Calling all club soccer moms and dads....I need some insight on this situation...

[jerseygirl07067]

DD1 (age 11) and DD2 (age10), both play soccer. Recently, there was an opportunity to try out for a competitive club team, as a new soccer club was started in our area. So they both really wanted to try out. I was a bit leary about the commitment to playing at the club level but I figured if they had a good tryout and made the team, and really wanted to do it, then I was all in. I was expecting DD1 to make it, which she did, but wasn't sure about DD2. She is a skilled player but doesn't play very aggressively and it shows during games. But she had a fairly good tryout, and much to my surprise, she was chosen for the U11 team. I watched her tryout and was honestly quite shocked when we heard that she made the team because there were other players out there who looked much more aggressive and skilled. The coach told me why she was selected over some specific girls who others thought should have made the team. He said he noticed she was responded very well to everything that was asked of her during tryouts, and appeared to be very coachable because she responded so well. He also told me that when he just put her in with some other more skilled players for a 3 on 3 game, she really upped her game and he noticed that. All good, but this leads up today...

So she is on this team, practicing 2-3 x per week and seems to try really hard at practices and do well. She was really proud to be chosen, as the girls on her team are very skilled and she feels great being a part of it. The issue is during games her lack of aggressiveness is quite obvious compared to the other players and she is not getting a lot of play time. I get that at this level the best players are going to get more play time. But honestly, I am wondering if she was just a bad pick for the team. To add insult to injury, we were in a tournament over Labor Day weekend, and a guest player was added to the team who played quite a bit more than she did, and this also occurred during our preseason scrimmages. During a scrimmage double header, another player not even on our roster, was brought out to play while she sat on the bench the entire 2nd game. During the first game she was really just slow on the field and not playing to her full potential. I spoke to the coach about my concerns right after the game. He said she showed a lack of effort (I agree) and that he hadn't seen that from her before and was surprised by it. He said not to pressure her and that it is his job as her coach to bring out the best in his players. He said he was going to talk with her. But since then, nothing has happened. He hasn't spoken to her, at least from what she has told me. He did text me last week to tell me she had a really good practice on monday and asked if she mentioned that she was unsure of where to be on the field. I said yes, and I had told him this previously too, but nothing seems to have come of it. When I did ask DD about that scrimmage game she said she was just tired. She got good sleep the night before, was eating the right things and staying hydrated. It was very hot out. but the other players managed to play hard in the heat.

So we are only 3 games and one tournament into the season, and I'm still thinking maybe this was a bad selection. Maybe I am just being too impatient and this will improve over time? She has expressed being upset about her lack of play time, but I've also told her that if she wants to play more she needs to be more aggressive not just in practice but during games. This past weekend we played against a team from one of the bigger clubs, and it was a very close game. She sat on the bench for the whole game until the last 10 minutes or so, and again, the lack of intense play showed. The score was 3-2 and she was just not bringing it. Which will just reinforce her getting less play time each game.

I am not sure how to handle this, as I don't want to put too much pressure on her. I know it is early in the season, but as a parent, this is tough to keep watching as she is getting frustrated. Any insight you can offer me?

[wellyes]

Guest player, what the heck?? When girls who wanted on the team were cut? That's bizarre.

This is her chance to up her game. She needs to play hard to get noticed. She can take advantage, or not. I see not advantage to pulling her, and definitely no advantage in complaining to the coach.

[westwoodmom04]

Is she having fun? If so, what does it matter if she sits or doesn't make the club next year? If not, have her finish out the season and do a rec league next year.

I wouldn't make a decision mid-season

[jren]

I would stick with it. Even if all she does all season is practice with the team and sit out games, it will benefit her abilities in the long run. I'm actually impressed by the coach who gave someone that was coachable, versus already a super star today, a chance. There's no guarantees that the great players today will be good by high school.


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[jerseygirl07067]

I would stick with it. Even if all she does all season is practice with the team and sit out games, it will benefit her abilities in the long run. I'm actually impressed by the coach who gave someone that was coachable, versus already a super star today, a chance. There's no guarantees that the great players today will be good by high school.


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jren, I wish there was a "like" button for your comment! That is very true!

[boolady]

Guest player, what the heck?? When girls who wanted on the team were cut? That's bizarre.

This is her chance to up her game. She needs to play hard to get noticed. She can take advantage, or not. I see not advantage to pulling her, and definitely no advantage in complaining to the coach.

Guest playing is a real thing. Guest players must practice with the team (at least twice, IIRC) before the tournament or game they play in. At least from what I've seen, they're high level players who teams see an opportunity to add for a limited period of time. Not agreeing or disagreeing that it's a good thing, but I know some kids who have been asked to "guest" on other teams.

