I do not want to nurse. How to handle at hospital and other questions.

[Green22]

UPDATE #24

I have zero interest in nursing DC3, due this fall. I nursed my previous 2 for a little over a year each. I am 100% sure that not nursing is the best thing for the happiness of my family and me this fall.

My big issues are (1) guilt for the first few days - the colostrum which is supposed to be essential/magical/important for the baby, and (2) delivering at a hospital which has a policy that breast is best and (3) deciding on a formula.

Should I still do the nursing for the first few days for the baby's benefit then switch to formula on day 2 or 3? Will the anticipated mastitis H!ll be worse for doing so? Will it make it harder to switch to bottle?

Also I am not sure how to address the issue with the hospital. Just say after delivery- I am not nursing, period? At the hospital tour we spent about 15 minutes on how they insist on skin to skin contact to encourage nursing in first hour, all the benefits of nursing, and the importance of in-room bonding (not sending baby to nursery) for breastfeeding. This is a new place bc of insurance change. I'm a seasoned mom and I was intimidated.

Also for formula. One of my kids is Ana to milk (and other foods). Should I start this baby out on regular milk formula? I'm getting inconsistent responses from ped and OB. Anyone with Food allergies with other children care to weigh in? Do you bring formula and bottles to the hospital?

Thank you in advance!

[SnuggleBuggles]

I only nursed so can't really help only to say that if you're open to nursing for any amount of time, do it. Any bit they get is beneficial. Mastitis is preventable and I wouldn't let its possibility sway that.


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[TwinFoxes]

I think you should ask around for a lactation consultant who has a reputation of being non-judgmental to get honest answers. I personally would at least nurse for the first few days, or even pump and bottle feed the colostrum.

[elbenn]

It sounds like you are open to nursing for at least a few days, so that would be really beneficial. Or pump, as TwinFoxes said. If you do that, it takes care of any issues you have with the hospital.

[PZMommy]

I was just very upfront from the time I was checked into the hospital (scheduled c section for my first, and emergency c section for the second), that I was not going to be breast feeding. I made it known it was not a negotiable topic, and that was it. The hospital had newborn enfamil formula. I used that in the hospital. My oldest continued with that and moved onto regular enfamil when he was older. My youngest started on it, but then I switched him to Similac sensitive. He was a 36 weeker and had some health issues and reflux. I've found the hospital does not have a lot of formula options (he had to be readmitted numerous times during his first year due to his lung issues), and they only had enfamil brand. If you want to use a particular formula from the start, I'd bring your own. I have PCOS, and my milk never came in. I didn't get engorged or anything.

[Green_Tea]

I would discuss it with your OB ahead of time and have her make note of your preference not to nurse on your chart. I nursed all three but told my OB ahead of time that I did NOT want baby #3 to room in with me. I knew I would be recovering from a third c section and going home to two other children under the age of four, and I wanted to sleep without worrying about the baby. My OB instructed the nurses to bring DS to me at midnight and 4 am to nurse but that I should otherwise be undisturbed. This was contrary to the hospital's policy, but since my OB ordered it, they did it. If your OB notes that you will not be nursing, they are less likely to push.

[pastrygirl]

Can you take lecithin to try to prevent mastitis? It prevented me from getting plugged ducts. I took the max dose when I already had a plugged duct, and then a lower dose daily for prevention until I dried up. Cold cabbage leaves helped immensely with engorgement.

[DualvansMommy]

I would discuss it with your OB ahead of time and have her make note of your preference not to nurse on your chart. I nursed all three but told my OB ahead of time that I did NOT want baby #3 to room in with me. I knew I would be recovering from a third c section and going home to two other children under the age of four, and I wanted to sleep without worrying about the baby. My OB instructed the nurses to bring DS to me at midnight and 4 am to nurse but that I should otherwise be undisturbed. This was contrary to the hospital's policy, but since my OB ordered it, they did it. If your OB notes that you will not be nursing, they are less likely to push.

I had long complicated labor with DS1, started out vaginally but stalled at almost 10 cm after 30 hours of labor. Ended up being rushed into emergency c section when fetal heart started. Breastfeeding was quite challenging and tough for next few months, switched to bottle when I returned to work with DS1 being almost 1 year old. Ds2 was quite different, a planned c section from get go and I had no desire to nurse, told my OB who made notes in the chart.

