Do you call your kids' teachers by their first names?

[*myfoursons]

So I sent an email to my 4th grade son's teacher, addressing him by his first name and signing it with my first name. He responded back addressing me as Mrs. X, and signed off as mr. Y. I just think this is weird. He's a young teacher, too, and we're all adults here, right? Am I wrong here?

[JBaxter]

Mrs O' Brien here an we are close to the same age. I always us Mr or Mrs never first names. To me using first names implies a friendship not something professional that applies to my child's education. I say wrong until he says call me X he is Mr. X

[lhafer]

We've always used last names for teachers in school (public school). In preschool we used Ms. Firstname.

To me, first name means friendship or a closeness outside the professional boundaries of the teacher/parent relationship.

[mackmama]

We have 4 teachers. Two of them I call by first name (they are my peers and I grew up with them). The other two are the moms of people I grew up with, so I call them Mrs XX. I haven't thought about this before - I could probably graduate to calling the latter by their first names, but old habits/manners are still in place!

[123LuckyMom]

I always ask, but I've never had a teacher ask to be addressed by anything other than a first name. I actually find it awkward, because I always think of the teachers' names the way I say them to the children. Maybe he's full of himself because he's young. I can't think of any other explanation. I would be shocked, too.

[HonoluluMom]

I also always use Mr., Mrs. or Ms.

[PZMommy]

DS's teachers are my co workers, so I call them by their first name. However if I am addressing them in front of my DS or other students I always use Mrs. Last name.

Parents always address me as Mrs. Last name, and I address them the same way. I never just call them by their first name.

[squimp]

It varies from teacher to teacher, but most of the teachers want us parents to call them by their first name. I have a hard time doing it though! The teachers often refer to me as Mrs. DDsLastNameButNotMyLastName. Which is awkward!

[Tenasparkl]

We've always used last names for teachers in school (public school). In preschool we used Ms. Firstname.


Same here. I always call teachers by what the students are asked to call them. We still call DD's former preschool teacher that babysits for us Ms. Firstname. When DD was in K another mom called the teacher by his first name and it took me a minute to realize who she was talking about.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I go by how they sign off on emails. Many prefer first names. In front of the kids, I always use their title and last name vs first name.

[specialp]

I start with last name and keep it that way unless they tell me to address them by their first name.

[connor_mommy]

When the kids are around, I address the teacher as Ms. or Mrs. XXX. If it's just us, then by first name. I've never been corrected.

[boolady]

I start with last name and keep it that way unless they tell me to address them by their first name.

:yeahthat:

[hillview]

When the kids are around, I address the teacher as Ms. or Mrs. XXX. If it's just us, then by first name. I've never been corrected.
:yeahthat:

[StantonHyde]

I start with last name and keep it that way unless they tell me to address them by their first name.

This!! And I always use last name in front of the kids. And I am a "call me byy first name" mom. In our state teachers are often viewed so poorly, I guess I pay extra attention to addressing them in a professional manner

[Green_Tea]

I am a teacher, and the vast majority of the parents I deal with refer to me as Mrs. X. I don't mind being called by my first name and usually invite parents to use it (many still call me Mrs. X in spite of the invitation), but always address my own kids' teachers as Mr. or Ms. and then switch to first names if they invite me to do so (which they usually do.)

I don't think the age of the teacher is relevant. He didn't correct you, he just signed his email that way. I wouldn't read too much into it.

ETA - I think the fact that he addressed you as Mrs. X is actually a sign that he is being deferential and respectful.

[bcafe]

I always use Mr., Mrs., etc. In fact I saw an old teacher of mine this past summer and even though he is a family friend (my dad was a teacher with him), I still called him Mr. XX.

[*myfoursons]

When the kids are around, I address the teacher as Ms. or Mrs. XXX. If it's just us, then by first name. I've never been corrected.

Yeah, I always use their last name when I'm with the kids, but between two adults, I just prefer first names. I wrote a note to him yesterday which my child would be delivering, so I addressed him by his last name. But in an informal email? It just feels wrong. Guess I'll follow his lead in the future, as it seems to be his preference.

