WWYD: DH, the beagle, stress, and me LONG

[Melaine]

Please try to be understanding and give me any ideas or suggestions.

So, I never thought I would be having this conversation but I am getting desperate. Having a pet has been so stressful for me. When we first got our beagle, 11 years ago I never dreamed we would still be living in this house, with three children, and homeschooling. Details: we live in a 1300 sq. ft house and we homeschool, which obviously means that we spend a lot of time here. We do not have a fenced in yard. When we got our dog, I felt certain we would move into a bigger house with a fence sooner rather than later (fencing our backyard is somewhat unrealistic because of the landscaping). But having twins, and the economy changed my plans and we are still here in this tiny house. DH insisted that she remain unfixed because the farmer who sold her to us convinced him she would have a better nature and wouldn't get "fat and lazy". I assume that is why she has still not settled down and can't seem to keep from barking, ever. When DH is home, she behaves well. When he is not, she barks constantly and can't seem to stop herself and tries to eat off the table. She has an incredibly sweet disposition and is very patient with the kids and totally gentle. I am not able to walk her around the neighborhood because the traffic is too heavy to take the kids, plus she can't stop barking at everyone and trying to chase everything. So I walk her around the yard to do her business, and I have to deal with the fun of an unfixed dog a couple times a year. I have basically just been gritting my teeth and dealing with it. When I had babies napping, I was constantly on edge because she would bark and wake them.

Things have gotten worse as she now has phases of incontinence. We have carpet and we cannot afford to replace it now. (I hate carpet, and would love to be done with it). She has been having multiple accidents a day and yesterday peed on a new rug and a new throw pillow that had fallen off the couch. She recently ruined a new $40 bed pillow.

When I talk to DH, he just says "ok get rid of her" knowing that I feel incredibly guilty and I can't do that. I would feel like the worst person ever. However, my nerves are worn to a frazzle and if there were one thing to improve my stress I would say, get rid of the dog. As I've said before, I have serious anxiety issues and am on medication. I just don't know what to do.

So, I am open to any comments. Please no judgement that we don't exercise her as she should be, I am well aware of that. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place here. I know it would be heartbreaking to give her away, but it would be the biggest relief I could imagine.

What other suggestions do you have. What can I do about her accidents? Is a diaper the best option?

My friend said a shock collar quickly taught her puppy to stop barking, but is that cruel to an adult dog?

It would be great if we could put up a fence, but honestly, our house is poorly laid out for that (it would be a super awkward shape with the lot and hill as they are). Plus there are so many things we need to do to our house that it would be a poor use of limited funds.

WWYD? TIA for any ideas.

[gcc2k]

Is doggie day care on option? Even once or twice a week? Gives you a break and gives her some good exercise.

Sent from my HTC6500LVW using Tapatalk

[Melaine]

Is doggie day care on option? Even once or twice a week? Gives you a break and gives her some good exercise.

Sent from my HTC6500LVW using Tapatalk

Thank you for this idea, I hadn't thought of that at all. I just looked it up and there is a nice one nearby for $15 a day. One day a week would be great as we are gone two full days anyway. I guess we would have to get her fixed but that's a great suggestion.

[mmsmom]

First, get her spayed. There are a lot of low cost and even no cost clinics. I think that will help her not be so anxious. Take her to vet re: the incontinence. There could be a medical reason causing it. Is there a teen you could hire to walk her? I'm thinking a 30 minute walk for $5.00. No way on the shock collar. There is a collar that sprays citronella that you could consider if the spaying and walks don't help.

[cmo]

When our dog of similar age started having accidents after years of no problems, it turned out to be a bladder infection (UTI). After the first dose of the medication we saw immediate improvement.

[Chitowngirl]

When our dog of similar age started having accidents after years of no problems, it turned out to be a bladder infection (UTI). After the first dose of the medication we saw immediate improvement.

Same with my dog. Treating the UTI helped a lot. Also, unfortunately, we just found she couldn't hold it as long with age. Where before she could easily hold it for hours, now she can only go half the time. Letting her out more frequently than you ever had to before may help.

If you can't fence could you look into a tie out (just a stake in the ground with a long rope)? Or an invisible fence (we don't have one so not sure about the cost)?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TwinFoxes]

First, get her spayed. There are a lot of low cost and even no cost clinics. I think that will help her not be so anxious. Take her to vet re: the incontinence. There could be a medical reason causing it. Is there a teen you could hire to walk her? I'm thinking a 30 minute walk for $5.00. No way on the shock collar.

These would be my suggestions too. There would be zero chance I'd be putting up with an unspayed dog.