I delivered both boys in a pro breastfeeding hospital. I did indicate that I would be open to nursing while staying in hospital. I stayed there for 4 days, my milk never really came in, so it was a non issue for me in the end. You can work with your OB to make it clear from the get go.


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[HannaAddict]

I would nurse the first few days for sure. I would also talk to a lactating person and your OB. I would also think about talking to someone professionally about why you don't want to nurse and see if you can work through any of it. It sounds like many who didn't want to nurse had complications and felt stressed but if you felt more supported it might help. Had plenty of complications here with first in NICU for weeks and pumping round the clock and third baby I was hospitalized about a week of every month of pregnancy and incredibly painful surgical procedures to deal with kidney stone while pregnant that couldn't be resolved fully while pg, and nursing was still possible. All three were c-sections. But even if you don't long term, I would the first few days as the colostrum in so important.


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[TxCat]

First, I would talk to your OB. She/he should be able to help guide you regarding whether or not it even makes sense to start nursing or pumping, and can also incorporate your preferences not to nurse into your admission orders following delivery.

As to nursing the first few days, if you are 100% sure you do NOT want to nurse this time around, I wouldn't even start at all. If you nurse for a few days, your milk will quickly come in (especially since this is your third) and then you'll just have to deal with the binding and discomfort once you go home. It would be slightly more manageable if you don't even significantly stimulate milk production to begin with. Of course, if you think there is a small chance you want to nurse, even for a very limited period, by all means start, and then just wean as soon as you are ready.

Your OB should be helpful in navigating your no nursing preferences at the hospital. I would bring your own formula and bottles just in case, because the hospitals, especially once they have received the official "baby friendly" designation, are much more limited on access to formula and you might not be receiving the amount of samples that you did with your first. Also, as to rooming in, you may receive a lot of pressure on that regardless of nursing status. While there are certainly benefits to mom and baby with rooming in, the benefit to hospitals is that they can significantly reduce their staffing for newborn nurseries since they almost never have babies there anymore. So, sometimes the pushback that patients receive about sending the baby to the nursery overnight is a reflection of staffing changes that have resulted from being "baby friendly."

[SnuggleBuggles]

Another thought is requesting a shorter stay. With ds1, I was home in 20 hours (hospital) and home in 7 hours with ds2 (birth center). Both were my choice as I don't think hospitals are restful at all (we did rooming in- I get the appeal for some of the nursery though). Might save you some aggravation to just be home on your turf.


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[essnce629]

I only nursed so can't really help only to say that if you're open to nursing for any amount of time, do it. Any bit they get is beneficial. Mastitis is preventable and I wouldn't let its possibility sway that.


Yes to this. Any amount is beneficial to baby and nursing for the first few days is beneficial to you by causing uterine contractions and helping to prevent excessive bleeding.

This site tells you the benefit to baby even if you just nurse the first few days.
https://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/articles/breastfeeding-benefits-how-they-add-up

[ray7694]

I would try my best to make a decision before the baby arrives. I wouldn't want the stress of deciding and feeling guilt.
Once you make the decision make it known and no one can force you to do something. Good luck. Hugs

[MamaMolly]

I 100% support your decision. You owe no one an explaination, no feelings of guilt, no nothing. Give your self the gift of peace with this decision.

[mom_hanna]

I totally get not wanting to nurse. I nursed dd for a month and got mastitis 4 times, was miserable, couldn't pump more than an ounce at a time, and quit and went to formula. When ds was born, I just told them I was not nursing and he was going to get formula. They were great and just said, "ok" and got me Enfamil. I think if you just tell them your decision and sound confident and sure of your decision, they won't try to change your mind. Do what is best for you and your family. No guilt. :)

[Kindra178]

Yes to this. Any amount is beneficial to baby and nursing for the first few days is beneficial to you by causing uterine contractions and helping to prevent excessive bleeding.

This site tells you the benefit to baby even if you just nurse the first few days.
https://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/articles/breastfeeding-benefits-how-they-add-up

With all due respect - this article is a bit offensive. Some of the facts cited therein have been disproven. While breastmilk is a super food, its benefits have been wildly overstated.


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[daisysmom]

I think there are some on this thread that are nicely, but still suggesting, that nursing is best for the OP.

I did not nurse my DD, and I am of the strong believe that breast is not best for everyone. Feeding is best for babies, and a happy mom, IMO, is the BEST. So OP, if you are feeling pressure by any suggestions of "try it for a few days" or "see if you can work through why you feel this way", I am happy to be the voice suggesting that you are right to do what is going to make you happy.

