How do you deal with "leggings are not pants"???

[Twoboos]

My rule is - leggings are not pants, if you're wearing leggings your top MUST cover your butt.

DD2 (10yo) keeps trying to get around this by wearing regular t-shirts and pulling them way down to show me they do cover her butt. And as soon as she moves her arms the shirt pops back up.

I keep telling her to go change, she keeps throwing a fit. Today I said I will remove all her leggings from her closet if she can't wear them properly. Plus she lost her iPad for stomping around and yelling at me that she "can't wear anything normal." :rolleye0014:

So... how do you deal with this, or did you just give in. We were in church and there were HS age girls wearing leggings as pants, so I do think this is a losing battle but I can't seem to give it up.

[bigsis]

I'm no help. I'll be watching for responses. :18:

[StantonHyde]

I go for jeggings--or other leggings that look like pants--have belt loops, etc. Or the leggings have to be really thick and dark colored so nothing is see through. Fortunately, DD (who is 10) has been ok with jeggings and skinny jeans. She wears a uniform to school--thank goodness!!!

[Melaine]

I would treat it like other parenting issues: rules are rules, they are enforced and disobedience brings consequences. Sounds like you are doing a good job. We have lots of rules that other families don't, so my kids better get used to it. Also, I would be really horrified if teens are wearing leggings as pants at church! We are extra careful to dress for church; that's annoying. I like the idea of removing the leggings if she is deliberately ignoring you.

[Globetrotter]

BTDT
I just made comments every time.
At first she resisted, but now she realizes that the tops have to be long enough to cover her butt entirely and ideally go to mid thigh.

We are fans of jeggings and skinny jeans.

[zukeypur]

I have gone so far as to take DD back home when she tried to sneak leggings as pants to school. She was allowed to go to school after she changed. I have also sat in the parking lot with her while she put a proper tank top in under a top that showed a little too much. Kids rarely get scolded for dress code violations at school, but I have rules.

[Green_Tea]

My DDs are 11 and almost 13. I am doing what I can to avoid clothing battles because I want to save my chits for the stuff that's really important. The leggings thing really doesn't bother me. It does seem to be the current style to wear leggings as pants, usually with tops that cover to the top of the thighs (so over the butt and crotch). Personally, I'm ok with this for my own kids. Around here leggings with an oversized sweatshirt and Ugg boots are the standard issue uniform for the 10+ set.

If you don't want to bend on that (and that's cool - we all have our own battles that we think are worth waging) I would buy her a bunch more longer shirts that she will want to wear, or more jegging style pants that you are OK with her wearing with shorter shirts. I'd do something to eliminate the battle, personally, because I think it's those small daily battles that drive a wedge in the mother/daughter relationship in the tween/teen years.

[gatorsmom]

I've dealt with similar issues. I don't yell, I tell them what's going to happen. In your case, I'd tell her that if she wears legs with any shirt again, they'll be gone for 6 months. Then if they try again to get away with it, I settle the issue and while they are away at school I remove them from their drawer and hide them somewhere. In 6 moths they will have found a new favorite way to dress. Then I bring them out and see if they can handle it better. I put it on my calendar to reintroduce it.

[TwinFoxes]

I'd buy her a bunch of longer tops/tunics. Make it so there's really no excuse.

I hate leggings with T-shirts. It's not attractive to me. Thigh length shirts, sure, but regular length tees, just no.

[cmo]

Thankfully, our middle school has a fingertip rule for tops that are over leggings. Basically, they are treated just like a dress, skirt, or shorts: tops must be as long or longer than your fingertips when standing with your arms at your sides. So you pretty much need a full-on tunic to comply. I have pointed out to all my DCs when out and about, when seeing someone wearing leggings with a standard length shirt, that it can sometimes look like they just forgot to wear pants. (Even when they have a rockin' 20-year old butt. I completely admit to old-lady tendencies on this one!)

[g-mama]

It does seem to be the current style to wear leggings as pants, usually with tops that cover to the top of the thighs (so over the butt and crotch). Personally, I'm ok with this for my own kids. Around here leggings with an oversized sweatshirt and Ugg boots are the standard issue uniform for the 10+ set.



I think this is okay by most everyone's standards. "Leggings are not pants" means you don't wear them with a shirt that ends at the waist or at the hips like you would with jeans. Butt and crotch covered is how they're "supposed" to be worn.

[Twoboos]

I think this is okay by most everyone's standards. "Leggings are not pants" means you don't wear them with a shirt that ends at the waist or at the hips like you would with jeans. Butt and crotch covered is how they're "supposed" to be worn.

Yes, this. If the top covers your butt/crotch, no problem. I don't like that she thinks I will let her get by with the regular length shirt that's stretched down. Like she can trick me and I don't know the difference between a tunic and a regular t-shirt, LOL!

She has jeggings and skinny jeans, plus two pairs of thick, sized-up leggings that are more acceptable than not, and we keep coming back to this. It's making me crazy.

[AnnieW625]

My rule is that your shirt must not go above the top of whatever pants waist band if you put your arms above your head. Dds go to private school and wear uniforms daily, but on free dress day I know Dd1 has worn non tunic style tops with leggings and not been sent home. Dd2 refuses to wear most jeans, but thankfully most of the Cherokee brand jeggings she has have pockets and look like regular jeans.

[citymama]

Thankfully, our middle school has a fingertip rule for tops that are over leggings.

Something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

While I am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are OK, but I find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, I am NOT a fan of leggings as pants, NOT a fan of short skirts, etc. - but I also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "I have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

To take it a step further, 5 years down the line, I don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

I know I'll get some flak for this since I'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess I just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and I'm ducking now).

[Green_Tea]

something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

While i am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are ok, but i find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, i am not a fan of leggings as pants, not a fan of short skirts, etc. - but i also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "i have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

to take it a step further, 5 years down the line, i don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

I know i'll get some flak for this since i'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess i just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and i'm ducking now).

AMEN. Sing it!

[Kindra178]

Something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

While I am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are OK, but I find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, I am NOT a fan of leggings as pants, NOT a fan of short skirts, etc. - but I also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "I have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

To take it a step further, 5 years down the line, I don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

I know I'll get some flak for this since I'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess I just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and I'm ducking now).


