Hate my job

[twowhat?]

I had to cancel 3 days of my spring break vacation and ended up working half of the remaining 2 days. Because there was no one else who could help me and unless I totally just dropped the ball on my clients.

I work almost every evening.

Sometimes I have to work on weekends and when that happens it's a good chunk of hours.

No one is going to die if I don't do my job.

No one is going to become ill if I don't do my job.

Therefore, I HATE MY JOB. I want to quit so bad!!!! I get paid a lot of money to put up with crap. I don't know what else I could do with this damn degree unless it's working for pharma and I almost refuse to do that. I'm willing to take a pay cut...but for what other kind of job where I can use this stupid degree that has better balance?

UGH.

[2ndtimearound]

That sucks! I hear you. I have a job that demands your time on nights and weekends. I know this is the BP, so feel free to ignore this.

Two thoughts--

1) Can your company afford to lose you? You said there was no one to help you. If you are invaluable to them, then that may be your negotiating point to have some time when you are unavailable-- whatever that looks like-- not taking work home, actually taking your vacation time, whatever. They may be willing to negotiate if it means keeping you on staff.

2) You said no one will die if you don't do your job, but yet you cut your planned vacation short by more than half. Is the company's expectation that you will drop everything (even pre planned vacations) for the client? Or is this pressure you're putting on yourself? You seemed to indicate that not canceling your vacation would have meant you dropped the ball on the clients. So what? People are allowed to go on vacation. Especially if you told your boss you were taking those days off.

Just some thoughts. I have been learning that we often have more choices than we think we do. We give people power over us and power to make us miserable. Take back your power.

[twowhat?]

That sucks! I hear you. I have a job that demands your time on nights and weekends. I know this is the BP, so feel free to ignore this.

Two thoughts--

1) Can your company afford to lose you? You said there was no one to help you. If you are invaluable to them, then that may be your negotiating point to have some time when you are unavailable-- whatever that looks like-- not taking work home, actually taking your vacation time, whatever. They may be willing to negotiate if it means keeping you on staff.

2) You said no one will die if you don't do your job, but yet you cut your planned vacation short by more than half. Is the company's expectation that you will drop everything (even pre planned vacations) for the client? Or is this pressure you're putting on yourself? You seemed to indicate that not canceling your vacation would have meant you dropped the ball on the clients. So what? People are allowed to go on vacation. Especially if you told your boss you were taking those days off.

Just some thoughts. I have been learning that we often have more choices than we think we do. We give people power over us and power to make us miserable. Take back your power.

Yeah, I totally hear you and agree that part of it is my fault - I had that vacation scheduled and approved and I should've just taken it. It was very hard though because we lost a team member, and that left me with all the work for a large account. Leaving for vacation would've left everyone else and the company in a bad position. But yes, I should be allowed to take my vacation no matter what and so it stinks. It's like a double-edged sword - take my vacay and piss off all my colleagues and potentially cost the company the loss of business. So yes, part of it is pressure I am putting on myself that I feel trapped into. Partly because if I want to quit and go freelance, I need to have a good relationship with my current clients...otherwise I'll have no client base to start with and clients spread the word about good contractors and bad ones.... I also worked a few days over Christmas holiday because of "client emergencies":( Again - no one died.

Can my company afford to lose me? Haha - well no one would die if I left, right? ;) I really want to just leave this industry, period. Switch career paths completely. But there is no way I want to go back to school or anything so if I switch career paths I need (want) to be able to use my current degree/education.

I think I'd be better if the overtime were planned. Like, if I knew in advance which nights or weekends or holidays I would need to work. But it's not - because in this industry "emergencies" (again - no one dying!) happen at any time, requiring us to drop everything and run a fire drill, essentially. I think I just hate this industry now...I've been in it too long without a good break. Being in what is basically a customer service role for pharmaceutical companies is becoming soul-crushing:(

[2ndtimearound]

Mini disclaimer-- I know this is the BP, so after writing this all out, I look at it and think it would be better suited to the Lounge. Still, I want to share my experiences and commiserate with you, so I am going to post it, but feel free to think badly of me if its not helpful, or feel free to ignore completely.