Have you tried crating her? My dog likes her crate. I don't leave her in there for long stretches of time, but when she's feeling stressed, or we have kids over that are unsure of her, I put her in the crate and she's fine. She goes in there on her own to sleep and we leave the door open. I don't know how it would go crate training an 11 year old dog though.

[BunnyBee]

You can wash bed pillows.

Is this an 11 year old beagle? No matter her age, she needs a vet checkup. Sudden urinary incontinence is a sign for a UTI. If it's age-related incontinence, there's a medication that works pretty well.

Have you tried working with a dog trainer? How much exercise does she get? Crate trained?

Look for a breed-specific rescue as your last resort. I love dogs and have rescue dogs, but it sounds like you and the dog are both miserable. Grrrr to your DH for dumping this on you alone.

[amyx4]

Can you fence just a small portion of the yard? Just enough for her. Cheap fencing is good enough. It doesn't need to be pretty or perfect. Also, the kids are old enough to take her out when they finish a subject. "Oh Susie, when you put your math book away please take the dog out for 5 min." "Oh, Sally, when you put your spelling book a away, please take the dog out." Rinse, repeat.

[Indianamom2]

I have so been there and done that times two (a cat and a dog). You will get absolutely no judgment from me, just sympathy. We have an 9 year old german shepard and she is the sweetest dog ever, but she was my first dog. We don't have a fenced in yard, I can't walk her and she has had some doozies when it comes to messes, most recently up and downstairs with multiple rounds of diarrhea (we have carpet too). She will be our last dog because we are just not dog people. It's ok to admit it and some of us don't find that out until we've had one.

But it was our sweet old cat that nearly did me in. From about 2 weeks after we adopted her (all our animals have been rescues), she refused to poop in the litter pan and it wasn't just regular cat poop, but runny horrid diarrhea for which there was no cure. For years, she would go just outside her litter pan, so we could keep that in an easy to clean area and we cleaned the mess a couple times a day. As she got older, she went more frequently and occasionally elsewhere, but seemed to prefer the tile surfaces in our house, so it was a crazy mess, but not damaging to anything in particular. When she was somewhere around 12-13 years old, something changed and she started having these accidents on the carpet and then eventually she would just let loose wherever she wanted, including the back of our new couch.

The stress level of trying to keep up with, clean and hide all her accidents was something that people don't understand unless they've dealt with it on a daily basis. We did this for years and when she started going wherever she was, it was just too much. It broke my heart, but there just wasn't anything that we could do to help her (we'd always taken her to the vet) and so when she was 13 (almost 14) we had her put to sleep. I loved that cat, despite her issues, but looking back, I would never put up with that for so long again.

I would get your dog spayed, take her to the vet to see if she has a UTI and find a way to securely let her outside more (an outdoor run/kennel?) We have a tie-out attached to our deck (because nothing else was secure enough!) and she is free to roam a little in the backyard.

[Green_Tea]

I think your situation sounds much too stressful to be sustainable. Definitely take her to the vet to get the UTI situation checked, and explore the possibility of spaying her. Let your husband know that if he wants to keep the dog, he MUST be part of the solution. That might mean that he is the one to take her for much longer walks to wear her out, or arranging for a trainer to work on the barking. If he doesn't want to participate in solving the problem, he needs to understand that he cannot blame you for whatever solution you decide upon.

I am not sure that doggie daycares will take dogs that have not been fixed (mine won't) but that's also a good thing to consider and explore.

And, not to sound draconian, if the solutions to the problems are too expensive definitely look into financial aide for them. But if it's not available, you might want to consider if you can afford to continue having a dog. Older dogs can get very expensive and have a lot of needs.

[ChicagoNDMom]

First of all, your H is dead wrong about spaying and I am shocked your vet has not set you straight on that. At 11, I don't know what the vet will suggest (risk of anesthesia increases in older dogs). Yes, make sure she doesn't have a UTI. And yes, she needs exercise. $15/day is cheap for doggy day care. Once she has seen the vet sign her up. Crate her to help with accidents, and take her out for potty breaks often. Senior dogs (like senior people) have weaker bladders and more frequent potty breaks.
You need to take the bull by the horns. Start with the vet.

[Twoboos]

I think your situation sounds much too stressful to be sustainable. Definitely take her to the vet to get the UTI situation checked, and explore the possibility of spaying her. Let your husband know that if he wants to keep the dog, he MUST be part of the solution. That might mean that he is the one to take her for much longer walks to wear her out, or arranging for a trainer to work on the barking. If he doesn't want to participate in solving the problem, he needs to understand that he cannot blame you for whatever solution you decide upon.

