Clearly I don't understand tween and teen boys.

[gatorsmom]

So my nephew has been here for 2 weeks and he'll be staying another week. He's 14 and gets along great with my kids. He's polite and helpful. But he loves pillow fights, nerf-gun wars, wrestling on the floor, etc. he's just very physical. I really didn't think it could be more crazy in our house but add in one more boy and it absolutely is! Frankly, I'm a little tired if it. They are constantly knocking each other down pushing, hitting with pillows and pinning each other down. It wasnt like this much befire DN got here but DH says this is how he was with his younger brother everyday. I only had one sibling growing up, my younger brother and we never acted like this.

This past weekend DS1 had a birthday party with all the kids swimming in our pool and it was a whole lot of vicious pool noodle wars, squirt gun fights and digs at each other. Since I was out there supervising the pool I would frequently say, "boys, that is not nice." But the boys would look at me like,"what's wrong?" And when I was sure someone was getting their feelings hurt or someone was getting attacked, they would grin at me and say, "it doesn't bother me Mrs. Smith." Apparently it's all playful banter. Even DH told me to leave the boys alone that no one was getting attacked or DS will feel embarrassed that I'm getting in involved. Clearly, I have a lot to learn about boys!!

[rlu]

ah, so that is my upcoming fate.

I have noticed a difference in the games the Boy Scouts (11+) play as opposed to the Cubs Scouts (under 11). It is more physical and uneven - no parents leveling the playing field. Not easy for a momma to swallow, especially when your kid is on the unequal end. The older scouts do look out for the younger, but they aren't taking it much easier on them. Prepping them for life I guess.

Your first paragraph sounds the way DS plays with GoldPup and I am constantly telling him to leave the dog alone (not that the dog is complaining!) Boys!

[SnuggleBuggles]

That's how ds's friends are. Ds1 isn't like that so it's been a bit overwhelming when his friends are over.

[123LuckyMom]

My cousins are visiting, and my cousin's soon-to-be husband has two teenage boys who are lovely kids but very physical with each other. I don't love the example it sets for my DS, but the truth of the matter is that nobody's getting physically or emotionally hurt, so I guess it's okay. Our other teen boy cousins, who are twins, are not physical like that, so it's not ALL boys. I can see already with how physical my DS and DD are that my kids are the physical types. So long as everyone is enjoying the physical play, I don't get involved, sometimes there are even injuries, but so long as everyone is happy, I'm okay with it. The HUGE thing in our house is that "stop" and "no" must be immediately obeyed. I don't care if all you do is poke someone on the arm. If they told you to stop, and you poked, that's a BIG problem. If the other person doesn't care, then poke away. The issue in our house is consent.

[JBaxter]

Thats very normal for boys that age. I never understood "trading punches" Where you stand and slug your friend as hard as you can in the arm to see if they flinch. It mellows out about 16 when girls show up and they start driving. I adopted the..... Unless someone is bleeding or you are laying in a contorted angle don't bother me. 10 up I could care less how hard they beat each other with pool noodles or shoot soccer balls at each other.

[khm]

I think its totally normal, sorry to say. My kids (1 girl and 1 boy) are NOT roughhousers, it just isn't how they play. Therefore I am very not used to it. I have a very, very hard time when my son has gregarious friends over. Logically, I know they are just having their own brand of fun and I need to get over it, but my brain just can't take the noise!

I have several sets of friends with roughhousers, and they do get used to it. One has 3 very active boys. Good kids, but they are very rough with each other. The mom was the only girl in the middle of 5 brothers, so it didn't phase her in the least. It took the dad some time to tune it out in the same way. They aren't hurting each other (generally), they are burning off steam, etc. Another family has 2 girls and 1 boy all very close in age. Same deal. We've seen them wrestle around in the front yard and my kids were just agog. Just not how they operate. My son would be screaming as if he were mortally wounded in about 3 seconds and my daughter just is too..... stuffy. I sometimes feel like it'd be good for them, might toughen my son up a bit and loosen my daughter up a bit, but I frankly don't see it happening.

If your nephew were moving in, you'd come to a compromise - he'd tone it down a bit and you'd get used to it somewhat. But, since it's just a visit, I'd just muscle through and enjoy the silence when he's gone. :)

[petesgirl]

My DS is very active, but not into play fighting. We had some friends with their 3 boys and whew! Those boys are wrestlers!! I was a little in shock....

