding though.

[TwinFoxes]

I was going to bring my kids to either the wedding or the reception, I would much rather have to deal with them at the reception than the ceremony. That's really weird to me.

Ceremonies are generally a lot shorter than receptions. We had an evening reception, which started with cocktails, so dinner wasn't until about 7pm, which is pretty late for most kids to eat dinner. But maybe daytime receptions are more common where you are.

[123LuckyMom]

It sounds pretty kid friendly to me, actually. The kids are invited to the wedding, which is a big deal! Then your brother and his bride have arranged for what amounts to a parallel reception for the kids. All the cousins and children of friends will be together with two sitters, and you guys can go to the reception kid-free! I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids alone with a strange adult in a hotel room, but I would definitely leave them in a situation like you describe where there are at least two adults and a group of family and friend kids all having fun together. If you're worried about the sitters, ask if you can contact them ahead of time to get to know them and reassure yourself. I bet your kids will have a blast, though, if you talk about it like it will be a fun party and not that they're being left out. I think maybe your past issues with your brother are informing your feelings this time around. Many, many people have adult only weddings and receptions, and few go to the lengths your brother has to provide alternative fun for the kids. I think this IS a sign of his growing awareness of the needs of families, not a disregard for them.

ETA: I read this forum in Tapatalk and use the timeline feature, so I rarely notice which sub-forum posts are in. This is the BP, and you do have a right to be disappointed and get support. I'm sorry for not noticing where I was offering my opinion. I hope you all, kids included, enjoy yourselves.

[infocrazy]

Of course I will go, and of course we will figure something out, it isn't until fall so there is plenty of time to figure it out.

I believe that their crowd skews very "high society" and very few have kids (if any), which is why although I appreciate their efforts at the babysitting, I have doubts about having the correct ratio or the quality. Plus, being trapped in a hotel room with strangers is not going to be something that will appeal to my kids, or me... We will likely make our own arrangements but like I said, we have time to do it.

He really has very little to do with the kids (partly out of state, but mostly he only pays attention when people are watching or it is fun/convenient...), but for whatever reason the kids think he is AWESOME...so they actually WILL be disappointed and so am I. They would have been fine at the reception but I get this isn't what he and FSIL want. I actually expected this, but they my mom said that they were invited so it was a bigger let down as a result.

I'm not going to make an issue out of it, but I am allowed to be disappointed which was actually the point of this original post...

[AngB]

"Kid free" has never included new or exclusively breast fed infants. They aren't the kids that are not generally invited. Can't imagine being so set on your kids coming you would snub a sibling's wedding though.

In my case it's a moot point because I know none of my siblings would get married without wanting the kids there- they usually ARE our baby-sitters and see them at least 2x a week, etc. But if one of my siblings was getting married somewhere that required travel, and wanted us to bring the kids to the wedding *but not* the reception, I would absolutely skip it all. What the heck is the point of making the kids sit through a boring wedding?

I know I could bring the baby to my cousin's wedding but if they make it no kids it will make it an easy enough excuse for us to skip the whole thing. I don't like bringing new babies to things like that when I know all the relatives will want to play 'pass the baby' around. I'd rather leave the baby at home with a sitter too, but we aren't close enough with my cousin that it's really worth the trouble of finding a sitter to mess with. (My 2 yo especially does not do well around new people and all of the people he knows/that babysit him normally would be at the wedding.)

[infocrazy]

It sounds pretty kid friendly to me, actually. The kids are invited to the wedding, which is a big deal! Then your brother and his bride have arranged for what amounts to a parallel reception for the kids. All the cousins and children of friends will be together with two sitters, and you guys can go to the reception kid-free! I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids alone with a strange adult in a hotel room, but I would definitely leave them in a situation like you describe where there are at least two adults and a group of family and friend kids all having fun together. If you're worried about the sitters, ask if you can contact them ahead of time to get to know them and reassure yourself. I bet your kids will have a blast, though, if you talk about it like it will be a fun party and not that they're being left out. I think maybe your past issues with your brother are informing your feelings this time around. Many, many people have adult only weddings and receptions, and few go to the lengths your brother has to provide alternative fun for the kids. I think this IS a sign of his growing awareness of the needs of families, not a disregard for them.