As a boy mom, I don't have a proverbial dog in this fight. I just don't understand your outrage. As parents, don't we need to collectively teach girls and boys how to dress appropriately for whatever the situation is? In my case, that may mean you can't UA to family pictures, you must wear what I picked out. Or you can't wear shorts when it is 20 degrees and snowing when you walk a mile to school. If I were a girl mom, I think it would be incumbent upon me to teach appropriate dress as well. To me, it's not about patriarchy. It's about looking a certain way.

[Green_Tea]

As a boy mom, I don't have a proverbial dog in this fight. I just don't understand your outrage. As parents, don't we need to collectively teach girls and boys how to dress appropriately for whatever the situation is? In my case, that may mean you can't UA to family pictures, you must wear what I picked out. Or you can't wear shorts when it is 20 degrees and snowing when you walk a mile to school. If I were a girl mom, I think it would be incumbent upon me to teach appropriate dress as well. To me, it's not about patriarchy. It's about looking a certain way.

I do think that we should teach girls and boys to dress appropriately for school, and for other occasions. I object to schools sexualizing the dress of girls, though - a six year old wearing leggings with a T shirt isn't trying to be sexy. She's trying to be comfortable. Boys are rarely told what they can and cannot wear.

Beyond rules that I think most people would agree are simply about decency (no underwear showing, skirts should be long enough that you can bend over without exposing yourself, no see-through tops), I don't think that public schools should be in the business of policing dress at all unless they require a uniform (whoch I have no issue with - heck, I wish I could wear a uniform to school!) I believe that clothing choices should be left to parents.

[cmo]

For the record, the fingertip rule also applies to shorts, which applies to both boys and girls. If a girl or boy is wearing any old shirt, as long as they are wearing pants or long-enough shorts underneath, it is no problem. If a boy was wearing anything like leggings (such as tight athletic/running pants), the same rule would apply. Having volunteered on a regular basis for several years in both middle and high schools, I am grateful for this middle school rule. If you haven't seen it with your own eyes, it might be harder to envision the dubious choices in attire. Both the girls and the boys need the guidance!

[Green_Tea]

For the record, the fingertip rule also applies to shorts, which applies to both boys and girls. If a girl or boy is wearing any old shirt, as long as they are wearing pants or long-enough shorts underneath, it is no problem. If a boy was wearing anything like leggings (such as tight athletic/running pants), the same rule would apply. Having volunteered on a regular basis for several years in both middle and high schools, I am grateful for this middle school rule. If you haven't seen it with your own eyes, it might be harder to envision the dubious choices in attire. Both the girls and the boys need the guidance!

I have two daughters in middle school and I am a teacher myself, so I definitely see a variety of fashion choices on a daily basis.

ETA - our district uses the knuckle rule - shorts and skirts need to be at least knuckle length when hands form a fist.

[niccig]

Boys are rarely told what they can and cannot wear.



They are here. No oversized baggy clothes, and no underwear showing.

[citymama]

As a boy mom, I don't have a proverbial dog in this fight. I just don't understand your outrage. As parents, don't we need to collectively teach girls and boys how to dress appropriately for whatever the situation is? In my case, that may mean you can't UA to family pictures, you must wear what I picked out. Or you can't wear shorts when it is 20 degrees and snowing when you walk a mile to school. If I were a girl mom, I think it would be incumbent upon me to teach appropriate dress as well. To me, it's not about patriarchy. It's about looking a certain way.
If you re-read my message, I was reacting to the school fingertip rule. I agree that as parents and families we define generally expected behavior for kids, including dress. School has its rules too. I like when the rules apply to both genders. No kids should have their pants falling off and underwear showing. If girls have to follow a pants tightness or length of shirt rule, it should apply across the board.

I was also reacting to the slippery slope of policing girls' bodies. I would respectfully argue that anyone parenting boys has at least as much of a stake in respectful attitudes to girls' bodies!

ETA just saw this #NotADistraction campaign on Amy Poehler's Smart Girls and it is along the same lines (fast forward about 5 years): http://amysmartgirls.com/we-are-notadistraction/

[Corie]

My rule is - leggings are not pants, if you're wearing leggings your top MUST cover your butt.




That is our rule too. I will not give in on this one but my daughter doesn't press the issue. Many girls at my daughter's school wear the black leggings with
their butts on full display. Not happening at our house!

[Corie]

My rule is - leggings are not pants, if you're wearing leggings your top MUST cover your butt.




That is our rule too. I will not give in on this one but my daughter doesn't press the issue. Many girls at my daughter's school wear the black leggings with
their butts on full display. Not happening at our house!

[Corie]

Thankfully, our middle school has a fingertip rule for tops that are over leggings. Basically, they are treated just like a dress, skirt, or shorts: tops must be as long or longer than your fingertips when standing with your arms at your sides.

I love this rule!! Our school has a similar rule for dresses, skirts, shorts but I don't think it applies to the tops that are worn over the leggings.

[rlu]

For the record, the fingertip rule also applies to shorts, which applies to both boys and girls. If a girl or boy is wearing any old shirt, as long as they are wearing pants or long-enough shorts underneath, it is no problem. If a boy was wearing anything like leggings (such as tight athletic/running pants), the same rule would apply. Having volunteered on a regular basis for several years in both middle and high schools, I am grateful for this middle school rule. If you haven't seen it with your own eyes, it might be harder to envision the dubious choices in attire. Both the girls and the boys need the guidance!

This is the same at our middle school. The principal has grown children of both sexes and she's seen it all too. We have the interesting rule that you can't wear all one color - so if DS has black sweatpants, he can't wear a black t-shirt. He wouldn't wear long-johns (not the waffle type - the smooth material type - the male equivalent to leggings I guess) to school, but if he did, he would wear fingertip-length shorts over them to follow the rule.

I'll put this out there for consideration. Before DS I had a mentor boss who went to great lengths complaining about her stepson's hair choices (first dyed, then a Mohawk). I finally pointed out it's just hair and it will grow out and she replied that if she focuses on the hair, he'll not move on to a tattoo/piercing. And he didn't. YMMV.

[NCGrandma]

We have the interesting rule that you can't wear all one color - so if DS has black sweatpants, he can't wear a black t-shirt.

What's the rationale for this? (Or is just a rule, no explanation given?)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[gymnbomb]

What's the rationale for this? (Or is just a rule, no explanation given?)


