The Food Battle: kids who don't eat

[cagey]

My 7 yr old is a horrible eater--screams (yes) that she's dying of hunger and needs a snack. Give her breakfast/lunch/dinner no more than 5 minutes later, she'll take one bite and says she's full. Then 10 minutes later whine that she's hungry and wants dessert or a treat. This has been going on for about 5 years, and is at its peak right now.

Things we've tried:
-ignoring it (whining and tantrums will go on for 2+ hours)
-fixing 'bites' of everything (same results)
-bribery--tv, toys, special time (good for a day or 2 then looses interest)
-keeping the same food till she eats it (we've gone as long as 48h with the same PB&J)
-sending to bed/room/timeout till she calms down (2+hours of tantrums, still with no eating)
-throwing out/removing toys/tv/privileges
-changing scenery/watching tv while eating/lets take a shower/walk then eat (occasionally successful)
-therapy (almost 1 year intermittently, where she understands the importance but is just stubborn)

Its not they type of food she eats, but the fact that she just doesn't want to eat. Therapist states this is a power struggle (no kidding) but only has stressed how important it is for her to eat and have a healthy relationship with food. Neither DH nor I have food/eating issues (other than I could personally 1/2 my portions, haha) so concur that this is her 'my way or else' that's been her personality since 4 months old.

Its ripping the family apart. DH takes his food and eats outside, or in the car, or just screams at her making the stress even more awful. I end up in tears at least 5x a week over her lack of eating.

Help! I know I'm not the only one....please share some tips. I'm not against switching therapists but want to instead go back to enjoying meals, as I currently absolutely dread them.

[mikala]

Yikes, that does sound exhausting. I'd strongly consider more therapy since it seems to be affecting your family so much.

How is she at school or away from home? How is her development in other areas? Does she scream about other things?

Outside of therapy I'd probably start with Ellyn Satters division of responsibility in feeding. You decide the what and when, she decides the how much. I'd also take the snacks/desserts out of the house to reduce the items to struggle over. Somehow kids don't generally throw as many fits about snack when it's an apple and string cheese vs processed carbs.

[georgiegirl]

Could she have other issues? Like ADHD? DS1 (7) constantly whines that he's hungry, but he's suddenly full after a few bites, then he's hungry again 10 min later. I've found that feeding him in the car works well since it's boring there. In the car, he will eat an entire turkey sandwich and an applesauce without complaint.

Can you stop making food a battle? Your job is to provide healthy choices and she can pick what she wants to eat. Keep the fridge and pantry stocked with acceptable items (Applesauce, string cheese, fruit, sliced turkey, crackers...whatever you think she will eat), and let her pick what she wants. She's old enough to have input on her meal choices.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[carolinacool]

No advice, but you have my empathy. My 6.5-year-old DS barely touches most foods. We have a really hard time getting him to eat breakfast before school. It's been especially hard this summer before camp. School/camp lunches usually come back with half the food still there. But a couple of times last week, he didn't eat a thing! Last week, the camp when to a local park. When DH picked him up, the counselor said he had complained of not feeling well. Because he was running around and playing after not having eaten all day! As it is, there are only four or five things I can send for lunch that he normally eats, so it's frustrating. The upside is he does eat dinner. Sigh.

[KpbS]

Find a feeding therapy program at a local children's hospital. Very different from traditional psych therapy.

Hugs to you. Hang in there! :hug: :hug: :hug:

[California]

Any other health concerns? Was she a preemie? Does she have any issues with food textures? In those instances I don't think a regular therapist can help you. Have you talked to her pediatrician to see if he/she can recommend a specialist who may be covered by insurance?

I would be very tempted to hand over responsibility to your DD for a while. Stock the kitchen with only healthy foods. Put a plate of healthy lunch/dinner for her on the counter and walk away. She doesn't like it, she can make her own PB &J. (A 7 year old can make their own PB&J.) Stop the battle. Take her to her pediatrician and have her/him talk straight to your daughter about how her eating will impact her health and her growth. (On a side note: We've gotten really poor nutritional info from our pediatrician, so you still may want to talk to a specialist along with your ped!)