ETA: I read this forum in Tapatalk and use the timeline feature, so I rarely notice which sub-forum posts are in. This is the BP, and you do have a right to be disappointed and get support. I'm sorry for not noticing where I was offering my opinion. I hope you all, kids included, enjoy yourselves.

LOL, that is not how he described it at all...and maybe if the reception was at the hotel (which is in a downtown setting) then I would be more okay with it, but we will likely be a (short) drive away. My kids are the only kids are our side, so if there ARE any other kids, they won't know them.

FWIW, this is the first non-kids wedding we are going to...so although I get that they are common, they are not common for me. Just sucks that this one is their uncle.

[AngB]

Ceremonies are generally a lot shorter than receptions. We had an evening reception, which started with cocktails, so dinner wasn't until about 7pm, which is pretty late for most kids to eat dinner. But maybe daytime receptions are more common where you are.

Yep, usually weddings are around 10-11ish (and large majority are Catholic which take forever and ever.) Usually there is a break in between for an hour or two, for pictures, and then the reception starts after that, usually around 4-6.

I've never been to a wedding that didn't invite/include kids for the wedding and reception (we eloped so technically no kids but we didn't invite *anyone*). We haven't actually brought our kids to a wedding before, not because they weren't invited but because the few we've been to since DS1 was born weren't family weddings and it was a lot easier to leave them with my mom.

[AngB]

Of course I will go, and of course we will figure something out, it isn't until fall so there is plenty of time to figure it out.

I believe that their crowd skews very "high society" and very few have kids (if any), which is why although I appreciate their efforts at the babysitting, I have doubts about having the correct ratio or the quality. Plus, being trapped in a hotel room with strangers is not going to be something that will appeal to my kids, or me... We will likely make our own arrangements but like I said, we have time to do it.

He really has very little to do with the kids (partly out of state, but mostly he only pays attention when people are watching or it is fun/convenient...), but for whatever reason the kids think he is AWESOME...so they actually WILL be disappointed and so am I. They would have been fine at the reception but I get this isn't what he and FSIL want. I actually expected this, but they my mom said that they were invited so it was a bigger let down as a result.

I'm not going to make an issue out of it, but I am allowed to be disappointed which was actually the point of this original post...

Sorry for taking over your post. I totally agree with you!! How far away would you be? Would you be comfortable just leaving your kids home (with your regular sitter, assuming you have one)?

If your brother wants the kids at the wedding that badly then they'd let them at the reception too, is how I'd feel about it. I definitely wouldn't drag my kids to the wedding but then make them skip the 'fun' part to sit with a stranger they don't know. I mean, he's their uncle, it's not like a wedding for a co-worker or something. Let them stay home and do something fun with a sitter you and they already know, unless you really want to bring them.

[ett]

I think my biggest issue is the "kids are invited (and encouraged to come) to the wedding, but aren't important enough for the reception." Most of you who have commented as having done like the brother have stated that the WEDDING & RECEPTION were kid free. Not just the reception.



Kids of all guests were invited to our wedding ceremony, but only kids of family and out of town guests were invited to our reception. My parents knew a lot of people at our church, so we probably had over 400 people at our wedding ceremony. Our reception hall had a limit of 300 (and that was hard enough to find), so there was no way we would be able to accommodate all the kids. Some guests with kids only attended the ceremony, but many did attend the reception without their kids. It had nothing to do with kids not being important enough to attend the reception.

