How's Everybody Holding Up? I'll Start!

[StantonHyde]

So my family Christmas went great for the first time in like forever. Yay! Now I get SIL here for a week.
1. She NEVER calls or emails to ask what day or time she should fly in. She just makes reservations and assumes we will be there to get her. Last year, it was in the middle of DD's Choir Concert. This year it was in the middle of my family's Xmas.

2. She is disappointed she gets the blow up mattress in the office--it's a bed on a frame, raised up off the floor. If she gets DH's room (he works lots of nights and needs to sleep during the day so he sleeps in the basement) then that means DH has to sleep in DD's room, and DD sleeps with me. So yes, that displaces the ENTIRE family. And she knows this.

3. Unfortunately, MIL is getting more demented and she had to move to our city. She is in a Senior citizens apartment place with 3 meals a day--very nice place. She moved in September. She still has gobs and gobs of boxes that are unpacked. She won't do it. She won't let DH do it--if he tries to throw out any junk, she asks him to leave. He went in there while she was at SIL's for Thanksgiving and got rid of tons of stuff--she will never know. It's hard for DH and SIL to see their mother become a different person. But then SIL thinks that DH should have the apartment unpacked by now--because MIL let HER unpack a box and WHY have the wardrobe boxes not been unpacked--and don't recycle those, they are valuable. This does.not.help. You are on the same team here.

4. Today, SIL took DD over to MIL's apartment. They came home and we said "isn't MIL coming over for dinner". SIL says that MIL didn't want to come because she wasn't invited. WHUCK!!! We told SIL--dinner will be at 6, it's all of us together. So DH has to call MIL and invite her over. Give me a break!!!! It's the same holiday as last year--it's just that MIL is staying in a different place.

5. SIL is a bit miffed/confused that I did not buy tickets for various plays and performances for her and MIL to go to while I am working!!! DH is off on Monday and Wednesday--I am not. Why would I plan entertainment for everybody else? MIL and SIL have always just gone to lunch and to the movies when they come here. They don't baby sit for us--they just entertain themselves. When I have gotten tickets, it has been for shows that I am attending with the children and I include MIL and SIL. I'm not setting up entertainment for everybody else while I am at work. (I have to work--our big federal accreditation audit is coming up in January and this is my show. High risk, high visibility and still plenty to do--its the same every year)

Sigh--could always be worse. ...Feel free to add your frustrations.....

[petesgirl]

Hmm.. Mine aren't quite as frustrating as yours but here goes...

1) we found the perfect gift for DH's college age brother yesterday. Unfortunately it is sold out in every store and since it's a specialty item they won't be getting anymore. Too late to order as it isn't on amazon prime. DH found the item on eBay and ordered it but it won't get here till January so DH wants to wrap a picture of it for bil to open. Awesome.

2) I'm not done Christmas shopping but a few mystery charges that I did NOT make showed up on my bank account last night. So I may be done shopping after all as I will have to cancel that card and a new one certainly won't make it in time.

3) my mom is driving me nuts. I mentioned to her that the neighbors had invited my family over for Christmas eve. My mom suddenly decided her and dad want to get the family together on Christmas eve after all. That's great, honestly I love my family and would much rather be with them than the neighbors. But my mom feels so bad that we cancelled on the neighbors, she just keeps saying 'maybe we shouldn't do a family get together that night since you already have plans.' no, mom, I cancelled those plans. Then she says something like 'well, let me know what you decide to do soon so I can tell the others.' We seriously have this convo every. Single. Day. How do I make her understand that I have already choosen not to go to the neighbors and I don't feel a bit bad about it??

I think that's all for now :)

[StantonHyde]

oh crap!!! that the gift will not be here, that you can't charge anything else. And what is it with indecisive people!!??? Just make a decision and go with it.

PS. SIL did not offer to lift a finger with dinner. We had to chase MIL out of the kitchen--she wouldn't be helpful but, by golly, she was certainly going to offer it. Then they both sat there at the table stuffing themselves with Xmas cookies while DH cleaned dishes. Not.one.offer.of.help. SIL is 43 years old. No she is not married but for hell's sake--where are her manners?????? And I cooked hazelnut crusted chicken with a port reduction sauce plus pecan/sage roasted butternut squash. That takes work people. I just.don't.get.it.

[Simon]

So far, I have made it through the first 3 hours with my manners intact. I did pour myself a nice drink and I'm hoping our guest will go to bed soon. We have to stay up until then. Fingers crossed, I'll make it through the whole first day.

I have a ton of gift wrapping to do and also some work to finish, though I can work from home. I won't be able to relax until my work is over so I'm going to get off BBB and get to it.

[StantonHyde]

Simon--I feel for you. I assume this guest is around all day when you are also working from home??? And you can't really drink while you work.... I hope you can shut some door and lock yourself in there with work!!! Can you sic the kids on the guest? That is often a good distraction :-)

[liz]

2) I'm not done Christmas shopping but a few mystery charges that I did NOT make showed up on my bank account last night. So I may be done shopping after all as I will have to cancel that card and a new one certainly won't make it in time.

Ask your cc company to expedite the new card. Same thing happened to me (except we didn't figure out they were legit charges until afterI cancelled the card :irked:). We got the new cards the next day, but we had to ask. Otherwise they were going to send in 3-5 business days- too long around this time of year!

FYI, it was a charge DH made that set the whole thing off. It was a delayed payment for an item that was originally out of stock. Weeks later we couldn't figure it out, until to late. Any chance it was something like that?

[lizzywednesday]

This is pretty much a first-world problem but ... DH only asked his BROTHER what said brother's children would like for Christmas.

Since I usually handle gift buying for the children, DH apparently didn't know that he really needs to ask SIL not BIL what the kids want. So DH was planning to get the kids ... Target gift cards, because that's what BIL said.

Um, what? We got them cash or Target cards for their birthdays.

It's Christmas.

So now I'm braving the mall to get something very specific for the eldest, using the heck out of my Prime membership, and twitching about the youngest's present because DH wants to get him a video game. (But he CAN'T do that unless BIL tells DH if nephew is getting a new gaming system, which I don't think is likely.)

I hadn't planned to get these kids anything because DH was going to handle it; we even made a deal about how much I could spend on the nephews on my side of the family. He didn't handle it and I REFUSE to give only gift cards to the kids for Christmas.

[StantonHyde]

Lizzy-that would drive me batty!!!!! Arfghhhhh

[niccig]

My holiday fun hasn't started yet. I'm getting ready for 5 days visiting the ILs. It's a short stay and DH is making plans to see some friends that live nearby. One is a very good friend, who wants us to stay overnight. I know MIL won't be happy about that, but I am :tongue5:. Even if we don't stay overnight, it will be a long visit. Then there's other friends we need to see before they leave for a trip. So all up, there's probably only 1 day I have to put up with MIL and SIL together. I'm loading up the kindle and will try to keep the snark/eye roll to a minimum.