Interesting reading the varied responses!

[AnnieW625]

I asked DD1's first grade teacher what she preferred to be called after accidentally calling her her first name (I was the room mom too) and she was a year or two older than me and she sent me a nasty toned email letting me know that I could only call her Mrs. last name. Needless to say we didn't hit it off socially and even three yrs. later now I would still likely call her Mrs. Last Name instead of her first name even in a social situation. She is very icy.

My dad always called my teachers by their first name.

I always introduce myself or sign off on emails as Annie Last Name, but get Mrs. Last Name while at school or on an email and it doesn't bother me. All of my kids friends call me Mrs. Last Name as well. Up north in Nor Cal where I grew up it was less formal.

[jse107]

We've always used last names for teachers in school (public school). In preschool we used Ms. Firstname.

To me, first name means friendship or a closeness outside the professional boundaries of the teacher/parent relationship.

Ditto. We are very, very good friends with one of the 2nd grade teachers in the school, but in school we still always call her Mrs. Lastname. My kids call her by her first name out of school, but always her last name in and around school.

[blisstwins]

Maybe he's full of himself because he's young. I can't think of any other explanation. I would be shocked, too.

Aww...he is probably being very careful with boundaries. I am a teacher and I feel weird when people address me by my first name before I know them/say so. I also don't feel comfortable addressing parents by their first name. It is entirely possible he did not want to call you by your first name and went more formal for himself to even it out. It is just awkward.

[anonomom]

Always last name, unless I am specifically invited to use their first name.

[KrisM]

I follow their lead. DS1's 2nd grade teacher, 4 years ago, still calls me Mrs. H when I see her. She volunteers for an activity that I've chaired for a few years and she still calls me by my last name, so that is what I call her still. But, DS2's current 2nd grade teacher introduced herself to me and DH with her first name and calls me Kris, so I use her first name as well. I've found most prefer first names. Even the principals go by first name.

But, we are a fairly small area and many of the teachers have kids in the district. DD's principal was DS2's soccer coach. DS2's principal has 3 kids all in the same grades as my kids, so we chat about middle school for our oldest kids now. All of the kids have good friends who are teacher kids and then my kids have them as teachers, so we just go on first names.

In a classroom, everyone is last name though.

[jent]

I start with last name and keep it that way unless they tell me to address them by their first name.

This. It's just how i think of DD's teachers since she calls them by their last name.


He didn't correct you, he just signed his email that way. I wouldn't read too much into it.

ETA - I think the fact that he addressed you as Mrs. X is actually a sign that he is being deferential and respectful.

That was my reaction too, both points.

[elbenn]

I always address teachers by Mr. and Mrs./Ms. and do that in emails also. However, I sign the emails with my first name.

[lalasmama]

I call her teachers Mrs. X. in front of DD, but when talking with DH, or directly to the teacher, we use first names... But, they are also DH's colleagues, who we see on social occasions.

[♥ms.pacman♥]

Always last name, unless I am specifically invited to use their first name.

:yeahthat: I am in Texas. I would never refer to any of the kids' teacher (elementary or daycare) by the first name. Seems way too familiar. About age 5 and up it's always "Miss/Mrs. Lastname" to teachers.

[ahisma]

I follow their lead, but generally I do use their first names. Always Mr(s). XXX in front of the kids. Most of our teachers live in the community, which may impact it.

[belovedgandp]

I always use Miss/Mrs/Mr Last name for teachers.

If I'm sending an informal e-mail I rarely put a salutation to start the e-mail. I'd typical sign-off with my first and last name.

My oldest is in 6th grade and I'm just getting comfortable with being called Mrs. Last name. It definitely felt awkward the first few years. I've known the first grade teaching team at our elementary school for five years now. I speak with all of them by Mrs. They do the same among themselves with students are around. I was caught off guard last week when in the building on a non-school day and they were referring to each other by first name. It took me a while to place who was who.

I have to think hard to come up with the first name of a few of the teachers my kids have had through the years.

