Wedding registry gripe.......everything is neutral.....WWYD or WHYD?

[AnnieW625]

Buy what is on the registry or try to add your own touch? I have always been told a registry is a suggestion and not a requirement.

The gripe is about my cousin's registry; everything is white, clear glass, or neutral so there is literally no color (except for a red dish mat, some colored silicone spatulas, a red handheld KA mixer, and a pistachio full size KA mixer) so while I get that white and neutrals are easy colors to work with I am a big believer that there is nothing wrong with pops of color. I just had to buy them a shower gift that has some color in it so I ordered the following (this is a joint gift from my sister and I so I took her style into account as well):
http://m.crateandbarrel.com/grasscloth-corsair-placemat/s115177
http://m.crateandbarrel.com/suki-napkin/s534512
http://m.crateandbarrel.com/angle-napkin-ring/s548842

They are registered at Crate & Barrel so they can return if they hate it, but I would hope maybe it will open their eyes that color in the home is okay! And honestly the bride (my cousin's fiancée) is always stylishly dressed with lots of color so the neutral color palette really surprised me.

I also found this platter last night online and am debating it as a wedding present, but want to see it in person first (in case it is too garish and 1970s looking):
http://www.villeroy-boch.com/shop/anmut-bloom-oval-platter-3-34cm.html

It is also available at Macy's so they could easily return it.

The registries are very slim right now with items less $200 because both the bride and groom have large extended families, and there are very few items left that are under my preferred gift price of $75-$100 for a wedding gift.

[liz]

Honestly, I would take the easy way out and give a gc to Crate & Barrel in a denomination that is in my budget. FWIW, all my dishes and platters are white so I guess the color scheme doesn't bother me.

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[Green_Tea]

If the bride's registry reflects that she prefers whites and neutrals, I would not inject my own pops of color. Just buy her what she wants (ie: what she has already registered for) or give a GC.

[acmom]

I always go off the registry (or give cash/check/gift card) bc I figure that is what they really want or need.


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[DietCokeLover]

By her registry she is telling you what she wants. Unless you know them super well, I would follow her lead on this.

[georgiegirl]

Honestly, just get them what they want not what you think they should want. I think it's kind of presumptuous to buy them something with a pop of color because you don't like all neutrals.
If there's not something in your price range, then gift card or cash. Returning wedding presents is a huge PITA.

[JBaxter]

Its her wedding and her home if she wants white and neutral then that's her choice. I would be miffed I'd have to return something "of color" because one of my guests thought they knew my tastes and desires better than me. Buy whats on the registry of give a gift card.

Sorry that platter would be so far off my taste it isn't funny and I'm a multi color Fiestaware woman

[SnuggleBuggles]

She might already have the accessories or color scheme and simply just wants the basics. I wouldn't assume she's missing out. I assume the registry is intentional. Stick with the registry or gift card.


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[BDKmom]

I actually think she is being smart to register for neutrals. Registry things are mostly things you don't ever want to have to buy again, or at least not for a very long time, so you want them to stand the test of time and be easy to incorporate into any design scheme. I have a friend who registered for blue and yellow every day dishes from Pier 1 when she got married in the early 90's, and she told me several years later how much she regretted it as it was really hard to find ways to change things once those colors weren't so popular.

As the gift giver, of course you are entitled to give anything you would like, but I think it's probably not likely that you are going to pick something that she will love unless you know her very well. More useful is to get something off the registry or a gift card.

[AnnieW625]

Thank you all for your quick advice!

The bride still lives at home, and my cousin except for dorm living in college has never lived in his own place (as he moved back home after college) so yes they need a lot of basics. I will go ahead and get stuff from the registry then for both events, and either keep the placemats for myself or return them, but yeah I do get what you are all saying.

And Jeana thank you for your opinion about the platter.

[SnuggleBuggles]

It's just so hard to know what color and style. You don't know what furniture they might have. They could have all that stuff planned out. Maybe buy them a housewarming gift later, after you see what their place is like. :)


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[AnnieW625]

Yes, that is a good idea too!

