Teacher warned my 6 year old because he went to rest room 3 times

[hehateme]

My 6 year old son started going to a new school this year. His teacher has a system where if a kid makes a mistake they get a yellow card.
The color of the cards changes based on the level of offense. On his first week he answered a question without raising his hand and he got a yellow card.
Last month one day he was tired at school so he put his head down his desk. He go a yellow card. It turns out that he had strep.
Yesterday he went to restroom 3-4 times and he was embarassed when his teacher warned to turn his card yellow and call his parents.
This morning he spent a lot of time in the restroom at home because he was worried what his teacher would say if he has to go a few times.

I find this card system irritating and past 2 yellow cards seemed undeserved.

Should we say something to the teacher or let it go?

[PZMommy]

What grade is he in?? At my school, aside from kindergarten, the bathrooms are not in the classroom, so the child and a partner must walk to the bathroom, and miss out on class time. Three to four times seems a bit excessive. By this time of the year most kids are able to go at recess and lunch and then maybe one other time during class time. Four times would be every 90 minutes or so if the school day is 6 hours.

As for turning the card for shouting out an answer, how many times was he warned before turning a card?? I'm guessing he was given several verbal warnings first. I sometimes have students who have been given numerous warnings, but still shout out answers even though I have called on another student to answer the question. Every student needs to be given a fair chance to answer a question, and if kids keep shouting out the answers it doesn't give other students a chance to participate.

At the end of the day if there isn't a punishment for being on a yellow, I wouldn't worry about it. If the teacher isn't calling you all the time about your son's behavior, then don't worry. I would save your issues with teachers for bigger things than this.

[California]

Personally I'd talk to my kid, not the teacher. Reassure him that you love him and that you know he's working hard to figure out the classroom. There will be bumps along the way. That's a normal part of learning.

It sounds like she has very normal expectations. Nothing you describe raises any red flags for me (or red cards, for that matter.)

[HannaAddict]

That seems like a ridiculous use of the dubious yellow card system. I can't imagine yellow cards for those minor transgressions for a six year old. When I've heard of this system being used, so many yellow cards can mean a red card or progressive punishment. If that is the case, I would talk to the teacher. Did you let the teacher know he had strep? I would make sure they knew and if they keep any record of the yellow cards ask for that to be removed. If your child needs to use the bathroom because he's stressed or anxious or something, I would address this with the teacher too. I would find out from my child what is going on and why he needs to use the bathroom so much before talking to the teacher. For answering without raising his hand, it didn't sound from the OP that he was shouting it as someone else termed it, but didn't raise his hand. This happens and he's only six. I would talk and work with my child on this but it can take awhile with many kids.


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[bisous]

I know most on the boards are not fans of the card system but I know many teachers that use it and it does work. For typically developing kids, it is a good way to build in discipline into the classroom. My DS1 is not typical and would have struggled (and probably received a lot of yellow and red cards) at that age so I know it has problems. In my experience, teachers who have excellent classroom control tend to be quite strict about things like not raising hands and for going to the restroom. It isn't out of meanness but out of expediency to teach routines and build in structure. The same DS1 who would have struggled with the system would also have benefitted from a tightly run classroom. He's in 6th grade now and I can almost predict how well he'll do in a particular year based on how strictly the teacher runs the class. With lax discipline he inevitably has trouble focusing (so academic difficulty) and also struggles socially.

I really like what California said about how she'd handle the situation.

[HannaAddict]

I know most on the boards are not fans of the card system but I know many teachers that use it and it does work. For typically developing kids, it is a good way to build in discipline into the classroom. My DS1 is not typical and would have struggled (and probably received a lot of yellow and red cards) at that age so I know it has problems. In my experience, teachers who have excellent classroom control tend to be quite strict about things like not raising hands and for going to the restroom. It isn't out of meanness but out of expediency to teach routines and build in structure. The same DS1 who would have struggled with the system would also have benefitted from a tightly run classroom. He's in 6th grade now and I can almost predict how well he'll do in a particular year based on how strictly the teacher runs the class. With lax discipline he inevitably has trouble focusing (so academic difficulty) and also struggles socially.

I really like what California said about how she'd handle the situation.

We have amazingly effective teachers at our school who are not pushovers and don't have lax discipline but don't need to issue yellow cards. I think some kids may benefit from black and white boundaries but the offenses for these yellow cards just seem unreasonable to me and not what I would use yellow cards for if that makes sense. There are all sorts of ways to have a smoothly running classroom without a yellow card for putting your head down on a desk when the child was sick and if strep, the child was probably not himself. I would reserve them for more serious issues, harm, etc.


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[JBaxter]

We have a variation of the card system at the school we attend. I think it works well but there are 6 levels and the kids level up as much as down ( an when you get to the top you get a jewel on your clip 5 jewels and you go to the big prize box) As for going to the bathroom 3 or 4 times in a short period of time I find that excessive and can see how the teacher would think a child is wasting instruction time. So unless he has some medical issue I can see why she warned him and pulled card. I suggest you go talk to her but that would be my guess from my years of volunteering in the class room. I've also seen kids just stop working and put their heads down if your child didn't tell his teacher he didn't feel well that may have been the reason. Ive seen a lot of different teaching styles with my 4 and I think every school has had a clip or card system. Some teacher are strict some are lax and depends on how many students & volunteers they have as to how things are run. Do you volunteer in his class room?