What you need to do though, is have it noted on your chart (and on baby's bassinet I believe too) that you are not going to nurse. It was noted on mine. We had plenty of skin to skin contact to encourage bonding (not to encourage nursing) and I fed her with a bottle immediately this way. One of my best friends had a baby via surrogacy 2 years ago and the same thing was done with her since she was not nursing, but she did do skin to skin contact in the hospital most of the time. The skin contact did not confuse my breasts and I never had any leaking. My DD was an extremely happy baby and while she rooted on my neck sometimes, she never rooted at the breast or was confused.

The hospital provided the formula an they were all great. One nurse tried to talk about breastfeeding to me and I immediately complained and I didn't see that nurse again. All of the others were fine and very supportive. I never got any infections and my milk dried up I guess. I wore two jog-bras for a few days, then down to one for maybe a week after birth.

My little sister had a baby 4 months ago and had a very bad experience with breastfeeding. He never gained his birthweight back and she was miserable, as was he, for 2 weeks. We thank God that she had a wonderful LC who was very honest with my sister at the 3 week mark and said "this isn't working, you are miserable and he is miserable, let's go to plan B". The pediatrician had said too that he was not getting the nourishment that he needed but this LC was able to really let my sister know that it was ok to stop nursing. She switched to formula then and within a week he was back to birthweight and the rest of infancy has been so wonderful.

Really -- it is ok to make your choice and I really pray that you don't get remarks at the hospital. Just make sure it is noted. Have your DH fight that battle for you if you want. Be firm and you will succeed.

[trcy]

No BTDT, but I think you may want to bring formula to the hospital. Especially if you plan to use a particular type/brand.


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[nfceagles]

I don't know which formula is best to feed the sibling of a highly allergic child. I don't think anyone knows for sure whether it's best to avoid allergens or be sure to introduce them early. But if I had another child who was ANA to milk, I would seriously consider a hypoallergenic formula if only to prevent baby spit up from sending sibling into a reaction.


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[AnnieW625]

I 100% support your decision. You owe no one an explaination, no feelings of guilt, no nothing. Give your self the gift of peace with this decision.

yes to this. I only breast fed my kids until they were 4 months old and dreaded pumping at work so I weaned them before I went back to work. With DD1 I also hated the idea of nursing in public so she was bottle fed with formula from about four weeks old because I had supply issues and couldn't pump much at all (Similac Advance and then either Enfamil...when I got it free or store brand formula; usually Target brand......at the time it was the same as Bright Beginnings brand) . With both my girls I also introduced formula early so DH could feed them at night and I could sleep. I was way more comfortable with nip with DD2, but we still used formula and settled on Similac Advance after trying everything on the market because she threw everything up (even breast milk, which was dairy free for a bit of time as well) due to reflux.

[Cam&Clay]

I hated nursing and was a complete wuss about telling them in the hospital that I had zero plans to nurse DS2. I sucked it up and did what they said until I could get home and start him on bottles. I admire you for wanting to make it clear from the start!

[mom2binsd]

I also want to add, I had a pregnancy end at 20 weeks, and my milk still came in!!!! So even if you decide not to nurse at all, which is TOTALLY your choice, be prepared for your milk to come in. The cold cabbage leaves and wearing two tight sports bras or binding will be necessary (I even had to wear a bikini top in the shower as the water seemed to stimulate milk production).

[Simon]

I'm chiming in a little late, but just wanted to address the question of which formula re: food allergies. All 3 of my kids were sensitive to dairy and soy as infants (terrible reflux in 2), plus food allergies in the form of one kid ana to peanuts and another with multple food issues but ana to nothing. I've done a mix of nursing and formula and one of my Dc needed one of those uber expensive hypoallergenic formulas in the end. So that's our background.
Personally, I would start with a milk based sensitive formula if I were having another baby and wasn't planning to nurse and I would bring it with me to the hospital. IMO, its easier to start with the sensitive and then, if everything seems cool, to try a regular milk brand with a slightly older baby. I wouldn't want to do soy for my infant, if I could avoid it, although my older kids drink their share of soy milk.

[Green22]

OP here, checking back and saying thank you for all the responses.