[GaPeach_in_Ca]

Ha, you sound like my sister. She made fun of me for getting all clear glassware and white dishware. Well, 13 years later, we still use it every day and love it. I even put in cabinets in my recent remodel with glass on 3 sides and glass shelves and I think it looks awesome with all the clear glass.

Different strokes! :)

[llama8]

I would stick with the registry. They took the time to pick out these items, so it reflects their taste. They also may not have their home yet, they may plan on renting, so they may have gone with neutral so that it will match wherever they end up. I have a lot of color on my walls, so I picked neutral Lenox and crystal on my wedding registry, so that it doesn't clash.

[MMMommy]

If the bride's registry reflects that she prefers whites and neutrals, I would not inject my own pops of color. Just buy her what she wants (ie: what she has already registered for) or give a GC.

:yeahthat:

[petesgirl]

FWIW, I love your choices of placements and napkins! So pretty! But, yeah, I guess I agree with everyone else to just buy what is on the registry.

[niccig]

Ha, you sound like my sister. She made fun of me for getting all clear glassware and white dishware. Well, 13 years later, we still use it every day and love it. I even put in cabinets in my recent remodel with glass on 3 sides and glass shelves and I think it looks awesome with all the clear glass.

Different strokes! :)

This is what I prefer too. My mother has a tonne of plates and serving dishes of all different sizes and shapes. It all looks good on her open shelves and when she sets the table for an event, she gets color by the table mats, napkins, flowers etc. I wish I could've talked DH into that. He already had a set of dishes that he bought at an arts market - they're great big heavy plates but I'm over the color now, but still too good to replace. Our glasses are all clear as I've broken all the blue ones - much easier to buy other clear glasses and have they match they try to match the last 3 blues ones we have left.

[mackmama]

Get what's on the registry. That's their taste.

[AnnieW625]

FWIW, I love your choices of placements and napkins! So pretty! But, yeah, I guess I agree with everyone else to just buy what is on the registry.

thanks! I re looked at their registeries and they registered for zero table linens, and I wonder if it is an oversight, but even though they might not be used all of the time I think they are nice to have; same thing with cloth napkins. I did placemats instead of a table cloth because I have no idea what size table they would have.

I have known the bride for 8 yrs., and see her at family events and like I said before she doesn't strike me as an all white type of person, but who knows, maybe she truly is.

White does look nice in glass cabinets. We have clear drinking glasses as well. I didn't even think they made many colored glasses anymore.

[vludmilla]

I also recommend sticking with the registry or getting them a gift card in the amount you wanted to spend.

[HannaAddict]

Buy what is on the registry or try to add your own touch? I have always been told a registry is a suggestion and not a requirement.

The gripe is about my cousin's registry; everything is white, clear glass, or neutral so there is literally no color (except for a red dish mat, some colored silicone spatulas, a red handheld KA mixer, and a pistachio full size KA mixer) so while I get that white and neutrals are easy colors to work with I am a big believer that there is nothing wrong with pops of color. I just had to buy them a shower gift that has some color in it so I ordered the following (this is a joint gift from my sister and I so I took her style into account as well):
http://m.crateandbarrel.com/grasscloth-corsair-placemat/s115177
http://m.crateandbarrel.com/suki-napkin/s534512
http://m.crateandbarrel.com/angle-napkin-ring/s548842

They are registered at Crate & Barrel so they can return if they hate it, but I would hope maybe it will open their eyes that color in the home is okay! And honestly the bride (my cousin's fiancée) is always stylishly dressed with lots of color so the neutral color palette really surprised me.

I also found this platter last night online and am debating it as a wedding present, but want to see it in person first (in case it is too garish and 1970s looking):
http://www.villeroy-boch.com/shop/anmut-bloom-oval-platter-3-34cm.html

It is also available at Macy's so they could easily return it.