I am not sure that doggie daycares will take dogs that have not been fixed (mine won't) but that's also a good thing to consider and explore.

And, not to sound draconian, if the solutions to the problems are too expensive definitely look into financial aide for them. But if it's not available, you might want to consider if you can afford to continue having a dog. Older dogs can get very expensive and have a lot of needs.

:yeahthat: No judgement at all from me (as I listen to our dog bark at the landscapers across the street). I don't know how you've dealt with this for so long! Definitely get the dog checked out and look into a doggy day care. However, your well being is more important than the dog. There, I said it. Not trying to be mean but if it would be such a huge relief to you and reduce your stress, I'd give some serious thought to rehoming her. (And I'm probably the wrong person to listen to, I am completely stressed out by our dog and we're just starting out. I know that feeling of relief you are talking about. Hugs! :hug:)

[zukeypur]

We had 2 dogs like that, and one was a beagle mix. She barked, peed, and shed for 15 years. She was also a master escape artist who loved to roll in septic tank vents. She is what will prevent me from ever getting a mixed breed again. We eventually ended up putting them in an outside kennel. I know it sounds mean, but I just could not deal with them any more. They had miserable lives for their last two years, and I will forever feel guilty about it. I will also never get a shedding or barking breed again, because I know I can't deal with it.

As for your dog, definitely get her spayed. Tell your husband it's time to listen to veterinarians instead of an old farmer he got her from 11 years ago. As PP said, there are medications that can help with incontinence. You could also try to keep her confined to one area of the house (ours were only allowed on tiled areas), or put panties on her. As for the barking, I never found a solution.

[gatorsmom]

I'm sorry. That must be stressful. I went through something similar 10 years ago with DH's college dog. It was infuriating and stressful and painful. The dog ended up with anal cancer and had to be out down. It nearly killed my DH but he knew it had to be done.

This is just my hardheaded opinion as the daughter of a farmer who used to put down dogs if they ran wild and chased dear. If the dog is causing your life stress and destroying your belongings AND he's had a good life (11 years is rather old for a beagle, isn't it?) AND you've tried other options (spaying, paying a teen to walk it, etc), I wouldn't feel shame in putting him down. Shelters are full of animals waiting to be rehomed and you know after 11 years with your family, he wouldn't understand if you left him there alone. I know I'll get tomatoe-bombed for this but I just think that sometimes people don't have the heart to do the hard thing and instead dump their old animal at a shelter to let someone else deal with. Anyway, just wanted to say, the mental and physical health of your family comes first and if you chose that route, you'd get no judgement from me. Please don't hate me for suggesting it!

[elephantmeg]

incontinence was the first sign our beagle had bladder cancer. We use a spray bottle of water to curb the jumping up to the table and barking. I would definitely start with a vet visit and spay and go from there.

[nfowife]

You must get her spayed. She is at a higher risk for cancer and other issues if not spayed.
Also ask the vet if phenylpropanolamine would help with the leaking. It greatly helped my older lab when she was having leaking issues and it's inexpensive.
For the barking I would try a citronella spray collar or even start with a water spray bottle. But as an older dog it might be an uphill battle. Also I would try to get her more exercise.

[KpbS]

.

This is just my hardheaded opinion as the daughter of a farmer who used to put down dogs if they ran wild and chased dear. If the dog is causing your life stress and destroying your belongings AND he's had a good life (11 years is rather old for a beagle, isn't it?) AND you've tried other options (spaying, paying a teen to walk it, etc), I wouldn't feel shame in putting him down. Shelters are full of animals waiting to be rehomed and you know after 11 years with your family, he wouldn't understand if you left him there alone. I know I'll get tomatoe-bombed for this but I just think that sometimes people don't have the heart to do the hard thing and instead dump their old animal at a shelter to let someone else deal with. Anyway, just wanted to say, the mental and physical health of your family comes first and if you chose that route, you'd get no judgement from me. Please don't hate me for suggesting it!

I totally agree with this. You have to look at the big picture here and your health. Your mental/emotional/physical well being is essential to your life and the life of your family. They cannot make it without you. They can make it without the dog.

[mom2binsd]

I totally agree with this. You have to look at the big picture here and your health. Your mental/emotional/physical well being is essential to your life and the life of your family. They cannot make it without you. They can make it without the dog.

Agree with this and Gatorsmom post, with everything you describe, you should consider this. I really don't see a vet spaying an 11 year old dog, and retraining a dog at that age is going to be nearly impossible. Beagles are notorious for barking, and constatntbarking is probably one of the worst things for you to deal with. With all of the logistical, financial and mental health issues you've described, it really is time to put yourself and your children and your financial resources first. It may not be a popular decision, but you need to put the humans first.