With your DH, I'd have an "adult table." You two eat at the table. Let your DD know she's welcome if she can sit, try the foods that you've prepared, and behave herself in a pleasant manner (which doesn't mean she has to eat everything.) Otherwise she sits at a "kid table." That way you and DH aren't staring at her eating.

These are all temporary measures but it sounds like you need a quick change of scenery to bring some calm to your family.

Oh, one other idea: For a while my DC got a budget each week to make their own grocery lists for healthy snacks. They went shopping with me and got their own little cart. It worked really well! Now they are in too many activities to continue the practice but we still do it occasionally over the summer.

[ShanaMama]

When my kids pull the dramatics over anything I occasionally ask if I need to call an ambulance. I ask seriously, not sarcastically. Because, ya know, dying of hunger feels pretty different than I need a snack. That's just me, I don't tolerate theatrics very well. It sounds like your therapist identified the power struggle but hasn't really helped you work through it. I think pp have some good suggestions- give her more choices but at the same time take away her power to control the family.
If your DH is leaving the house to eat, she's controlling him. It's brutal and exhausting to calmly eat a meal while ignoring a tantruming kid, but I think it's worthwhile. Tantrums lose their power when no one reacts.
I'd follow pp advice. Get rid of snacks and desserts. Offer a plate of food. She came at with you calmly, fix herself something else, or go hungry. There won't be junk available as alternatives. You need to be very calm and non reactive and not afraid to let her skip a meal or two. If you stick to it, and she skips dinner, goes to bed hungry, she'll certainly want to eat something in the morning. If there's no sugar cereal available she'll have to choose from something that's in stock.

Hugs! I've totally btdt with crazy yelling tantrums. Thankfully my DD stopped them after a few (appeared ) to have no effect. My stomach was twisting in knots but my facade was mostly calm.

[JBaxter]

Like the others make dinner let her eat I do require at least one bite of things I put on my kids plate. No snacks cookies cake ice cream. If shes hungry after have apples carrots PB&J etc let her have a healthy something. We have "night breakfast" here with my picky eater which is a bowl of cereal before bed with whole milk. My picky eater has to sit at the table with us until a parent is done small portions. I keep apples, bananas & cutie oranges out all the time. Those are fair game with out asking. I have drinkable yogurt ( 2 a day max on those) along with yogurt tubes. Just back away for a couple months and see how it goes maybe you can break the cycle of her control.

[amom526]

Another vote for reading up on Ellyn Satter. You need to find a way to remove the power struggle, which means that you and DH are going to have to moderate your own reactions to her lack of eating. Sit her down, and tell her the plan. I would make a plan like: You make whatever it is you want to make, she can either eat what you make or have xyz. In our house, xyz is usually fruit or yogurt. If she doesn't want to eat what is being served, that is fine. But make it clear that she isn't getting anything else aside from xyz at that meal. Have some scheduled snack times during the day where she can choose from a few options, and make it clear that snacks will not be served at other times of day. The most important pieces of carrying out this approach are 1) following through with the plan 2) you really have to act like you don't care whether she eats the meals or not. No yelling at her, trying to encourage her to take a bite, getting upset etc. You have to act like you totally could not care less.

[chottumommy]

Not sure about how picky your child is but DS1 is an extremely, extremely picky eater. He is sort of diagnosed with selective eating disorder, does OT and has improved a little bit over the last year. The way we deal with the situation is to have an unlimited supply of healthy snacks that he picks out every week. He can choose to eat lunch/dinner or eat his from his snack store. What we have found is that if he is not secure about food, his tantrums and general behavior suffers. He needs his calorie intake and if it doesn't come from his main meal it still has to come from somewhere.

No amount of punishments/rewards would make him eat what he doesn't like. He has to have complete control over his food and once we allowed that it changed his whole outlook on food. We talk to him about making healthy choices and he does on most days.

I read a really good article written by Dr O'Toole who runs a pediatric eating disorder treatment - https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/selective-eating/. If you think your child fits the description, you will most likely have to accept her palate and change your family's attitude towards her diet.

[123LuckyMom]

Here's the thing. Your child will not starve. You must stop insisting that she eat or punishing if she doesn't. Stop stressing about what does or doesn't go in her mouth. I agree with PPs to get the junk out of the house. Only have things in the house you're willing to allow her to eat. She can help with the list so the foods are of her choosing, but you both have to agree that they are good foods.