[gatorsmom]

If your nephew were moving in, you'd come to a compromise - he'd tone it down a bit and you'd get used to it somewhat. But, since it's just a visit, I'd just muscle through and enjoy the silence when he's gone. :)

I feel guilty saying I'm looking forward to the quiet again. My kids are not wrestlers or roughhousers. I've been watching them these last few weeks though, with their cousin and they seem to handle it fine. I've been surprised. I thought for sure there would be some tears and kids running to me crying, "mom, Joe pinned me to the ground!" But they haven't at all. They just give back as good as they get AND they don't seem mad at each other. They just go on to play something else together. So maybe this has been good for them. Even DD, who doesn't get into the wrestling just says, "Joe, knock it off!" And then walks away. She is completely unphased by it. Me, I've started having some afternoon cocktails. I guess we each deal in our own way. ;)

[DualvansMommy]

My SIL is a mom of 5 kids; 4 out of 5 are boys and are very much the "rough playing" household. So it's normal, but I agree with pp unthread who said consent is more of bigger deal for me. When one says no or I had enough, it stops right there and then. My nephews don't follow that rule, and as a consequence there's a lot of "mom tell joe to stop hassling me, etc" but my SIL doesn't. Over the years I've seen resentment build up between the siblings which isn't good. Doesn't help matters they've to share their bedrooms and go to very very small private school. So there's very little to none opportunities of escaping your siblings. Only the niece can get to run her room which is her own completely and get to decompress.

Ds1 is starting to get into that little with his cousins, which I think is good for him. But I told him no means no in my household and anywhere else homes.


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[gatorsmom]

My SIL is a mom of 5 kids; 4 out of 5 are boys and are very much the "rough playing" household. So it's normal, but I agree with pp unthread who said consent is more of bigger deal for me. When one says no or I had enough, it stops right there and then. My nephews don't follow that rule, and as a consequence there's a lot of "mom tell joe to stop hassling me, etc" but my SIL doesn't. Over the years I've seen resentment build up between the siblings which isn't good. Doesn't help matters they've to share their bedrooms and go to very very small private school. So there's very little to none opportunities of escaping your siblings. Only the niece can get to run her room which is her own completely and get to decompress.

Ds1 is starting to get into that little with his cousins, which I think is good for him. But I told him no means no in my household and anywhere else homes.


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Thats interesting about the sibling discord. I fully believe that after my DN goes home my boys will calm down again. They do have their own rooms where they go to escape each other too. DN has his own room right now at our house and so he can escape too if he needs to. I would hate for them to feel trapped and angry with each other because of all this wrestling. 3 weeks can feel like a lifetime when you are unhappy!

[boogiemom]

Yep. Pretty normal, although I am not a fan. I have noticed some boys do get their feelings hurt but they try to play it off. I am trying to teach my boys to be sensitive to the signs that someone is feeling like it is too much. Also, I am trying to teach them to be aware of the digs to make sure that they do not tend to be toward certain people in the group more than others. I remind them that no one likes being the butt of the joke. They are getting better about recognizing that there is a line that they should not cross. Sigh. They are a work in progress.

Also, I am a firm believer in "my house, my rules". We do not allow rough housing in the house. Period. We also really do not do the rude "digs". I just tell them that we don't do that here. I'm sure they do it outside away from me but they have learned not to do it in front of me, thus limiting it at least.


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[calebsmama03]

Ugh. No helpful advice but I can commiserate. I'm the oldest of 3 girls so rough play was just not the norm. I recently told my husband that I am just not a good "boy mom". I don't get the play style, the noise grates on my very last nerve, and I hate feeling like a nag telling them to be careful, p,ay nice, don't throw the ball in the house, don't bounce the basketball off the window (or your little brother's head....). Give me a house full of hormonal girls any day.

[lizzywednesday]

I'm the eldest of 4. My brothers and I were accustomed to roughhouse quite a bit when we were younger, so it's not outside my frame of reference. I expect that my daughter will roughhouse with her cousins (on my side, she's the only girl) and have made it my job to teach her limits (i.e. - when someone isn't having fun anymore, you need to STOP and back off), and also show her how to hold her own in the group.

Our dad, however, felt we'd often take it too far and started to forbid rough play - he hadn't grown up in a house where it was acceptable to roughhouse, either. I can't say it bothers me too much when it's on dry land, especially outdoors. Indoors, well, there's a lot more trouble they can get into - knocking stuff over, breaking things I can't replace, etc.

When it's in or around a pool, however, it really troubles me. Water is dangerous enough without roughhousing in/near it, so I think your concern, OP, is not misplaced there.

As for the teasing or rudeness, well, my uncle John was like that. He'd needle, poke fun, and say things that were purposefully intended to push buttons to get reactions. It took me many years to understand that not only was this the way he played with us, but it was also the way he showed affection. If he did it to DD, however, I'd be angry, but he's outgrown that phase. I don't think you're out of line reminding your children that you're their biggest fan and defender, but if it's not bothering them at the time, I might back off a little bit.

Good luck, OP. I hope the rest of your nephew's stay is a little more to your liking.