[Fairy]

I simply didn't want kids at my wedding. Period. I didn't want the potential for crying babies during my ceremony. I didn't want disruptive children distracting me and my guests. I wanted my wedding how I wanted it. I had one family member stop speaking to me, and she still doesn't, and that's fine, cuz she's a headcase, anyway, so she did me a favor. Honestly, I get it that this might be inconvenient and annoying for the guest. Then the guest doesn't have to go. My cousin, whom I love very much, had a wedding so foo foo and so expensive that the invitation came in a box. To 700 people. It was probably $100k affair. Easily. It was in Fla. My son was a tot. It was a no kids wedding. I was annoyed, sure, cuz I wanted to go, but it wasn't cuz it was no kids. It was cuz it was black tie formal, gowns and tuxes, a plane ride, and would probably have put us a few thousand in the hole when all was said and done. I gave my regrets and I meant them genuinely. We can't do all of the stuff we want to do when we have kids. I don't regret my no kid wedding. The only thing I regret is not providing babysitting for the ones who needed to bring their kids, that would have been the right thing to do. I messed that one up.

[HannaAddict]

I am sorry I didn't realize this was in BP as on phone too and just see the unread posts. Hope it works out for you!

[pastrygirl]

I just wanted to comment -- my kids ADORE all babysitters, even strangers! The thought of "an adventure" in a hotel with a new babysitter would be awesome for them. But, they'd definitely rather go to the party and would be crushed to not be invited. :(

[123LuckyMom]

LOL, that is not how he described it at all...and maybe if the reception was at the hotel (which is in a downtown setting) then I would be more okay with it, but we will likely be a (short) drive away. My kids are the only kids are our side, so if there ARE any other kids, they won't know them.

FWIW, this is the first non-kids wedding we are going to...so although I get that they are common, they are not common for me. Just sucks that this one is their uncle.

If your kids are the only kids, or if there might be a couple of other kids they don't know, that does change things quite a bit! I've never been comfortable leaving my kids alone in a hotel with a stranger to me and to them. I'd only do it if the sitter had been recommended personally by a source I really trusted. I hope you figure out a solution that works for all of you. It is a shame they can't celebrate with their uncle when he means so much to them.

[Globetrotter]

Most people who don't have children themselves don't really understand. I had to miss the wedding of a very close friend because there were no kids allowed, it was on a boat, and the childcare they had arranged was back at the hotel! What if I needed to go back to the room? Besides, ds was three months and exclusively breastfed at the time and didn't take a bottle. I was at home and had never used babysitters. My kids were not used to it, and neither was I. I had to decline the invitation, but my friend was not happy about it! I think if you have a no kid wedding, you have to be prepared for some people to not go.

however… I would never miss a sibling's wedding, barring serious illness or something like that. I think, in your situation, I would go to the ceremony as a family, get some nice photos with the couple and your family, and then DH would take the kids out for dinner during the reception. For kids used to unknown Babysitters, it may not be a big deal, and maybe for you it would have been okay if there were cousins or friends there or it was in the same hotel as the reception.

I know it's hurtful now, but don't judge your relationship with your brother on this. Things will change only when he has kids of his own! Sometimes nieces and nephews are invited in these situations, but I assume they've considered that. My brother wanted a kid free reception, but my kids are older. I would have been really hurt if they hadn't been included, so I get it. His wife vetoed his idea, fortunately. I hope you can go and enjoy the wedding!!

[o_mom]

"Kid free" has never included new or exclusively breast fed infants.


Apparently DH's cousin didn't get this memo.

In general, we just decline invtes when the kids aren't invited or just one of use goes. Dh went to three sibling weddings without me.

[Fairy]

"Kid free" has never included new or exclusively breast fed infants. They aren't the kids that are not generally invited.

I don't think breast feeding parents should get to bring their babies to my wedding if I don't allow other babies. A baby is a baby, and I don't really care how they're being fed, get a sitter or stay home.

I'm selfish that way.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I don't think breast feeding parents should get to bring their babies to my wedding if I don't allow other babies. A baby is a baby, and I don't really care how they're being fed, get a sitter or stay home.