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Can't speak for the specific school, but when I have heard of similar rules at other schools it has been due to gang clothing.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[daisysmom]

Something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

While I am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are OK, but I find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, I am NOT a fan of leggings as pants, NOT a fan of short skirts, etc. - but I also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "I have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

To take it a step further, 5 years down the line, I don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

I know I'll get some flak for this since I'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess I just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and I'm ducking now).

I agree. We have a no leggings rule at our school and also a finger tip length rule. We largely ignore it, knowing that dd may get told of a violation but I will cross that bridge then. I do feel like these rules are incredibly sexist.

[jent]

I feel like I'm in the minority here but I've given up on this one. About half the mornings per week I leave for work before DH takes DD to school so I don't have a say over her dressing choices. DH just plain doesn't get it-- really wouldn't know which of DD's bottoms I would call leggings vs which I'd call pants, or which of her tops are long enough to go over the leggings. DD is the same. Half the time she ends up pairing a tunic top with a skirt b/c she liked how the colors look together!

Also, I found that when I'd try to explain to both DD about leggings and shorter shirts, most of her classmates were wearing the leggings/tshirt combo, so to her it sounded like I was making up this arbitrary rule.

So, now we just focus on the major rules, like sneakers for PE day and no rain/snow boots in the classroom!

[KrystalS]

Something about this school policy really sets me off. The phrase reminds me of the crazy two-finger rule to determine women's virginity imposed by some patriarchal societies.

While I am no fan of leggings as pants, and have always been an incredibly conservative dresser myself, the idea of schools having rules about how long *girls'* tops need to be over leggings really irks me. Do they have rules like this for boys - that are about making them less sexy (rather than simply neatly attired)? Neatness and decorum prescriptions are OK, but I find such sexiness-based rules to be a slippery slope. And believe me, I am NOT a fan of leggings as pants, NOT a fan of short skirts, etc. - but I also defend girls' rights to dress without having the lengths of their tops up for scrutiny by school principals and gym teachers. I think there's a way to convey the message about sensible dress without including that other message of "I have the right to dictate what you do with your body" and "your body is a sexual object that offends me unless decorously covered up."

To take it a step further, 5 years down the line, I don't want young women or men to ever think that "she asked for it with the way she dressed" is an even slightly admissible defense.

I know I'll get some flak for this since I'm extrapolating way past the original question (the school policy sparked this line of thought). I guess I just want to caution about the way in which dress messages are sent to tween/teen girls (and the boys observing these rules). Thanks for listening (and I'm ducking now).


I completely agree. My DD got a warning at school today for her outfit. She was wearing VS Pink sweats with a hoodie. Her sweats were not tight, and absolutely not leggings. A teacher and principal both said they were leggings and she couldn't wear them again unless her shirt was fingertip length. I was not happy. DD has lots of leggings and I ALWAYS make sure her shirt is appropriate so I was mad when she got home after school and said she got in trouble. She said the principal even went so far as to say that once she washes and dries her pants they will be skin tight! I'm not sure why she even felt this was necessary. This is the first time we've had issues this year. DD has actually worn these sweats several other times to school and not gotten in trouble. Boys at our schools never get in trouble, I guess it's harder for boys to violate dress code. They actually have random dress code checks at our school where they make all the girls line up in the hall while the principal checks their clothes, I think this is ridiculous. It takes time out of the classroom and makes it seem like what the girls are wearing is more important than being in class.

[StantonHyde]

I love uniforms and I like dress codes, I really do. BUT they have to be equally enforced. The bottom line is that it is harder for boys to be out of compliance--they don't make sexy/tight boys clothes!!--they are all baggy. On the flip side, boys should be watched for baggy pants that show their underpants or tank tops (if that's the rule for girls too). My son wears navy "khakis" and a polo shirt to school every day. DD wears a skirt, dress shirt and a tie/blazer every day but Friday. (they go to different schools with different dress codes) They both live without wearing leggings or sweats or yoga pants or hoodies etc. I don't get to dress like that at work either.

Some schools are asinine. (I live in Utah, land of bizarre and unequally enforced dress codes....) And girls are not a distraction. But a smart dress code based on professional dress/work place dress codes is a good idea. And don't think parents know what their kids wear to school. I am constantly amazed when friends tell me where they used to stash clothes to change into on the way to/from school!!!

[robinsmommy]

I guess I am left wondering what the big deal is with leggings. You can wear jeggings or modern jeans so tight that there is very little difference between them and reasonably thick leggings. Heck, I saw girls wearing 100% cotton jeans skin tight when I was in junior high, before the era of spandex in jeans. The only time I ever thought "leggings" were an issue was a woman in her 20's who was wearing what were essentially footless tights with a T-shirt - and the tights were not opaque - underwear was clearly visible, as was her skin when she walked around and tights stretched. I talked with DD about that as a fashion mistake to avoid later. Are yoga pants any different than leggings, then? Not really, to me.

Are they going to start saying that all butts need to be covered by a top, including male ones?

Um, should boys then be required to wear something fitted or a cup under sweats/sports pants, so their manly bits are less noticeable? Because it seems like that is what they are trying to avoid with girls - bottoms and female bits being "too visible". That or they are legislating against VPL, which is inane.

I know what is coming to mind for me are the legal discussions of whether it is possible to rape a woman who wears tight jeans - and that has always come across as a "she was asking for it with her apparel" excuse, that it is a woman's responsibility not to tempt men by wearing revealing clothing.

For the record, DD wears thicker "leggings" with most any top, so long as her stomach is covered. Ah, the politics of clothing.

[rlu]

Can't speak for the specific school, but when I have heard of similar rules at other schools it has been due to gang clothing.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yep, this.

eta: Same one color top and bottom is not allowed (adding for clarity)

[pinkmomagain]

I guess I am left wondering what the big deal is with leggings. You can wear jeggings or modern jeans so tight that there is very little difference between them and reasonably thick leggings. Heck, I saw girls wearing 100% cotton jeans skin tight when I was in junior high, before the era of spandex in jeans. The only time I ever thought "leggings" were an issue was a woman in her 20's who was wearing what were essentially footless tights with a T-shirt - and the tights were not opaque - underwear was clearly visible, as was her skin when she walked around and tights stretched. I talked with DD about that as a fashion mistake to avoid later. Are yoga pants any different than leggings, then? Not really, to me.

I agree with this. Just don't get why it's such a big deal.