The registries are very slim right now with items less $200 because both the bride and groom have large extended families, and there are very few items left that are under my preferred gift price of $75-$100 for a wedding gift.

I would get a gift card in the amount you prefer and they will LOVE it. I would never buy a V & B platter for someone who didn't want one and I had their stuff for everyday dishes when we first married (botanica). I've since gone with white for our vacation place and when I want accents I pick them out. Honestly, most people are better off going with what the bride wants and not what they like and returns are much more of a pain than they used to be so wouldn't buy something thinking they can just return it.

[kellij]

thanks! I re looked at their registeries and they registered for zero table linens, and I wonder if it is an oversight, but even though they might not be used all of the time I think they are nice to have; same thing with cloth napkins. I did placemats instead of a table cloth because I have no idea what size table they would have.

I have known the bride for 8 yrs., and see her at family events and like I said before she doesn't strike me as an all white type of person, but who knows, maybe she truly is.

White does look nice in glass cabinets. We have clear drinking glasses as well. I didn't even think they made many colored glasses anymore.

What is "an all white type of person?" To me, if I had to put a stereotype to someone liking white dishes and clear glass, it would be classy with timeless taste.

[gatorsmom]

If the bride's registry reflects that she prefers whites and neutrals, I would not inject my own pops of color. Just buy her what she wants (ie: what she has already registered for) or give a GC.

I agree. The nice thing about neutral plates and bowls is that you can use them with strong and bright tablecloths and napkins and against other brightly colored items. Its smart, actually, because color trends change before items have lost their usefulness. Asking for neutral pieces allows her to use them for much longer without going out of style.

Just read further and saw that she didn't order many linens. Maybe she is having some made or is still looking for colors to match or contrast with her house paint colors

[egoldber]

This is what we did as well. We registered for neutral stoneware dishes. Almost 24 years later we still use them every single day. I have tons of napkins and placemats and tablecloths that I have collected over the years in various colors. Neutral dishes lets me buy any type of linen I want. :)

[AnnieW625]

What is "an all white type of person?" To me, if I had to put a stereotype to someone liking white dishes and clear glass, it would be classy with timeless taste.

Probably bad wording on my part, but I guess I am guilty of liking color on my table, plates included, although mine are robins egg blue and timeless IMHO as well. We started buying them before everything was in robins egg blue, and I still like them almost 8 yrs. later. I had white dishes prior, but got tired of them, white just seems boring, but that is my own opinion, and I need to realize that isn't everyone else's. I am going to end my argument now and just let it be. (I guess I should've posted this in the bitching post.)

[vonfirmath]

thanks! I re looked at their registeries and they registered for zero table linens, and I wonder if it is an oversight, but even though they might not be used all of the time I think they are nice to have; same thing with cloth napkins. I did placemats instead of a table cloth because I have no idea what size table they would have.

I have known the bride for 8 yrs., and see her at family events and like I said before she doesn't strike me as an all white type of person, but who knows, maybe she truly is.

White does look nice in glass cabinets. We have clear drinking glasses as well. I didn't even think they made many colored glasses anymore.

*wry* in my 12 years of marriage, I have not used the placemats or cloth napkins I got for my wedding once. (still have them just in case though! They were a gift from my sister) Nor have I ever minded not having a tablecloth. Its just not something we do.

[inmypjs]

I am sure you have no intention of doing this, but when we got married I actually had someone tell me that they bought us a different color of towels because they didn't like the ones we chose! Seriously. (In their defense, we chose hunter green towels, but it was the 90s.)

Bottom line I always buy off the registry or give cash. It's about their likes, not mine.

[mom_hanna]

My guess is, that if they want color, they want to have the fun of picking it out themselves, just as you (and I) enjoy shopping for those things. And I have never used table linens, ever, so they may just not need them. I love that you are excited to shop for them, though. It is hard when the stuff they want doesn't excite you.