I'm selfish that way.

Remove breastfed and sub babies. Most people don't exclude babies when they exclude kids, ime.

[rkold]

I don't think breast feeding parents should get to bring their babies to my wedding if I don't allow other babies. A baby is a baby, and I don't really care how they're being fed, get a sitter or stay home.

I'm selfish that way.

You do realize this is a Bitching Post right, and not in the Lounge or one of the other subforums? The OP came here to bitch about something that is bothering her and I was always under the impression if you're not supportive of whatever is bothering the person, perhaps you should just move along and ignore the thread.

[KrisM]

We were invited to a kid-free wedding when DD was 4 months old. She was only breast fed, but did take a bottle. I clarified with the couple and yep, she was also not invited. I debated, but decided to go. I ended up having to pump 3 times total and the hotel was fantastically awesome. They gave me a room to use for the evening, for free, so I could pump in private and even watch TV while I did it :). She was a good friend of many years, so I didn't want to skip the wedding, but I did cut it fairly short as a result. If DD had not taken a bottle, I'd have skipped it.

[Fairy]

You do realize this is a Bitching Post right, and not in the Lounge or one of the other subforums? The OP came here to bitch about something that is bothering her and I was always under the impression if you're not supportive of whatever is bothering the person, perhaps you should just move along and ignore the thread.

Yep, I am aware. Thank you for trying to help me understand.

[HannaAddict]

I don't think breast feeding parents should get to bring their babies to my wedding if I don't allow other babies. A baby is a baby, and I don't really care how they're being fed, get a sitter or stay home.

I'm selfish that way.

I have just never heard of a kid free wedding that lumped in infants, not babies generally, but true infants, that do need their mom. I would be happy to oblige and stay home though!

[MMMommy]

This is off topic and not related to OP's situation. Unless the invite stated "The Smith Family", I would never bring a child or baby (regardless if newborn, breastfeeding, etc) to a wedding. My interpretation is that only the named individuals on the invitation are invited. OP, I am sorry about the no kids reception, as that throws a wrench into things. I hope you find a solution that works.

[Fairy]

This is off topic and not related to OP's situation. Unless the invite stated "The Smith Family", I would never bring a child or baby (regardless if newborn, breastfeeding, etc) to a wedding. My interpretation is that only the named individuals on the invitation are invited. OP, I am sorry about the no kids reception, as that throws a wrench into things. I hope you find a solution that works.

This for me, as well.

[StantonHyde]

I think its sad not to have kids. I had children at my wedding and reception. And I had a Quaker ceremony where silence is important. It was outdoors so parents could take kids out if needed--and several did. But these kids were part of the loving community I wanted around me to witness my vows and bless me with their presence. It wasn't a hippie wedding--it was quite nice. I love the photos I have of those children at my wedding and cannot imagine the ceremony or the party without them!

[egoldber]

I have just never heard of a kid free wedding that lumped in infants, not babies generally, but true infants, that do need their mom. I would be happy to oblige and stay home though!

The point of a kid free wedding for many is so a kid doesn't disturb the ceremony. Many people don't want a baby crying during the ceremony.

[HannaAddict]

The point of a kid free wedding for many is so a kid doesn't disturb the ceremony. Many people don't want a baby crying during the ceremony.

Not to beat a dead horse, but the weddings we have been to "no kids" was so unpredictable loud toddlers and older weren't brought along, or were night hotel weddings past kids bedtimes. Never had a tiny BF infant disrupt a ceremony and have seen babies sleep soundly through a reception in a wrap or car seat. And have had friends explicitly say to bring a non-mobile EBF infant to a wedding when older kids were not included. Different strokes for different folks. But I would not feel slighted in the least at staying home and conversely, hope the b and g wouldn't feel slighted if a mother with babe in arms stayed home from their wedding.