[Philly Mom]

I agree with this. Just don't get why it's such a big deal.

I agree. Not a battle I care about but I also wear yoga pants all the time and have no intent to work out. [emoji6]


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Globetrotter]

I don't like the way it looks, but it's a question of choosing my battles. However, I hate the baggy pants with underwear showing even more!

[calebsmama03]

I hate leggings as pants! DN (18) is always wearing them and it bugs me. In our house, little girls can wear leggings with whatever but once they start to develop beyond looking like a "little girl" then the tush must be covered. DD is still very much little p, even at 10, so she wears Naartjie leggings with longer shirts but her entire rear isn't necessarily covered. I'm ok with that, but I have my other clothing hang ups (like zero Justice will ever enter my house nor be placed upon her body, no matter how "chaste" the particular item might look, because I have issues with the way they market and sexualize little girls; and no bikini bathing suits) and rules that most tween families would find overzealous (no gum and no soda) so I say you just enforce it like any other rule. Each family has their own rules and you have to follow them. Pick out some tops you deem appropriate with her and hopefully she will stop making an issue of it.

[Twoboos]

So I don't view it as yoga pants, jeggings or tight jeans. IMO, leggings look like footless tights. And if you're wearing them with a short/non-tunic top, to me it looks like you are wearing tights and a shirt. Especially if they are cheap leggings and you can see underwear through them! (Oops reading back I see robinsmommy covered this issue.) DD2 has one pair that are capri length and looser, I'd love to find more of those but it doesn't seem possible. And I was able to score nice, very thick leggings from ON last year, sized up and they were perfectly acceptable. Luckily they had them again this year but DD1 is at the end of the line with those with her height/weight. (Seamed Jersey leggings, on sale $10/$13 depending on color.)

I personally wear yoga pants and leggings but I try to keep my upper thighs (and therefor my butt) covered since this is a "trouble zone" for me LOL.

I think I do need go get her some longer shirts. DD1 tried to go out to brunch yesterday with the same deal, leggings and shirt pulled down. Nope sent her back to change. She just rolled her eyes a bit but didn't fight me on it, thank goodness.

Thanks for all the ideas/thoughts!

[StantonHyde]

So does she have shirts she can wear with leggings? Because that could solve the problem. I just bought DD a bunch of longer shirts--she is very happy.

[maestramommy]

Well, that particular argument wouldn't work for me because my girls have been wearing leggings as pants for forever. They have just fit incredibly loose until recently, so to me, it's like yoga pants (mine are pretty loose fitting). What I tell them is, once the leggings are tight they can only be worn under a skirt or dress, because no one wants to see your underwear through your leggings. They are pretty sensitive about the underwear thing so that they get. It's hard though because none of them like jeans. DD1 is finally wearing some HMD jeans because they are loose fitting and have cool embroidery on the legs. The issue with jeans I think is that they are more constricting and my kids like to do stunts on the monkey bars, and so they're clothes can't get in the way at all. DD2 has one pair of jeans but I she only wears them once in a while.

[calebsmama03]

Well, that particular argument wouldn't work for me because my girls have been wearing leggings as pants for forever. They have just fit incredibly loose until recently, so to me, it's like yoga pants (mine are pretty loose fitting). What I tell them is, once the leggings are tight they can only be worn under a skirt or dress, because no one wants to see your underwear through your leggings. They are pretty sensitive about the underwear thing so that they get. It's hard though because none of them like jeans. DD1 is finally wearing some HMD jeans because they are loose fitting and have cool embroidery on the legs. The issue with jeans I think is that they are more constricting and my kids like to do stunts on the monkey bars, and so they're clothes can't get in the way at all. DD2 has one pair of jeans but I she only wears them once in a while.
My DD hates regular jeans, too, but have you ever tried the Crazy 8 "crazy soft" ones? DD has a pair that she loves because they don't even feel like denim. Hers are a lighter medium wash so I'm not sure if they are all that way or if some washes are more rough, but I definitely recommend checking them out. They run pretty large so even tho they are "skinny" jeans, they won't fit skinny of your DD is small framed.

http://search.crazy8.com/search?bmForm=prd_search&bmFormID=1449455965663&bmUID=1449455965663&bmIsForm=true&bmPrevTemplate=%2Fshop%2Fdept_category.jsp&bmHidden=asug&bmText=w&w=crazy+soft&bmImage=Go.x&bmImage=Go.y&bmImage=Go&bmHidden=loggedin&loggedin=N&bmHidden=FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306263901&bmHidden=ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474395917465&bmFields=bmForm%2CbmFormID%2CbmUID%2CbmIsForm%2Cbm PrevTemplate%2CbmHidden%2CbmText%2CbmImage&bmHash=518b4eb6b6f2bcf4af26f1d9db7c694afa0dba56

[westwoodmom04]

I'd buy her a bunch of longer tops/tunics. Make it so there's really no excuse.

I hate leggings with T-shirts. It's not attractive to me. Thigh length shirts, sure, but regular length tees, just no.

Agree with this. Dd wears a uniform to school, which is all girls anyway, so not as much an issue to us. But we do have battles about when athletic wear or leggings aren't appropriate but I think it is my obligation as a parent to teach her there are times when sloppy but comfortable is not appropriate just as overly sexually provocative isn't appropriate. Just as big a battle to get rid of the lulemon headbands and ponytail for school pictures.

Also don't agree this is just a girl issue. Plenty of battles with my son as to when he can't wear the long shorts and t shirt, and has to change into khakis and a polo shirt, or for special occasions, a blazer.

[California]

Target has a bunch of cozy pants that are "jogger" style with elastic at the ankle. DD knows she can wear those with a t-shirt, and that's helped. We also have the long-shirt rule for leggings and I've learned to make sure we buy coordinated pieces - say two pants and three tops that can mix and match- to make it easier for her to pick out an outfit.

One thing I try to keep in mind is that my DDs are making these choices because they are active on the playground and at PE and want to be comfortable. From their POV leggings are a better choice than a skirt or jeans. I like that they are more concerned with being physically active, not attractive. I try to own it with them that *I* prefer the long top over leggings look, and appreciate them humoring me!