Are you a patent atty for pharma? My father was one (MD-JD), and I cannot imagine doing it with kids in tow. My dad is a workaholic and effectively had no children because my mother raised us and he and his 2nd wife had no children. I know how good the money is. I know that very, very few people can do what you do. I also know that the egos of the people you work with are over the top. I worked in a very different field with high level policy makers. I was in DC several times a year for meetings and conferences, rubbing shoulders with all the right people to have an amazing career. My ivy grad school diploma was my ticket in. After a few years, I checked out. I personally did not like the egos involved. I used having DD as my excuse to stay home, but really, even without kids, I don't want a job that has that much hold on me. The work I do now demands night and weekends, but not always. I also have lots of days free when clients are reviewing my work and I am waiting to hear back from them. Those are the days I do my housework and shop and go to the bank. I've made it work, but I make 1/4 of what I could have. It meant an adjustment in expectations of life.

Anyway, I'm not saying you should do that. I'm just sharing my experience and telling you you're not alone. I think this idea that we can have it all AND do it all is unrealistic. I was looking at the lives of modern successful women who have served in government and politics, and many/most of them never had children of their own-- Condolezza Rice, Janet Reno, Susan Rice, Margaret Thatcher, Sonia Sotomayor, even Sally Ride. None of them had children to raise while they were pursuing their careers. I know there are women who do raise kids and have very successful, high profile careers, but they also have the money to hire housekeepers, nannies, and after school babysitters to shuttle their little darlings around to all their activities. I'd like to peek inside Sheryl Sandberg's planner and see how many people she had helping her before her husband's very sudden passing, and how many she has now that she is a single parent. She could not Lean so far In without a lot of people anchoring the platform from which she was leaning.

Although I had already made my decision to "get out", I found a lot of validation and even comport when I listened to this interview with Ann-Marie Slaughter. She talks a lot about the conflict and also delves into the issue of SES and how that allows or doesn't allow women to lean in and still stay sane. Mostly she says, "I still strongly believe that women can 'have it all' (and that men can, too). I believe that we can 'have it all at the same time.' But not today, not with the way America's economy and society are currently structured." http://www.npr.org/2012/06/21/155498926/the-impossible-juggling-act-motherhood-and-work

[twowhat?]

2ndtimearound, I actually really appreciate your perspective even though this is the BP. No, thank goodness I'm not a patent atty for pharma because I think that'd be even worse, LOL!!! I also don't get paid anywhere near what a patent atty would:)

I've always been terrible about setting limits. I've gotten better about it, but I have to improve at saying "No, I can't do this because of XYZ. What about using solution A in order to move forward?" Part of my problem is that I can say that, but then I get very little actual help. I also need to work on recognizing when I need extra help more in advance but that's very difficult given the nature of this industry - it's next to impossible to predict workload. I work on an account that depends on my expert-level support so it's just not easy to pull in an outside contractor to help...I have to train someone up from within. Outside contractors can also say "sorry, I don't have capacity this week" - which is what happened to me last week. It takes literally months to train someone to get up to speed.

Blech. Anyway, I do appreciate your thoughts, truly!!!! It helps to get me thinking because I need to find a solution that works!

[marymoo86]

Sounds like you work on a CRO :D

[twowhat?]

Sounds like you work on a CRO :D

No, good guess though:)

[hillview]

I can so totally relate. I am just back from 3 days in India where the CEO almost made me cry (I don't cry at work ever) in a meeting he is so abusive. I am going to go to a career coach and think about a move. It's very hard as am super well paid but am bored and tired of this stuff.

Good luck!!

[citymama]

I can so totally relate. I am just back from 3 days in India where the CEO almost made me cry (I don't cry at work ever) in a meeting he is so abusive. I am going to go to a career coach and think about a move. It's very hard as am super well paid but am bored and tired of this stuff.

Good luck!!

Eek! Please switch jobs - you don't need to put up w this cr@p! OP, sending hugs!

I too work most evenings and I am not well-compensated because I'm in the non profit sector. But I love many aspects of my work and see the difference I'm making in the world. But I also feel it's unsustainable to continue to wear oneself out and need to find a better balance.