[pb&j]

As a sign of professional respect, I always address teachers as Ms/Mr Lastname. When the school year is over, if they've referred to themselves by their first name (ie signing emails/leaving messages using their first name), then I'll switch to first name. But I call them what the kids are expected to call them for the duration of the school year. Even my son's teacher, who I am friends with - when I'm talking about school-related stuff, she's Ms. "Smith". I'll call her "Jane" when I see her socially, and when the school year is over. I request that teachers call me by my first name, but don't mind if they use Ms. Lastname.

FTR, I went to a super hippie alternative high school and all the teachers went by first names, so I don't have a problem with first names. But that's not how teachers are referred to at my kids' school, so I stick with last names.

[IansMom]

I am in the south and I always use Dr/Mr/Mrs/Ms when addressing teachers or administrators. They call me Mrs. Lastname. I sign emails to them "FirstName LastName." It would feel "weird" for me to do it any other way. Plus, last year, the teacher, room mom and another class parent were named "Jennifer." This year, the teacher, counselor , P TA president and assistant principal are named Christy/Christi/Christine/or a version. It's easier for me to use last names, and I like to remain formal. I respect them but we are not friends.

[dowlinal]

To add another possibility, it could be the rules for him. Our last school principal did not allow anyone to use first names. When she came in, teachers I knew well had to switch back to calling me Mrs. XXX, even in emails.

[minnie-zb]

Last name, wouldn't occur to me to use their first name. I don't think of them like that, I think of them as Mrs/Miss/Mr LastName.

I don't recall a teacher ever saying to me use my first name. They always address me formally too, although I sign my first name on my emails.

[ang79]

Former classroom teacher here, and current substitute. When I was teaching I always signed communications to parents as Mrs. lastname and that's how they referred to me (I also referred to them as Mr. or Mrs.). To me it was a sign of respect. So that's how I refer to my kids' teachers. Its a little different now that I am getting to know some of the teachers on a proffessional level since I am working in the same building sometimes. But I think most still refer to me as Mrs. lastname (though the secretary who usually sets up the sub. appointments and I are on a first name basis). A friend refers to all teachers and our principal on a first name basis and it always throws me off a bit, like its too friendly or too causual.

[khalloc]

All of my kids teachers have used first names.

[ett]

Usually in the beginning of the year, I use Mr./Ms. and then switch over to first name as all the teachers here sign their emails with their first name. I always sign my emails with my first name and have never had a teacher refer to me (when speaking or in email) as Mrs. last name unless she was talking to kids. I am on a PTC committee at school and everyone mention the principal by first name. So when I email the principal I address her by first name and she also signs her emails with her first name too.

[vludmilla]

I always ask, but I've never had a teacher ask to be addressed by anything other than a first name. I actually find it awkward, because I always think of the teachers' names the way I say them to the children. Maybe he's full of himself because he's young. I can't think of any other explanation. I would be shocked, too.


I wouldn't assume that he's full of himself at all. I think it is generally the norm in schools for teachers to address parents by their last name and for them to sign their emails with their last name, though not necessarily with a Mr. or Ms./Mrs. I think the idea here is the formality of the relationship and as a young teacher he may be concerned with appearing to be professional and appropriate.

[daphne]

I always, always use Mr./Mrs./etc... when addressing teachers, principals, etc... It shows a certain level of respect, which I believe is important. If asked to use 1st names, I would do so, but only in email. I would still use Mr./Mrs. when meeting in person, and they have always done the same.

[KrisM]

For those who only do last name, do you do that if you see them at the grocery store or when you are both cheering on your kids at a sporting event? Last week, I was with 2 of our principals at a cross country meet that our kids were all running in. I would have found it much more awkward to address them with a lastname and all the other parents with a firstname, so everyone is firstname.

[SnuggleBuggles]

For those who only do last name, do you do that if you see them at the grocery store or when you are both cheering on your kids at a sporting event? Last week, I was with 2 of our principals at a cross country meet that our kids were all running in. I would have found it much more awkward to address them with a lastname and all the other parents with a firstname, so everyone is firstname.