[flashy09]

Definitely spay her at a low cost/no cost clinic and check into the reasons for incontinence.

She is a hunting dog that is bred to bay and be very vocal so the barking is hard to correct. It's a huge instinct of hers to bark at moving things. But a tired dog is a good dog and a much quieter one....I would look into the doggie day care and also local dog walkers. There are services, but maybe you could ask some neighborhood kids. Is there a dog park near by that you could take her to and throw a ball and get her worn out?

[SnuggleBuggles]

Definitely spay her at a low cost/no cost clinic and check into the reasons for incontinence.

She is a hunting dog that is bred to bay and be very vocal so the barking is hard to correct. It's a huge instinct of hers to bark at moving things. But a tired dog is a good dog and a much quieter one....I would look into the doggie day care and also local dog walkers. There are services, but maybe you could ask some neighborhood kids. Is there a dog park near by that you could take her to and throw a ball and get her worn out?

I was thinking dog park part. Seems like a win win on wearing the dog out and I'm sure the kids like getting outside.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[trcy]

I have just skimmed through but wanted to respond about the incontinence. Females can territorial urinate just like males. I would definitely get her spayed. Also, there are a ton of health risks to her not being spayed. Cancer, infection in her uterus (which turns a routine/elective spay into an emergency surgery). Also, sometimes older female dogs get incontinent. There is a medication for it that is very inexpensive. I pay about $20 a month for my dog and it has made a world of difference. It is called Proin. Ask your vet.
Another thing to consider, beagle are hunting dogs. They have a lot of energy and like to bark. Other than giving her a ton of exercise, you can't change her breed characteristics. Good luck!


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[BunnyBee]

I was thinking dog park part. Seems like a win win on wearing the dog out and I'm sure the kids like getting outside.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Generally not recommended to take an intact dog to a dog park. You have to be really sure of when she's going in heat. Pheromones cause fights.

[Momit]

OP, I am so sorry this is such a stressful situation for you.

Our dog was incontinent for the last few years of her life. We took her to the vet and the fix was a relatively inexpensive pill called Proin (PPA). It worked like a charm up until her final weeks.

I would also ask the vet about having her spayed. Many people have outdated ideas about dog health and behavior, I'm sorry an ill-informed farmer's statement has made your DH support something that just isn't true.

We recently fostered a dog that was a frequent barker. He was very anxious due to mistreatment at his former home. Not saying you mistreat your dog, but if she is anxious or not getting enough exercise it will make her bark more. We found that crating our foster guy in a quiet area where he didn't see people walk by all the time helped a lot. As his stress decreased so did his barking.

Finding a neighborhood teen to take her on a long walk every day is a great idea until you can dog a dog park or doggy day care is a great idea. We have several neighborhood girls who are animal lovers and are happy to pet sit and walk dogs. Tired dogs are generally better-behaved dogs.

A breed rescue is also a legitimate option in your case.

[SnuggleBuggles]

Generally not recommended to take an intact dog to a dog park. You have to be really sure of when she's going in heat. Pheromones cause fights.

Good to know. Makes sense v


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[mackmama]

So you know where I am coming from...
1) I am a HUGE dog lover and had a beagle for 16 years who was absolutely my first child. So I understand the breed, and I love dogs.
2) We now have a dog (not a beagle) who is such a sweetheart but is driving me nuts, barks constantly, and makes me constantly feel on edge. So I understand your anxiety, frustration, and potential relief re giving your dog away.

Here are my thoughts:
1) Get her spayed asap.

2) Call your local humane society and ask about having a behavioral trainer come to the house to work with your dog. Beagles are notorious barkers/howlers and, once they start, are very hard to curb the habit. I think you need a professional.

3) Get a citronella spray collar. They spray a puff of citronella every time the dog barks. It's stinky to the dog but isn't inhumane like a shock collar. http://www.amazon.com/PetSafe-Gentle-Spray-Bark-Collar/dp/B0002D31QU

4) Do not give the dog up to a shelter, or she could likely end up killed. If you must give her up, call a beagle-specific rescue organization.

5) Exercise. Any dog needs exercise. You either need to put in a fence or get an invisible fence so she can roam around your yard freely. But mainly, she needs active exercise. Doggy daycare, hire a dog walker, take her to a dog park. Beagles are hunting dogs so love to fetch. Take the dog running or hiking, play frisbee with her, or get your kids to play chase with her.

6) Call your vet for a checkup. If all checks out ok, get her on a daily sedative. They will likely try prozac first, but there are others to try. You could also get a stronger sedative for as-needed use (for example, our dog's barking is even worse whenever DH travels or if we are going to have company over).