Oh, and SIL won't lift a finger to help with the Christmas Dinner. She will find a way to be occupied - one year she played video games while everyone else helped clean up. MIL didn't say a word. I figure that's why it happens, she wasn't taught manners/no one says anything to her now. So she sits back and watches everyone else do the work. DH is pretty fed up with her behavior, so he might say something this year.

[StantonHyde]

nicci--that is great news that there are friends to go see. What is it with single SILs? I used to help clear dishes at least!!

[cagey]

Usually my Christmas's are like this, but 2 years ago we put a halt to traveling before/during christmas (IL's are a 12 hr drive or 3 hr flight away, and my parents are a 5 hr drive.) My parents swap houses between me and my brother (4 hr flight or 10 hr drive in a different direction!) every other year, so its just our nuclear family this Christmas.

And even with how maddening Famliy is, I feel a bit lonely and not Christmasy. We've been invited to ZERO Christmas parties this year (I was even left off of the group list for my work party, but even if I had I couldn't rearrange an important meeting scheduled long in advance), no family nearby, 2 friends who have friend parties didn't do them this year, kids are tantruming and fighting to no end, and I've got a box full of perfect secret santa and hostess gifts (many homemade like spiced nuts, cookies, jelly, etc), along with a pile of great recipes that are going unused this year. I ask DH for chrismtas eve and day dinner and suggestions and he said "uh...I dunno. Maybe something on the grill? Or a turkey?"

(now I'm going to email this BP post to myself, with a 356 delivery date on it to remind myself of this next year when I'll certinly be dealing with overbooking and over-stressed days!!)

[Simon]

Simon--I feel for you. I assume this guest is around all day when you are also working from home??? And you can't really drink while you work.... I hope you can shut some door and lock yourself in there with work!!! Can you sic the kids on the guest? That is often a good distraction :-)
Yes! Ds3 was an hour late to preK, so I was late to start work, because at the last minute said relative didn't want me to leave the house. It was a legitimate need, but still an annoyance. Luckily, I was able to shut myself in with some work after drop-off. It was a short reprieve but long enough that I could clear my urgent work and that helped take my stress level down a few notches.

This is pretty much a first-world problem but ... DH only asked his BROTHER what said brother's children would like for Christmas.

That is nuts! My Dh took a few years but has learned to defer all gift related questions to me. Fingers crossed, yours will learn from this!


My holiday fun hasn't started yet. I'm getting ready for 5 days visiting the ILs. It's a short stay and DH is making plans to see some friends that live nearby. One is a very good friend, who wants us to stay overnight. I know MIL won't be happy about that, but I am :tongue5:. Even if we don't stay overnight, it will be a long visit. Then there's other friends we need to see before they leave for a trip. So all up, there's probably only 1 day I have to put up with MIL and SIL together. I'm loading up the kindle and will try to keep the snark/eye roll to a minimum.

Yay for seeing friends and a fully loaded Kindle.
;

(now I'm going to email this BP post to myself, with a 356 delivery date on it to remind myself of this next year when I'll certinly be dealing with overbooking and over-stressed days!!)
This is very wise!


In the best news ever, my BFF invited us over for a last minute get together so now I have something to look forward to. I love her! This will go far to cheer me up. Relative will come with us but will be on best behavior.

[StantonHyde]

Simon--isn't it amazing how people save their obnoxious selves for family?? Because they can hold it together at a strangers house. And I'm not talking 3 year olds!

[lizzywednesday]

Lizzy-that would drive me batty!!!!! Arfghhhhh

On the bright side, DH found out that the nephew will be getting the gaming system, so now we have one thing for each of the nieces and DH wants to give the nephew video games. He's planning to make up the difference for the nieces with Target gift cards. I think.

Either way, I can live with that.

[JBaxter]

IL's on the opposite coast put the boys presents in the mail today.... Its ok they are sending them priority. I asked for cash I'm so over being polite with stuff I don't like.

[Philly Mom]

Shoot me now! Just arrived at my parents. DD1 has an ear infection and fever. She puked the Motrin I tried to give her on the plane. She looks miserable, though was happy swimming for a couple hours today. DD2 won't go the f to sleep. They share a room at my parents, keeping DD1 from needed sleep. Oh and tonight DH appears to have a fever too. So stressed out.

ETA: DH and I were supposed to go away for night on Wednesday. Not looking likely now.


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[StantonHyde]

Philly Mom--so far you are winning :(

JBaxter-my ILs NEVER, NEVER get ANY gifts to us on time. It is like part of the family culture.....

[niccig]

nicci--that is great news that there are friends to go see. What is it with single SILs? I used to help clear dishes at least!!

SIL isn't single. She's married with 2 kids, she's just lazy!

Now I can vent about my sister. She emailed saying when presents will be delivered, but we will be out of town. She didn't check. I tell her wondering if shipping can be delayed. She then replies that as my ILs are about 5 hours from her, how about she drives there to see us and stays in a hotel so doesn't put my MIL out by having her stay. Ummmm, are you're inviting yourself to my ILs :confused: We're only visiting for a few days, it's DH's family's turn for the holidays, the entire family is together for first time in several years for Christmas, and the entire time is already planned. If she had come up with this idea a month ago, it could've worked out, but not on short notice at Christmas. And the presents are still being delivered when we won't be here, so I have to see if a neighbor can collect them for me. Now only if she had planned ahead..but that's not her. I know she misses family at the holidays as her DH isn't close with family and they don't do much at the holidays and she loves Christmas, but she can't crash my ILs visit at the last minute.

[Simon]

So my family Christmas went great for the first time in like forever. Yay! Now I get SIL here for a week.

How are you holding up with SIL and MIL?

So far today, my LG (lovely guest) has brought these gems to my life
- requests a McDonald's Egg McMuffin for breakfast instead of eating food in our house
- asks if I am pregnant, because my "belly looks bigger and bigger up higher"
- whines to have something to do to "help" and once given a task goes off to take a nap instead. Now I will do the task, and later LG will whine that "I would have done it if you had just waited."

I am hoping the nap lasts a few hours.

[tabegle]

Can I join? My in-laws are here.

Coffee drops/spills all over my floors. Crumbs everywhere. (ever hear of using a plate?)
Touch everything – literally, when they arrived, fil came in to the kitchen island and picked up and inspected everything that was on the counter.
Oh, did I mention they arrived a week early?!! They kept telling us they’d be here after Christmas. Come 12/18, we get a text message telling us they’d arrive 12/19
Then on 12/20, mil did TWO LOADS of her own laundry. They came straight from their home. Which means, they brought their dirty laundry. Again.
Baby needed a diaper change… mil sat down to watch me. I literally turned around and said I don’t need an audience to change a diaper. Seriously, who wants to watch a poopy diaper change?
They are here to see the kids you say? Is that why my kids were in daycare yesterday, today, tomorrow, etc.? No, you must be mistaken. They are here as a bed and breakfast (and dinner). At least yesterday they went and visited friends. Today, they are literally hanging out at my house while I work, DH works, and kids are in daycare. If they really wanted to spend time with the kids, the kids would be home today or with them somewhere other than daycare.

