I'm terrified- am I being paranoid about this?

[gatorsmom]

Admittedly, I don't like the ocean. I grew up in Wisconsin so I have very little experience with the ocean and it scares me. I'll also admit that I'm a relatively fearful person anyway. So my family is in Cancun on vacation at Club med. The beach here is beautiful and it's pretty shallow out for quite a long ways into the ocean. Dh dives right in. He immediately starts body surfing. My oldest 2 kids who are good swimmer follow suit. He thinks because he vacationed a few times as a kid and did this in California that it's fine. He even yelled at me that our twins should be allowed to do this. All I can see is that the waves are strong and big. The kids are frequently knocked over. I'm on the beach watching the 4 kids follow their dad who is joking that mom's going to have a heart attack over some silly waves. There were flags on the beach but I don't know what they mean and neither does DH. I know enough about water from growing up on the Mississippi to know that there can be powerful tides and you have to be careful. I'm thinking all this while DH continues to throw himself in time after time and let the waves roll him back up to the beach. I tried talking to the lifeguards who were very attentive but they only spoke Spanish.

Please tell me Im just being paranoid. Should I have insisted the kids wear life jackets? I brought them with us. All my kids swim well in our backyard, in ground pool but this is different. Are there riptides? How would I know that? What do the flags mean? How would you proceed with letting your kids play at the beach? Limit them to a certain amount of time in the water? Tell them no body surfing?

After watching them them like a hawk for 45 minutes playing in these waves and repeatedly reminding them to come back in closer, I was a freaked out, hand-wringing mess. I sent the kids to the pool with Dh while I downed a few margaritas to calm my nerves. I have 4 more terrifying days of this. Any advice is appreciated.

[BunnyBee]

Black = do not swim
Red = dangerous
Yellow = use caution
Green = safe

They're probably usually yellow, and can be yellow for animals (jellyfish, sting rays), or rough surf or rip tides. Green would be pretty rare, even in a more sheltered area (like an inlet the US Gulf). Flat surf, no critters, no rip tides. There's usually a local beach forecast that will tell you more info on why the flag is that color. Rip tides make me nervous where we go on the Gulf, and there aren't life guards. I'd guess you're a little anxious yet have reason to worry when you're watching four kids in the ocean, especially when they're copying a known risk taker. Try to relax some, especially if the life guards seem "on."

[California]

Do you have the slim style jackets? We vacation at the beach every year and I do make my youngest two wear life jackets. They also wear rash guards, and the youngest wears swim shorts, to protect their skin from getting rubbed raw by the jackets. With body surfing kids split up- one'll still be out waiting for a wave, one will be coming in, one'll be swimming back out... it's hard to keep an eye on all of them at once! Life jackets give me a little more peace of mind. If they'd all stay in a little group knee deep in the water it'd be a lot easier!

[dowlinal]

My kids have grown up spending the summer at the beach. I'm comfortable with them being in the ocean, but I know it can be dangerous. Our main rule is that you can not go past your knees when there aren't any lifeguards on duty. We also limit them to their knees when there are red flags because of strong riptides. My boys are only 6 so one of us stays in the water when they are in, otherwise I just let them have fun.

As for life jackets, we never use them in the ocean when swimming. I don't want my kids to have any false confidence and with rough waves life jackets won't keep their heads out of water. My kids have had it drilled into their heads that they don't fight a riptide. They know to try to swim parallel to the beach and to signal the life guard that they are in distress.

In your shoes, I'd enjoy a drink on the beach and let them have fun.

[jacksmomtobe]

I think since you are not used to the ocean it may be causing you to feel a higher level of stress. As a previous poster mentioned Life jackets would not be a good idea and would actually probably make it more difficult for the kids to get back to shore. They are better used in a still water or boat situation. Reviewed as pp said that you swim parallel to shore rather than fighting the waves which would just push them further out. Body surfing is all about letting the waves move you around. I prefer the rolling part of the wave but often kids like the part that tosses them around which is not very relaxing to watch as a mom. I would just ask dh to not take the kids out too far and review a few safety tips with him & the kids. Reiterate that the ocean is powerful. Hope you can enjoy the rest of your vacation!