[maestramommy]

My DD hates regular jeans, too, but have you ever tried the Crazy 8 "crazy soft" ones? DD has a pair that she loves because they don't even feel like denim. Hers are a lighter medium wash so I'm not sure if they are all that way or if some washes are more rough, but I definitely recommend checking them out. They run pretty large so even tho they are "skinny" jeans, they won't fit skinny of your DD is small framed.

http://search.crazy8.com/search?bmForm=prd_search&bmFormID=1449455965663&bmUID=1449455965663&bmIsForm=true&bmPrevTemplate=%2Fshop%2Fdept_category.jsp&bmHidden=asug&bmText=w&w=crazy+soft&bmImage=Go.x&bmImage=Go.y&bmImage=Go&bmHidden=loggedin&loggedin=N&bmHidden=FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306263901&bmHidden=ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id&ASSORTMENT%3C%3East_id=1408474395917465&bmFields=bmForm%2CbmFormID%2CbmUID%2CbmIsForm%2Cbm PrevTemplate%2CbmHidden%2CbmText%2CbmImage&bmHash=518b4eb6b6f2bcf4af26f1d9db7c694afa0dba56
I haven't heard of them but I will check them out. One problem is that dd2 and 3 are not super skinny like dd1, they are closer to medium build and pretty solid, so leggings that are the right length are pretty fitted. That's one reason I avoid jeggings. Dd3 is super picky about the way clothes feel. Too loose can also be a perform because it bunches and binds. And for thick material like denim it just really bugs.

Sent from my XT1095 using Tapatalk

[dogmom]

Agree with this. Dd wears a uniform to school, which is all girls anyway, so not as much an issue to us. But we do have battles about when athletic wear or leggings aren't appropriate but I think it is my obligation as a parent to teach her there are times when sloppy but comfortable is not appropriate just as overly sexually provocative isn't appropriate. Just as big a battle to get rid of the lulemon headbands and ponytail for school pictures.

Also don't agree this is just a girl issue. Plenty of battles with my son as to when he can't wear the long shorts and t shirt, and has to change into khakis and a polo shirt, or for special occasions, a blazer.

Yes and No on whether is a girl/boy issue. Sure, I've had battles with my son about appropriateness of his clothing, his pants that don't cover his ankle, shorts on a 32 degree day, and he's 12. But I never had a discussion involving other adults about the sexual appropriateness of his dress, but I've already had my fill about my 9 yo daughter. I'm particularly bothered by the double standard that school dress codes have, because you know, it's the girls fault if the boys can't learn to not stare.

So for my DD I draw the line at, "those leggings are too small for you now, I'm getting rid of them, here's a new pair that fits you." Which is exactly the same thing I do for his son.

[Kindra178]

I'm particularly bothered by the double standard that school dress codes have, because you know, it's the girls fault if the boys can't learn to not stare.

So for my DD I draw the line at, "those leggings are too small for you now, I'm getting rid of them, here's a new pair that fits you." Which is exactly the same thing I do for his son.

I would argue that it's inappropriate for boys to wear shorts that short to school, just as it is for girls. I really think parents are making this a gender thing when it's not - and not just on the boards but in my area/facebook feed. I stand by my original thought. Boys and girls need to dress appropriately for the situation at hand. Appropriate may include longer shorts and tank tops with thicker straps. I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type - as parents, we need to teach girls AND boys what to wear when.

[dogmom]

I would argue that it's inappropriate for boys to wear shorts that short to school, just as it is for girls. I really think parents are making this a gender thing when it's not - and not just on the boards but in my area/facebook feed. I stand by my original thought. Boys and girls need to dress appropriately for the situation at hand. Appropriate may include longer shorts and tank tops with thicker straps. I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type - as parents, we need to teach girls AND boys what to wear when.

Ummm....I'm really hoping I'm unclear on what you mean "I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type", because what I'm thinking is sort of offensive.

[California]

Thought of this thread this morning when my first grader came out of her room in leggings and regular shirt.
Me: "Hmmm... Is that your outfit for school today?"
Her, very seriously: "Oh, don't worry. This isn't all I'm going to wear."
She went back into her room. When she came out, she was also wearing... large socks. :ROTFLMAO:

How could I resist that? She got to wear the outfit she picked out to school.

[maestramommy]

Ha!

Sent from my XT1095 using Tapatalk

[westwoodmom04]

Yes and No on whether is a girl/boy issue. Sure, I've had battles with my son about appropriateness of his clothing, his pants that don't cover his ankle, shorts on a 32 degree day, and he's 12. But I never had a discussion involving other adults about the sexual appropriateness of his dress, but I've already had my fill about my 9 yo daughter. I'm particularly bothered by the double standard that school dress codes have, because you know, it's the girls fault if the boys can't learn to not stare.

So for my DD I draw the line at, "those leggings are too small for you now, I'm getting rid of them, here's a new pair that fits you." Which is exactly the same thing I do for his son.


I would say boys wearing tight spandex to school would be inappropriate for similar reasons that the leggings can be inappropriate, it's just not a trend right now.

[dogmom]

I would say boys wearing tight spandex to school would be inappropriate for similar reasons that the leggings can be inappropriate, it's just not a trend right now.

OK, then my line in the sand will be I shouldn't be able to tell how big your labia or testicles are in the leggings. ;)

Oh yeah, and the labia thing is a real thing. I have a friend who is an OB/Gyn and a colleague of her's performs a lot of labiaplastys ( or is that labiaplasties???) on teenage girls because they think their labias are too big. Wrap your mind around that!

[Minnifer]

I have a friend who is an OB/Gyn and a colleague of her's performs a lot of labiaplastys ( or is that labiaplasties???) on teenage girls because they think their labias are too big. Wrap your mind around that! Whaaaa - on TEENAGE GIRLS?!?! That is unbelievable and just so sad that we have gotten to the point where now girls think THAT is wrong with them, too (not to mention, what parents would consent to their daughters having that procedure, assuming they need consent if minors?!?). :shake:

[Kindra178]

Ummm....I'm really hoping I'm unclear on what you mean "I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type", because what I'm thinking is sort of offensive.

Wasn't trying to be offensive. I can't wear a bikini. It's not appropriate for me to wear because it would look terrible. I have tons (most?) of my friends wear bikinis regularly. They look great. Does that make more sense? Why can't we teach our girls and boys to dress appropriately for the situation?

[zukeypur]

I thought of this thread while I was out Christmas Shopping a few weeks ago. While many of you feel that leggings are not pants, I think the world has decided that indeed, they are. I can't tell you the number of girls and women of all shapes and sizes embracing leggings as pants.