The conversations that are actually monologues. I try to add to the conversation, but they just ignore what I say and keep on talking. And the interrupting…

Taking over my counters (and I don’t have a lot of counter space) with all their stuff, drink carriers from McDs, lids, drink mixes, water bottles, tablet, phone and chargers.

Leaving everything out. Making a sandwich is fine, but put away the bread and condiments. Put your dish in the sink or, better yet, dishwasher. And if you decide to cook something for yourself and not share, please wash the casserole dish. Don’t let it just sit there. And seriously, you are adults. Why do you keep eating the cool whip and my kids’ chocolate spread? That’s just weird.

I have learned over the years that nothing is sacred. My bedroom door is constantly locked. I am in my bedroom working. MIL and FIL are off wandering in my home inspecting cabinet and drawer contents, everything in my pantry, my basement, the contents of the computer/tablets. Basically everything in plain sight and everything put away too. Yes, put away, they will open things up to snoop. UGH. It’s too early to start day drinking, I am working after all.

I did "run and errand" for lunch and picked up some Irish Cream Liquor and will be self medicating tonight.

[StantonHyde]

tabeagle--are you effing kidding me??? Bringing their dirty laundry? ewww. I did that in college fer cryin out loud! I think you need to plant some surprises for them to find in their snooping--whatever would mildly upset them. Serves em right.

Simon--oh gads my dad is like that with asking if I need help, I tell him what I need, and he tells me he doesn't want to do that. Then don't ask! MIL will fold DH's laundry. Otherwise she would sit around all day. Then as soon as he came home from work, she would jump up and run around straightening my stuff and brag that she did his laundry etc etc. But, hey, she is peach compared to SIL.

Nicci--what the whuck is up with your sister?????? Who invites themselves to somebody else's FAMILY Christmas???

Last night, SIL and DH were discussing stuff about MIL etc and having a disagreement about when property was sold. I interjected, "would XYZ family member know?"--trying to be helpful. I was shot down with a nasty NO and a look. I left the table to read the paper and watch TV. Their family is waayyyyy more functional than mine was but on the flip side, there are some WEIRD unspoken, unrecognized dynamics that are all left over from childhood and goodness only knows what the heck is going on. The good news is that they stopped bickering and played Apples to Apples with DD and had a great time.

Today was--why did you get a sitter when we are here? Because what were you going to do with the kids? You are just now telling me this--you have ALWAYS left and gone to lunch/the movies so that's what I plan for. sigh.

I have to cut them all some slack. This is the first Xmas with MIL out of her house and I think it has them all on or over the edge. Let it go, let it go...... I actually decided that I would make a list on one side of a piece of paper of all the things I wish would be with this visit. And on the other side, I am going to write what is. And then I am going to tear the paper in half and throw away the "I wish" side and keep the "what is" list as a reminder. And buy more wine tomorrow........

[PZMommy]

Reading this thread makes me appreciate the fact that my in laws pretty much ignore my family.

I'm sorry so many of you are dealing with crazy family members!!

[Ms B]

Shoot me now! Just arrived at my parents. DD1 has an ear infection and fever. She puked the Motrin I tried to give her on the plane. She looks miserable, though was happy swimming for a couple hours today. DD2 won't go the f to sleep. They share a room at my parents, keeping DD1 from needed sleep. Oh and tonight DH appears to have a fever too. So stressed out.

ETA: DH and I were supposed to go away for night on Wednesday. Not looking likely now.


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I hope DD1 is feeling better . . . having a sick kid while you are out of town is the pits!

IIRC, your parents are pretty helpful. Do they have or can they get an air mattress so that you can put DD1 on the floor in your room? Or even a sofa in another room?

[Ms B]

My utmost sympathies to everyone.

I fully plan to join with complaints of my own when the ILs come to town next week.

That's right, MIL, NEXT WEEK.

Stop calling DH every day (ostensibly to see how The Biscuit is doing with our winter break child care arrangements) fishing for an invite to come earlier. You KNOW that four nights is pretty much my limit and you KNOW that we want The Biscuit to spend the majority of his break at a place where he has activities, outside time, healthy meals, and time with other kids. NO WAY is he spending a week or more at the house while FIL watches golf reruns and lets him act out and eat candy before breakfast.

[StantonHyde]

OMG Ms B--I shudder every time I hear your ILs are coming--and I don't even live in your house!!!!

MIL brought up the dirty dishes from the TV room today and I thanked her profusely. SIL just giggled like a kid who got away without doing it???? i don't know. But she left her dirty tissue and a toothbrush thingy in her cup. I just said--this stuff goes in the trash, I do NOT throw away other people's personal items. gross.

And--yes--I am actually jealous of people who's family ignore them. Not with MIL--she really is a nice person and so is SIL honestly. It's my dad. I keep having fantasies that he will marry someone and move across the country. sigh...

[Philly Mom]

I hope DD1 is feeling better . . . having a sick kid while you are out of town is the pits!

IIRC, your parents are pretty helpful. Do they have or can they get an air mattress so that you can put DD1 on the floor in your room? Or even a sofa in another room?

Finally, I think we have turned the tide. She seems a bit better but still not appetite. I tried to get DD1 to fall asleep in my bed but she really just wanted her own bed. Two nights ago she just fell asleep in her room while DD2 screamed for 15 minutes. It is an open floor plan with three bedrooms so not a lot of options. Last night, she slept a bit on the couch and then waited for DD2 to fall asleep. At 5 in the morning, DD2 woke up and started pushing DD1, trying to get in bed with her. DD1 came out of her room screaming. I ended up getting in bed with DD1 and got everyone back to sleep...except me. DH seems better so DH and I are going away tonight and leaving the kids with my parents.

I will be thinking of you next week. At least, I like my parents and they try to be helpful and supportive.

[lizzywednesday]

I was told this morning that our middle niece wants ... BONGO DRUMS.

Really?

So, off to the music shop to buy bongos after DD gets home.

On the bright side, I've finished wrapping ALL of DD's presents from us and we are DONE with her shopping. YAY!!!

[Ms B]

I was told this morning that our middle niece wants ... BONGO DRUMS.

Really?

So, off to the music shop to buy bongos after DD gets home.

On the bright side, I've finished wrapping ALL of DD's presents from us and we are DONE with her shopping. YAY!!!
Do her parents support that request? If DB sent The Biscuit bongo drums, I would probably have him drawn and quartered.

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[mikala]

Do her parents support that request? If DB sent The Biscuit bongo drums, I would probably have him drawn and quartered.

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Seriously! That seems like a great way to start a family war of loud toys :)

[StantonHyde]

You know, we have small bongo drums that were DH's and the kids really like them and they aren't THAT loud. So it really isn't a bad present--hard to believe I know.