[*myfoursons]

Stick to the registry and let them pick out their own colors. I wouldn't use the things you picked out in my own home, and perhaps their eyes are already open to color, just not the ones you like.

[123LuckyMom]

I think you made the right decision, OP, by sticking to the registry. It's always most thoughtful to get people what they like even if your taste is different.


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[khalloc]

I hate table linens. Its just so much easier to just wipe down the table after dinner instead of creating laundry for yourself. I still dont really own any and never use them.

[AnnieW625]

just looked this up on Emily Post though:
http://emilypost.com/advice/choosing-a-wedding-gift/

[specialp]

just looked this up on Emily Post though:
http://emilypost.com/advice/choosing-a-wedding-gift/

Are you talking about having to buy off the registry? Of course you don't, but it also says to look at it to get a sense for the couple's needs and style, not so you can get a gift that is your style and goes in a completely opposite direction.

[vonfirmath]

I am sure you have no intention of doing this, but when we got married I actually had someone tell me that they bought us a different color of towels because they didn't like the ones we chose! Seriously. (In their defense, we chose hunter green towels, but it was the 90s.)

Bottom line I always buy off the registry or give cash. It's about their likes, not mine.

I registered (and got) hunter green towels for our wedding. Still use them! But then, that was one of my husband and my's "colors" -- Royal Blue and Hunter Green

[khm]

I think they chose white to get the basics in order. Seems like a good plan to me! Having 100 guests chime in with their own styles could quickly get overwhelming. If they didn't really specify a "style" that you can see, maybe they haven't developed what they are going for quite yet.

Since they are starting from scratch, getting the basics first seems to make a lot of sense. They'll add color (if they chose) after they are settled and have a better idea of what their taste is.

Of course, you can do what you want re: following the registry or not. But it seems like their taste and yours might be quite different, so it is probably safer to stick to their taste in this case. You had the white and now don't like it, they may or may not follow that path. I've rocked a mix of plain white Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel for 16 years now! We have plenty of color, it just isn't in the plates. :)

[specialp]

We have plenty of color, it just isn't in the plates. :)

We're the same. White plates and clear glasses. DH is the fancy cook in the house and he thinks food presents better on white. We do have colorful serving bowls, many of which are in display shelves in our eat-in kitchen, but what colors we use really depends on the time of year. So lots of color, but yes, very plain plates and glasses.

[mackmama]

I love color, but I prefer white plates/bowls for a clean look. I also don't use table linens at all and don't like the look - think it's too formal or country for my taste.

[boolady]

just looked this up on Emily Post though:
http://emilypost.com/advice/choosing-a-wedding-gift/

I doubt that Emily Post suggests substituting your taste for that of the gift recipients. I have no idea why wanting simple, classic neutrals around which someone can build the rest of their style would bother someone in the least. If you won't buy something from their list, just give them a gift card. Otherwise, they're just going to end up having to deal with the hassle of a return because you don't approve of their selections for their own home.

[o_mom]

Are you talking about having to buy off the registry? Of course you don't, but it also says to look at it to get a sense for the couple's needs and style, not so you can get a gift that is your style and goes in a completely opposite direction.

Exactly. They want neutrals. If you have a favorite neutral platter that would coordinate with what they have on the registry, go for it, but I would not go with a completely different style. If they have no table linens, maybe they don't use them, so placemats would sit in a drawer.

To be honest, I cringed when I read the first post. This part sound like something we would see in the BP about a MIL not listening:



...so while I get that white and neutrals are easy colors to work with I am a big believer that there is nothing wrong with pops of color. I just had to buy them a shower gift that has some color in it...

[KrisM]

I don't always buy off the registry, especially if there isn't anything in my price range. I may do a gift card or cash. But, I might get something I think they would like, based on what is on their registry, or on what I know about them. I wouldn't not pick something in colors that were not on the registry though. If you want to get a platter, I'd get one that matches what they registered for, not a random one and hope they like it. I think at some point, it's just making more work for the couple to have to do a bunch of returns.