[JBaxter]

To answer your header question yes you are being paranoid. Your 8 yr olds can swim you have a pool I'm sure you will be on the beach when they are and anytime I've been to Cancun, Costa Rica or Dominican Republic I never remember seeing one older than toddler age with life jackets on the beach. Snorkling/ boats yes life jackets but not the beach.

[123LuckyMom]

If it makes you so upset to watch them, let your DH handle it and go sit by the pool. If there are lifeguards on duty and the water is shallow, all will be well. It's true that the ocean can be dangerous, but it's unlikely any harm will come to your family playing at the beach at a resort with lifeguards on duty. My three year old who cannot swim wears a vest at the beach, but my 7 year old doesn't. The two of us love battling the waves! Lifeguards will tell you if it isn't safe to swim and will make you get out of the water. Stop worrying and enjoy your vacation!


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[khalloc]

Yes, I think you are being paranoid. Dont make your kids fear the ocean by forcing them to stay out of it. As long as they arent over their heads and your DH is in with them, I think its fine. Plus, they can swim!

[kep]

I think you all need to learn basic ocean safety. What the flags/warnings mean, simple rules like never turning your back on the ocean and staying off of logs and driftwood, how to survive a rip tide, etc. The ocean is an amazing place, but one to be respected. There is no reason to fear, but basic common sense needs to play a part too.

[MelissaTC]

Yes, you are being paranoid. I would order a pina colada and enjoy a good book.

[gatorsmom]

Thank you all for the pep talk! Sometimes when I get paranoid I just need a reality check! Thank you for providing that. I talked to the kids about what the flags mean, and what to do if they feel they cannot get back into shore because they are being pulled out. I told them that it's unlikely to happen but sometimes it does and that they will be ok if they stay calm and don't swim against the current (instead swim parallel to shore until they feel they aren't being pulled anymore). But I reiterated that they should flag down the lifeguards if that happens. Now that you guys have held my hand a bit, I'll feel much better sitting on the beach watching them frolic. Thank you for the reassurance!

[TwinFoxes]

To answer your header question yes you are being paranoid. Your 8 yr olds can swim you have a pool I'm sure you will be on the beach when they are and anytime I've been to Cancun, Costa Rica or Dominican Republic I never remember seeing one older than toddler age with life jackets on the beach. Snorkling/ boats yes life jackets but not the beach.

I agree. I thought you were at an unguarded beach, but then I got to your sentence about the lifeguards. I grew up in San Diego, and did the same things when I was that age.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I missed that there were lifeguards too. Go and relax! I'm not a fan of waves but the rest of my crew is. I let them have their fun.


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[almostmom]

Yes, my kids (now 10 and 12) have been swimming in the ocean for years, diving under waves, body surfing. It is one of their favorite things to do and they can do it for hours. Riptides can be dangerous, but lifeguards would let you know if they were strong on a certain day, as would a red flag. Otherwise, let them have fun! And you as well...

[HannaAddict]

I don't think you are being paranoid. Your husband and kid maybe great pool swimmers but the ocean is different and he should be talking to the kids about that and how to watch out in the ocean. Explain how waves come in and can get bigger, to never turn their back on the ocean (so not knocked down by a big wave) and how to go under the wave versus fighting it and having it knock them over. Those are just basics. And what to do if in trouble or pulled out. It is healthy to have a respect of the ocean and cancun can have rough waves. My husband was a life guard in high school and college, lived on Oahu for years and surfed all over and he is more cautious and tells our kids how to be safe in the ocean. We love the ocean and body surfing and real surfing when in Hawaii but it isn't like being in a pool. Many if not most people are not particularly knowledgable about being in the ocean and yet most won't drown, but I would go over basic safety tips for ocean frolicking.