[Ms B]

You know, we have small bongo drums that were DH's and the kids really like them and they aren't THAT loud. So it really isn't a bad present--hard to believe I know.

DB played percussion in middle school and high school. I would fully expect him to get full-size drums and those would be banned.

Or at least there would be payback when he and the probable future SIL have kids of their own. Lots and lots of payback . . .

[Ms B]

I will be thinking of you next week. At least, I like my parents and they try to be helpful and supportive.

The killer is that MIL thinks that she IS being helpful. Her thought process is that they are occupying The Biscuit so q.e.d. that helps DH and I.

She is completely incapable of understanding that allowing The Biscuit to do whatever he wants at all times makes everything more difficult for us both while they are around and after they leave. Then she gets her feelings hurt because we do not support her theory that everything a grandparent does is all right simply because they are a grandparent. Nope, candy before breakfast (or in the morning, unless we are at a party or fair or something) is not OK. Nope, the TV on for hours is not OK, especially not Gunsmoke reruns (because shooting people we are angry with is not behavior that we want modeled). Animation is not per se all right, because that sponge is mouthy and disrespectful and we want the Mouse (Mickey and his comrades) kept out of the house as long as possible to cut down the commercialism. You may be his grandparents, but we are the parents, and it is appropriate for us to expect them to abide by our house rules.

Ack. I am would up already and they will not be here for six more days. The anticipation is almost as bad as the actuality . . .

[Melbel]

deleted

[lizzywednesday]

Do her parents support that request? If DB sent The Biscuit bongo drums, I would probably have him drawn and quartered.



Seriously! That seems like a great way to start a family war of loud toys :)

Well, DH got the request through BIL.

For the record, SIL has been saying how this particular niece has such great rhythm that she'd hoped DN would choose drums for her band instrument. (Niece chose flute instead. *shrug*)


You know, we have small bongo drums that were DH's and the kids really like them and they aren't THAT loud. So it really isn't a bad present--hard to believe I know.

That's a relief. We got small drums - floor model, so 20% off - and now have to figure out how to wrap them. I'm thinking gift bag.

Also, DH owes me.

[tabegle]

I was being nice and MIL was showing me some pics she had taken (rare!) of my kids. I find it so strange and unsettling that she manages to always pull out her camera during diaper changes. Seriously. I remember with my first I was so taken aback by this, that I managed to go through her camera and delete the couple she had gotten of my newborn with all of her girlyness showing. I mean, I know it happens, but it seems like she's trying to take pics of the private parts.

I couldn't help but react when she was showing me the most recent set of pics... she had managed to get a diaper changing pic of my newest baby in her younger days. Again, with her vag showing. And again, I know this can happen, but with so few pics of her grandkids overall, why are such a high percentage of them during diaper changes and showing privates?!

After seeing this most recent pic of my daughter (no, I wasn't able to delete it, but will try next time I get my hands on her computer), and realizing she seems to try and get nakey pics of my kids, (and her other grandkids, but that didn't bother me as much because 1) not my kids and 2) I wasn't a mother yet) is really unsettling and I will do my best to keep her from being around during any nakey time. Not that she helps much with anything, but no bath time with her around, and make sure the door is closed for clothing/diaper changes.

It's really unsettling.

[klwa]

Normally my ILs aren't the worst anymore. But I had to bite my tongue hard tonight.

They were complaining about how a friend of the family should have known better than to bring her 16year old niece to live with her &her husband several years back. Because of COURSE the husband would have an affair with his fricking niece! Because ,and I quote, "All men are dogs!" No, Allendale not dogs. He's an ass. And if YOU, FIL, would consider sleeping with your niece because she dared to wear short shorts in her own home, you are one, too.

[Green_Tea]

I was told this morning that our middle niece wants ... BONGO DRUMS.

Really?

So, off to the music shop to buy bongos after DD gets home.

On the bright side, I've finished wrapping ALL of DD's presents from us and we are DONE with her shopping. YAY!!!

My DS got bongos today and the whole family is having fun with them! They are an awesome gift, and really not loud at all. But we are a very musical family - someone is always playing an instrument in our house.

[StantonHyde]

klwa (kris) O.M.G. You did really well to shut up--I would have needed a LOT of wine for that one. eeeewwwwwwwwww.

[lalasmama]

I was being nice and MIL was showing me some pics she had taken (rare!) of my kids. I find it so strange and unsettling that she manages to always pull out her camera during diaper changes. Seriously. I remember with my first I was so taken aback by this, that I managed to go through her camera and delete the couple she had gotten of my newborn with all of her girlyness showing. I mean, I know it happens, but it seems like she's trying to take pics of the private parts.

I couldn't help but react when she was showing me the most recent set of pics... she had managed to get a diaper changing pic of my newest baby in her younger days. Again, with her vag showing. And again, I know this can happen, but with so few pics of her grandkids overall, why are such a high percentage of them during diaper changes and showing privates?!

After seeing this most recent pic of my daughter (no, I wasn't able to delete it, but will try next time I get my hands on her computer), and realizing she seems to try and get nakey pics of my kids, (and her other grandkids, but that didn't bother me as much because 1) not my kids and 2) I wasn't a mother yet) is really unsettling and I will do my best to keep her from being around during any nakey time. Not that she helps much with anything, but no bath time with her around, and make sure the door is closed for clothing/diaper changes.

It's really unsettling.

I have 3 grandsons, and not a single picture of a penis from any of them--including tons of bathing pictures (because the baby LOVES taking baths in the sink, and the [then toddlers] are just so silly in the tub with bubbles and toys). I felt "weird" about even taking a picture of the youngest grand baby naked, booty side up, a la Anne Geddes when he was just a few weeks old because I didn't want to be perceived as "weird." I can say, while I love capturing every moment of their lives on my camera, never did I think to take a picture where their private areas would be showing. (FWIW, not saying nakey pictures of babies are bad/weird/gross/terrible/inappropriate or anything else, especially when taken in the course of normal life (i.e., a bath), just that choosing to take a picture on purpose during a diaper change seems unnecessary.)

[klwa]

klwa (kris) O.M.G. You did really well to shut up--I would have needed a LOT of wine for that one. eeeewwwwwwwwww.
The part that passed me off the most was that these people raised 3 boys and have that sort of attitude. DH doesn't think the same way, thank goodness. But this isn't the first time that attitude has come out. This was just the grossest.