Have a cut-off time after which there's no more food until morning. We have a very strict rule that there are no snacks after dinner. You had better eat dinner, or you'll have to wait for breakfast. The only time I ever waive that rule is if they have a super early dinner and a big athletic activity and come home starving. Then they can have something small like banana in milk, a bit of Greek yogurt, or a few pretzels with hummus.

You choose what to offer her and a time frame in which she has to eat it. We had a lot of trouble keeping our kids seated for a meal. One thing that helped was allowing a "pop-up" where an antsy child could ask permission to get up from the table for a little while before sitting back down. Now we all watch a show together over dinner. I'm generally a screen time limiter, but I really enjoy this shared viewing. We've found shows we all like, and we talk about them as we watch. Often they're nature shows. Sometimes they're comedies, and sometimes they're animated. Having the show keeps the kids seated and helps the conversation flow.

I make dinners for DH and me. I don't try to please the kids. They can eat what we're having or an easy alternative like plain boiled chicken (which I almost always have in the fridge), nuts and cheese, or Greek yogurt. I also always have fruit for the kids at dinner. I just refuse to battle over food. If they don't eat, they'll eat at the next meal, or at the next. I don't worry at all meal by meal. I look at several days at a time. My 4 year old especially will go a few days eating almost nothing. Then she'll eat a ton. Then she'll go back to days with just a few bites here and there. But she's fine.

Honestly, I'd just stop arguing about food. If your daughter wants to graze, fine. Leave food out for her and let her do her thing. Once she's feeling like she has some control, she won't tantrum any more. Once food hasn't been an issue for a while, you can try to make changes like sitting down together for a meal. For now, though, my main goal would be diffusing the situation and removing stress from anything to do with food. Let the rest of your family have a decent meal, and let your daughter feed herself or not as she chooses. She won't die. And you'll all be better off for getting rid of all that unnecessary stress.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

[niccig]

Not sure about how picky your child is but DS1 is an extremely, extremely picky eater. He is sort of diagnosed with selective eating disorder, does OT and has improved a little bit over the last year. The way we deal with the situation is to have an unlimited supply of healthy snacks that he picks out every week. He can choose to eat lunch/dinner or eat his from his snack store.

If you do something like the above, the control is gone. Take out everything you don't want to have like treats, so everything is acceptable to you and she can eat it or not. If she wants to eat yogurt for several meals in a row, don't worry about it. Unless she has a medical condition where it's imperative she eats a certain amount of calories/nutrients, she won't get hurt from eating yogurt several times in a row.

You can't control what someone eats - either they'll eat it or not. You can't make them, so don't try.

[DualvansMommy]

Here's the thing. Your child will not starve. You must stop insisting that she eat or punishing if she doesn't. Stop stressing about what does or doesn't go in her mouth. I agree with PPs to get the junk out of the house. Only have things in the house you're willing to allow her to eat. She can help with the list so the foods are of her choosing, but you both have to agree that they are good foods.

Have a cut-off time after which there's no more food until morning. We have a very strict rule that there are no snacks after dinner. You had better eat dinner, or you'll have to wait for breakfast. The only time I ever waive that rule is if they have a super early dinner and a big athletic activity and come home starving. Then they can have something small like banana in milk, a bit of Greek yogurt, or a few pretzels with hummus.

You choose what to offer her and a time frame in which she has to eat it. We had a lot of trouble keeping our kids seated for a meal. One thing that helped was allowing a "pop-up" where an antsy child could ask permission to get up from the table for a little while before sitting back down. Now we all watch a show together over dinner. I'm generally a screen time limiter, but I really enjoy this shared viewing. We've found shows we all like, and we talk about them as we watch. Often they're nature shows. Sometimes they're comedies, and sometimes they're animated. Having the show keeps the kids seated and helps the conversation flow.

I make dinners for DH and me. I don't try to please the kids. They can eat what we're having or an easy alternative like plain boiled chicken (which I almost always have in the fridge), nuts and cheese, or Greek yogurt. I also always have fruit for the kids at dinner. I just refuse to battle over food. If they don't eat, they'll eat at the next meal, or at the next. I don't worry at all meal by meal. I look at several days at a time. My 4 year old especially will go a few days eating almost nothing. Then she'll eat a ton. Then she'll go back to days with just a few bites here and there. But she's fine.