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[JBaxter]

I'm curious if you are so terrified of the ocean why did you book a spring break vacation to Cancun? I mean its the busiest time of the year so it will be much more crowed if you are worried about someone watching your kids in the ocean FYI none of the inclusive resorts we've been to had lifeguards I was surprised to hear people say they had them there.
Admittedly, I don't like the ocean. I grew up in Wisconsin so I have very little experience with the ocean and it scares me. I'll also admit that I'm a relatively fearful person anyway. So my family is in Cancun on vacation at Club med. The beach here is beautiful and it's pretty shallow out for quite a long ways into the ocean. Dh dives right in. He immediately starts body surfing. My oldest 2 kids who are good swimmer follow suit. He thinks because he vacationed a few times as a kid and did this in California that it's fine. He even yelled at me that our twins should be allowed to do this. All I can see is that the waves are strong and big. The kids are frequently knocked over. I'm on the beach watching the 4 kids follow their dad who is joking that mom's going to have a heart attack over some silly waves. There were flags on the beach but I don't know what they mean and neither does DH. I know enough about water from growing up on the Mississippi to know that there can be powerful tides and you have to be careful. I'm thinking all this while DH continues to throw himself in time after time and let the waves roll him back up to the beach. I tried talking to the lifeguards who were very attentive but they only spoke Spanish.

Please tell me Im just being paranoid. Should I have insisted the kids wear life jackets? I brought them with us. All my kids swim well in our backyard, in ground pool but this is different. Are there riptides? How would I know that? What do the flags mean? How would you proceed with letting your kids play at the beach? Limit them to a certain amount of time in the water? Tell them no body surfing?

After watching them them like a hawk for 45 minutes playing in these waves and repeatedly reminding them to come back in closer, I was a freaked out, hand-wringing mess. I sent the kids to the pool with Dh while I downed a few margaritas to calm my nerves. I have 4 more terrifying days of this. Any advice is appreciated.

[citymama]

I'm sorry you are going through such distress! It sounds like a very un relaxing vacation for you. [emoji20] I feel your pain because I'm usually that parent who is stressed out about kids in the water. I know I'd be a wreck if the kids were in deep ocean water with strong waves so I don't blame you.

My main solution is to make sure we have the kids swim at beaches where the water is calm - we actually plan trips this way. But in your case, I think it's reasonable to insist that your DH (and a lifeguard?) discuss ocean safety and with the kids before jumping in again. That you all understand what the flags mean at different locations - and stay away when flags indicate danger. If any of your kids isn't a strong swimmer, that kid might need additional protection or another pair of eyes watching. Stick to beaches with lifeguards present.

With us, DD1 is a way better swimmer than I am, and quite fearless. She and DH typically snorkel or swim together on beach trips. DD2, who only just learned to swim, stays with me in shallower waters. We have both parents in the water if both kids are in the water.

[SummerBaby]

I don't think you're totally off base. I would be ok with regular waves and lifeguards, but I really don't like diving head first into them. DH has a relative with a spinal cord injury from diving into a sand bar....

[Simon]

Wisconsin has had some very tragic river and lake deaths over the past year and a half due to undertows or strong currents taking children and adults both, so I can understand your apprehension. That said, you've gotten great advice and it sounds like your kids are decent swimmers in an area with lifeguards. I hope you're able to relax and enjoy yourselves.

[mackmama]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed and can completely relate. We spent last summer at the beach, and DH had DC in much deeper water than I was comfortable with. He also said stuff like "your mom is going to have a heart attack over some silly waves" - which is NOT cool. Your DH is undermining you imo and making you appear silly to your kids, which isn't okay in my book. You need to talk to your husband. If you aren't comfortable with it, then the rules should change. It's not fair to you to spend your vacation stressed out. I disagree with PPs who have said you're being paranoid. Undertows and waves can quickly knock kids down. You don't need to be terrified (BTDT too ;) ) but the ocean should be respected. If it's going to make you feel more comfortable, put the slim life jackets on them. That would be a smart safety precaution and would make you feel better. Win-win. Hang in there, and do mention to your husband that you both need to find a solution where everyone is comfortable. Fun can still be had while being a bit more conservative.

[mmommy]

OP I hope you have a good vacation!
Just wanted to throw this out there, as OP seems fine now, but a few people have mentioned that her DH is undermining her. IME, sometimes, when a person is being too conservative, it's actually important for kids to hear that everything is ok and that person is overreacting a bit. We always say my mom worries enough for all of us. If my dad hadn't been around to encourage us to jump in the big waves and to brush off her overly conservative rules for safety, my brother and I wouldn't have learned to judge for ourselves what is ok and what isn't. Sometimes, if you know you tend towards overly cautious, it's important to not force that onto your kids, as it actually may inhibit their growth. It doesn't sound like OP has this problem though.

