If you have an infant that HATES the car seat...

[IansMom]

What do you do about travel? DS2 is 4 months and cries 75-80% of the time he is in his car seat. We took a ride to visit my parents in Atlanta that normally take about 3.5 hours and it ran me close to 5 hours because we stopped 3 times. Coming home, he slept a big chunk but started crying about 30-40 minutes away from home and there wasn't really anywhere to stop (I live in a mountainous area). He cried that entire stretch.

We normally drive to Texas to see the inlaws each summer. This trip takes 12-15 hours, and I hate the drive. I cannot imagine doing it with a crying baby. My normal limit for car drives is about 6 hours. After that, my nerves are shot. DH could drive with DS1 (they do great on long drives), and I could try to fly with DS2 but DH may object to the cost of round trip tickets. I am not sure.

I usually travel with my family to Ft Myers during the summer, too. I drive to Atlanta, and we all drive down (about 9 hours). Airfare from ATL to Ft Myers is relatively reasonable if I buy the tickets now, but my family never knows the exact date they are going.

Lastly, my family reunion is in Alexandria, VA this year. There is no way I am making that drive. If I fly from my local airport, I will have to pay about $280/ticket. If we drive to Atlanta, I'll have to pay about $170/ticket.

Any advice? Should I just table all trips until this phase (I hope it is) is over? Should I try to just pay for plane tickets (it would be a squeeze)? TIA

[AnnieW625]

Can you change the recline on his car seat or move him from the infant seat to a convertible seat? I think you should all fly or all drive, but I would definitely look at switching his car seat first. Good luck!

[georgiegirl]

My third was like that. He cried most of the time in the car until 6 mo. I never went anywhere. Just driving to target was awful. While it got better at 6 mo, it wasn't totally better until after 9 mo. I would would skip the long car rides for now. However, if the event is over 2 mo away, you might be okay

And stuff like switching seats never helped with my third.

[jren]

I would also skip as many long trips as possible. DD was like this. She was also a colicky baby. It did get better after a while, but she stayed difficult to get into a car seat through toddlerhood.


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[okinawama]

A carseat hater is so hard! Hugs to you! When Ds2 was an infant, we regularly went 6 weeks on one tank of gas because we very very rarely went anywhere his first 8 months of life. I couldn't handle the crying. If he was in the seat, he screamed, non stop. If we couldn't afford for me and DS2 to fly, we didn't go to far away events. In your situation, I would (and did) fly.

[doberbrat]

Gosh do I remember those days. dd1 was awesome in the car. By the time she was 1 year, we'd been to NC (18h ) 3 or 4 times. Plus trips to VT, CT NY etc. dd2 was HORRIBLE in the car. Friends refused to carpool w/us b/c of the screaming. We started driving at night to help lower the incidence of screaming jags. Turned out she is really sensitive to the sun in her face so putting blankets on the windows would also help. I do have tinted windows but it wasnt enough.

We did cut way back on the trips. I think we went to NC only 1x that first year. and there might have been benadryl involved :bag:

but I also think the decision ought to be done by family - not split you guys up. I'd table the TX trip till towards the end of the summer if you can. and maybe drip one of the trips with your family. Summer is 4mo away so there's plenty of time for things to improve.

[elizamom]

Could it help if you or your dh sat close to him to comfort him (with singing, touch, offering a paci, etc)? Just a thought.

[Liziz]

You have my sympathy! I'm right there with you. DD1 is terrible in the carseat. We just didn't take driving car trips. We either don't go somewhere, or we fly. We actually flew last year for a trip that would only be 6 hours in the car -- it seemed ridiculous, but there is no way those 6 hours would have happened with our nerves and marriage in tact (we both get stressed from the crying and start acting in ways we know we shouldn't). I wish I knew of a magic bullet that would reduce or eliminate the crying, but it's been 3 years since I've been on a car trip over 45 minutes...so clearly I don't!).

[marymoo86]

Got better with switching seats but no way on hell I would ever drive 12-15 hours. Can't imagine doing that with kids let a line a small baby. I would just stay out and fly to what I absolutely had to go to.

[123LuckyMom]

Both my kids were HORRIBLE in the car for many months, but they're great travelers now. My oldest was colicky, so I learned LOTS of tricks to help with crying!

Have you tried white noise? We used to blast the Dr. Karp CD in the car, which was really annoying to listen to but less annoying than the crying! Once the baby was asleep, we could turn the cd down or off. If you can't bear the noise, you can rig a phone or iPod back there so it's louder for the baby than for you. If you have a sleep sheep or something, use that. As the infants got older, music worked. You have to find the music your child likes.