[StantonHyde]

MIL went shopping with SIL and got DH some great books. I got---one of her old slow cooker cook books. It has to be. Who the eff buys a "5 ingredients for easy living" cookbook as a gift---when you go to the best bookstore in town and you could have just asked staff for a suggestion???? SIL gave me a nice meat thermometer, which is appreciated. Thank God DH gave me a gorgeous ring and earrings set because that was basically the only present I got. (DD did make me some massage creme--little sweety that she is)

[hellokitty]

Ugh, spent xmas day with mil. Bil bailed at the last min (not unusual)... we got to hear mil give lots and lots of empathy to bil and how, "he works so hard, poor bil." This is the same bil who only sees the rest of the family maybe 1x every other yr. Meanwhile, dh is the one dealing with his very needy and whiny parents who call him 4-5x a day. But bil is the one, "who works too hard." Not dh, who has a FT job where he is on call 50% of the yr, we have more kids than bil, bil's wife is a sahm, I wohm FT, and bil somehow is off the hook from any duties or pain we regularly deal with from his parents, yet she always tells us bil is the one she feels sorry for. So, I guess that we don't work hard in her book, bc bil always blows them off by saying he's too busy. I've told dh to do the same thing and I see that he is answering their calls less and less, out of annoyance that 1) they call about stupid things and 2) they only call him and not his brother, bc bil is "too busy."

Um, bil is a selfish jerk (who happens to make a ton of $, which if you couldn't read btwn the lines is mil's definition of, "works hard," yet she always tells us that he has no $. It's actually hilarious and so dumb when you think about it, bc her thinking negates itself. Bil is filthy rich, yet mil always tells us he is poor. He bought a beachfront vacation house and didn't even tell us about it until he had it for over a yr. He won't let us use it and he made my dh promise not to tell their mom. Why? Mil is a golddigger and as if his mansion and cars were not indication enough that he is not poor, he's afraid if she found out that he bought a beach house that she'd bug him for money.

It's just extra salt on the wound that mil babies bil and makes excuses for him all the while sucking the soul out of her other son and not showing any appreciation for all the crap he does for them and puts up with. A few wks ago, he turned down and job in the city that mil and fil live at. He's wanted to get a job there for over a decade... but when we did a pro and con list, guess what was on the con list? His parents. If that's not messed up, idk how else to indicate family dysfunction. When moving closer to your parents is a con, they have never helped us with our kids, so even if we lived closer, we know that we still wouldn't get any help. Next time she comments about him balding and how sad that makes her feel (yes, she actually says this regularly) I'm telling her to her face it's her fault. Both genetically and through her actions.

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[MamaMolly]

Oh honey, I'd rat BIL out to MIL in a heartbeat. Call her up and fill her ear with righteous indignation that BIL bought a vacation home and didn't even tell y'all about it for a year and WONT LET YOU USE IT. That'll stir things up. Sit back with popcorn and wine and watch the fireworks.

[Corie]

Oh honey, I'd rat BIL out to MIL in a heartbeat. Call her up and fill her ear with righteous indignation that BIL bought a vacation home and didn't even tell y'all about it for a year and WONT LET YOU USE IT. That'll stir things up. Sit back with popcorn and wine and watch the fireworks.


LOL! That would be hysterical!!

[hellokitty]

Oh honey, I'd rat BIL out to MIL in a heartbeat. Call her up and fill her ear with righteous indignation that BIL bought a vacation home and didn't even tell y'all about it for a year and WONT LET YOU USE IT. That'll stir things up. Sit back with popcorn and wine and watch the fireworks.

Well, dh is using it to blackmail bil if bil ever throws him under the bus (again). Nothing says family dysfunction like blackmail. That, or you could sue each other, which is what my dad's side of the family does.

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[niccig]

"Not my monkeys, not my circus" got me through the visit with the ILs. A few times I was about to intervene and I realized I didn't care, so I stepped out of the way and let DH deal with his mother, father, sisters and friends. It was much more pleasant to be on the sideline and not giving two hoots to any of the drama. I think I spoke about 10 words to the annoying sister, as we didnt have much time together. MIL is much more pleasant on her own, so the rest of the visit was fine. We did see one very good friend, who now lives near MIL. We plan to see them every visit so that will always give me something to look forward to when visit ILs.

[Corie]

He bought a beachfront vacation house and didn't even tell us about it until he had it for over a yr. He won't let us use it and he made my dh promise not to tell their mom.


BIL won't let DH use the beachfront vacation home yet he expects your DH to keep it a secret from their mom.

Tell the BIL that you'll keep his secret if your family gets a 2 week stay at the beach house every year!!

[bisous]

"Not my monkeys, not my circus" got me through the visit with the ILs. A few times I was about to intervene and I realized I didn't care, so I stepped out of the way and let DH deal with his mother, father, sisters and friends. It was much more pleasant to be on the sideline and not giving two hoots to any of the drama. I think I spoke about 10 words to the annoying sister, as we didnt have much time together. MIL is much more pleasant on her own, so the rest of the visit was fine. We did see one very good friend, who now lives near MIL. We plan to see them every visit so that will always give me something to look forward to when visit ILs.

I was wondering about you! Glad you chimed in and it was better than you had anticipated!

[HannaAddict]

BIL won't let DH use the beachfront vacation home yet he expects your DH to keep it a secret from their mom.

Tell the BIL that you'll keep his secret if your family gets a 2 week stay at the beach house every year!!

We didn't tell anyone from my husband's family we bought a vacation home as we didn't buy it as an extended family vacation home and his brother immediately wanted to use it (before it was furnished!) and have all asked us for money - up to $50k to refinance the parent's underwater house (after they pulled money out over years to travel and do stuff for them). We absolutely do not let his brother or parents use our vacation home if we are not present (we have blanket policy for friends or family we don't loan it or rent it) and that was discussed before we bought it. Sorry, don't see how that is the brother's problem. The parents sound awful and it is healthy to not enable or engage with them and take their crap. I'm sorry the other brother hasn't been able to sever those dysfunctional ties more too. :(


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[Corie]

We didn't tell anyone from my husband's family we bought a vacation home as we didn't buy it as an extended family vacation home and his brother immediately wanted to use it (before it was furnished!) and have all asked us for money - up to $50k to refinance the parent's underwater house (after they pulled money out over years to travel and do stuff for them). We absolutely do not let his brother or parents use our vacation home if we are not present (we have blanket policy for friends or family we don't loan it or rent it) and that was discussed before we bought it. Sorry, don't see how that is the brother's problem. The parents sound awful and it is healthy to not enable or engage with them and take their crap. I'm sorry the other brother hasn't been able to sever those dysfunctional ties more too. :(


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Obviously, my post was more tongue in cheek telling HelloKitty to blackmail her BIL.

[HannaAddict]

Obviously, my post was more tongue in cheek telling HelloKitty to blackmail her BIL.

Oh I know! I should have my own BP about my in-laws (didn't see it in the BP when I replied) but there is much angst on these boards when some siblings don't help with toxic parents. We keep our distance and are better for it.


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[niccig]

I was wondering about you! Glad you chimed in and it was better than you had anticipated!

A combination of a short visit and busy holidays meant I didn't have to spend too much time with the ILs I don't like. Dh said it was too short, I thought it was just the right amount of time.

[California]

We're getting extended time with the grandparents (who we get along with and love dearly), because they have the flu and can't leave. They've been traveling a lot, eating way more sweets than they usually do. It caught up with them and now we're all hoping the rest of us don't catch it.

