So much for our Thanksgiving.

[AngB]

We are supposed to be at my grandparents for Thanksgiving right now, except DS1 and DS2 (3 and 4 yo) were bickering over a toy in the living room (they don't really have a separate room for the kids to play.) I was changing DS3 in a bedroom but DH had it handled, he had pulled DS1 (who was being a brat) on his lap and talked to him. Just as he put DS1 down, my grandfather totally went off on DS1 for being a "greedy, selfish, brat" according to DH among other things. And made him start crying. (BTW this was our 3rd Thanksgiving in the past 2 days and neither kid had napped but they had been great at my aunt's house directly before this, had a blast playing with my cousin's kids, and even picked up everything mostly on their own.) I walked in as he was going off about DS getting out the toys at their house (?!) and asked DH who was sitting there shocked with my dad and brother and uncle if we needed to leave, so we packed up the kids and left. Probably a good thing I didn't witness most of it and proud of DH for not losing it. And our Christmas plans just got a lot less crazy.

My grandfather had never done anything like this to me or my kids before [we have the only kids in the family], but my mom has hinted he is/was verbally/emotionally abusive to my grandmother before, and he refused to dance with my aunt [his youngest daughter] at her own wedding for no reason I have ever understood, and has gone off on my mom at Easter several years ago, so it's not completely shocking. The problem now is he will never apologize and I can't see DH ever getting over it [and I can't blame him- I wouldn't if it was his family!] so not really sure now what. My grandmother was already trying to make excuses for him as I was packing up the baby but protecting my kids from people they barely know verbally attacking them out of the blue is way more important than 'family time' at this point..

Hope everyone else is having a better Thanksgiving then we just had!

[hillview]

I am so sorry !!

[wendibird22]

Oh wow! Good for you guys for leaving. That's hard to do with family but you are right that showing your kids that's not acceptable way to treat a child was a super important message to send.


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[StantonHyde]

You know--my brother and his wife left her family Christmas 2 years ago because her brother was such a jerk. And my dad was an a$$ to my brother last year so they left that one too. Don't blame them one bit!!!! It's just food--you can get something else good to eat and have a lot more fun :-)

[Liziz]

Wow, that's terrible! I'm glad yall left and got out of there. Sorry your day didn't work out as planned. : (

[Indianamom2]

Oh wow! Good for you guys for leaving. That's hard to do with family but you are right that showing your kids that's not acceptable way to treat a child was a super important message to send.


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I'm so sorry, but you did the right thing. :hug:

[Corie]

I walked in as he was going off about DS getting out the toys at their house (?!) and asked DH who was sitting there shocked with my dad and brother and uncle if we needed to leave, so we packed up the kids and left.


Did any of the four men (your DH, dad, brother, uncle) say anything at all to your grandfather?

[AngB]

Did any of the four men (your DH, dad, brother, uncle) say anything at all to your grandfather?

NO! My brother is only 18 so he gets a pass, and DH can be pretty hot tempered so his reaction is actually pretty good progress in his case to get DS out of there without engaging/escalating it especially in front of both kids. But ugh, yes, I am really annoyed that no one stood up for him while it was going on at least. I think it just caught them all by surprise because my grandfather barely ever even talks to the kids, has never even corrected them for anything before, etc., so it really came out of nowhere. DS1 is luckily pretty unphased by it. He keeps asking to go back to play with the toys. [And he's really upset that we've told him we aren't going back there. ]

I talked to my parents last night and my mom is just now telling me all of this crap about my grandfather that I didn't know (like he once threw a hot iron at my aunt and when we were little he spanked my little sister for wearing her shoes on the wrong feet...). He was severely abused as a child and there's a lot of other stuff going on [my uncle/his son just died a few weeks ago, plus they think he may be getting dementia, or it could just be he's always been a jerk and everyone has put up with it.]

In any case, after thinking it over A LOT, there is no way we will have our kids near him again in a situation like that, especially now that I've heard a bunch more stories about him that are far worse. We simply can't trust him not to attack our kids for being kids, and there is no way I'm putting them in an environment where we would have to vigilantly protect them from that. In a way, I am glad, (although not that it went down like this), because our holidays were sooo busy, we have barely been home for them to get to open their 'Santa' presents and even then they had no time to play with them, etc. It will be VERY easy to stay home on Christmas Eve and start our own family traditions!

[AngB]

You know--my brother and his wife left her family Christmas 2 years ago because her brother was such a jerk. And my dad was an a$$ to my brother last year so they left that one too. Don't blame them one bit!!!! It's just food--you can get something else good to eat and have a lot more fun :-)

Thanks for that! Good to know we aren't the only dysfunctional family out there!

[Corie]

Thanks for that! Good to know we aren't the only dysfunctional family out there!

You are definitely not the only dysfunctional family out there!! Honestly, I think every family has some sort
of dysfunction.

[MamaMolly]

The disfunction would have been staying. You should be so proud of yourself and Dh tonight. You guys stood as a United front, and protected your kids. I don't know that anyone speaking to your GF would have done anything but make it worse. Sometimes the quiet response has more force.

[StantonHyde]

ITA with MammaMolly-you did the right thing. As a child, one can be a victim. As an adult, it is our job to protect our children so they are not victimized. It can actually be worse with a person who is nice 50% of the time because family focuses on that instead of the other half when that person is horrible. I will always remember my mother saying "your fathers not an ogre". Even as a kid I knew he was!! So kudos to you for doing the right thing!!!

[doberbrat]

WOW ... Aren't 4yo by definition supposed to be greedy and selfish? Good for you for leaving. I dont think Iwould have had the back bone. :(