[daisysmom]

I thought the same thing over break. I remember when I first started practicing law and women were not allowed to wear pant suits (only skirt suits), and once I was told that I couldn't go to court if I was wearing a red suit. Red= racy???? This was back in 1994.
I am not a feminist by any measure, but I firmly believe that it is not my 9 year old daughter's or my responsibility in modern society to not allow her to wear thin pants because someone may find them sexually suggestive. Tight jeans are allowed. It is only thin leggings that are not.

[citymama]

I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type - as parents, we need to teach girls AND boys what to wear when.


Ummm....I'm really hoping I'm unclear on what you mean "I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type", because what I'm thinking is sort of offensive.


Wasn't trying to be offensive. I can't wear a bikini. It's not appropriate for me to wear because it would look terrible. I have tons (most?) of my friends wear bikinis regularly. They look great. Does that make more sense? Why can't we teach our girls and boys to dress appropriately for the situation?

Please take a look at this (warning: NSFW language):
"Here's a New Chart on Getting a Bikini Body that Every Woman Needs to See" (http://mic.com/articles/89705/there-s-a-new-chart-on-getting-a-bikini-body-that-every-woman-needs-to-see#.wtaM29NMT)

Yep.

[Minnifer]

Please take a look at this (warning: NSFW language):
"Here's a New Chart on Getting a Bikini Body that Every Woman Needs to See" (http://mic.com/articles/89705/there-s-a-new-chart-on-getting-a-bikini-body-that-every-woman-needs-to-see#.wtaM29NMT)

Yep.

Love this!

Saying someone should not wear a bikini to a formal wedding (bc it is not appropriate dress for that situation) is verrrry different to me from saying they should not wear a bikini or leggings because of their body type... that's a personal choice and nobody else's business as far as I'm concerned.

[Corie]

I just don't like leggings as pants. Unless the woman/girl is wearing a long tunic, sweater, etc. to cover the butt and vagina area. Jeans don't bother me.
Jeans are usually thicker material. In most cases, the leggings are pretty thin and they show every nook and cranny on the person's body. I've seen a woman's
thong as she bent over in front of me. I just don't think it's appropriate. My daughter says that she sees other girls' thongs/g-strings through their leggings all the
time at school. I can't believe that parents are okay with their daughter looking like that. And how is that not sexual?
Imagine a teen boy seeing that every day on tons of girls. I don't know how they get any work done! I'm sure they drop a lot of pencils and wait for little Suzie to pick it up.

[dogmom]

I just don't like leggings as pants. Unless the woman/girl is wearing a long tunic, sweater, etc. to cover the butt and vagina area. Jeans don't bother me.
Jeans are usually thicker material. In most cases, the leggings are pretty thin and they show every nook and cranny on the person's body. I've seen a woman's
thong as she bent over in front of me. I just don't think it's appropriate. My daughter says that she sees other girls' thongs/g-strings through their leggings all the
time at school. I can't believe that parents are okay with their daughter looking like that. And how is that not sexual?
Imagine a teen boy seeing that every day on tons of girls. I don't know how they get any work done! I'm sure they drop a lot of pencils and wait for little Suzie to pick it up.

And that's just the kind of comment that drives me crazy. If my son is distracted because some girls thong is showing much he needs to cope with it. It's not like it stops when they get out of their teens! I expect my son to learn how to cope, not ogle, and realize that his reaction to this situation is under his control. Because to give any other message to my son is basically say "you can't control yourself." If I found my son dropping pencils for some girl to pick up I would tell him he is being an asshole.

Besides, my husband will testify you don't need them half naked to be distracted. So he in no way blames girls for his "distractness". He feels like it was a phase he needed to go though to learn how to deal with it. All my male friends who I think are good to women pretty much feel the same way. Curiously enough the ones that go on about the way women dress don't treat the women in their life well. Go figure.

[SnuggleBuggles]

And that's just the kind of comment that drives me crazy. If my son is distracted because some girls thong is showing much he needs to cope with it. It's not like it stops when they get out of their teens! I expect my son to learn how to cope, not ogle, and realize that his reaction to this situation is under his control. Because to give any other message to my son is basically say "you can't control yourself." If I found my son dropping pencils for some girl to pick up I would tell him he is being an asshole.

Besides, my husband will testify you don't need them half naked to be distracted. So he in no way blames girls for his "distractness". He feels like it was a phase he needed to go though to learn how to deal with it. All my male friends who I think are good to women pretty much feel the same way. Curiously enough the ones that go on about the way women dress don't treat the women in their life well. Go figure.

Thumbs up!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bcafe]

How do we feel about actual workout leggings? I know this is the teen forum, but after I hit the gym is when I can get to the grocery store. My butt is not really covered. I admit to feeling a bit weird about wearing them in "public".

[SnuggleBuggles]

How do we feel about actual workout leggings? I know this is the teen forum, but after I hit the gym is when I can get to the grocery store. My butt is not really covered. I admit to feeling a bit weird about wearing them in "public".

I try to make sure I'm covered. I have a handful of long sleeve and short sleeve tops I can throw over my tank top post workout that are long enough. I don't worry a ton if I can't always do that bc my workout leggings are thick and don't pull in any way.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[daisysmom]

And that's just the kind of comment that drives me crazy. If my son is distracted because some girls thong is showing much he needs to cope with it. It's not like it stops when they get out of their teens! I expect my son to learn how to cope, not ogle, and realize that his reaction to this situation is under his control. Because to give any other message to my son is basically say "you can't control yourself." If I found my son dropping pencils for some girl to pick up I would tell him he is being an asshole.

Besides, my husband will testify you don't need them half naked to be distracted. So he in no way blames girls for his "distractness". He feels like it was a phase he needed to go though to learn how to deal with it. All my male friends who I think are good to women pretty much feel the same way. Curiously enough the ones that go on about the way women dress don't treat the women in their life well. Go figure.

Amen!! I agree 100%. It is not my job, or my dd's responsibility, to help boys cope with their puberty and hormones. Sorry, but PP's comment about dropping pencils reminded me of the 1950s Catholic School stories my mother relayed that girls were not allowed to wear patent leather shoes because they "reflect up" I.e could mirror underwear.

This is 2016.

[citymama]

Amen, dogmom!