[Ms B]

The ILs drop this afternoon.

MIL has advised that they thought our idea of doing "want, need, wear, read" for Hanukkah was so nice that they are doing it themselves for The Biscuit . . . and that they tried to keep it to two items in each of those categories (but might not have succeeded). I about hit the roof. No way does he need all of that stuff (a chunk of which probably will be dollar store plastic and some of which will be branded junk (SpongeBob, etc.) that we do not generally allow in the house). I told them to leave at least half of it at their house on pain of death.

I plan to buy hard liquor on my way home today. Wine probably will not be strong enough . . .

[TwinFoxes]

The ILs drop this afternoon.

MIL has advised that they thought our idea of doing "want, need, wear, read" for Hanukkah was so nice that they are doing it themselves for The Biscuit . . . and that they tried to keep it to two items in each of those categories (but might not have succeeded). I about hit the roof. No way does he need all of that stuff (a chunk of which probably will be dollar store plastic and some of which will be branded junk (SpongeBob, etc.) that we do not generally allow in the house). I told them to leave at least half of it at their house on pain of death.



Can't you just send it to goodwill? I get not wanting gift overload and all, but there's such an easy solution I don't get why it's worth hitting the roof over. Especially for a four year old, he most likely won't remember the stuff anyway.

[Ms B]

Can't you just send it to goodwill? I get not wanting gift overload and all, but there's such an easy solution I don't get why it's worth hitting the roof over. Especially for a four year old, he most likely won't remember the stuff anyway.

The Biscuit has a memory like an elephant. He remembers shirts that he outgrew last year and demands to wear them (and not special favorite shirts, just t-shirts) and will burst into tears about the fact that they have been given to friends for their son.

Because MIL is the queen of passive-aggressive, she waits until I am out of the house and gives him whatever she has brought. Usually all at once. She helps him open boxes (making returns impossible) and will repeat over and over how wonderful whatever it is (battery operated turkey that does the chicken dance, Spongebob shampoo (he has eczema and cannot use that stuff and she knows it), Disney toys from McDonald's, metal bat (for real, just what The Biscuit needs to have in the house)) and how they got it "just for him". At that point, all hope of "losing" whatever it is is gone and we are the "bad guys".

We have set up a wish list for The Biscuit, asked them to run things by us, and encouraged them to call or text us before they buy stuff. They just refuse to respect our preferences and boundaries and I am completely over it.

[niccig]

We have set up a wish list for The Biscuit, asked them to run things by us, and encouraged them to call or text us before they buy stuff. They just refuse to respect our preferences and boundaries and I am completely over it.

And they may never respect your boundaries, in fact they may be going out of their way to be even more difficult knowing it gets a reaction. My ILs did the same when DS was little and we had certain preferences for things. Honestly, it was easier to teach DS/deal with giving things away then to train the ILs. I can't stop someone giving something to DS, but it's my house and I sure can get rid of it and deal with DS's reaction. MIL made a comment about giving DS what she wanted and I replied that as it's my house, I'll decide what stays in it. And as DS got older, the ILs did get better about what they gave him as he voices his preferences to them. Before Christmas/Birthday DH takes DS to target/toys r us and they take pictures of things he likes and sends them to MIL, so it's DS saying what he wants rather than me saying what he wants. Hopefully, the same thing will happen with you as the Biscuit gets older.

[Ms B]

And they may never respect your boundaries, in fact they may be going out of their way to be even more difficult knowing it gets a reaction. My ILs did the same when DS was little and we had certain preferences for things. Honestly, it was easier to teach DS/deal with giving things away then to train the ILs. I can't stop someone giving something to DS, but it's my house and I sure can get rid of it and deal with DS's reaction. MIL made a comment about giving DS what she wanted and I replied that as it's my house, I'll decide what stays in it. And as DS got older, the ILs did get better about what they gave him as he voices his preferences to them. Before Christmas/Birthday DH takes DS to target/toys r us and they take pictures of things he likes and sends them to MIL, so it's DS saying what he wants rather than me saying what he wants. Hopefully, the same thing will happen with you as the Biscuit gets older.

That's good advice and perspective, thanks.

I remind myself all the time that this is a finite period because once The Biscuit starts kindy he will have activities, Sunday school, more birthday parties, etc. and we simply will not have a long weekend every month that gets spent with the ILs corrupting The Biscuit full time.

My apologies for any ranting on this thread, but today starts their visit number ten for this year (and also visit number one for next year) and it really is a lot with presents arriving every time, FIL being his crazy self, and MIL's passive-aggression.

I reserve all rights to post over the weekend as they drive me over the edge . . .

[niccig]

That's good advice and perspective, thanks.

I remind myself all the time that this is a finite period because once The Biscuit starts kindy he will have activities, Sunday school, more birthday parties, etc. and we simply will not have a long weekend every month that gets spent with the ILs corrupting The Biscuit full time.

My apologies for any ranting on this thread, but today starts their visit number ten for this year (and also visit number one for next year) and it really is a lot with presents arriving every time, FIL being his crazy self, and MIL's passive-aggression.

I reserve all rights to post over the weekend as they drive me over the edge . . .

:duh: I forgot about all the visits you have with them. VENT AWAY!!! That would drive me over the edge. When it comes to my ILs, my "Give a sh$te" is now broken. They used to drive me nuts and now I don't give two hoots about what they want/think/feel as they don't give two hoots about what I want/think/feel. It's been quite liberating. Hopefully as your DS gets older, and you get busier you can put off some of these visits, deal with them less and get to a similar position.

[Ms B]

Today's update number 1:

I went downstairs at 6:45 a.m. to bring laundry upstairs. MIL and The Biscuit were baking brownies. Did I mention 6:45 a.m.?

I asked MIL why that was the morning activity, as opposed to something for later in the day.

She said that they were doing it this morning because this afternoon they will be baking and decorating a gingerbread Christmas train. To be displayed in our house. Because that's what every Jewish house needs, a gingerbread Christmas train.

I am working today. It is calmer here, even with construction going on right outside my window.

[AngB]

Today's update number 1:

I went downstairs at 6:45 a.m. to bring laundry upstairs. MIL and The Biscuit were baking brownies. Did I mention 6:45 a.m.?

I asked MIL why that was the morning activity, as opposed to something for later in the day.

She said that they were doing it this morning because this afternoon they will be baking and decorating a gingerbread Christmas train. To be displayed in our house. Because that's what every Jewish house needs, a gingerbread Christmas train.

I am working today. It is calmer here, even with construction going on right outside my window.

You are in STL, if I remember correctly, right? Maybe the floods will scare them away? Don't they need to go home early?

[Ms B]

You are in STL, if I remember correctly, right? Maybe the floods will scare them away? Don't they need to go home early?

There is no world where they depart their time with The Biscuit early. It has never happened in four-plus years.