Honestly, I'd just stop arguing about food. If your daughter wants to graze, fine. Leave food out for her and let her do her thing. Once she's feeling like she has some control, she won't tantrum any more. Once food hasn't been an issue for a while, you can try to make changes like sitting down together for a meal. For now, though, my main goal would be diffusing the situation and removing stress from anything to do with food. Let the rest of your family have a decent meal, and let your daughter feed herself or not as she chooses. She won't die. And you'll all be better off for getting rid of all that unnecessary stress.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app

That is really really good advice, OP. I have a very very picky toddler and in complete opposite of my older adventurous eater. To complicate matters for my picky eater is food allergies. He's allergic to several common foods like PB, wheat and shrimp. His best meal where he will eat most or finish his meal is breakfast, so I tend to load him up with good protein and stay away from empty carb type of food. I used to battle with him over my worry of getting him fed at every meal, but I stepped back when meal times started to affect rest of our family.

Now we don't battle or make an issue whenever DS2 doesn't eat or finish his meal at any of his given meals. However, I had to make some changes for that to be successful. It meant I stocked our easy to reach pantry with good healthy and approved items for DS2 to help himself to. I hardly keep any junk food in the house anymore, only whenever we're hosting a party or cookout, and I keep those items in a cabinet above the fridge. Out of reach and sight for the boys. It's the overall calorie and protein intake over 72 hour period you want to focus on. Like luckymom, ds2 would hardly eat anything for 2 days but eat his 3 meals in a row for next 2-3 days. If your child is growing and gaining weight, skipping a meal or two is well worth your family mental health.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[ArizonaGirl]

Find a feeding therapy program at a local children's hospital. Very different from traditional psych therapy.

Hugs to you. Hang in there! :hug: :hug: :hug:

:yeahthat:

We just did our evaluation and will start soon.

[cagey]

OP here...thanks for the replies; you've given me a bunch of things to think about. I looked up Ellyn Satter, and her tips for 3-8 yr olds include:

•Have 3 meals a day at set times and sit-down snacks at more-or-less set times. Say no to between-times food and beverage grazing - except for water.
•Sit down and eat with him, don't just feed him. Be good company.
•Be family-friendly in your rmeal and snack planning, not by catering to your child, but by including some foods that everyone can eat and enjoy. putting together meals that allow everyone to be successful.
•Let him serve himself and eat his way - fast or slow, much or little, 1 or 2 foods. Let him eat in any order, even if he eats dessert first.
•Let him have more of any food (except dessert), even if he hasn't cleaned his plate. Excuse him when he is done.


With the exception of serving herself, we do ALL of these. Our lifestyle isn't really conducive to grazing (out the door early, school or camp, and, in the fall and spring, soccer and dance classes) -- and I personally feel letting her get whatever she wants when she wants is catering to her. We don't have that much junk food in the house (ice cream, which isn't really a snack, goldfish, and some small chocolates like m&ms) but she doent usually whine for those. When the food tantrums hit, she just goes off and 'doesn't know what she wants'

I TOTALLY agree with keeping the straight face and calm demeanor when she's acting up, but DH cannot do this. I've scheduled a 'parent only' session with the therapist next week to have HER tell him to suck it up for a week and not storm off and react like "You're ruining my breakfast!!" (yes, I obviously have 45 yr old kid too)

Oho, and to update from last night's dinner: we had preset plans to eat out, and she picked what she wanted (fish, but had the choice of quesadillas and burgers) and DID eat it all, along with the perpetual 'please sub a veg for the fries'

[o_mom]

We don't have that much junk food in the house (ice cream, which isn't really a snack, goldfish, and some small chocolates like m&ms) but she doent usually whine for those. When the food tantrums hit, she just goes off and 'doesn't know what she wants'


I think the reason people are telling you to only have healthy foods around is because you started your OP with this:


My 7 yr old is a horrible eater--screams (yes) that she's dying of hunger and needs a snack. Give her breakfast/lunch/dinner no more than 5 minutes later, she'll take one bite and says she's full. Then 10 minutes later whine that she's hungry and wants dessert or a treat.