[hellokitty]

:hug5: I'm sorry that your jobs sucks. I am in a similar boat. My job on paper doesn't sound bad, except that the organization I work for is highly dysfunctional, combine that with a chronic understaffing issue and high turnover... I am the team lead and the one holding everything together, the burdens of the project have fallen onto my shoulders. When my last coworker (who I really liked and trusted) quit two months ago, it took everything in me not to walk out too. I told my supervisor that I can't keep doing this, we've been so badly understaffed, supervisor fired a team member in the autumn w/o consulting the other two of us and when my other coworker quit, I just felt like I was iong to lose it. I've been at my job for over a year, but the number of challenges I've had to endure have been completely ridiculous. Nobody else in my organization has had to put up with this level of crap. However, I pulled things together onboarding two new coworkers who have thankfully been wonderful. We get along great and they're thriving.

The problem? My supervisor hired a transfer from another dept... one that we REJECTED for the team last yr, they stuck her in another dept b/c they needed a warm body. Well, ALL of the concerns I had regarding this person last year are all playing out and she is a drama queen, manipulative and causing a lot of dysfunction. I am just so sick of the neverending sh*tstorm. Worse yet, this new transfer is super manipulative and has already done a number on supervisor... she LIED and I caught her in the lie and called her out on it and supervisor is telling me to ignore it (the lying) and to stroke new transfer's ego to make it work. I told her I'd rather us be short-staffed than to deal with someone who causes so much drama. I'm so pissed. When is someone going to stroke my ego? I'm the one who has kept things together on this project and if I leave they are SOL, my job is one I've had ppl cmoe up and tell me that they don't know how I do it, b/c it is hard. I like my supervisor, but am now seeing that her lack of wanting to supervise is a huge problem. She has done this two times already, hiring someone who wasn't working and then choosing to let it play out and then reacting to it whe it became critical, instead of nipping the problem in the bud. Meanwhile, I have been the one doing damage control.

My hope is that this new transfer will piss off more people along the way (she has already pissed off both of our other teammates, and other ppl in the dept are noticing issues too) and won't make it out of probation. Her attitude is bad, she is very domineering, a know-it-all, over-dramatic and sensitive... not good for someone new to a team and new to this type of work. Sorry to vent on your thread. I told myself after my last coworker quite 2 months ago that I'd give this 6 months and re-evaluate. Two months down, four to go. My dh told me to quit if I want to, but there are no jobs in my field w/o me having to commute a minimum of 1.5 hrs each way, so I don't have a lot of choices if I want to continue working.

[hillview]

Wow that sounds horrible. Can your telecommute for work? Would that open options for you? My dh told me to tell the CEO to go f-himself and quit while I was in India. I wish I could figure out what I do want to do!!

[echoesofspring]

I'm the account expert so me just dropping everything and leaving for vacation would've left everyone else and the company in a bad position. This is a large account with clients that are important to the company. But yes, I should be allowed to take my vacation no matter what and so it stinks. It's like a double-edged sword - take my vacay and piss off all my colleagues and potentially cost the company the loss of business. So yes, part of it is pressure I am putting on myself that I feel trapped into.

:hugs: My job is very client focused and has expanded tremendously in the last 6 months, going from part time to full time rather unexpectedly. I'm coming up on my year anniversary and realized I hadn't taken any vacation to speak of, even though we get 'unlimited' vacation. I keep saying I'm going to take a day and then I end up working. The only time I really took off last year was for my grandmother's funeral and when my daughter ended up in the hospital for 2 days. The reason I love this job is the exact reason I'm starting to be burnt out, I really internalize trying to help people with their problems. Nobody's turning down my vacation requests, I just end up not taking them or not asking b/c I don't want to throw things on my coworkers.

I'm exhausted, and overwelmed, and when I'm not working daydreaming about quitting. I've just recently had a wake up call and realized that if the work falls on the floor because I'm on vacation that's on my company, not on me. It's their lack of organization, management, etc. that's causing this overload. We're holding steady b/c people are conscientious and carrying the load personally, not because we've established a good process for taking care of our clients. I hope you can get a break soon!

[KpbS]

Well, honestly I would quit. Done. Finito. If you can make it work on one salary (scale back on expenses, live a bit more frugally, etc.) I would totally go for it!!! Life is too short. :hug: :hug:

[♥ms.pacman♥]

eek, OP, that sounds awful position to be in. going so long without a break i would worry about getting burned out, physically! i can't imagine working most evenings.

i like PP's suggestion of looking at it's the company's fault (not yours) if some things crap out bc you take a (much-needed, and planned for/approved) vacation. from what you've described, it's on them, not you. if other people have left under similar situation i would consider it.

