PDA

View Full Version : Helping with/checking homework



JElaineB
11-18-2015, 11:04 PM
How much do you help your teen/tween with homework? We were warned DS would have a lot of homework this year, especially in math (he's in 7th grade taking pre-algebra). I help him if he asks for help with something specific, but DH sits there practically the whole time with him, then checks each and every problem every night. Apparently DH resents that I don't share in this workload. My take is it is up to the teacher to review the homework (sometimes happens, sometimes doesn't) and DH is doing too much. I work at a university and I want DS to be self-reliant but ask for help when needed, as I deal with helicopter parents all the time. Plus I already went through 7th grade and don't need to repeat it. DH never went to college so has a bit of a different perspective. He's always been much more concerned with DS's homework than me, it is just a lot more volume this year.

SnuggleBuggles
11-18-2015, 11:10 PM
Could you talk to dh and make a deal that if ds is doing well in class (grades word like tests) then he can ease off on the hovering? We don't check his stuff but he asks if he's stuck. I review his written work bc his school has let them down on writing and he needs extra help (plus a push to do more than the bare minimum).

ellies mom
11-18-2015, 11:12 PM
I remind DD1 that she needs to be doing her homework and I'm available if she asks for help but I don't sit with her (unless I happen to be sitting there) and I don't review her work unless she asks.

My big resentment is that DH comes home before me but saves all the homework "arguments" for me when I get home anytime between 7:30 and 9pm.

KrisM
11-18-2015, 11:37 PM
I don't sit with him (6th grade). I will help when asked. Sometimes that help is significant (making a football playbook, for example), but mostly it's just answer a quick question. He does share his Google docs with me for final reports, etc so I can check and make edit suggestions. He had a math unit on ratios that he struggled with for a week or so and I did check those homework problems. But, he's a good student overall and I don't have many worries.

rlu
11-18-2015, 11:56 PM
I check for legibility and to ensure he understands the concepts. We discuss math quite a bit as his teacher isn't getting the ideas across to him well.

DH checks to make sure everything is right. DS finds that frustrating but it's not a battle I'm taking on right now. DS does classwork we don't see before grading so the teacher is seeing what he truly gets.

We both help him study in that we test him on vocabulary words and note recognition and fingering.

erosenst
11-19-2015, 12:08 AM
6th grader here. I do close to nothing. One question about how much homework she has (works as a friendly reminder for her to think about it). Occasionally she'll ask a question but it's rare. Ok in truth I often don't know and it's past curfew. I will help til 8. After that if I happen to know I'll answer but won't help her find a better place to find a good answer in Google etc.

For us it works as DD is both very independent and a good student.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

gatorsmom
11-19-2015, 07:38 AM
My son is in 6th grade. Our school has always expected parents to take a very active role in our kids education. Every night when the kids have a homework assignment, the answers are sent home on a folded, stapled sheet. When DS is done with his math I correct it and circle what is wrong. He reworks the problem but we work on the problems together if he doesn't understand why it's wrong. I guess I don't see it as hovering although I guess some could see it that way. I do like knowing that he is grasping the concepts and if it seems he isn't, I can spend more time with him or I can email his teacher to work with him more. The school does expect him to be responsible for writing down and keeping track if his assignments and are teaching self organization.

Neatfreak
11-19-2015, 08:01 AM
Only when my 6th grader asks. She transferred to a new school with a new curriculum last spring, so there were things that I had to teach her the basics of (looking at you, fractions) so that she could catch up.

She enjoys sharing her writing, and will sometimes check with me that she's understanding something correctly. Sometimes she has me look over her math homework and challenge me to figure out some of the problem solving - we both are math geeks.

hillview
11-19-2015, 08:16 AM
5th grade I do nothing unless he asks for help which is very rare

Meatball Mommie
11-19-2015, 09:35 AM
My DS1 (7th grade in honors pre-algebra and honors ELA), needs a lot of monitoring on homework, but not in the way your DH is monitoring. He has some executive skills deficiencies so I monitor that he records his assignments and actually completes them and turns them in. I don't check answers in math. I do help when asked, but it's only occasionally that he really doesn't understand (he may ask for help, but that's him being lazy and not wanting to do the work...a whole 'nother story lol). I proofread written work (not short answer stuff, but essays and projects). Neither DH or I sit there with him while he's doing work.