It turns out that the person who did the hospital tour for us must have really been pushing her own agenda, because the hospital was very accommodating. I got zero push back on not nursing (at all, not even immediately after birth), and they did have a nursery that the nurses regularly asked if we wanted to use.

Just in case anyone is in the same boat, when we went to the hospital, we tried the regular milk based formula. The hospital provided it. She was spitting up a ton, and before we left the hospital pediatrian put her on soy. We stayed on that for a good week, but still had really bad reflux symptoms. Our ped moved her to Elimentum and she has been a dream since then.

Not nursing was the right choice for me and her. I would have spent so much time trying to determine if/what foods I should eliminated, and I would have chalked a lot of the issues up to nursing or latching issues. I imagine I would have seen the lactation consultant and generally worried myself sick over it (as I did with the other 2). Right now I have a happy 7 week old who drinks every last but of her bottles, smiles constantly and sleeps for 5-6 hour stretches at night. A lot of this is just dumb luck and her personality, and I think a lot of it is her feeding off my happiness. Just adding this because I did feel like in some of the responses were nicely pushing for just trying to nurse, which I understand and was struggling with (having been an exclusive nursing mamma before). I pumped for the first 5 days and froze the milk, second guessing myself, and sobbed each time. The day I decided to stop, things changed for me and we're totally happy. So just a different perspective for those who might be in a similar situation.

[sariana]

Congratulations! Glad things worked out so well for you!

[gymnbomb]

So glad to hear things worked out well and you are able to enjoy your baby girl!!

[trcy]

Congrats! Happy to hear everything worked out so well!


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[petesgirl]

OP here, checking back and saying thank you for all the responses.

It turns out that the person who did the hospital tour for us must have really been pushing her own agenda, because the hospital was very accommodating. I got zero push back on not nursing (at all, not even immediately after birth), and they did have a nursery that the nurses regularly asked if we wanted to use.

Just in case anyone is in the same boat, when we went to the hospital, we tried the regular milk based formula. The hospital provided it. She was spitting up a ton, and before we left the hospital pediatrian put her on soy. We stayed on that for a good week, but still had really bad reflux symptoms. Our ped moved her to Elimentum and she has been a dream since then.

Not nursing was the right choice for me and her. I would have spent so much time trying to determine if/what foods I should eliminated, and I would have chalked a lot of the issues up to nursing or latching issues. I imagine I would have seen the lactation consultant and generally worried myself sick over it (as I did with the other 2). Right now I have a happy 7 week old who drinks every last but of her bottles, smiles constantly and sleeps for 5-6 hour stretches at night. A lot of this is just dumb luck and her personality, and I think a lot of it is her feeding off my happiness. Just adding this because I did feel like in some of the responses were nicely pushing for just trying to nurse, which I understand and was struggling with (having been an exclusive nursing mamma before). I pumped for the first 5 days and froze the milk, second guessing myself, and sobbed each time. The day I decided to stop, things changed for me and we're totally happy. So just a different perspective for those who might be in a similar situation.

Thanks so much for updating! I am in a similar boat--DS had multiple food sensitivities and was the most unhappy baby. DD was exclusively breastfeed (would not take a bottle-actually, could not, but we didn't know that til later) and had to get a feeding tube at 6 months due to failure to thrive. I'm due with #3 in May and I have total breastfeeding PTSD - I just do not even want to start. I know that I will worry myself sick over whether the baby is getting enough and it won't be pretty. We have a stash of Alimentum formula from DD that isn't expired and I think we will start with that and then slowly try to add regular formula.

Would you mind sharing what helped to stop your milk supply? That is what I am most worried about at this point.

[HannaAddict]

I would nurse for any amount of time you can and grit it out. It was soooo incredibly hard with number one but had it down by number 3. No allergies in any and worth it. I can't imagine deciding not to nurse ahead of time barring life threatening issue. Good luck.


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[TwinFoxes]

Congratulations!

[jgenie]

Congratulations!!! Glad to hear everything is going well.

[Liziz]

Yay, congrats on your new little lady! And also good for you for knowing what was best for you and your baby and having the courage to do it even if it isn't the most popular. I'm a big BF advocate, but the reason I really care is that I want all new moms/parents to be able to make carefully thought out informed choices about how to feed their baby. It sounds like that's exactly what you did. Thank you for the update, and keep enjoying that little bundle!

[HannaAddict]

OP here, checking back and saying thank you for all the responses.