FWIW, contrary to popular belief the whole "Lean In" philosophy in Sheryl's Sandberg's book is not all about working crazy hours at all costs to get ahead. It's actually quite the opposite. she describes how one day she started leaving work every day at 5:30pm..and how at first she thought that people would call her out on it or point out this or that that didn't get done..but it didn't. And also made it a point to delegate things to others, and also making requests in order to get people to take you seriously (e.g. while at Google, she requested expectant mother parking from CEO and got it). She mentioned that too often women are afraid to make any requests from their employer (for more support/team members, for flexible hours, etc) but in the end making those requests is what can help employer take you more seriously (and can help you get ahead, without sacrificing work-life balance). And yes, outsourcing house stuff too. Anyway, just want to point out, i don't think the whole Lean In philosophy is some unrealistic standard that's only for workaholics who outsource everything/never see their kids.

[twowhat?]

Yeah, I'm very seriously considering quitting or switching careers, just starting the process of figuring out what that might be. Perhaps nonprofit? What I truly need is set work hours so that I can COUNT on having evenings and weekends with my family, instead of that gun-shy feeling I have lurking in the back of my mind every hour and every day that an evening or weekend will suddenly get taken away from me. When I work evenings I do it after the girls go to bed but I have this panicky feeling in my gut all evening about the amount of sleep I'm going to lose. I am one of those people that needs lots of sleep so that is never good.

We already outsource house stuff - regular housekeeping, yard, and pool. And honestly, I f-ing want to be able to cook for my own family!

Oh and I already work 100% from home (with travel required). If anything, that makes it worse because I'm constantly "available".

It's sad really because I'm well-liked in my company, and I truly like the super bright people I work with (this makes it harder too because if I dropped the ball, I'd be dropping it on people I consider friends). I also kind of love making people happy. I have clients that have moved on to other companies and they find a way to come back to my company and specifically request me. I just hate all the unplanned overtime (I'd be OK with occasional overtime if planned in advance). I mean, it's one thing if you're an MD - that's what call schedules are for! I feel like a professional who isn't saving lives or making people better who is on call all the time. Ugh.

Hillview, maybe we should make a pact that in 6 months we will have different jobs. Or at least actively be interviewing:)

Hellokitty (and others!), I'm really sorry about your sucky job situation too:( I get depressed when I think about the general nature of jobs in the US. I know it completely depends on the job itself and the company, among other things, but I feel like in the US there's a workaholic mentality when it comes to jobs.

[niccig]

Hillview, maybe we should make a pact that in 6 months we will have different jobs. Or at least actively be interviewing:)

Not a bad idea. Years ago, pre-DH and DS, a friend told me on New Year's Eve he gave me 1 year to quit my job and do something else or he was writing my resignation letter. Kinda gave me a kick in the pants to do something about it.

[hillview]

Yeah, I'm very seriously considering quitting or switching careers, just starting the process of figuring out what that might be. Perhaps nonprofit? What I truly need is set work hours so that I can COUNT on having evenings and weekends with my family, instead of that gun-shy feeling I have lurking in the back of my mind every hour and every day that an evening or weekend will suddenly get taken away from me. When I work evenings I do it after the girls go to bed but I have this panicky feeling in my gut all evening about the amount of sleep I'm going to lose. I am one of those people that needs lots of sleep so that is never good.

We already outsource house stuff - regular housekeeping, yard, and pool. And honestly, I f-ing want to be able to cook for my own family!

Oh and I already work 100% from home (with travel required). If anything, that makes it worse because I'm constantly "available".

It's sad really because I'm well-liked in my company, and I truly like the super bright people I work with (this makes it harder too because if I dropped the ball, I'd be dropping it on people I consider friends). I also kind of love making people happy. I have clients that have moved on to other companies and they find a way to come back to my company and specifically request me. I just hate all the unplanned overtime (I'd be OK with occasional overtime if planned in advance). I mean, it's one thing if you're an MD - that's what call schedules are for! I feel like a professional who isn't saving lives or making people better who is on call all the time. Ugh.