We will have to see where and when the crests happen and route them from there.

[Corie]

There is no world where they depart their time with The Biscuit early. It has never happened in four-plus years.



Honestly, I wish my kids had a grandma like this. My mom passed away over 20 years ago. My step-mom could care less
about my kids. My dad lives only 4 hours away and yet he sees my kids only a couple of times a year.

I really hate to rain on your bitching parade but if my kids had a grandma who wanted to bake brownies at 6:45am, I'm all for it!
I also wouldn't care if they then made a Christmas gingerbread train or a Hanukkah gingerbread train or a Kwanzaa gingerbread train. For me,
it's about the awesome memories that my kids will have baking with grandma. But that's just me.

Sorry, these threads are always hard for me to understand since my kids are totally lacking in the grandparent department.

[Green_Tea]

I really hate to rain on your bitching parade but if my kids had a grandma who wanted to bake brownies at 6:45am, I'm all for it!
I also wouldn't care if they then made a Christmas gingerbread train or a Hanukkah gingerbread train or a Kwanzaa gingerbread train. For me,
it's about the awesome memories that my kids will have baking with grandma. But that's just me.



I'm with Corie on this. A MIL who is willing to bake at 6:45 am? That's pretty awesome. It truly doesn't sound like she is jeopardizing your son's health or safety with her actions or her gifts - they are just not what you would choose. Is there any reason why you can't just let it go? I say this gently and as someone who has struggled in the past with my own IL and parent issues: it's really not that important. You won't own the plastic toys forever. Your kid is going to discover Mickey and SpongeBob - and will totally live. He will remember the time his Grandma made brownies with him before the sun came up and think it was the best thing ever.

It sounds like your MIL is working hard to delight her grandson and make memories. I think you will look back and regret throwing up roadblocks to this.

[PZMommy]

Honestly, I wish my kids had a grandma like this. My mom passed away over 20 years ago. My step-mom could care less
about my kids. My dad lives only 4 hours away and yet he sees my kids only a couple of times a year.

I really hate to rain on your bitching parade but if my kids had a grandma who wanted to bake brownies at 6:45am, I'm all for it!
I also wouldn't care if they then made a Christmas gingerbread train or a Hanukkah gingerbread train or a Kwanzaa gingerbread train. For me,
it's about the awesome memories that my kids will have baking with grandma. But that's just me.

Sorry, these threads are always hard for me to understand since my kids are totally lacking in the grandparent department.

I agree whole heartedly. My parents live across the country and they fly out a few times a year to visit. They may do things that bug DH and I, but my boys love the time spent with them. I wish we lived closer and they could spend more time with them. My in laws live 15 minutes away, but could care less about my kids. They see them on Christmas Eve and that is about it. Growing up my grandparents lived a few blocks away, and some of my best childhood memories are the times I spent with them. They gave us too much junk food, kept us up late, let us do things my parents didn't, but that is what created those special memories. I'd give anything for my boys to have those kind of memories with their grandparents.

[tabegle]

I am at a point in my relationship with my mil that no matter what she does, it is annoying. If anyone else did what MIL did, it wouldn't bother me, but I am now hypersensitive about my interactions with my mil. I acknowledge that. But I am still allowed to be annoyed by her. And this is still the bitching post. And my god, my mil annoys the f out of me.

[Mali]

The toys and stuff drive me insane, except it's my mom, step-mom, and dad doing it, not my inlaws. My mom won't ask me what DD would like and just buys random stuff or asks my sister for ideas. My dad & step-mom will ask for ideas, get one thing off the list, and then get other random things. And then the random stuff is usually toys that talk or are all pink all the time. We got a ton of hand me downs from my BIL & SIL so we have a bunch of random toy crap; it would be nice if my parents would actually try to get something that I know DD would like instead of more stuff to take up space in my house for a while.

I've had to just shut my mouth though. DD's first birthday present from my mom and the ensuing discussion over it ended up with us not talking for about 9 months and she saw DD 3 times that year even though she lives 1.5 hours away and drives near my house on her way to visit my grandfather.

I think the most irritating thing about it is all the stories she told us about how her parents (my grandparents) did gifts for us, and yet she completely goes against it after how much she talked it up as the best idea ever. But then she also taught us growing up to never show up places without an invitation or calling first (even for family) and so she won't do that, but then she gets mad when I don't call her to invite myself over yet she won't call me to extend an invite either.

[gatorsmom]

I really hate to rain on your bitching parade but if my kids had a grandma who wanted to bake brownies at 6:45am, I'm all for it!
I also wouldn't care if they then made a Christmas gingerbread train or a Hanukkah gingerbread train or a Kwanzaa gingerbread train. For me,
it's about the awesome memories that my kids will have baking with grandma. But that's just me.


I totally agree unless said grandmother left the oven door open with kids moving around in the kitchen. Or left the oven on when not in use. Otherwise, I think it's awesome.

My MIL doesn't like me much. I can just tell. They contradict only me, stand up for their son no matter what he does, are passive agressive toward me, ignore me when I'm talking and encourage me to leave them with the kids and have a nap or read a book every chance they get. But my kids adore them. And they adore my kids. So I bitch about them here and whine to my girlfriends but otherwise tolerate them. And am thankful that they have loving grandparents. My parents were loving too, when they were alive. At least my kids have one set.

[gatorsmom]

My ILs were here when when Stanton Hyde started this thread or I would have responded sooner. I'm really proud of you, Rebecca and everyone else who survived the holidays without strangling anyone! I know how painful it can be.

i worked my BUTT OFF getting ready for my ILs to visit. DH and I purged an entire room of boxes and old stuff to get the guest room ready for ILs. I hired a decorator to decorate the front of our house, mantle, foyer and dining room. I baked 5 different types of cookies, bought thoughtful little gifts for ILs to unwrap on Christmas Day. I let MIL use my wrapping paper, tags, bags and tissue paper because she purchased all the kids gifts through amazon and shipped them to our house BUT didn't want to pay for them to be wrapped.

I was was ignored this past Christmas except for tricky little questions meant to trick me into divulging how much money I spent on the decor. We went to my cousin's house for dinner and DH took them to my uncle's company Christmas party (DH is always invited because he does a lot of business with uncle). I never actually heard that my decorations were beautiful. I never heard that my cousin was kind and welcoming and our Christmas tradition was beautiful. I got several, "wow, where did you find all these decorations? Where did you find all your garland? How much baking did you do this Christmas? You aren't baking again, are you? My gosh, you sure are baking a lot!"

So now that it's over, I can look back and I'm thrilled that I pulled off an AWESOME Christmas for my kids. I got some awesome stuff and had some fun. DH I didn't say anything I'd regret, I handled the comments and digs very cleverly. But I'm going through a little Christmas PTSD. Can't wait for it to all be over.

[StantonHyde]

Lisa--yes, this exactly!! Just some recognition or appreciation please. yeesh. At least my MIL really appreciates the work because she knows how hard it is. SIL is CLUELESS.