Another option is swaddling in the car seat. The swaddle me swaddles have a slit so you can put it in the car seat with the crotch strap through the slit, fasten the harness, then swaddle over the harnessed baby. Since the swaddles are very thin fabric, it's not unsafe to use them. It's just like having an extra shirt on the baby.

As others have mentioned, some babies just really, really hate the infant buckets. Both my kids got much better in the car once we switched to convertibles.

It may be that you just can't do super long drives until your baby is older. Three months from now you'll have a totally different baby, so this phase is not forever. At the same time, I would keep seeking solutions. If you don't get your baby used to riding in the car, you'll never be able to go anywhere! If there are things that help soothe your baby inside, try to replicate those in the car.


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[alootikki]

I'm so sorry - I remember those days! Both of my kids hated the car as infants - they would just scream and scream. Poor little things - I really think they were carsick, riding backwards. Nothing really helped until they grew a little older - almost a year or so - or we could turn them forwards (which doesn't help you, since now the recommendation is to wait until they are at least 2 years old). Hang in there!

[Mamabear4]

Oh man - I've been there. DS1 & DS3 both hated the car. (Different infant buckets with each of them). Things improved slightly when we moved to the convertible seat, but it's still not perfect for DS3 even at 15 months . We avoided travel for the first year with each of them b/c it was just unbearable - DS3 hits an octave that seems like it can break glass.
Things that helped:
passenger in the back next to baby.
Favorite CD/song playing
Snacks/bottle before crying gets too bad (although you're still a bit young for this)
When the crying gets unbearable - open the window - for us it would shock them enough that the screaming stopped for a bit (I know how horrible that sounds)
Try to schedule trips around nap time (goal = baby asleep in car), but when this backfires it's BAD b/c then you have an over- tired, ticked off baby on your hands
Split up - DH is the one who absolutely can't stand the crying (it seriously makes him go crazy), so for a while, he'd drive with the older 2 boys while I took DS3 separately. Ridiculous, but when travel was unavoidable, it worked.
Good luck!!!

[mom_hanna]

Does your ds cry in his car seat when you aren't moving? I only ask because my dd cried when we were moving but not at a stop. Turned out she got motion sick very easily. There isn't much you can do for a 4 month old, but we would open windows a crack and the fresh air seemed to help. Once she turned 1 we turned her front facing (I know I'll get flamed for that) and it did wonders for her not getting motion sickness. At your ds' age, I'd probably spend the money on plane tickets.

[Meatball Mommie]

Another car-seat hater here. For mine it was the infant seat that did it. He hated that thing. One we switched to a Britax, it was much better (still rear facing). I think it was the angle or the way it crunched his little tummy - who knows. I tried everything but he was a hot mess for a long time. I had to do a 5 hour trip with him alone (my grandmother was dying and I am the only grandchild) and it was horrible. I'd postpone/delay/cancel as much as you can until he's older.

[JBaxter]

One of my 4 hated the car seat Not only the infant seat but ALL car riding for about 9 months. It sucked.

[IansMom]

Thank you all for your responses. It's good to know that I am not alone.

He does cry when the car has stopped. He will sometimes cry as I put him in the car seat. I may try a convertible car seat. I hate to buy another car seat (he is in a Chicco Keyfit 30 now), but it could be worth it if it helps with the crying.

The plan was to go to Texas over the 4th of July weekend for DH's fraternity brother's wedding. I've never met the couple so honestly I am ambivalent about going anyway but we we are combining that with a trip to visit MIL and other family. I don't really enjoy this visit--it's more of a chore so this may be my out. ��. I got out of last year's visit because I was in my first trimester and dealing with HG so it's no way I could have made the trip then.

I am thinking I will pay to fly from here to Alexandria. And I can just send DS1 with the grandparents to Ft Myers. This is what we did last year since I couldn't travel.

Thanks again for all the great advice. I really appreciate it.

[bw52]

i've heard of quite a few babies that screamed in chicco keyfits, but were fine in other seats. I'm becoming more convnced its the seat. We have that seat and 2 of my kids were fine (well mostly) in it and one screamed the entire time. Before our long trip, I moved her to a convertible--making sure we found one that gave her lots of wiggle room--I think she didn't like being squished up in there. Anyway, we got a radian and went on a 15 hour drive and she was so much happier!

We also have a parent sit in the back next to her.

Driving though the night when we should be mostly asleep anyway could help, too.

[Pear]

We kept car rides to a minimum. travel was absolutely off the table. Just getting 2 miles to the grocery store was torture.

We had to drive cross-country when we moved. I sat with her and whenever she slept we just kept driving no matter what. It was still awful.

Things improved dramatically when we switched DD from an infant seat to a regular rear facing seat. If I had to do it all over again, I would try a different car seat earlier.