All of this to say that personally I have made the decision that we chose to bring our current dog into our lives. He is our family good or bad, and it's not fair or right to "return" him. His barking would also likely lead others not to adopt him. Hang in there - I know it's so hard.

[Kindra178]

You need to figure out how to get the dog more exercise. Can you go for a long walk every am before your dh leaves for work? 1-2 miles at an average pace might do wonders for the dog's mental and physical health. She will be tired and much better behaved.

In addition, can you start with a vet visit? If there are no solutions, please do the humane thing and put the dog down.

[kellij]

You can generally train dogs to stop barking. Since she does it for your husband, she must see him as an alpha and not you. What does he do differently than you? I know you don't want to walk her, but honestly, if she's worn out she'll behave better and it will probably make everyone feel better to get exercise. Could your husband walk her at all, or play catch, or anything?

Agree with everyone else, first step is vet to rule out a UTI. If she doesn't have a uti, and her bladder is weaker from old age, you can see about Proin. It's what we give our dog who has an ectopic ureter and it works wonders, she stopped leaking within a day.

[Melaine]

Thanks guys for all the well-thought out and helpful responses. I didn't mean to just post and run but I got a tummy bug on Monday and have been totally off the grid all week. I didn't even have a cup of coffee until today so my week was really thrown for a loop. Fortunately, the family seems to be unaffected and I am feeling back to normal today.

You guys gave me a lot to think about and so many good suggestions. I am honestly going to make a list of all the ideas and discuss each one with DH. Some aren't going to work logistically but several are possible. We used to crate her and she didn't mind at all but one day she started rubbing her nose against the latch when she got agitated and after that she did it every time. Then the crate broke and we didn't replace.
1) doggie daycare- $15 a day, possible for 1 x per week
2) spaying- yes, needs to happen ASAP, will pursue
3) checking for UTI-definitely
4) teen to walk her- maybe...but the way she barks I doubt it. after spaying maybe?
5) tie-out- we had one and she would just choke herself pulling against it and bark like a lunatic
6) invisible fence- haven't discussed this in awhile, probably should. A little nervous about bigger dogs coming into our yard but still good idea
7) dog trainer- haven't done this because assume she is too old but maybe not? (BunnyBee, washing the pillow didn't work because it was one of those dense gel ones. I do wash most of our pillows but this one just became super water dense and awful)
8) kids take her out- yes, they do and it does help.
9) dog park- I don't know of any locally but I will look into. Currently, she doesn't obey me well enough to let her off leash, but DH could take her there.
10) incontinence meds-thank you, I didn't realize that these were so commonly given and affordable. We will take her in and see what the vet says.
11) behaviorist trainer- Don't know anything about this and will research!
12) anxiety meds- totally a possibility. I mean, I certainly take them
13) morning walk- DH leaves at 6:30 AM so during most of the year this wouldn't work....my neighborhood is really not walking friendly at any time of day but before dawn definitely not. If we had sidewalks or a later start I would consider that.
14) training-DH is definitely her alpha and I'm not sure what I am. LOL. She ignores me and really anyone else. She just seems like she can't control herself and I do think not getting enough exercise opportunities is part of the issue. Of course, in retrospect a beagle was the wrong breed for us for several reasons (allergies now that we have kids). When it was just me and the beagle at home (umm, 10 years ago?) she was obedient to me. But having the twins totally changed everything and yeah, we all suffered!
Thank you all for the commiseration and sympathy. Thank you for giving me permission to do whatever needs to be done, I really appreciate the support. Just putting all this down has been a good step for me and made me realize how much stress this is really putting on us. I have told DH we need to have a serious talk and get some of this figured out and I will let you know how it goes. Thank you all for your advice, ideas and making me feel less guilty!!!

[Twoboos]

One more thing I thought of. I'm not sure if it would work with a dog your age, but our trainer recommended Dog Corrector spray. You don't spray it at the dog, but the sound makes it stop in it's tracks. It stopped 6 puppies instantly! It's supposed to help correct a number of behaviors. I just got one at petco just called Pet Corrector, it's in a red can. I used it a couple of times on a recent walk with our dog and he stopped barking at other dogs/people immediately! It's like compressed air or something, and makes a hissing noise that gets their attention. (Note, be careful if you let your kids use it, DD2 sprayed herself in the leg accidentally and said it stung like crazy! :( )

Here's the name of one from Amazon:
Perfect Pet Behavior Corrector Stops Unwanted Behavior in Any Pet - Barking, Jumping, Growling, Scratching, Digging - The Safe & Humane Way to Train Your Pet

Good luck!