But, yes, my kids had a good time and I had the food I love. I will look back years from now and know this is what counts!!

[belovedgandp]

I am at a point in my relationship with my mil that no matter what she does, it is annoying. If anyone else did what MIL did, it wouldn't bother me, but I am now hypersensitive about my interactions with my mil. I acknowledge that. But I am still allowed to be annoyed by her. And this is still the bitching post. And my god, my mil annoys the f out of me.

Amen

I tried for almost 20 years and now I'm done.

[niccig]

I can see both perspectives when dealing with grandparents. I've had meddling grandparents that they think they are the parent and passive aggressive comments. With my mother, I confronted her, had a huge fight and mum pulled back and respected my boundaries. But she's MY mother and I could do that.

MIL is passive aggressive, co-dependent with SIL, and conflict avoidant to you face, but will bitch about you to everyone after you leave. With her, I've gone from trying to be nice so she would like me, to being angry and frustrated and now I don't care - I don't care what she wants/thinks/feels, but I do have to tolerate her for the visits for the sake of DS. I've also learned that any issues have to go through DH as it's taken better. Annoying, but it keeps the peace. DH knows to deal with it as otherwise I will and that doesn't end well. So DH deals with them, I roll my eyes internally, only talk about superficial topics, and read lots of books. I'm pretty sure there were comments about me being aloof this last visit - but being aloof kept my sanity. That and a couple of glasses wine/hard cider a night!

[niccig]

Lisa--yes, this exactly!! Just some recognition or appreciation please. yeesh. At least my MIL really appreciates the work because she knows how hard it is. SIL is CLUELESS.

But, yes, my kids had a good time and I had the food I love. I will look back years from now and know this is what counts!!

I know it's so much work, but I much prefer the holidays here at home as we get to do things they way we like, eat the food we want, have friends over that we love, and just do things our way. Because of a couple of unavoidable events, we didn't get to do some of our regular Christmas activities, like going ice skating before we left to see the ILs, so we going to do all of that this weekend for New Year's. Have our own celebration a week later. So ignore the comments and the ungrateful ILs knowing your family had a great time.

[cookiemonster80]

I'm with Corie on this. A MIL who is willing to bake at 6:45 am? That's pretty awesome. It truly doesn't sound like she is jeopardizing your son's health or safety with her actions or her gifts - they are just not what you would choose. Is there any reason why you can't just let it go? I say this gently and as someone who has struggled in the past with my own IL and parent issues: it's really not that important. You won't own the plastic toys forever. Your kid is going to discover Mickey and SpongeBob - and will totally live. He will remember the time his Grandma made brownies with him before the sun came up and think it was the best thing ever.

It sounds like your MIL is working hard to delight her grandson and make memories. I think you will look back and regret throwing up roadblocks to this.

I agree, gently!!

My favorite memories of my grandmother is this exactly- we lived overseas and when we came to see them us kids would be up at 3am with jetlag- she got up with us and made donuts every single trip. I will never forget those specific memories.

[petesgirl]

Well, I survived the Christmas crazies. Now on to the New Year's Eve crazies. I'm with the ILs. Please pray that I survive the night, which has not started out well. At least DS and I drove separate from DH so we can leave soon after dinner.

[egoldber]

Well, I think I may win the prize this year!!!! We just spent 10 days (TEN!) with the ILs. That part was actually fine. But one of my brothers-in-law (DH's sister's husband) is psychotic. I'm convinced he is one argument away from pulling out a gun and going all mass murder. I'm not kidding. He's always had anger issues, but this visit he RUINED every single family event, including 2 dinners hosted by my MIL and FIL with GUESTS by yelling and ranting and raving. At one point he threatened to hit my other BIL. He said we were all "such f*in uptight a*holes" (in COMPANY!), made my SIL (his wife) cry, and got up, slammed doors, and drove off in a rage. He spent one night at a hotel (for which we were all grateful) but then came back for one last rampage at a birthday party for his own freaking kids!!!! (Their birthday is tomorrow, but we "celebrated" early because the family was all together.)

OMG. OMG. OMG. I have NEVER been so freaking grateful to be home in my life. My ILs were mortified at his behavior in their home and in front of their family and friends. We are all worried my SIL is being abused. And the topping on the ice cream sundae of this visit is that my older DD was fully aware of everything going on, and I got to have a conversation about why people act like this and why someone like her beloved aunt would stay with someone like this.

We drank SO MUCH this trip I may have to go through detox.

[Corie]

Well, I think I may win the prize this year!!!! We just spent 10 days (TEN!) with the ILs. That part was actually fine. But one of my brothers-in-law (DH's sister's husband) is psychotic. I'm convinced he is one argument away from pulling out a gun and going all mass murder. I'm not kidding. He's always had anger issues, but this visit he RUINED every single family event, including 2 dinners hosted by my MIL and FIL with GUESTS by yelling and ranting and raving. At one point he threatened to hit my other BIL. He said we were all "such f*in uptight a*holes" (in COMPANY!), made my SIL (his wife) cry, and got up, slammed doors, and drove off in a rage. He spent one night at a hotel (for which we were all grateful) but then came back for one last rampage at a birthday party for his own freaking kids!!!! (Their birthday is tomorrow, but we "celebrated" early because the family was all together.)

OMG. OMG. OMG. I have NEVER been so freaking grateful to be home in my life. My ILs were mortified at his behavior in their home and in front of their family and friends. We are all worried my SIL is being abused. And the topping on the ice cream sundae of this visit is that my older DD was fully aware of everything going on, and I got to have a conversation about why people act like this and why someone like her beloved aunt would stay with someone like this.

We drank SO MUCH this trip I may have to go through detox.


Holy cow, Beth!! I don't even know what to say!!

What does his wife say about his behavior? What about his kids? Are his kids old enough to know what a whack-a-doodle
their dad is?

[egoldber]

Their kids are still preschoolers, but I know all the kids felt the tension. And SIL claims he is only like this around us (the extended family). I don't believe that, but what can you do?

[TwinFoxes]

Wow, Beth! You do "win". I'm sorry your DD was effected. Not to mention sorry for the adults. I'm assuming the gang won't be getting together again next year.

[niccig]

We are all worried my SIL is being abused.

Yep, you win for the craziest ILs. I would be worried about your SIL too - if he behaves this way in public, how does he behave when they're at home without any witnesses?:nodno: I feel sorry for their kids for this to be "normal" behavior. I don't buy the "only happens with extended family" line either. Can your MIL/FIL express their concerns to their DD? Sorry your DD had to experience this, it's scary.

[StantonHyde]

Beth-this is horrible. Absolutely--if he acts like this in public, that means he is much worse at home. For sure your SIL is being abused--maybe not physically but certainly verbally/emotionally etc. And how sad to have to explain to your DD. I hope you can convince the ILs not to invite him again--sadly that means SIL won't come either. hard, very hard.