KrisM
11-19-2015, 09:55 AM
And then there are the impossible assignments! DS1 came home with a sheet of pictures in black and white. He had to figure out who it was and then their birthdate, where they live, how old they are, etc and write it in Chinese. In class, they figured out 5 of 6, but everyone was stumped on the last one. Here is the photo.

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa81/khaselton/chinese_zps56facq3p.jpg


I ended up posting it on Facebook hoping someone would know who it is!

gatorsmom
11-19-2015, 10:21 AM
My son is in 6th grade. Our school has always expected parents to take a very active role in our kids education. Every night when the kids have a homework assignment, the answers are sent home on a folded, stapled sheet. When DS is done with his math I correct it and circle what is wrong. He reworks the problem but we work on the problems together if he doesn't understand why it's wrong. I guess I don't see it as hovering although I guess some could see it that way. I do like knowing that he is grasping the concepts and if it seems he isn't, I can spend more time with him or I can email his teacher to work with him more. The school does expect him to be responsible for writing down and keeping track if his assignments and are teaching self organization.

Eta- I should add that I do keep a closer eye on DS1 because he is dyslexic and has dysgraphia so I like to make sure he's moving in the right direction. I spend more time with him than I do with 2 of my other kids. I check their math, recheck any mistakes they've reworked, ask if they have remembered to do everything in their assignment notebook, and that's it. I spend the most time with my youngest son because we are still trying to find the right ADHD medication and if it wears off befre his homework is done each night, it's impossible to get him back on task.

JElaineB
11-19-2015, 10:31 AM
Thanks, everyone. It sounds like I'm not too far off what most people do. Just how to communicate this to DH without him getting pissed off at me and accusing me of not caring about DS's schooling. I would love it if they would send home all the answers because then DH could check and be happy without doing all the problems himself (only about half of the math answers are in the book). DS is generally smart and got almost all A's the first trimester and has no special needs related to learning, but really doesn't like homework. I don't blame him, I always hated homework too, but I managed to make it through my PhD. I just have a longer view, I guess, and DH is very focused on the here an now. Neither DH nor DS liked it when I said I would ask the math teacher what his recommendation is about homework management. Maybe I will email him anyway to get his thoughts.

Meatball Mommie
11-19-2015, 11:37 AM
And then there are the impossible assignments! DS1 came home with a sheet of pictures in black and white. He had to figure out who it was and then their birthdate, where they live, how old they are, etc and write it in Chinese. In class, they figured out 5 of 6, but everyone was stumped on the last one. Here is the photo.

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa81/khaselton/chinese_zps56facq3p.jpg


I ended up posting it on Facebook hoping someone would know who it is!

No clue who that is!?! Were they famous people? Did anyone on FB know?

kristenk
11-19-2015, 11:55 AM
And then there are the impossible assignments! DS1 came home with a sheet of pictures in black and white. He had to figure out who it was and then their birthdate, where they live, how old they are, etc and write it in Chinese. In class, they figured out 5 of 6, but everyone was stumped on the last one. Here is the photo.

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/aa81/khaselton/chinese_zps56facq3p.jpg


I ended up posting it on Facebook hoping someone would know who it is!

Who is it??? Could it be the teacher??

KrisM
11-19-2015, 12:59 PM
It's Nina Dobrev. DS's 21 year old cousin knew. Later last night, the teacher put a color version on her webpage and that helped because at least we could verify with Google Images. With the black and white version, we got all sorts of black and white photos as options, like George Washington :).

I think she was trying to make it more interesting that just how old are your siblings, parents, etc, and probably thought the kids would know!

JBaxter
11-19-2015, 03:35 PM
Nathan is in the advanced 6th grade and unless its a specific problem we don't over see his homework. We have been helping him with data for his science project but he's better at making graphs and charts than I am at this point. Honestly we don't have time to sit and look at his homework each night. He's 12 and we expect it to be done. I log in an check his student portal we also get robo calls about his tests.

squimp
11-19-2015, 05:23 PM
This one is tough for me to answer and I guess my feeling is that one size does not fit all. Now that DD is in middle school, we're not checking her homework at all and it feels weird but she is doing well. I know many parents who spend a fair amount of time helping their kids, but that is not going to work for my stubborn, independent kiddo.