[MMMommy]

Not to beat a dead horse, but the weddings we have been to "no kids" was so unpredictable loud toddlers and older weren't brought along, or were night hotel weddings past kids bedtimes. Never had a tiny BF infant disrupt a ceremony and have seen babies sleep soundly through a reception in a wrap or car seat. And have had friends explicitly say to bring a non-mobile EBF infant to a wedding when older kids were not included. Different strokes for different folks. But I would not feel slighted in the least at staying home and conversely, hope the b and g wouldn't feel slighted if a mother with babe in arms stayed home from their wedding.

I have heard plenty of crying infants at wedding ceremonies where the parents hurriedly left with the baby as soon as the crying started and some where the parents do not bother to leave the room. I think if the bride and groom expressly state that you can bring your infant to their "no kids" reception, that is different than just bringing your infant or baby when the invitation states just you and your significant other are invited. I also would never ask to bring anyone other than who is stated on the invitation.

[smilequeen]

Why don't you just ask your brother where they are getting childcare? Your kids are older, and honestly I just can't picture that being a problem. My kids would be perfectly happy to hang out with other kids and fun babysitters all night even if they didn't know any of the other kids there. We've hired babysitters through hotels before and they've always been great.

My brother is having a no kids wedding too, except for a few, and my kids are among the kids who are invited and that's a whole different worry. Without other kids there, I worry that they will get more bored. But it's a financial thing for my brother and future SIL. They just can't afford to pay for everyone's kids to also eat at the reception.

I love kids at weddings. I invited them all to mine, the more the merrier. But for other people, whatever. It's not my wedding and they should have it their way.

[doberbrat]

I'm sorry its so stressful for you esp since you were hoping this might bring you closer to your brother. I think I would probably go to the wedding alone and leave dh with the kids. Save a bunch of $$ and maybe go another time when things are calmer??

I love being so far away from my family (makes for a much healthier relationship) but it does definitely complicate many things.

[Momit]

We went to a no kids wedding and reception across the country a few months ago. We wanted to make a mini vacation out of it so we brought DS and did a bunch of sightseeing. DS came to the rehearsal dinner with us, then for the wedding and reception we hired a sitter we found through a friend. Our other friends brought their kids too, and their aunt came to stay with them, so the kids all had fun together at the pool, watching movies, playing games, ordering room service. I was worried but it worked out great. Hope you can find a good solution.

[bisous]

I think its sad not to have kids. I had children at my wedding and reception. And I had a Quaker ceremony where silence is important. It was outdoors so parents could take kids out if needed--and several did. But these kids were part of the loving community I wanted around me to witness my vows and bless me with their presence. It wasn't a hippie wedding--it was quite nice. I love the photos I have of those children at my wedding and cannot imagine the ceremony or the party without them!

Honestly, I think it is fine if people prefer their event to be kid free and I know that I personally enjoy some events more when I can leave my kids at home, lol! But for me, personally I prefer having kids around. It just seems more special and meaningful.

OP, I do think you have a valid reason to feel frustrated! I hope you figure out a good solution that helps build that relationship with your brother that you want. Hugs!

[StantonHyde]

oh people can opt for no kids--and yes, I totally enjoy nights out without my children!! I just think a joyous occasion of creating a family is something where kids are ok.

[bisous]

oh people can opt for no kids--and yes, I totally enjoy nights out without my children!! I just think a joyous occasion of creating a family is something where kids are ok.

I was agreeing with you. Sorry if that was awkward!

[TwinFoxes]

I think its sad not to have kids. I had children at my wedding and reception. And I had a Quaker ceremony where silence is important. It was outdoors so parents could take kids out if needed--and several did. But these kids were part of the loving community I wanted around me to witness my vows and bless me with their presence. It wasn't a hippie wedding--it was quite nice. I love the photos I have of those children at my wedding and cannot imagine the ceremony or the party without them!

I am sad that you are sad that a stranger isn't inviting kids to his wedding.