[Kindra178]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed and can completely relate. We spent last summer at the beach, and DH had DC in much deeper water than I was comfortable with. He also said stuff like "your mom is going to have a heart attack over some silly waves" - which is NOT cool. Your DH is undermining you imo and making you appear silly to your kids, which isn't okay in my book. You need to talk to your husband. If you aren't comfortable with it, then the rules should change. It's not fair to you to spend your vacation stressed out. I disagree with PPs who have said you're being paranoid. Undertows and waves can quickly knock kids down. You don't need to be terrified (BTDT too ;) ) but the ocean should be respected. If it's going to make you feel more comfortable, put the slim life jackets on them. That would be a smart safety precaution and would make you feel better. Win-win. Hang in there, and do mention to your husband that you both need to find a solution where everyone is comfortable. Fun can still be had while being a bit more conservative.

I guess I don't see this as OP's dh undermining her. He seems to have a higher tolerance for "risk" taking (in quotes because some would argue that this type of ocean swimming is not a risk). If I remember correctly, OP's kids are older and well into elementary school. It's completely normal and acceptable for kids to see that parents have different approaches to the same things.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I guess I don't see this as OP's dh undermining her. He seems to have a higher tolerance for "risk" taking (in quotes because some would argue that this type of ocean swimming is not a risk). If I remember correctly, OP's kids are older and well into elementary school. It's completely normal and acceptable for kids to see that parents have different approaches to the same things.


:yeahthat: I was thinking the same thing.

And, in my family, I am definitely more of a worry wart about safety stuff than dh and I am not offended or insulted/ feel undermined if he calls me on it. I listen to him as he is often right in that I am overreacting. It's nice that he talks me down!

[JamiMac]

:yeahthat: I was thinking the same thing.

And, in my family, I am definitely more of a worry wart about safety stuff than dh and I am not offended or insulted/ feel undermined if he calls me on it. I listen to him as he is often right in that I am overreacting. It's nice that he talks me down!

Totally agree!!


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[MMMommy]

I don't think you are being paranoid. Your husband and kid maybe great pool swimmers but the ocean is different and he should be talking to the kids about that and how to watch out in the ocean. Explain how waves come in and can get bigger, to never turn their back on the ocean (so not knocked down by a big wave) and how to go under the wave versus fighting it and having it knock them over. Those are just basics. And what to do if in trouble or pulled out. It is healthy to have a respect of the ocean and cancun can have rough waves. My husband was a life guard in high school and college, lived on Oahu for years and surfed all over and he is more cautious and tells our kids how to be safe in the ocean. We love the ocean and body surfing and real surfing when in Hawaii but it isn't like being in a pool. Many if not most people are not particularly knowledgable about being in the ocean and yet most won't drown, but I would go over basic safety tips for ocean frolicking.


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:yeahthat:

[BunnyBee]

:yeahthat: I was thinking the same thing.

And, in my family, I am definitely more of a worry wart about safety stuff than dh and I am not offended or insulted/ feel undermined if he calls me on it. I listen to him as he is often right in that I am overreacting. It's nice that he talks me down!

I think this is going to vary from relationship to relationship. My friend's DH is a risk taker and demeans his wife when she raises concerns. My DH and I gently tease. Different dynamics can make even the same set of words carry very different meanings and implications.

[SnuggleBuggles]

I think this is going to vary from relationship to relationship. My friend's DH is a risk taker and demeans his wife when she raises concerns. My DH and I gently tease. Different dynamics can make even the same set of words carry very different meanings and implications.

Sure, of course.


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[twowhat?]

I don't blame you for stressing!! 4 kids is a lot to watch. You can be a great swimmer in a pool. The ocean is not the same thing AT ALL! I would totally talk to your DH about stressing rules and safety and explaining to your kids why oceans should be respected and how to handle it if they find themselves in a pickle. THEN go have fun. Jumping right in with no prep and then making fun of the heart attack you are having is IMO not cool.

A friend of ours had a near drowning at a beach, and they live near beaches and frequent them. The little girl (7 at the time, strong pool swimmer) was out there with her grandma (also a strong pool swimmer as well as a lap swimmer) and the waves were strong that day. A big one came and suddenly both of them were in over their heads. The grandma was able to swim out on her own (parallel to shore of course) but that also meant that by the time she got out she was a good ways away from her granddaughter. The little girl got super lucky and got pushed by the waves/was able to grab onto a tall guy and he pulled her out.