But in 3rd-5th grade, parents were asked to check math homework. Every night. This was part of the math differentiation, and it was a great program IMO. We spent a lot of time working with DD on math, and it helped her tremendously up through pre-algebra. I don't really think there's a problem with helping on homework, the extra help has set her up well. Really I think kids can benefit from being taught by their parents, whether it's sports or music or math. To me the problem is not being involved but that there's resentment. We did step back a bit in 5th and check only the odd questions that had answers in the back (DD did not cheat). DH and I shared the load but he definitely did more heavy lifting. Maybe there's a compromise in there somewhere.

Meatball Mommie
11-20-2015, 12:00 PM
This one is tough for me to answer and I guess my feeling is that one size does not fit all. Now that DD is in middle school, we're not checking her homework at all and it feels weird but she is doing well. I know many parents who spend a fair amount of time helping their kids, but that is not going to work for my stubborn, independent kiddo.

I agree - because the hands off approach wouldn't work at all for my DS1. He'd end up failing all his classes because he wouldn't do any of the assignments. I struggle with my attitude towards all the hand holding I have to do. My parents did none of the stuff I do. BUT, I was like your daughter - very independent. I was a very good student - my parents never had to track my assignments or homework because I reliably did them. DS1 not so much unfortunately. He's not me though and I have to tell my stuff that it's just brain development lol.

pinkmomagain
11-21-2015, 04:51 PM
[QUOTE=JElaineB;4148796] I help him if he asks for help with something specific, but DH sits there practically the whole time with him, then checks each and every problem every night. Apparently DH resents that I don't share in this workload. My take is it is up to the teacher to review the homework (sometimes happens, sometimes doesn't) and DH is doing too much. [QUOTE]

This is my HW philosophy. I already went to school and did HW, I'm not interested in doing any now. If my tween asks for help, I'm there. A lot of help is not needed. If it is common core math, I am no help there -- I have no desire to relearn math in a new way. I refer dd to the lesson in book or write a note to teacher that a particular concept needs to be reviewed. For all HW, I leave it up to teacher to review and correct. I do make sure that HW is started and done. When there is a packet or report, I encourage dd to breakdown the material and plan out how she will complete in allotted time.

So far I found this method successful. One dd is half-way through college and another is headed there in 2 years. I expect it will work out for my tween as well.

I think I would be encouraging DH to pull back involvement at this point.

o_mom
11-21-2015, 07:36 PM
Almost no checking or help here. We have told him that as long as he does well (90%+), we are not going to micro-manage. This has been our attitude with all three from first homework on. If they have questions or see they are missing a major concept we are available. If they start to slip, we show them what they can do to learn it better and study for tests, but I am not going to spend hours on homework with them just to make sure they never miss a point.

For writing, our schools have started having virtually all witing and editing done at school to stop parents from being their childs' editor.

o_mom
11-21-2015, 07:43 PM
I agree - because the hands off approach wouldn't work at all for my DS1. He'd end up failing all his classes because he wouldn't do any of the assignments.

There is a difference though between making sure assignments are completed and checking to make sure every problem is correct or that they have a well-written paper. Ds3 need more checking that it is done and in his folder, but I'm still don't correct his work... I figure the teacher needs to know if he can do the work, not if his parents know the answers.

Also, in middle school here, homework is only 10-30% of their grade, depending on subject. In math, 90% of the grade is tests and quizzes.

hbridge
11-21-2015, 07:49 PM
I try to stay out of the homework situation as much as possible. DC has executive function issues so we go through the planner together and figure out what needs to be done. I pull out any worksheets and put them in a pile while DC has a snack. Then I disappear to the other room. After DC finishes snack, she attacks the homework. I answer questions when asked and check for completion when she is done. Then I make sure it all goes back in the backpack. That's it. I NEVER sit with her unless she needs help with the math!

Growing up, my mother would sit with my sister EVERY day and help with her homework. She did this through high school. In college, my sister had very little confidence in her own work and would actually come home on weekends (college was 2 hours away) and my mother would help her with papers, research, homework, ect. As the younger sister, I resented the time my mother spent with my sister. Then when sister graduated from high school, mom tried to micromanage MY homework... It was not pretty.

By high school, these kids should be pretty independent.