If you don't have any of these around, then it becomes much easier to say "you know where the food is, help yourself" and walk away.

[hillview]

Any other health concerns? Was she a preemie? Does she have any issues with food textures? In those instances I don't think a regular therapist can help you. Have you talked to her pediatrician to see if he/she can recommend a specialist who may be covered by insurance?

I would be very tempted to hand over responsibility to your DD for a while. Stock the kitchen with only healthy foods. Put a plate of healthy lunch/dinner for her on the counter and walk away. She doesn't like it, she can make her own PB &J. (A 7 year old can make their own PB&J.) Stop the battle. Take her to her pediatrician and have her/him talk straight to your daughter about how her eating will impact her health and her growth. (On a side note: We've gotten really poor nutritional info from our pediatrician, so you still may want to talk to a specialist along with your ped!)

With your DH, I'd have an "adult table." You two eat at the table. Let your DD know she's welcome if she can sit, try the foods that you've prepared, and behave herself in a pleasant manner (which doesn't mean she has to eat everything.) Otherwise she sits at a "kid table." That way you and DH aren't staring at her eating.

These are all temporary measures but it sounds like you need a quick change of scenery to bring some calm to your family.

Oh, one other idea: For a while my DC got a budget each week to make their own grocery lists for healthy snacks. They went shopping with me and got their own little cart. It worked really well! Now they are in too many activities to continue the practice but we still do it occasionally over the summer.


Here's the thing. Your child will not starve. You must stop insisting that she eat or punishing if she doesn't. Stop stressing about what does or doesn't go in her mouth. I agree with PPs to get the junk out of the house. Only have things in the house you're willing to allow her to eat. She can help with the list so the foods are of her choosing, but you both have to agree that they are good foods.

Have a cut-off time after which there's no more food until morning. We have a very strict rule that there are no snacks after dinner. You had better eat dinner, or you'll have to wait for breakfast. The only time I ever waive that rule is if they have a super early dinner and a big athletic activity and come home starving. Then they can have something small like banana in milk, a bit of Greek yogurt, or a few pretzels with hummus.

You choose what to offer her and a time frame in which she has to eat it. We had a lot of trouble keeping our kids seated for a meal. One thing that helped was allowing a "pop-up" where an antsy child could ask permission to get up from the table for a little while before sitting back down. Now we all watch a show together over dinner. I'm generally a screen time limiter, but I really enjoy this shared viewing. We've found shows we all like, and we talk about them as we watch. Often they're nature shows. Sometimes they're comedies, and sometimes they're animated. Having the show keeps the kids seated and helps the conversation flow.

I make dinners for DH and me. I don't try to please the kids. They can eat what we're having or an easy alternative like plain boiled chicken (which I almost always have in the fridge), nuts and cheese, or Greek yogurt. I also always have fruit for the kids at dinner. I just refuse to battle over food. If they don't eat, they'll eat at the next meal, or at the next. I don't worry at all meal by meal. I look at several days at a time. My 4 year old especially will go a few days eating almost nothing. Then she'll eat a ton. Then she'll go back to days with just a few bites here and there. But she's fine.

Honestly, I'd just stop arguing about food. If your daughter wants to graze, fine. Leave food out for her and let her do her thing. Once she's feeling like she has some control, she won't tantrum any more. Once food hasn't been an issue for a while, you can try to make changes like sitting down together for a meal. For now, though, my main goal would be diffusing the situation and removing stress from anything to do with food. Let the rest of your family have a decent meal, and let your daughter feed herself or not as she chooses. She won't die. And you'll all be better off for getting rid of all that unnecessary stress.


Sent from my iPhone using Baby Bargains mobile app
Good advice above. My ds2 has some challenge and he is similar to your dd he is almost 9. So we eat together. He often gets super hungry early evening so we try to eat dinner at 530 so he eats dinner vs snacks. I will put out cut up veggies before we are ready to eat so he can snack on those (without me saying to wait for dinner. I let him eat what I put out). I will allow him to make himself a pb&pjs if he doesn't like what we are eating. He usually sits for about half of dinner and then needs to get up. We try to roll with it (easier now that we've decided it is ok) and he just has to ask to be excused. Sometimes he will sit at the table and say he doesn't want what we are eating but if I say "ok" and then in a few minutes put small amounts of cut up chicken or whatever he will eat it IF I don't say anything about it. It is a total control thing for him and I totally ignore it (or ignore it 90% of the time. It is hard).