Hillview, maybe we should make a pact that in 6 months we will have different jobs. Or at least actively be interviewing:)

Hellokitty (and others!), I'm really sorry about your sucky job situation too:( I get depressed when I think about the general nature of jobs in the US. I know it completely depends on the job itself and the company, among other things, but I feel like in the US there's a workaholic mentality when it comes to jobs.


Not a bad idea. Years ago, pre-DH and DS, a friend told me on New Year's Eve he gave me 1 year to quit my job and do something else or he was writing my resignation letter. Kinda gave me a kick in the pants to do something about it.
Hellokitty deal. I emailed a career coach.

[Philly Mom]

Sorry if this is too much in a BP.

I think while you are looking for a new job you should also try saying no or "I appreciate that idea, I will look at it in the morning."

I always have done a fair amount of pharma work, albeit as a lawyer. While I said yes a lot, I also set limits and gave them timelines that were realistic for me to meet without dying. Of course, it wasn't always possible but it was often. I also would think about giving alternatives that would be easier to accomplish and say "you can have x tomorrow or y on Tuesday." If you aren't telling them, they don't know.

Finally, 9 months ago I went out on my own. I made the choice because I was not getting along with my partners after having a second child and wanted to stop doing litigation. It is great. I get paid by the hour so I don't resent working at night as much, it goes to your bottom line. Do you know how your company prices you? Is it hourly? What is your rate? What could you drop it to? I did better last year on my own then as a partner at a firm and I had more flexibility.

Finally, when the wall is there, it's ok to quit. Sometimes it is the only way to try something new and in the short run you can go freelance. You can set up an LLC inexpensively and make it seem like it is your plan even if you are looking at a new direction all together. Good luck! Being miserable at work is the worst.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[♥ms.pacman♥]

It's sad really because I'm well-liked in my company, and I truly like the super bright people I work with (this makes it harder too because if I dropped the ball, I'd be dropping it on people I consider friends). I also kind of love making people happy. I have clients that have moved on to other companies and they find a way to come back to my company and specifically request me.


Thing is, it sounds like this is part of the problem. A coworker recently shared this article and it was eye opening and I think it is sadly true in many companies. Basically when you are a really hard, reliable worker it can end up to your disadvantage bc pepole tend to expect more of you and will keep giving you more work (because they know they can count on you). And as long as you keep on a happy face they will assume nothing is wrong and you are a-ok with it and will continue to overload you with work

http://www.businessinsider.com/surprising-danger-of-being-good-at-your-job-2015-5

Sadly I think this sort of thing tends to plague women more than men bc were not used to saying no and we are more afraid of disappointing people. But I think it's really an important point to realize...the tricky part though is how to get company culture to realize this too!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Life's too short to have lots of $ or a powerful position but be miserable. Keep working on an exit strategy. :)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[twowhat?]

Hellokitty deal. I emailed a career coach.
not hellokitty but I did start by following some organizations I'm interested in on LinkedIn so I can get notified of job postings:) I will do the same on Twitter in case anything interesting comes up that I can follow up with.



I think while you are looking for a new job you should also try saying no or "I appreciate that idea, I will look at it in the morning."

I always have done a fair amount of pharma work, albeit as a lawyer. While I said yes a lot, I also set limits and gave them timelines that were realistic for me to meet without dying. Of course, it wasn't always possible but it was often. I also would think about giving alternatives that would be easier to accomplish and say "you can have x tomorrow or y on Tuesday." If you aren't telling them, they don't know.


This is part of the problem - many of my clients think they know so they will ASSIGN me a deadline before I ever get a chance to give them a timeline. I then have to say "No" and follow up with a more realistic timeline. It's getting SUPER OLD saying "No" all the time and having clients become increasingly miffed! They will literally say something like "I need this by first thing Friday morning".


