My mind is officially blown!

[Pennylane]

Was telling my neighbor a funny story about something that happened at my house with her DC. But inadvertently it ended up coming out that they had both told her and her DH a few lies about what actually happened. It wasn't anything huge but she was upset that they had not told her the truth.

Forward to today, I get a text from her saying that she would like to get all of us together to "get the story straight" ! I guess her DC are saying what I said isn't true?? I need a kind way to tell her no way in h*!! I am doing this . I am appalled that she even has the nerve to ask and quite honestly very offended.

I haven't responded yet, so HELP!

Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[2ndtimearound]

I understand why you don't want to be part of the conversation-- it could be pretty damn awkward. You may end up basically calling her kid a liar in a round about way. I get it. But just curious, why are you offended by her asking?

[Pennylane]

I understand why you don't want to be part of the conversation-- it could be pretty damn awkward. You may end up basically calling her kid a liar in a round about way. I get it. But just curious, why are you offended by her asking?

Because imho she should believe me without question. I am an adult who was telling her exactly what happened . Her DC are always stretching the truth and it just irritates me that I should be involved .


Eta: I don't mean that she should believe me only because I'm an adult. We've known each other for a long time and it just bugs me that she would try to involve me further .
Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[2ndtimearound]

Because imho she should believe me without question. I am an adult who was telling her exactly what happened . Her DC are always stretching the truth and it just irritates me that I should be involved .


Eta: I don't mean that she should believe me only because I'm an adult. We've known each other for a long time and it just bugs me that she would try to involve me further .
Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

Ok, I see. I did not realize her kids were prone to truth-stretching. Here is what I would do-- Send her a message (as short as possible) that says what happened and tell her this is what happened, but you are not going to put yourself in a conversation where you and her DC may end up in a confrontational he said-she said. There is nothing to be gained from that. Tell her that she should deal with it as she thinks is best. And in the future, maybe her kids do not play at your house without her there.

[2ndtimearound]

Really, your gut instinct not to participate in her "get together" truth-finding exercise is a good one. There is nothing good that can come if it. She will want to believe her DC and unless you back down, you will end up basically implying the DC is a liar. Or if her DC admit to lying, then you will have been an active participant in shaming them. Not a good role for someone who is not their parent or caregiver. I think you can say that to her politely-- there is nothing to be gained from a potentially confrontational conversation. The best is for you to tell her what happened and if she has any questions, she can come to you privately without kids present and you will do your best to answer her questions. And then she can handle it with her own kids in whatever way seems best to her.

[elbenn]

Maybe she thinks her DC aren't telling the truth and they wouldn't be able to continue lying if you were part of the conversation? Either way, it's annoying.

[cuca_]

I would be appalled too! I would write a short reply stating that you have already told her what happened and see sense in having a meeting or continuing the discussion. I would also be tempted to say that she should address her kids fibs without you present.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[SummerBaby]

I know someone like this- her DD (age 11) always lies to get out of trouble. The last time this kid made an extremely rude, disparaging comment about my DH to my DD right in front of me. Completely disrespectful. When I called this kid on it she immediately burst into tears and ran to her mother saying she didn't do anything. I followed her and repeated what she said and the kid looked her mother right in the eye with big crocodile tears and said I was lying. And her mother believed her. Honestly, this was the straw the broke the camel's back and it damaged our relationship. All of this is a long winded way of saying I completely understand why you are offended, and do not engage in this exercise!

[Pennylane]

I would be appalled too! I would write a short reply stating that you have already told her what happened and see sense in having a meeting or continuing the discussion. I would also be tempted to say that she should address her kids fibs without you present.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Ok, I said pretty much this and she responded that she thinks it was a "misunderstanding , not them lying". Whatever , not my problem.

Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[SnuggleBuggles]

Was it something that could or should get their kid in trouble? I'm having a hard time following why this is an issue. You called it a funny story in OP.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[gatorsmom]

Ok, I said pretty much this and she responded that she thinks it was a "misunderstanding , not them lying". Whatever , not my problem.

Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

Bizarre. I'd just send a light-hearted email to finish off the conversation. Something like this-"Well the story happened like I said earlier which I thought was funny. I'm not sure why your kids think it happened differently but then kids do and say the strangest things sometimes, don't they? Have a good evening."

[Pennylane]

Was it something that could or should get their kid in trouble? I'm having a hard time following why this is an issue. You called it a funny story in OP.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Nothing that would get them in trouble but they are super religious and she couldn't believe they lied. They asked to do something and I said no and they said their mom and dad said it was ok. Then went to their house and did the opposite to their parents.

Ann


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[Pennylane]

Double post

[KpbS]

Super annoying. I too refuse to play he said/ she said involving kids.

I would simply restate what happened in the email and tell her that you do not wish to argue with her kids.

Personally, I would be weary of having them over in the future because of this issue. If they aren't allowed to do X at your house, but want to insist that they are and bug your DC to do that activity, it will continue to be a problem. Ugh.

[2ndtimearound]

Ok, I said pretty much this and she responded that she thinks it was a "misunderstanding , not them lying". Whatever , not my problem.

Ann

Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

People always want to believe their little angels couldn't possibly have done wrong... Hopefully they learn to lie better or the parole officers will see right through them.

[bisous]

The parents sound like they are in denial. Maybe if you see it through the lens that to admit that their child is lying hurts their pride and worries them deeply will help you feel better about the lack of trust they are demonstrating. It is probably easier for them to think that YOU lied than their children. If it were me, I think I'd want to confront the kids, mostly to prove my own reputation but honestly it sounds like it could backfire. Your friend is obviously taking their side over yours. I too would be wary to let the kids come over again if they are going to misrepresent what is going on at your house!

[nfowife]

I would not engage the parents this way. I really don't understand how some people give their children the idea they are adults. I emailed a parent of one of dd's friends the other day about possibly switching soccer teams so they could play together as an option. Instead of a quick note back he had his DD write me a response. Um, thanks but I don't need a 10 year old's dramatics involved. A quick yes or no is enough.

[TwinFoxes]

Maybe she thinks her DC aren't telling the truth and they wouldn't be able to continue lying if you were part of the conversation?

This is what I thought too, not that she didn't believe you, but she wants to call out her kids with an adult (ie 'the truth') in attendance. I wouldn't be offended, but it sounds completely unfun, and I think she should handle it on her own.

ETA: I just saw your update. Okay, I'd be pissed off. When did it start that people will back up any crazy thing their kid says? Which one of you has something to gain, you or the kids?

[Momit]

I have a friend like this too. We've had 2 instances - one was when my DS supposedly said something to her kid on the bus. She asked me about it and when DS said he didn't say it, she basically said he is lying. Then my DS said her DS said something, and she said no he didn't, your DS must have been mistaken. So my kid is 1)a liar and 2)mistaken, and her kid is perfect in both situations. Ok, then. I just told DS to find someone else to sit with on the bus.

[doberbrat]

I know that I tend to be pretty strict with my kids by this board's standards, but don't people realize they are doing their child NO favors to always take their side in every argument?

eta: without knowing the specifics, it is possible that the kid isn't lying that they misheard/misinterpreted etc -but personally I'd address it with my kid rather than assuming the adult is lying. What does the adult stand to gain by lying about the child's behavior? Most kids are known for their um, creative interpretation of the facts. IMO It only gets worse if you dont address the behavior for the inconsequential things.