How to handle playdates

[vtmom]

Our twins are almost 5 (in preschool) and beginning to enter the world of playdates. They are in separate classes but a small school so they see eachother all day and share many of the same friends. I think some playdates are not being reciprocated because parents are hesitant to have two kids over to play with their one child. I have an older third child so having an extra kid in the mix doesnt feel like a big deal to me. I get that if you are used to one kid or two kids adding two more preschoolers to your mix for a few hours might feel like alot, but still feel bad that my kids aren't being invited to other kids houses. The playdates at our house go well, the visiting child seems to have fun and i get along well with the parents. Is this par for the course? Should I mention to other parents that my kids don't need to be invited over together?

Any experience with this? I would love to hear from parents who have dealt with this! Thanks!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Some people just aren't into hosting play dates.

If there are kids you want to get together with but don't want to host again, suggest meeting at a playground. The parents might be more into that than having 1-2 preschoolers in their house.

[twowhat?]

Do you mind hosting?

I don't think you can really ask other families to host, or at least I can't think of a nice way to do it and I do think some families just aren't into hosting playdates. Our twins have always been invited together (like yours, same basic circle of friends even though they are in different classes). We have also done the park playdate thing which is nice for getting to know the other family and also nice for feeling out "interest" (from the other parents in wanting to get to know your family better). Now playdates are getting to be drop-off which doesn't help with getting to know the parents.

My favorite things honestly are planning outings with other families. Dinner, lunch, park, zoo, etc. A few weeks back we did sushi followed by FroYo with 2 other families, all kids/siblings included and it was so nice. We don't do it often but I love doing this with families that we like and get along well with.

[vtmom]

Yes, we do host. I think other parents don't know how to go about reciprocating with us (We get along and I know they host other singleton kids) and/or would like to host but are hesitant to have two kids over at the same time. So I'm wondering how other twin families handle this when both twins are friends with the same child. Do you always host? Do you let the friend's family know it is ok to host one child at a time? Something else?

[twowhat?]

Yes, we do host. I think other parents don't know how to go about reciprocating with us (We get along and I know they host other singleton kids) and/or would like to host but are hesitant to have two kids over at the same time. So I'm wondering how other twin families handle this when both twins are friends with the same child. Do you always host? Do you let the friend's family know it is ok to host one child at a time? Something else?

That's kind of bizarre to me! They host other singleton kids, so it's not the hosting. What's one more kid? To me that's not any different than hosting 2 friends and I'm sure that happens sometimes, right? I don't have any suggestions because both my girls are always invited when we do playdates at another singleton child's home...because they're both friends with said singleton child! Curious what others think!

[vtmom]

I would agree in terms of "what's one more kid", but maybe that's a mom of multiples attitude ;) ? I often host group playdates for my (slightly) older DD1 and the kids love it, but I don't think other parents have done them.

[infocrazy]

Honestly we don't really host scheduled play dates...most of the ones at our house are after an activity and they just want to keep playing. I am not opposed to them and if my child is invited we try and do them for sure...but in terms of hosting we just plain do not have time. We have lots of activities for the 4 kids and both work full time. We usually have some neighbors around the house if we are home.

We are kind of extremes but my guess is just that people are overscheduled.

I agree that if you don't want to host just schedule at somewhere. I would try and do that for sure...I just never think to schedule playdates on our nights off.

[teresah00]

Not a mom of multiples, but one thing I've found with the younger kids groups of three can go bad, and one kid left out. What about mentioning "A had a great time playing with your DC. She would love to get together again". If they don't reciprocate (it doesn't seem like a lot of parents do these days) then decide to continue hosting, meet at a playground or move on.

[Kindra178]

Not a mom of multiples, but one thing I've found with the younger kids groups of three can go bad, and one kid left out.

I think non twin parents think this, but ime, that's not true with twins. My twins have had only friend where the mother felt that the two of them together would be "too much" and her precious angel "would feel left out." For the most part, people take both twins regularly. In your case, I would keep hosting. As the twins age, this won't be a thing any more.

[vtmom]

I have a single child in addition to the twins so i know some families "just don't do" playdates. This is a pretty twin specific question about playdates where both twins are friends with the same child.

Thanks kindra178. This is what I am hoping will happen as the kids age and become more independent at playdates. For now I'm happy to host. This week one twin was just invited to play at the house of a friend in the other twin's class...the uninvited twin was pretty bummed but we're dealing with it.