Thing is, it sounds like this is part of the problem. A coworker recently shared this article and it was eye opening and I think it is sadly true in many companies. Basically when you are a really hard, reliable worker it can end up to your disadvantage bc people tend to expect more of you and will keep giving you more work (because they know they can count on you). And as long as you keep on a happy face they will assume nothing is wrong and you are a-ok with it and will continue to overload you with work

http://www.businessinsider.com/surprising-danger-of-being-good-at-your-job-2015-5

Sadly I think this sort of thing tends to plague women more than men bc were not used to saying no and we are more afraid of disappointing people. But I think it's really an important point to realize...the tricky part though is how to get company culture to realize this too!
Yeah, totally agree with this. I've actually gotten better about saying "no" and delegating over the past year. But it's not enough...I already feel like I'm saying No to my clients 90% of the time. It's truly soul-crushing. So it's not that my company is overloading me with work...it's my client that is doing it while my company struggles to hire fast enough to keep up with demand. It's really the industry that I'm in that is terrible because in this industry, you don't turn down business (which is a major problem if you can't staff appropriately)! If I went to another company in the same industry, I would have exactly the same problems which is why...


Life's too short to have lots of $ or a powerful position but be miserable. Keep working on an exit strategy. :)
Yes - I need a kick in the pants to actively pursue this. So Hillview...DEAL!!!

[hellokitty]

Hellokitty deal. I emailed a career coach.

I'm going to join in on making a commitment to make a move toward change. Thanks for the motivation! I need to figure out what I want to do. I'm good at my job, in fact I read the link to the article below and I 100% relate to it, but it's just sad that I feel punished for being good at what I do. I'm very good at my job, esp considering that I changed sectors and took a pretty far leap from my original education and work experience and have discovered that I adapt very quickly and easily to new jobs. However, being taken for granted while continued being dumped on, b/c they know that I will always manage to do what needs to be done and even shine at it? I am asking myself what the point of all of this is?

My co-worker that quit... we always joked that if things didn't work out, that we should get together and start our own non-profit. We worked together so well, it was the only reason we survived a year so short-staffed and dealing with hurdle after hurdle. However, she had been with the organization much longer than I had and was already disenchanted and open to leaving. She moved onto to another job, but her new job was misrepresented and she hates it and is already looking for a new job. We plan to get together for lunch or dinner sometime in the next two weeks and I'm thinking maybe we should re-visit our, "joke," in a more serious manner. We're both similar, both high performers, reliable to a fault... and both feeling as if we are not appreciated for what we do. We also both have spouses who are in high-paying and stable jobs... it actually allows us flexibility to do what we really want to do. I'm at the point where I feel like maybe I need to NOT work for someone else, kwim? I'm just so sick of the dysfunctional environment of large organizations and I know it's idealistic to think that going out on our own would be all rainbows and roses, but with a good partner who has similar work ethic and values, I think it would allow us so much more control that you don't have when you work for someone else.

[twowhat?]

I'm going to join in on making a commitment to make a move toward change. Thanks for the motivation! I need to figure out what I want to do. I'm good at my job, in fact I read the link to the article below and I 100% relate to it, but it's just sad that I feel punished for being good at what I do. I'm very good at my job, esp considering that I changed sectors and took a pretty far leap from my original education and work experience and have discovered that I adapt very quickly and easily to new jobs. However, being taken for granted while continued being dumped on, b/c they know that I will always manage to do what needs to be done and even shine at it? I am asking myself what the point of all of this is?

My co-worker that quit... we always joked that if things didn't work out, that we should get together and start our own non-profit. We worked together so well, it was the only reason we survived a year so short-staffed and dealing with hurdle after hurdle. However, she had been with the organization much longer than I had and was already disenchanted and open to leaving. She moved onto to another job, but her new job was misrepresented and she hates it and is already looking for a new job. We plan to get together for lunch or dinner sometime in the next two weeks and I'm thinking maybe we should re-visit our, "joke," in a more serious manner. We're both similar, both high performers, reliable to a fault... and both feeling as if we are not appreciated for what we do. We also both have spouses who are in high-paying and stable jobs... it actually allows us flexibility to do what we really want to do. I'm at the point where I feel like maybe I need to NOT work for someone else, kwim? I'm just so sick of the dysfunctional environment of large organizations and I know it's idealistic to think that going out on our own would be all rainbows and roses, but with a good partner who has similar work ethic and values, I think it would allow us so much more control that you don't have when you work for someone else.

YAY!!! Solidarity! LOL. It's just sad to waste away our lives being miserable in our jobs. Change is needed.

[hillview]

Twowhat hurray! I like your ideas for LinkedIn and Twitter.