Seriously though, not all people belong to a community full of kids. The only kids who would have come to our wedding were coworkers' children whom we had never met. Our church at the time was the Catholic cathedral, there weren't even that many kids that attended, since it's in downtown DC. My flower girl and her brother attended. We didn't say "no kids, ooh gross" but we did address the invites to Mr & Mrs. People have such different situations and communities. To me it would have been sad paying for a bunch of kids I'd literally never see again. But I like their parents, so would have been sad not to have them at my wedding.

oh, and the one guy DH worked with who asked if he could bring his kids, DH said yes. And he FLAKED. No notice at all. No excuse or apology either, just "we couldn't make it".

[infocrazy]

OP. My aunt has offered to skip the reception and keep the kids so we are all set. She is like another grandma to them so they will be fine. Again, this was really about me just being sad they didn't want them there, which sugar coat all you want is true. 😕

FWIW we only have the save the date card...but it is addressed to the equivalent of The Smiths.

[KrisM]

Another no-kid reason is cost. We could only afford so much. If I had invited my co-workers or cousins children, other people would have been cut. It was the adults that I really wanted there - my friends and family. I could have cut out the co-workers and cousins completely, I suppose, but I wanted them there. Next to cut would have been my college friends, but again, I would pick them over my co-workers kids :). And if that choice makes other people sad, that's just the way it goes.

[Philly Mom]

OP. My aunt has offered to skip the reception and keep the kids so we are all set. She is like another grandma to them so they will be fine. Again, this was really about me just being sad they didn't want them there, which sugar coat all you want is true. [emoji53]

FWIW we only have the save the date card...but it is addressed to the equivalent of The Smiths.

Glad it worked out. I completely understand your disappointment. While different, my brother scheduled his last minute wedding when I was 8 months pregnant on the other side of the country. Two weeks earlier I could have gone. For various reasons that intellectually make sense, they picked the right date. I was still hurt.

I will admit though that when I got married I would have been annoyed if someone brought a baby/child (even a BF one to my wedding). It was a night time affair and black tie optional. I would like to think that if I had a niece at that time I would have included her but weddings are a self involved time. Perhaps I wouldn't have wanted the worry of a baby/toddler crying. While nieces and nephews are often included (not always), in my experience lots of weddings are kid free events.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[MMMommy]

OP. My aunt has offered to skip the reception and keep the kids so we are all set. She is like another grandma to them so they will be fine. Again, this was really about me just being sad they didn't want them there, which sugar coat all you want is true. ��

FWIW we only have the save the date card...but it is addressed to the equivalent of The Smiths.

Glad it worked out and you found a workable solution. I am sorry for the hurt feelings.

[buddyleebaby]

OP. My aunt has offered to skip the reception and keep the kids so we are all set. She is like another grandma to them so they will be fine. Again, this was really about me just being sad they didn't want them there, which sugar coat all you want is true. 

FWIW we only have the save the date card...but it is addressed to the equivalent of The Smiths.

I'm glad it worked out.
I understand why your feelings were/are hurt. If my brother or sister didn't invite my children, It would make me sad too, and I don't have a problem with "no kids" receptions in general. It just feels different when it's a sibling.

[AnnieW625]

One of my best friends did this as well when DD1 was 2/1/2. I had known the reception was going to be kid free (and a sitter had been arranged), but when the bride said no kids at the church service where only the groom and his parents and my family were the only Catholics I was a little ticked off. I would have sat in the back with DD1, and ended up sitting in the back because I had to drop off DD with the sitter and she freaked out so I barely got there in time for the service. To make matters worse they brought the kids down to the church for family pictures and then we had to go through the whole separation thing as well, and then later on one of the other kids parents kept telling me that Dd was freaking out so I missed the bulk of the reception and the cake cutting. Moral of the story I shoukd have left DD1 at home (wither Godparents 300 miles away), but because my immediate family was there I thought it was better to bring her so she could see everyone.