[petesgirl]

Great advice so far. One thing we have done when DS has a hard time sitting still is pull out a hidden picture book. We both take a bite of food and look for a hidden object while we chew. He really likes it- but he is also 5, not 7 so I don't know how it would work for you :)

[JBaxter]

We make DS4 take a bite after every question he asks Before he can talk again he had to take a bit of something. This works for him because he never really shuts up.
Great advice so far. One thing we have done when DS has a hard time sitting still is pull out a hidden picture book. We both take a bite of food and look for a hidden object while we chew. He really likes it- but he is also 5, not 7 so I don't know how it would work for you :)

[AmyZ]

Lots of eating issues in my house. I highly recommend reading "It's Not About the Broccoli" by Dina Rose.

Feeding thx. can also be quite helpful, if you find the right person.

[AmyZ]

Lots of eating issues in my house. I highly recommend reading "It's Not About the Broccoli" by Dina Rose.

Feeding thx. can also be quite helpful, if you find the right person.

[wellyes]

Dina Rose's blog is good as well http://www.itsnotaboutnutrition.com/

We did a year and a half of feeding therapy with our extremely picky eater and it did make a difference. She doesn't eat nearly as well as I like, but meals are much better. It did cost an arm and a leg, though.

[BananaMama]

As for her saying she's hungry and not knowing what she wants..
That's me. I get super hangry, and when I get past a certain point of hunger, I can hardly focus enough to choose a meal or snack. This just happened to me on Monday night. Got to a restaurant basically in full out hanger mode, stared at the menu forever cause I was so hungry that I didn't even want any of it.

Eating issues suck so big hugs. I have some smaller food struggles with my kids and have been working hard not to stress over it. It's hard!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[abh5e8]

My 7 yo ds also gets so hungry he can't say what he wants. I make sure he eats frequently. We always have a box of cut veggies and dip in the fridge, that I pull out before lunch and dinner. It really helps. I make hummus and a ranch type dip, with Greek yogurt, sour cream and ranch spices. Having some fat and protein with the veggies helps him a lot.

[bisous]

Any other health concerns? Was she a preemie? Does she have any issues with food textures? In those instances I don't think a regular therapist can help you. Have you talked to her pediatrician to see if he/she can recommend a specialist who may be covered by insurance?

I would be very tempted to hand over responsibility to your DD for a while. Stock the kitchen with only healthy foods. Put a plate of healthy lunch/dinner for her on the counter and walk away. She doesn't like it, she can make her own PB &J. (A 7 year old can make their own PB&J.) Stop the battle. Take her to her pediatrician and have her/him talk straight to your daughter about how her eating will impact her health and her growth. (On a side note: We've gotten really poor nutritional info from our pediatrician, so you still may want to talk to a specialist along with your ped!)

With your DH, I'd have an "adult table." You two eat at the table. Let your DD know she's welcome if she can sit, try the foods that you've prepared, and behave herself in a pleasant manner (which doesn't mean she has to eat everything.) Otherwise she sits at a "kid table." That way you and DH aren't staring at her eating.

These are all temporary measures but it sounds like you need a quick change of scenery to bring some calm to your family.

Oh, one other idea: For a while my DC got a budget each week to make their own grocery lists for healthy snacks. They went shopping with me and got their own little cart. It worked really well! Now they are in too many activities to continue the practice but we still do it occasionally over the summer.

I think these are fantastic suggestions. I like Ellyn Satter a lot and her ideas have worked for my family, but if you're basically following them AND having major food struggles then it seems like that program is NOT working for you.