[div_0305]

I think you should talk to the teacher about it to make sure you're not missing some of the background/context. It's possible the teacher is ridiculously strict or it's possible you are missing the context. My son's 2nd grade teacher used the card system or smiley face system like a workhorse. A yellow card for the most dumbest things--which kind of backfired on her, because he and other kids became desensitized to it and didn't even strive for a green card after a while :). I also told him that I knew he was doing his best and that his teacher is strict and it's ok to have high expectations of her students. Plus, I met the teacher many times, and volunteered in her class often. She was an AMAZING teacher apart from her ridiculously strict behavior expectations, and never treated any child (yellow, red, green) differently in my presence. DS never felt ridiculed for getting a yellow card for something either. DS also liked her a lot apart from the behavior ratings!

[vonfirmath]

My 6 year old son started going to a new school this year. His teacher has a system where if a kid makes a mistake they get a yellow card.
The color of the cards changes based on the level of offense. On his first week he answered a question without raising his hand and he got a yellow card.
Last month one day he was tired at school so he put his head down his desk. He go a yellow card. It turns out that he had strep.
Yesterday he went to restroom 3-4 times and he was embarassed when his teacher warned to turn his card yellow and call his parents.
This morning he spent a lot of time in the restroom at home because he was worried what his teacher would say if he has to go a few times.

I find this card system irritating and past 2 yellow cards seemed undeserved.

Should we say something to the teacher or let it go?

Are these the only yellows he has gotten all year? Or just the only ones that feel unjustified to you?

My son easily gets yellow equivalent 3 times in ONE WEEK. We couldn't remember what it was for several months later. Every day starts new with his teacher though and we keep striving to do better. (This is not a matter of this teacher being strict. It's been a continual problem every year. He struggles with self-control. It gets better every year -- but the expectations also increase).

If you are concerned, talk to the teacher. But I'd also be aware there is likely more to the story. So try not to be accusing but rather "I want to know what is going on because this is not normal" (Or whatever)

[Simon]

What grade is he in?? At my school, aside from kindergarten, the bathrooms are not in the classroom, so the child and a partner must walk to the bathroom, and miss out on class time. Three to four times seems a bit excessive. By this time of the year most kids are able to go at recess and lunch and then maybe one other time during class time. Four times would be every 90 minutes or so if the school day is 6 hours.
:yeahthat: I would be talking to my child about why he was going to the bathroom so often and if there is a medical cause (constipation, diabetes), then treat it and inform the teacher. Many, many kids use the bathroom pass to skip out on a topic they find difficult or boring and then take their time using the bathroom, getting a drink, and slowly walking back to class. The yellow card system is designed to discourage that behavior.

[ahisma]

We have amazingly effective teachers at our school who are not pushovers and don't have lax discipline but don't need to issue yellow cards. I think some kids may benefit from black and white boundaries but the offenses for these yellow cards just seem unreasonable to me and not what I would use yellow cards for if that makes sense. There are all sorts of ways to have a smoothly running classroom without a yellow card for putting your head down on a desk when the child was sick and if strep, the child was probably not himself. I would reserve them for more serious issues, harm, etc.

I'm not a fan of the card system either. We have a new teacher who uses a similar system and it's a disaster for my kiddo with anxiety. His classroom behavior has always been great, but he's terrified of getting in trouble. He cries about the stress of seeing other kids get cards. He pretty much lives in fear of getting a card.

He's our third kid to go through the school and this is the first time we've encountered this system. The other teachers have excellent classroom control and high expectations but don't use that type of a system.

All that said, I'd meet with the teacher. It could be that her perception is different from your son's.

[nfceagles]

I tend to find a lot of these systems hokey, but this doesn't seem to rise to level Inwould be worried about. My 2nd grader's teacher uses a card system and yellows really aren't a big deal. At least in her case they are handed out with respect and kindness. Yellow usually follows a verbal warning and serves as a reminder. There's no other consequence or discipline to go along with it. In fact my DD's class gets stamps on their behavior chart at the end of the day as long as they haven't received anything worse than a yellow and when they fill the chart they get a prize. Your child's teacher may be stricter than ours but the bathroom usage seems excessive if there isn't a medical cause and in the case of the strep I don't think she bares anymore responsibility than you do for sending him to school with strep. Neither of you knew. Sure you feel bad in hindsight, but you get over it. I'd ask the teacher if his behavior is a problem and if not if she could reassure him that yellow cards are not grave offenses but rather reminders to try to do better.

[TwinFoxes]

I'm not a fan of the whole card system either. That being said, I don't think a yellow card is a big deal. Or even three yellow cards.

I do have to say, I've notice from volunteering that there are a few kids who are always trying to get out of class to go to the bathroom. If they don't have to go, they are the first to volunteer to be "buddy" for any kid that does have to go. Honestly, I don't really blame them, they're kids and would rather take a walk around the school. I can see why a teacher might get suspicious at four times in one day, especially because usually younger grades are encouraged to go during lunch/after recess.