[boolady]

I would stick with it. Even if all she does all season is practice with the team and sit out games, it will benefit her abilities in the long run. I'm actually impressed by the coach who gave someone that was coachable, versus already a super star today, a chance. There's no guarantees that the great players today will be good by high school.


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:yeahthat: She's learning from all of it, even if she's not playing as much as she'd like. I would at least finish the season.

[jenmcadams]

I would stick with it. Even if all she does all season is practice with the team and sit out games, it will benefit her abilities in the long run. I'm actually impressed by the coach who gave someone that was coachable, versus already a super star today, a chance. There's no guarantees that the great players today will be good by high school.
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I agree with this. The guest player thing is tough, but sometimes those guest players are "ringers" and will get more playing time in tourneys. If he brought up another girl from a regular team (I assume from a lower team in your club), I could see him playing her more since he might be using it as a potential tryout.

U11 is the first year of competitive soccer around here and it's a tough year for coaches and players. It's hard to choose teams and girls who are great in tryouts aren't always as good in games. Being aggressive is more and more important as they get older and bigger, but that can totally develop. I saw that with several girls on my DDs teams over the years. I had a daughter who was borderline and made a higher team. It generally worked out and I'm glad she was on the higher team because she got better coaching and enjoyed playing with better players. She played competitive for 2 years (and then stopped to focus on swimming and singing). She spent most of the first year starting and playing a lot and over time, the practices she missed for her singing commitment got to be too much and she eventually lost her starting spot and started to see less playing time. That combined with her being a little bit of a perfectionist (her skills weren't keeping up with girls who could attend 3x per week when she only made it 2x) basically ended up contributing to her decision to stop playing in 7th grade.

While I would encourage you to stick it out, I do think any player not playing at all in a game at U11 is a little much. On our teams, I can't remember a time when a player played less than a 1/3 of a game. Our club tries to keep rosters light (max of 14-15 players for 11v11), so I would watch over the next few months and next season (assuming it's a year long commitment) and see if playing time doesn't improve. If she never ends up getting in much, after Spring tryouts, I might look at switching clubs or ask for her to be placed on a lower team. If one of her issues is aggressiveness during games, then playing in games will be important to her development.

[jerseygirl07067]

I agree with this. The guest player thing is tough, but sometimes those guest players are "ringers" and will get more playing time in tourneys. If he brought up another girl from a regular team (I assume from a lower team in your club), I could see him playing her more since he might be using it as a potential tryout.

U11 is the first year of competitive soccer around here and it's a tough year for coaches and players. It's hard to choose teams and girls who are great in tryouts aren't always as good in games. Being aggressive is more and more important as they get older and bigger, but that can totally develop. I saw that with several girls on my DDs teams over the years. I had a daughter who was borderline and made a higher team. It generally worked out and I'm glad she was on the higher team because she got better coaching and enjoyed playing with better players. She played competitive for 2 years (and then stopped to focus on swimming and singing). She spent most of the first year starting and playing a lot and over time, the practices she missed for her singing commitment got to be too much and she eventually lost her starting spot and started to see less playing time. That combined with her being a little bit of a perfectionist (her skills weren't keeping up with girls who could attend 3x per week when she only made it 2x) basically ended up contributing to her decision to stop playing in 7th grade.

While I would encourage you to stick it out, I do think any player not playing at all in a game at U11 is a little much. On our teams, I can't remember a time when a player played less than a 1/3 of a game. Our club tries to keep rosters light (max of 14-15 players for 11v11), so I would watch over the next few months and next season (assuming it's a year long commitment) and see if playing time doesn't improve. If she never ends up getting in much, after Spring tryouts, I might look at switching clubs or ask for her to be placed on a lower team. If one of her issues is aggressiveness during games, then playing in games will be important to her development.

At U11 they are playing 8v8 and her roster has 11. The only game where I'd say she played 1/3 to 1/2 was last week when they were up 7-0. DH and I thought she did pretty well for the time she was in, but then there was this past week with 10 mins of play time in a 60 minute game.

[bcafe]

I'd follow the coach's lead on this one. He/she must have a plan for her growth as they chose your DD for good reasons. We have a brand new U11 boys team with 11 on the roster. The coach really doesn't move players around and I suspect he sees something in each player and chose their roles accordingly. What position does she play?

[jerseygirl07067]

I'd follow the coach's lead on this one. He/she must have a plan for her growth as they chose your DD for good reasons. We have a brand new U11 boys team with 11 on the roster. The coach really doesn't move players around and I suspect he sees something in each player and chose their roles accordingly. What position does she play?

She plays midfield which is a new position for her. She is used to playing forward on her rec team. Even when she was forward she wasn't very aggressive but managed to score occasionally. She insists she knows where she needs to be on the field, but watching her it looks like this is not the case at all. I told her to talk to her coach but she won't speak up about it.

[nfowife]

Is she having fun? If so, what does it matter if she sits or doesn't make the club next year? If not, have her finish out the season and do a rec league next year.