Oceans should be enjoyed, yes, but I strongly believe in teaching your kids to treat the ocean with respect and caution!

[Green_Tea]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed and can completely relate. We spent last summer at the beach, and DH had DC in much deeper water than I was comfortable with. He also said stuff like "your mom is going to have a heart attack over some silly waves" - which is NOT cool. Your DH is undermining you imo and making you appear silly to your kids, which isn't okay in my book.

This is a big, big stretch. The OP has acknowledged that paranoia and fear is clouding her judgement. There are lifeguards on duty. The water is not deep. Her children know how to swim and are older elementary and middle schoolers. Her husband is not undermining or making her look silly - he's just not allowing her fears to be her kids' fears.

[solsister]

Well, yes and no, about the paranoia. I'd say to respect the ocean, and to never turn your back on it. It can be SO much fun, but you really have to be paying attention.

I grew up in the ocean, body surfing and then surfing as a teen. I got tumbled a few times, but never really knew the power that the ocean held until I was living in Hawaii (hawaii waves are notoriously tricky, and change in just a minute), and got caught by a riptide. It was the single most terrifying event in my life, ever. I am still traumatized by it, 12 years later. I, honestly, had no idea how dangerous and strong the ocean could be, and was actually thinking that my dh was a wussy for getting out of the water when he did. It was the most awesome body surfing of my life, but I got tired, and tried to get out in a riptide, and that was a big mistake. I got a serious concussion, had my suit ripped off me my the strength of the riptide (I'm not kidding-naked from the waist down, on a public beach, but I could have cared less, as I was alive), and one of my nike sandals (with tightened straps was torn off, as well). Two old timers from Florida pulled me out, and got me a towel, after I was smashed against the sand by the waves, and being sucked out at the same time. Oh, it was bad. Terrifying.

That being said, RESPECT the OCEAN. That's all you can do. I knew the rules. I knew to swim out and around the side, I had done it before, but I got tired and panicked. Big mistake. Im glad you went over the rules with your kids, but I do think with four kids you need two adults with them.

[rin]

My rule of thumb for swimming in places I don't know: do I see local families there, and are their kids swimming in the water. If you don't see any local kids, I'd be concerned. If there are local kids swimming, I'd kick back and enjoy the quiet time.

[niccig]

Would it help if you divided up the supervision - your DH watches the 2 older kids, who are probably going out deeper like he is, and you watch the twins? Keeping an eye on 4 all at once will tire you out. And swim at a beach that's patrolled and has flags up - I think it depends on the country what the flags mean.

I grew up by some of the best beaches in Australia, if the surf was up, many kids weren't in school. I grew up body surfing and boogie boarding, and I'm a scuba diver so familiar with the ocean. Back home, we only swim at a patrolled beach, as it's ingrained into us that you must swim between the flags for safety and the lifeguards will make you move if you're not swimming within their flagged area. The lifeguards have picked the best spot on the beach anyway. We do go to unpatrolled beaches here, but I'm more careful about where DS is going into the water and how far he goes in.

My rules are what my parents and grandparents set for us as kids:
Always 1 adult watching. If we're not in the water with DS, I stand by the water's edge watching DS play or have my chair relatively close to the water's edge (I'm not way up the dune or have my view blocked by others). So I'm not sitting back reading a book, unless someone else is watching.

The swimmers need to stay in line with our blanket/chairs. You get pulled down the beach by the waves, so every now and then you need to move back to be in line with the adult who's watching. I've taught DS and his friend who regularly comes with us to the beach, that if they see me waving and pointing, they need to move back up the beach, so they're straight in front of me. If they don't move, I wave them in, and have them walk up the beach before going back into the waves. It's easier to watch them if they're straight in front of you.

I would also suggest you get in the water with the kids, you don't have to go in too deep, even just up to your knees, so you can enjoy the beach with them. If you don't want to go into the water, build a sandcastle by the water's edge - my family make drip sandcastles, you dribble wet sand through your hands and keep building it up. DS made a dragon with my mum and dad on our last visit. My grandfather did the same with me. Lots of memories from the beach.