[123LuckyMom]

I'm not a fan of the card system either, and so far, I haven't encountered teachers in our school who use them. Still, I don't think any of the yellow cards issued to your son were problematic. Children need to learn to raise their hands to answer questions, and putting a head down on a desk or going to the bathroom so many times in one day might indicate a child who is not paying attention or is avoiding work. As it turns out, the head down on the desk was due to your son's not feeling well, but if a perfectly healthy child did that, it could be a problematic behavior. Likewise, if I were a teacher, I wouldn't expect a child to have to use the restroom that often during class time unless there were some medical condition in play. If it were me, I'd talk to your son rather than to the teacher. I'd explain that the teacher is trying to make sure that all the children are following the rules, paying attention, and are in the classroom for all the work time. Explain to your son that getting a yellow card is not the end of the world but is just a reminder that there could be a better way to do things. When he gets a yellow card, he should think about what would be the better way to do things. And he should go to the restroom during class breaks, not during class time unless he really needs to go. Also, if he's not feeling well, he should tell the teacher. She can't know he's unwell unless he says something.


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[hillview]

I hate this system. My son would be in trouble all the time.

How does your son feel about these yellow cards? I think if he is ok with them and feels like other kids are also getting them I'd let it go and discuss expectations with your son. It will be hard to separate your feelings about them from your son's -- it is important to not let parent feelings (this is absurd -- these are so minor -- he is only 6 etc -- which is how I'd feel about this) become your son's feelings.

Sorry this is a lousy situation.

[lmh2402]

we have the card system too. My son is obsessed with it - part and parcel of his personality (OCD). he issues a report every day of who got what card and why. including when he gets one :ROTFLMAO:

I might talk to the teacher to ask for clarity b/c as others mentioned, I can't imagine the card(s) were issues without any warning first. But I wouldn't talk to the teacher to complain, so much as to ask if there is anything else she might want to mention to you.

Overall though, I don't think those three cards are a big deal. But I do think that if your son was concerned enough to be home worrying about it this morning, that you might want to mention that to the teacher - you don't want bathroom issues to develop b/c he becomes afraid to ask to go to the restroom.

[zukeypur]

Our school has a similar system, and I find it very effective. I sub at the school often (3-5 days per week), so I see it from a classroom as well as a parent point of view. Some kids do try to get out of class by going to the bathroom. Some truly have an issue that needs to be addressed by the parent and medical professional. This is a way to notify you that there is a potential issue with your child's behavior, unease with a particular subject that may need more attention, or a medical issue. Or it may be a teacher who is a little more irritable than others. If it's one of the first three issues, address it. If it's a teacher issue, either decide whether or not it's worth addressing, or move on. :)

[JBaxter]

I will add in all my parenting years non of my 4 boys got a card turned or clip moved with out a warning first.

[zukeypur]

I will add in all my parenting years non of my 4 boys got a card turned or clip moved with out a warning first.

Only in a circumstance where a child does something severe, do they get a color change without a warning.

[PZMommy]

I will add in all my parenting years non of my 4 boys got a card turned or clip moved with out a warning first.

This! In fact, I usually give two or three warnings before moving a clip. I do find as the year is getting closer and closer to the end, I start stressing the importance of being ready for first grade and start to work my way down to one warning before moving a clip.

Also on my system, every child starts on grew every day. They can move up to blue or purple, or down to yellow or red, and they can go back up if their behavior improves. I don't keep track of yellows, but I do take note of the Reds if I notice it becoming a pattern. Very few of my students (and I have a class of 16 boys and 4 girls), ever end a day on red. To end on a red it must have been a really bad day for them!!!

[hehateme]

DS1 is in first grade. He is one of the youngest kid in his class.
Many thanks to all of you for sharing your experiences. DS1 has gotten about 4-5 cards. He wants to please everybody and his mom came down very hard on him for his first few cards. I told her to ease up on him. So DS1 one is anxious about making his mom angry. I am sure he got warned before he got a yellow card. We did talk to him about why he had to pee so many times and he said he did not know why and his body was changing. He has been been using the rest room before going to school and this has only happened once. His teacher is strict and has control of the class. Once DS1 had to pick a partner to play with and he had to choose another kid who had been mean to him. DS1 did reluctantly pick him as a partner but he made a face. He got yellow card, both of his parents got emails about the yellow card and she even called my wife at work to tell her about this. This seemed a bit over the top but we can live with a teacher who cares than one does not give a damn.
Everyday we have to sign the behavior card.

[infocrazy]

Are these the only yellows he has gotten all year?

Lol, this was my thought too! If he is 7 months into the school year and this is all he's gotten it is not a problem and there is clearly more to the story.

I guess I just don't see this as a big deal. DS1 is the kid that would behave to avoid getting a yellow, DS2 wouldn't care if he got a yellow but would shape up and take the warning to not get a red...DS3 frightens me but he's only 3! DD wouldn't need a system!

We've had a few teachers do this thing but most have been weekly behavior reports (for the whole class).