It turns out that the person who did the hospital tour for us must have really been pushing her own agenda, because the hospital was very accommodating. I got zero push back on not nursing (at all, not even immediately after birth), and they did have a nursery that the nurses regularly asked if we wanted to use.

Just in case anyone is in the same boat, when we went to the hospital, we tried the regular milk based formula. The hospital provided it. She was spitting up a ton, and before we left the hospital pediatrian put her on soy. We stayed on that for a good week, but still had really bad reflux symptoms. Our ped moved her to Elimentum and she has been a dream since then.

Not nursing was the right choice for me and her. I would have spent so much time trying to determine if/what foods I should eliminated, and I would have chalked a lot of the issues up to nursing or latching issues. I imagine I would have seen the lactation consultant and generally worried myself sick over it (as I did with the other 2). Right now I have a happy 7 week old who drinks every last but of her bottles, smiles constantly and sleeps for 5-6 hour stretches at night. A lot of this is just dumb luck and her personality, and I think a lot of it is her feeding off my happiness. Just adding this because I did feel like in some of the responses were nicely pushing for just trying to nurse, which I understand and was struggling with (having been an exclusive nursing mamma before). I pumped for the first 5 days and froze the milk, second guessing myself, and sobbed each time. The day I decided to stop, things changed for me and we're totally happy. So just a different perspective for those who might be in a similar situation.

Congrats. I just don't really understand why you would have had to eliminate items from your diet before you had tried nursing with this baby or assumed latching and other issues. It was just so much easier by number 3 and bottles seem like a pain. But I'm pro choice for this too and relieved baby is happy with the formula now.


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[DualvansMommy]

I would nurse for any amount of time you can and grit it out. It was soooo incredibly hard with number one but had it down by number 3. No allergies in any and worth it. I can't imagine deciding not to nurse ahead of time barring life threatening issue. Good luck.


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But why should OP have to to nurse any amount and grit it out? That was precisely the fear op felt in the pushback of her desire to NOT BF. Maybe her colostrum milk takes days or weeks to come in? What is she to do? That was my situation with DS1 and he actually lost some weight, not the typical newborn weight loss either. But in the malnourished category since he was only 7lbs and 8 oz at birth. I chose not to BF DS2 from the getgo and it was so much more pleasant for everyone, including DS2.


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[AnnieW625]

Congrats. I just don't really understand why you would have had to eliminate items from your diet before you had tried nursing with this baby or assumed latching and other issues. It was just so much easier by number 3 and bottles seem like a pain. But I'm pro choice for this too and relieved baby is happy with the formula now.


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because when you have a baby that spits up from birth that is what most peds. suggest a soy or dairy elimination diet before they even suggest meds or trying a hypo allergenic formula. I gave up dairy for three weeks (I knew I had a colicky spit up baby from 3 days old and she went on Zantac at three weeks old) and DD2 still spit up so the ped. said well it isn't dairy and prescribed Zantac which helped with the overall fussiness she had although nothing helped eliminate (although Similac Sensitive was the best formula once I weaned) the spit up until we tried the Playtex nursery bottles at 8 months old.

[TwinFoxes]

Congrats. I just don't really understand why you would have had to eliminate items from your diet before you had tried nursing with this baby or assumed latching and other issues. It was just so much easier by number 3 and bottles seem like a pain. But I'm pro choice for this too and relieved baby is happy with the formula now.


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Maybe you aren't aware of how it reads when you say you're "relieved" that OP's choice resulted in a happy baby. Your experience with your third is not universal. And while bottles may have been a pain for you, they clearly are not a pain for millions of other women. (And in case you're wondering, I pumped for my twins while they were in the NICU for 10 weeks and breastfed as soon as they were physically able until they were 16 months.)

[HannaAddict]

Maybe you aren't aware of how it reads when you say you're "relieved" that OP's choice resulted in a happy baby. Your experience with your third is not universal. And while bottles may have been a pain for you, they clearly are not a pain for millions of other women. (And in case you're wondering, I pumped for my twins while they were in the NICU for 10 weeks and breastfed as soon as they were physically able until they were 16 months.)

I just said relieved since she had to go through a couple different types of formula. Relieved she found something that baby likes and works. And I did a stint pumping in the NICU and just found eventually being able to nurse so much easier than bottles. Pumping is hard, hard work and if I'd gone back to my office not sure how it would have worked though had the large stash since thought I would go back before calling an audible. Glad it worked out for the OP.


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