[buddyleebaby]

I always buy something they've registered for to make sure they are getting something they want and/or need.
Sometimes I find something I think they'll really like and even then I buy it in addition to my registry gift.

ETA If there is nothing left in my price range on the registry, I get a gift card for the store at which they are registered.

[AnnieW625]

Are you talking about having to buy off the registry? Of course you don't, but it also says to look at it to get a sense for the couple's needs and style, not so you can get a gift that is your style and goes in a completely opposite direction.

I thought the placemats and napkins I linked would work well with the china they picked out (Crate & Barrel Aspen) and maybe I am completely wrong in that thought and it isn't like they registered for French Country mauve and blue and I bought a something more modern in a navy blue I just bought something I thought they would like. Thankful it can be returned. And yes the title is a bit inflammatory and I am really sorry about that (you can thank pms for that:rolleyes: ). I do get excited about buying gifts and enjoy the whole process of buying, wrapping, and giving the gift (but I will most likely mail the wedding gift). I loved my wedding gifts, and while I did receive a few duds I had to return or I donated years later (the wine holder shaped like a moose comes to mind) I also really appreciated those who thought outside the box and gave us things we didn't even think to register for (Presto Electric Griddle, Black & Decker waffle iron, Cuisinart, and mini Cuisinart). Oh and the platter that matched their fine china (Kate Spade Gardner Street-silver) is way out of my wedding gift budget at $210 (and Kate Spade at Macy's never goes on sale). I won't be getting them that V&B platter so don't worry about that.

[smilequeen]

Yeah, just buy off the registry. All of my stuff is white too. It's honestly very stylish right now to just go with white and glass. I use little things here and there for color in my kitchen. My curtains, the cushions on my chairs, vases, etc. But my dishes are all white and I don't use linens except on holidays (and I have Christmas and Thanksgiving dishes anyway...not white). I have a designer doing my new house, trust me...white is the style. White dishes, white linens, white towels...

[specialp]

I thought the placemats and napkins I linked would work well with the china they picked out (Crate & Barrel Aspen) and maybe I am completely wrong in that thought and it isn't like they registered for French Country mauve and blue and I bought a Moren modern navy blue I just bought something I thought they would like. Thankful it can be returned. And yes the title is a bit inflammatory and I am really sorry about that (you can thank pms for that:rolleyes: ). I do get excited about buying gifts and enjoy the whole process of buying, wrapping, and giving the gift (but I will most likely mail the wedding gift). I loved my wedding gifts, and while I did receive a few duds I had to return or I donated years later (the wine holder shaped like a moose comes to mind) I also really appreciated those who thought outside the box and gave us things we didn't even think to register for (Presto Electric Griddle, Black & Decker waffle iron, Cuisinart, and mini Cuisinart). Oh and the platter that matched their fine china (Kate Spade Gardner Street-silver) is way out of my wedding gift budget at $210 (and Kate Spade at Macy's never goes on sale). I won't be getting them that V&B platter so don't worry about that.

I have been unable to afford registry items several times and needed to go on my own. My one funny (to me) story. Once, a friend and I, who were both poor graduate school students attending the wedding of our rich boss’s daughter, decided to give a joint gift only to see the one thing in our COMBINED budget was a 2 piece fork/spoon hostess serving set! It wasn’t like the registry was picked over, either. These people were just so far out of element! So, yeah, we bought something else at the same locally owned store where the couple was registered and enlisted the help of a store employee to guide us to find something that would fit in with the items they registered for and we wouldn’t be totally embarrassed to give. We still laugh about the fork and spoon!

[bisous]

Annie I think you were thinking about all the nice things you get from a babyshower from an experienced mom. I do value the input I got from my friends in that situation. I think things like colors though are so personal. I do like color too, like you, but wouldn't use the items you linked. It just goes to show how subjective things can be! I think if it is a matter of functionality thoughtful selections off register can be nice but if it is about aesthetics I don't really think that translates the same way.