As much as people complain about the Catholic Church not being kid friendly with the exception of my friends wedding I have never been to a Catholic wedding that didn't have kids invited. One time though I did leave my kids at home because it was a 5 pm wedding and I knew it would be a really late night, but had DD2 been a babe in arms my cousin would have been fine with it, even though there weren't any other toddlers at the wedding (just a couple with a 1 yr. old). I love kids at weddings because they provide entertainment at the reception IMHO.

Eta: honestly your future SIL addressed the invites wrong then, she should have addressed it Mr. and Mrs. Smith then. If the invite comes addressed like that the imho it should be self explanatory especially if the invite doesn't come with an inner envelope where individual names are listed. I re read your first post I think your kids because of their ages might do okay with the sitter service ESP. if there are going to be other kids, but I do hear you and am glad you got it all worked out. Maybe your brother and SIL will have a change of heart.

[AnnieW625]

"Kid free" has never included new or exclusively breast fed infants. They aren't the kids that are not generally invited.......

I thought that once as well, and even rsvp'd with my menu choice, but then happened to mention to the bride's mom that I was looking forward to the rest of the family (DH's cousin) meeting DD1 (she was 2/1/2 mos. old) and she flat out told me the bride wouldn't allow any children, even a nursing baby at the wedding or the reception. I tried to find a sitter to watch my newborn and couldn't find one so DD1, and I didn't go. I was kind of bummed, but better I didn't overstep and showed up with DD1 and then been forced to leave and been beyond embarrassed.

[MMMommy]

One of my best friends did this as well when DD1 was 2/1/2. I had known the reception was going to be kid free (and a sitter had been arranged), but when the bride said no kids at the church service where only the groom and his parents and my family were the only Catholics I was a little ticked off. I would have sat in the back with DD1, and ended up sitting in the back because I had to drop off DD with the sitter and she freaked out so I barely got there in time for the service. To make matters worse they brought the kids down to the church for family pictures and then we had to go through the whole separation thing as well, and then later on one of the other kids parents kept telling me that Dd was freaking out so I missed the bulk of the reception and the cake cutting. Moral of the story I shoukd have left DD1 at home (wither Godparents 300 miles away), but because my immediate family was there I thought it was better to bring her so she could see everyone.

As much as people complain about the Catholic Church not being kid friendly with the exception of my friends wedding I have never been to a Catholic wedding that didn't have kids invited. One time though I did leave my kids at home because it was a 5 pm wedding and I knew it would be a really late night, but had DD2 been a babe in arms my cousin would have been fine with it, even though there weren't any other toddlers at the wedding (just a couple with a 1 yr. old). I love kids at weddings because they provide entertainment at the reception IMHO.

Eta: honestly your future SIL addressed the invites wrong then, she should have addressed it Mr. and Mrs. Smith then. If the invite comes addressed like that the imho it should be self explanatory especially if the invite doesn't come with an inner envelope where individual names are listed. I re read your first post I think your kids because of their ages might do okay with the sitter service ESP. if there are going to be other kids, but I do hear you and am glad you got it all worked out. Maybe your brother and SIL will have a change of heart.

I agree that your future SIL addressed the invite wrong as well. To me, "The Smiths" can be interpreted as "The Smith Family." She should have just put "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" to be clear that it was adults only. I do think it would have been easier and clearer if they had just made both the ceremony and the reception adults only versus delineating that the ceremony welcomes kids, but the reception does not.

[123LuckyMom]

OP. My aunt has offered to skip the reception and keep the kids so we are all set. She is like another grandma to them so they will be fine. Again, this was really about me just being sad they didn't want them there, which sugar coat all you want is true. [emoji53]

FWIW we only have the save the date card...but it is addressed to the equivalent of The Smiths.

I'm glad the kids will have a happy alternative. If I had received that invitation to "The Smiths", I would have assumed my kids were invited. They are Smiths. If she wasn't inviting the kids, she should have addressed the invitation properly.