I wouldn't make a decision mid-season

I agree with this. I would back off unless she is upset or frustrated.

[3isEnough]

Both my boys have been playing club soccer for several years now so I think I've seen it all with club. The guest player thing is always super annoying to me and really, I think it's incredibly unfair to the rostered players. A pp mentioned upthread that guests are required to practice twice with the team but we don't have any such requirements here so often they just show up and get a lot of playing time. That being said, however, I've never seen it as extreme as you describe - with your DD getting barely any playing time while the guest is out there almost the entire game. That's really unfair to your DD and to you - club soccer is a lot of time, money and effort and it's not fair that your DD and you are getting shortchanged. Sure, the better players are always going to get more playing time, but the younger ages of club soccer are really about developing the player vs purely winning, so it's doing your DD no good to be sitting on the bench for such extended periods of time, even if the team is winning thanks in part to the guest player.

As others have said, I'd wait out the rest of this season to see if things improve. Your DD has already committed to the team and club and presumably you've paid the dues. Maybe your DD will learn to be more aggressive with time, or maybe she won't, but that will be more evident at the end of the soccer year. I have one DS who is fairly timid and always has been but his foot skills keep him on the team, and my other DS who is small and should be more timid but is super aggressive. Based on my experience this trait really seems to be hardwired in them.

Good luck!

[westwoodmom04]

Both my boys have been playing club soccer for several years now so I think I've seen it all with club. The guest player thing is always super annoying to me and really, I think it's incredibly unfair to the rostered players. A pp mentioned upthread that guests are required to practice twice with the team but we don't have any such requirements here so often they just show up and get a lot of playing time. That being said, however, I've never seen it as extreme as you describe - with your DD getting barely any playing time while the guest is out there almost the entire game. That's really unfair to your DD and to you - club soccer is a lot of time, money and effort and it's not fair that your DD and you are getting shortchanged. Sure, the better players are always going to get more playing time, but the younger ages of club soccer are really about developing the player vs purely winning, so it's doing your DD no good to be sitting on the bench for such extended periods of time, even if the team is winning thanks in part to the guest player.

As others have said, I'd wait out the rest of this season to see if things improve. Your DD has already committed to the team and club and presumably you've paid the dues. Maybe your DD will learn to be more aggressive with time, or maybe she won't, but that will be more evident at the end of the soccer year. I have one DS who is fairly timid and always has been but his foot skills keep him on the team, and my other DS who is small and should be more timid but is super aggressive. Based on my experience this trait really seems to be hardwired in them.

Good luck!

I think the last point is a very good one. I have one child who who is a good athlete but wouldn't stand out particularly when looking at the team doing drills. However, he had all the intangibles and very good field sense, and does stand out on the field, seemingly regardless of sport. My other child, like your dd, loves to play, looks good during drills, but just never puts it all together to the level needed to be truly outstanding, somewhat due to a lack of aggressiveness. I hope this is something that will come with time, as she really likes sports, but who knows?

By 10 or 11, I think the ridiculously small percentage of kids who will go on to play in college on scholarship already stand out. For everyone else, it is just for fun. It seems really easy for parents to get caught up in the competitive nature of youth sports today, but I always remind myself that it is all about the kids having fun and it isn't fun for them (or at least mine) if parents push too hard or are too critical.

[Meatball Mommie]

I'd follow the coach's lead on this one. He/she must have a plan for her growth as they chose your DD for good reasons. We have a brand new U11 boys team with 11 on the roster. The coach really doesn't move players around and I suspect he sees something in each player and chose their roles accordingly. What position does she play?

I agree with this. My kids play club hockey and we stress 100% effort in practices. That's really where you'll see skill advancement. Being aggressive during a game situation will come when your daughter is more confident in her skills. Coaches really value kids who are easy to coach (listen well, follow instructions, play as a team member, etc.) Hang in there and just keep telling her to try her best. I wouldn't sweat not playing in the games either although I know that's hard. Focus on being positive and telling her to trust in her abilities. If she doesn't want to play with this team next year, then that's fine, but stick it out for the season.

Also, maybe if there is a girl on the team that can take your daughter "under her wing" so to speak, that may help.

[jerseygirl07067]

Thanks everyone. It wasn't my intention to pull her off the team as we have already committed for the season. Our club is new, and the pay structure is different. You pay half in fall, and half in spring, and it is a lot less expensive than most clubs, because our coaches are certified but still volunteers. DD's coach is also the person who started the club, and is the club president. He is the only one who gets paid I believe.

So I need to clarify how long the commitment is for..... I assume in the club world it's for a year but need to double check if it's just for fall only. Maybe in time she will become more aggressive as she builds confidence. For now, as long as she is having fun, I will take everyone's advice and not worry about it. I will keep an open dialogue with her about it too. :)