[TxCat]

I would argue that it's inappropriate for boys to wear shorts that short to school, just as it is for girls. I really think parents are making this a gender thing when it's not - and not just on the boards but in my area/facebook feed. I stand by my original thought. Boys and girls need to dress appropriately for the situation at hand. Appropriate may include longer shorts and tank tops with thicker straps. I see so many girls who dress inappropriately for their body type - as parents, we need to teach girls AND boys what to wear when.

I agree x1000, and also with TwinFoxes that I just don't like the look of leggings and t-shirts. I don't think it looks good. I do think it looks sloppy. Kids do need to learn how to dress for the situation. We see this problem with medical students all the time, but more often the female medical students than the male students, since there is a greater range in what the women can wear. At least 20% of the female medical students just don't get the idea of dressing to fit a situation. So instead of having had that covered in grade school, junior high, or high school, they now get called out on it when they are 24+ years old.

[Kindra178]

Please take a look at this (warning: NSFW language):
"Here's a New Chart on Getting a Bikini Body that Every Woman Needs to See" (http://mic.com/articles/89705/there-s-a-new-chart-on-getting-a-bikini-body-that-every-woman-needs-to-see#.wtaM29NMT)

Yep.

Seriously couldn't disagree more. A 200 pound female 8th grader cannot wear short shorts and a tiny tank top in size 6 to school or elsewhere, notwithstanding any girl power ideologies we are trying to impart on our girls. A 100 pound female 8th grader cannot wear that same outfit to school either. This is not because boys would see too much t&a, or its distracting to boys. It's just not appropriate school attire.

[Corie]

Seriously couldn't disagree more. A 200 pound female 8th grader cannot wear short shorts and a tiny tank top in size 6 to school or elsewhere, notwithstanding any girl power ideologies we are trying to impart on our girls. A 100 pound female 8th grader cannot wear that same outfit to school either. This is not because boys would see too much t&a, or its distracting to boys. It's just not appropriate school attire.


This is what I'm trying to say but my thoughts didn't come out as clearly as yours.

My daughter doesn't wear a short shirt with a thong and leggings to school because it's not appropriate school clothes. Not because I think it will
be distracting for boys. My daughter wears what we think are appropriate clothes.


My own opinion: I still think the thong/leggings are distracting for boys. But I also think the sagging blue jeans and boxers showing that boys
wear are distracting.

[gymnbomb]

This is what I'm trying to say but my thoughts didn't come out as clearly as yours.

My daughter doesn't wear a short shirt with a thong and leggings to school because it's not appropriate school clothes. Not because I think it will
be distracting for boys. My daughter wears what we think are appropriate clothes.


My own opinion: I still think the thong/leggings are distracting for boys. But I also think the sagging blue jeans and boxers showing that boys
wear are distracting.

I completely agree. I am a fairly sensible 33 year old woman and both of these scenarios are distracting to me. Not because of anything sexual, but in an "OMG I can't believe he/she is wearing that, what was he/she thinking" way.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[daisysmom]

Seriously couldn't disagree more. A 200 pound female 8th grader cannot wear short shorts and a tiny tank top in size 6 to school or elsewhere, notwithstanding any girl power ideologies we are trying to impart on our girls. A 100 pound female 8th grader cannot wear that same outfit to school either. This is not because boys would see too much t&a, or its distracting to boys. It's just not appropriate school attire.

I don't disagree that a school rule like "no short shorts" or "no tank tops" is fine. I don't have any problem with a school drawing lines for what they consider professional clothing, and I would not let my DD wear cut offs to school or a tank top (other than on an outside day, like a field day). But leggings... IMO they have the same coverage as jeans. They come to a place below the waist (such as low rise jeans) and go to the calf or ankle. They completely cover the skin.

The argument that I detest in the real world, is that people don't like leggings on overweight girls. They don't like seeing every bump or roll on her bottom or hips or thighs. They would rather those areas be covered in jeans (tight as they may be) or other pants. Or they think that a boy will imagine more nakedness underneath tighter leggings than underneath tight jeans. To me, that is ludicrious. If a school doesn't have a rule against the tightness or thin-ness of other pants, they shouldn't have one against leggings.

This thread has really been enlightening to me, as I now have no issue with my 9 year old DD wearing leggings to school!

[Momit]

I agree x1000, and also with TwinFoxes that I just don't like the look of leggings and t-shirts. I don't think it looks good. I do think it looks sloppy. Kids do need to learn how to dress for the situation. We see this problem with medical students all the time, but more often the female medical students than the male students, since there is a greater range in what the women can wear. At least 20% of the female medical students just don't get the idea of dressing to fit a situation. So instead of having had that covered in grade school, junior high, or high school, they now get called out on it when they are 24+ years old.

I completely agree with this. For the last couple of years, I have served as a juror in a mock trial for high school students. The boys wear suits and ties. Most of the girls, however, wear extremely short, tight skirts. I don't even know how they can bend over without showing everything. No idea how they think that is "business attire."

[Momit]

I am a boy mom, but I will say that when girls wear leggings with shorter shorts, it seems that it's often possible to see the print pattern of their underwear through the fabric. I've never seen jeans thin enough for that to happen.

[citymama]

I think there's a big difference with "don't dress in a way that's inappropriate for the occasion" and "don't dress in a way that's *inappropriate* for your *body*."

The first is societal norms, manners, respect based. I'm good with that.

The second is a judgement and I'm not good with it.

"Your body isn't good enough for a bikini so don't make us see you in one" kind of logic is noxious and not the kind of message to send to kids - I would say especially girls who are inevitably going to have body image/weight/beauty images thrown at them from all corners at age 10 on.

Will I gently encourage my kids to dress in a way that's flattering? Yes. Modest? Yes and I'm a darn conservative dresser myself (although I do wear bikinis to the beach!). But I also try and find ways to send the "it's your body don't let the world try and control it" message - which is a challenging balancing act, no doubt!"

[TxCat]

I don't disagree that a school rule like "no short shorts" or "no tank tops" is fine. I don't have any problem with a school drawing lines for what they consider professional clothing, and I would not let my DD wear cut offs to school or a tank top (other than on an outside day, like a field day). But leggings... IMO they have the same coverage as jeans. They come to a place below the waist (such as low rise jeans) and go to the calf or ankle. They completely cover the skin.