I use first names but in this example, I'd use first name at the store but title and last name at a school sponsored activity, especially if kids were around. But, I'd follow their lead.

[KrisM]

I use first names but in this example, I'd use first name at the store but title and last name at a school sponsored activity, especially if kids were around. But, I'd follow their lead.

It was middle school and they aren't the middle school principals. They both have 6th graders too. But, they both call me Kris, even if I see them at school. They always have, I think. DS1 had one of the principals for a soccer coach when DS1 was in kindergarten and as the coach, he got to know us and called all parents by our first names. DS2 had the other principal for a soccer coach in kindergarten and same thing. Not school sponsored soccer - parks and rec through our town and they were volunteers.

[specialp]

For those who only do last name, do you do that if you see them at the grocery store or when you are both cheering on your kids at a sporting event? Last week, I was with 2 of our principals at a cross country meet that our kids were all running in. I would have found it much more awkward to address them with a lastname and all the other parents with a firstname, so everyone is firstname.

Again, I would stick with last name unless I had been told to use their first name which has always been the case when I see one often at extra activities.

[citymama]

First email sent - Ms. x or Mr. Y. If they reply back with their first name, that's how I address them. The answer is yes, I've always ended up addressing them by their first name, once I get the sense they're ok with it. However, I always refer to them as Ms X when speaking with my kids (if that's what they want the kids to call them).

[kdeunc]

I always use last names in front of any students. I have been the PTA president/had kids at our Elementary school for 7 years so with many of the teachers I am on a first name basis. There are several who address me as Mrs. and I do the same for them. I have indicated to all of them that calling me by my first name is fine. I think for some it is an age issue. I am in my 40s and some of the teachers are in their early twenties. I address both of our administrators by first name ( once they indicated that is what they would like).

[MMMommy]

In front of the kids, we always refer to the teacher as Mr., Ms. or Mrs. X. I refer to them as such, unless they ask otherwise or use their first name as a signature in their email responses.

[daphne]

For those who only do last name, do you do that if you see them at the grocery store or when you are both cheering on your kids at a sporting event? Last week, I was with 2 of our principals at a cross country meet that our kids were all running in. I would have found it much more awkward to address them with a lastname and all the other parents with a firstname, so everyone is firstname.

I would still do Mr./Mrs. They are my children's teachers, not my friends, so I don't find it awkward to refer to them differently.

[daisysmom]

I use Mrs. Last Name if my DD is around such as seeing the teacher in a store once on a weekend. But I have always written notes changing the afternoon routine (from carpool to aftercare, or leaving early) and emails to the first name. And every email I have gotten or note has been to my first name. I am 46 years old though, so often considerably older than the teachers (I am twice as old as this year's teacher).

No teacher has ever asked me if they could call me by my first name. In doctors offices, when I call the credit card company, repair places... no one ever says "can we call you [first name]?" I am not sure why teachers should be different EXCEPT for the student. My feeling is that adults call adults by their first name. When I first started at a big law firm, the staff called lawyers Mrs. Lastname, but that has totally changed. Everyone calls everyone by their first names now.

[RedSuedeShoes]

I usually address as Ms./Mr. X the first time if it's by email (in person, I probably wouldn't use a name, just walk up and introduce myself). They usually sign it with their first names, and that's what I use after that. However, my younger kids go to a small school (1 class per grade) and I have known almost all the teachers for years.

[nfowife]

I use mr or mrs but often am asked to use a first name and then I will.

[wendmatt]

Aww...he is probably being very careful with boundaries. I am a teacher and I feel weird when people address me by my first name before I know them/say so. I also don't feel comfortable addressing parents by their first name. It is entirely possible he did not want to call you by your first name and went more formal for himself to even it out. It is just awkward.

Same here. I don't think he was being rude and I think it's better to keep it professional.

[klwa]

I always address the teachers by Mr./Mrs. Lastname. And I sign off with First Last. Unless I have a personal relationship with them outside of school. But, even when I have a personal relationship, if I'm at school & addressing them, I default to Mr./Mrs. Lastname.