I like the idea of relinquishing control and letting her self-regulate. Maybe there are emotional issues already tied up into eating. Or maybe she's a grazer. I hate grazing. I really do. But I have two kids who seem to be built metabolically for grazing. They are tiny--both under 4 percentile on the weight charts and they just can't seem to fit much food in their tummies at meal times. So we eat more often. It is a little annoying because DS1 is a fantastic "3 meals a day" type of guy and that makes his diabetes much easier to manage. It would be better for our family to eat more substantial meals less often, BUT it isn't the right thing for my skinny guys! Maybe as they get older they'll be able to put more away but we'll see. I'm trying to follow their natural physiology.

Maybe by letting your DD control her food she can figure out whatever is emotionally bothering her about the eating process and maybe really figure out how to deal with her hunger? That sounds like a strategy I'd try, though I'd probably pursue specific therapy as well.

Good luck!

[basil]

My son is also a natural grazer like some PPs have said. He just turned 5. He has been actually eating more since I and my nanny have been better about giving him frequent opportunity to eat.

He is never "hungry". I have literally never heard him say "I'm hungry" except when he is trying to get a treat (ex ice cream from a truck) but he doesn't even mean it. Dinner has always been a battle, with screams/tantrums over food and other associated things (utensil and plate choice, etc etc), which I suspect was the result of unrecognized hunger.

We never had much junk food either, but the key for me was to make sure I was ok with the snack I was offering being the meal. To me, bunny crackers are not a terrible thing to eat, but wouldn't consider them a meal replacement. So when we get home in the afternoon, he can have a wasa bread with cheese or peanut butter. Or an apple and some cashews. Or some turkey slices and cucumbers. Then if he doesn't eat much dinner, he can have fruit (which he will always eat) and then I won't worry he's going to wake with hunger pangs. This also helped me get over my fear of "ruining his dinner" if he ate too much for snack. I learned to just let him eat when I can get him to. I think he actually eats more at dinner once we started this, maybe less over hungry.

It's totally cliche too, but I've involved him more in cooking and meal preparation and he seems to respond pretty well to that. Though not to the level where he would actually eat a vegetable.

Over time, ive come up with a few recipes that I can make that I know he will eat, that I consider healthy enough to eat regularly. We make a lot of rice which he will almost always eat a few bites of. He likes salmon and tilapia so will generally eat that. He will eat a few bites of a turkey burger or meatball. If we aren't having one of those, I usually have some leftover in the fridge he can have instead of whatever we are eating.

This way, at least I know I am offering him something that has been palatable to him in the past, so if he doesn't eat it, then he isn't hungry.

I also think I contributed to this issue by my own insecurities with cooking. I really don't like it when people criticize my cooking and really like to be praised for it, so DS as a toddler screaming at my lovingly crafted homemade baked chicken tenders hurt my feelings. I think I am better now since my daughter eats everything, I can tell myself it's him and not me :)

Sorry for the long reply and hope you can get something out of it!

[Green_Tea]

You've gotten a lot of great input and advice. I just wanted to mention that I have a similarly picky eater and it's a real challenge. Her tastes are extremely limited, and she has been known to go an entire weekend without eating if she didn't like the (totally normal) options presented. The list of things she will not eat is a mile long - cheese, chicken, anything with tomatoes, eggs, burgers, steak, sandwiches of any type, peanut butter, milk, cooked vegetables of any kind - it goes on and on. While I know she won't starve, it does often make her very cranky and has definitely impacted our family dynamic over the years. It makes it hard for her to sleep over at a friends house or enjoy a dinner out. Every holiday dinner is fraught with food drama. Ellyn Satter's advice has never really worked for us because DD would literally eat nothing but rice or bread for weeks. She's almost 12 and has not really outgrown this over the years, but at least she's much more self sufficient when it comes to preparing food for herself. On many nights she eats a bowl of dry cereal or makes herself ramen noodles. I have basically given up. Even our pediatrician is exasperated by her.

I have always said that people who think it's just a matter of following Satter's advice or waiting their kid out have never encountered a seriously picky kid.

[sadbunny]

Dina Rose's blog is good as well http://www.itsnotaboutnutrition.com/

We did a year and a half of feeding therapy with our extremely picky eater and it did make a difference. She doesn't eat nearly as well as I like, but meals are much better. It did cost an arm and a leg, though.

Thanks for the blog recommendation! I've been reading post after post and can't stop! Getting lots of great ideas for meals and eating healthier. I'm even excited about making breakfast for the kids, crazy isn't it?