For me, it's not necessarily about the tightness of the bottoms, but the origins and how it looks from a distance. Leggings can look like tights/footless tights from a distance. It makes me think of dance apparel/work-out wear, which I believe is the origin of the latest iteration of this trend (the whole athleisure trend that has stormed the fashion world). A t-shirt and leggings/footless tights in the dance studio - expected. In the classroom or the grocery store - looks like you couldn't be bothered to change out of your work-out or dance apparel. I get that it's a trend, but I also get why people object to it.

[bcafe]

A t-shirt and leggings/footless tights in the dance studio - expected. In the classroom or the grocery store - looks like you couldn't be bothered to change out of your work-out or dance apparel. I get that it's a trend, but I also get why people object to it.
Yikes, I guess I can't be bothered to change out of my work out leggings after hitting the heavy weights. Too bad that grocery store is so da*mn close to my gym.

[daisysmom]

Yikes, I guess I can't be bothered to change out of my work out leggings after hitting the heavy weights. Too bad that grocery store is so da*mn close to my gym.

On a lot of days, yes, I can't be bothered to change out of my running tights either. Or my tee shirt and sports bra. I often go into the grocery store still sweaty with wet spots on my tea shirt and pants. But painters go in to the grocery store in their paint clothes too.

I just don't get judging someone else for what they wear. It is mindboggling to me that someone would think that in this century, personal freedom in dress is not evident on this board.

[daisysmom]

And.... we all agree that women should be able to show the top of her breasts while breast feeding a baby in public. But some people think that a woman should not be able to show her buttocks or thighs covered in tight nylon or cotton other than in the gym?

[TxCat]

Yikes, I guess I can't be bothered to change out of my work out leggings after hitting the heavy weights. Too bad that grocery store is so da*mn close to my gym.

I do it too. But, I also have to acknowledge that I'm not bothering to change out of my workout clothes after the gym and just want to go to the store afterwards to save time. I get that that is the statement that comes across to some people with my choice of apparel at that time, and honestly, in my case it's not an inaccurate statement.

[TxCat]

On a lot of days, yes, I can't be bothered to change out of my running tights either. Or my tee shirt and sports bra. I often go into the grocery store still sweaty with wet spots on my tea shirt and pants. But painters go in to the grocery store in their paint clothes too.

I just don't get judging someone else for what they wear. It is mindboggling to me that someone would think that in this century, personal freedom in dress is not evident on this board.

There is a difference between censoring, judging, and interpreting based on apparel. Just as I can see someone walk down the street and admire an outfit they put together, or how they carry off a certain look, even if it's something I would never choose to wear myself, I can see people wear some outfits in certain situations and think that that "nope, I don't get it" or "nope, wouldn't wear that here."

A male colleague (so, male physician in his 30s) was recently called out by the partners in my group and "put on notice" because more often than not, he was coming into work looking like his hair was unbrushed, had 2-3-day facial stubble, and sloppy scrubs (top not tucked into bottoms) and boat shoes rather than clogs or tennis shoes. He's a great physician - very smart, articulate, well-read, stays up with the current research more than most of the group, and definitely more so than the colleagues who were objecting to his appearance. But, many of the men in our group felt like his appearance was making a poor statement, that then could be extrapolated to his attention to detail at work, his overall judgment, and his dedication or seriousness at work.

[daisysmom]

There is a difference between censoring, judging, and interpreting based on apparel. Just as I can see someone walk down the street and admire an outfit they put together, or how they carry off a certain look, even if it's something I would never choose to wear myself, I can see people wear some outfits in certain situations and think that that "nope, I don't get it" or "nope, wouldn't wear that here."

You are absolutely right. I have no problem with saying "wow, I wouldn't wear that" to myself. Or even to my child (I said that a few times while watching the red carpet last night). I have no problem with anyone forming an opinion like that at all. I may have been reading too much into some of these posts - as I was thinking that people shouldn't be allowed to wear them.

And honestly, my issue is what we tell our girls. My DD is tall and thin and 9, and she can wear leggings and looks great. I worry that we are targeting overweight girls and that I don't like. And I personally just can't get over the thought that I need to dress her more conservatively because of what a hormonally charged boy may think.

[daisysmom]

A male colleague (so, male physician in his 30s) was recently called out by the partners in my group and "put on notice" because more often than not, he was coming into work looking like his hair was unbrushed, had 2-3-day facial stubble, and sloppy scrubs (top not tucked into bottoms) and boat shoes rather than clogs or tennis shoes. He's a great physician - very smart, articulate, well-read, stays up with the current research more than most of the group, and definitely more so than the colleagues who were objecting to his appearance. But, many of the men in our group felt like his appearance was making a poor statement, that then could be extrapolated to his attention to detail at work, his overall judgment, and his dedication or seriousness at work.

I don't really have a problem with this either. In our law firm, two guys in our group have let their hair grow "shaggy" (wouldn't call it long at all) and have both grown facial hair. We have been told to address it. I agree, they don't look professional, and when we bill them out at $700 an hour, how you look does matter. At my old firm, the head of a team was obese, and for years, people on the team struggled with how to not put him in front of clients. Like it or not, his appearance suggested that he lacked self control and a few people commented on it.

So I don't really have a problem when workplaces have these (largely unwritten) codes of dress. But elementary schools, in my opinion, it needs to be written. And it needs to make sense. And I just don't think bans on leggings make sense.

[TxCat]

You are absolutely right. I have no problem with saying "wow, I wouldn't wear that" to myself. Or even to my child (I said that a few times while watching the red carpet last night). I have no problem with anyone forming an opinion like that at all. I may have been reading too much into some of these posts - as I was thinking that people shouldn't be allowed to wear them.

And honestly, my issue is what we tell our girls. My DD is tall and thin and 9, and she can wear leggings and looks great. I worry that we are targeting overweight girls and that I don't like. And I personally just can't get over the thought that I need to dress her more conservatively because of what a hormonally charged boy may think.

Maybe it's because I have younger DDs right now, but I'm not even thinking about the body image/weight implications or the possible sexualization of types of clothing. I'm really just concentrating on a fit between clothing and occasion, and really behavior and occasion. Right now my DD's want to wear pajamas all day, including out to the grocery store. I don't mind the pajamas all day while they are at home, but I feel like I need to draw the line when they want to wear pajamas out to the store at 2pm on a Sunday, or to go get ice cream, or whatever.