[essnce629]

Yes, I think you are being paranoid! Your youngest kids are 8 right? That's not toddlers! I'd get in the water with them (it's warm right?) and have fun too. We're going to Club Med Ixtapa in 2 weeks and I can't wait! I hate the beaches here in CA because the water is so cold, but I actually would spend an hour at a time in the water in Ixtapa last year. My main rule is to stay in line with our chairs/blanket/umbrella. I say DH watch the older two, while you watch the twins. Get a football and have them throw it around.

[gatorsmom]

I'm curious if you are so terrified of the ocean why did you book a spring break vacation to Cancun? I mean its the busiest time of the year so it will be much more crowed if you are worried about someone watching your kids in the ocean FYI none of the inclusive resorts we've been to had lifeguards I was surprised to hear people say they had them there.

I was asking myself that very question a few days ago! But my Houstonian DH needed a break from our Wisconsin winter so I agreed to it for him. As it turns out, the resort is empty. It's not busy here at all. And Club Meds have a ton of activities so I just didn't think we'd spend so much time on the beach. I've never seen anyone bodysurf. I had no idea that the ocean and waves could be that fun (for other people). There is snorkeling here and sailing so I thought we'd do that and other activities. But whatever. After hearing from all you guys, yesterday I relaxed and we spent 2 hours on the beach building sand castles and watching the kids body surf. I went in the water too (but just to watch the twins). It is a beautiful beach and the water is gorgeous so I tried to relax and enjoy it. And afterward I had a couple margaritas to calm my nerves. It's all good. :)

Eta: I just read some of the pp's posts about transferring my paranoia to my kids. I'm always worried about that. I don't want my kids to have the same fear I do. In this case though I knew nothing other than the ocean could be dangerous. I didn't know what what to watch for, or how to handle the waves, anything. I just didn't know what I didn't know. That's what terrified me most. So yesterday I explained about riptides, the rules you guys suggested, and in case Dh did undermine me, I showed the kids a video about Prince Christian of Denmark who is 10yo (same age as DS2) was recently playing with his family on a beach of the Gold Coast of Australia when he had to be rescued by a lifeguard from a riptide. He was a strong swimmer, parents were in the water with him, and they were swimming between the flags. So the kids took me seriously. I told them it was rare that that happened but what to do if they were in the same situation.

Thanks again, everyone for the great advice and the hand holding. It made all the difference! And Nicci, thanks for the advice and sand-castle suggestion. I'm totally going to try that today!

[123LuckyMom]

I'm so glad you're relaxing more and that all of you are having fun! And you learned something new and were able to educate your kids! That's great!!!!


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[niccig]

So yesterday I explained about riptides, the rules you guys suggested, and in case Dh did undermine me, I showed the kids a video about Prince Christian of Denmark who is 10yo (same age as DS2) was recently playing with his family on a beach of the Gold Coast of Australia when he had to be rescued by a lifeguard from a riptide. He was a strong swimmer, parents were in the water with him, and they were swimming between the flags. So the kids took me seriously. I told them it was rare that that happened but what to do if they were in the same situation.

Thanks again, everyone for the great advice and the hand holding. It made all the difference! And Nicci, thanks for the advice and sand-castle suggestion. I'm totally going to try that today!

Australian beaches are known for the changing conditions - it's why my parents had strict rules about swimming at the beach, even though we were all strong swimmers from being on swim team.

Here are some pictures of drip sandcastles https://www.google.com/search?q=drip+sand+castle&safe=strict&espv=2&biw=1536&bih=729&site=webhp&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi56d-S37fLAhVFYiYKHVBEA5UQsAQIGw

and a youtube video on it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GLYusiybr8 It's much more fun than typically sandcastle building.

[gatorsmom]

Australian beaches are known for the changing conditions - it's why my parents had strict rules about swimming at the beach, even though we were all strong swimmers from being on swim team.

Here are some pictures of drip sandcastles https://www.google.com/search?q=drip+sand+castle&safe=strict&espv=2&biw=1536&bih=729&site=webhp&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi56d-S37fLAhVFYiYKHVBEA5UQsAQIGw

and a youtube video on it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GLYusiybr8 It's much more fun than typically sandcastle building.

Thank you for the photos and YouTube videos. It helps to see the videos. I've been working on my own castles here and I might have to post my own video... Not too shabby if I say so myself.