Would You Talk to the School?

[anonomom]

There is seriously no end to how much I can fret about DS going to kindergarten. :rolleye0014: I had finally stopped worrying about sending him to Kindy a week after his fifth birthday when I learned that several of the school's kindergarten teachers were leaving this year. There had been 7; 2 of whom I think would be very poor fits for DS (I actually reported one to the school counselor when I witnessed her screaming at a crying kindergartner a few years ago). There had been four teachers I thought would be a good fit and one who is neither good nor bad. Three out of the four "good" teachers have left the school for this year, which greatly increases DS's chances of getting a poor-fit teacher (and the kindergarten is smaller this year, with only 5 classes, not 7). Class assignments are presumably already made and will be released late this week.

Back in June, I wrote a letter to the principal, telling him a little bit about DS and the kind of teacher I think he needs. I've done this for DDs in the past, with mixed results. I do think the school takes such letters seriously.

DH and my IRL friends think I should be reaching out to the principal and/or school counselor this week, telling them I am concerned about DS starting kindy so relatively young and making sure he's going to get the kind of teacher we want for him. Their argument is that DS is very sensitive to the effects of a less-than-ideal teacher and that I cannot afford to wait and see if class assignments work out. I fear, though, that interfering now makes it seem like I don't trust them to have read my letter and placed DS accordingly. Plus, I think I'm just really, really bad at this kind of thing. The two times I've ever tried to talk to someone about my kids' classroom placement, I've been firmly rebuffed. I don't have a pre-existing relationship with the school counselor, which also makes it harder.

What would you do in my shoes? If you met with the principal or counselor, what would you say?

[JBaxter]

I think you should wait until you get the class assignment. Your school may have a policy on not giving them out because they get bombarded with teacher requests. If you wrote the letter asking for the type of teacher you think would be best then you did your duty. I've never been in a school system where you could pick the teacher. You can suggest and hope for the best. If I'm readin it right there are new teachers that you don't know anything about. If your concerned its to soon to send your son then red shirt him.

[mackmama]

I'm so sorry you are stressed. There's nothing like wanting to do the best for our DC and feeling like we have no control in the outcome. Do you have a sense as to whether such meetings with the principal/counselor are effective? I'd tend to talk to the counselor over the principal. At our school, it's clearly known that people cannot request teachers. If people try, they usually end up with the one they didn't want. I totally disagree with it, but that's how they roll. If I was truly concerned about my DC getting a particular teacher in our school, I'd still try to talk to the counselor about it though. I'd just speak from the heart. "I know a lot of parents probably have teacher preferences, and I am not trying to go around the system you all have in place. I want to build a partnership with the school and, as part of that, really want to share a bit about my child so we can figure out together his best placement." Then go on to describe your child and his needs.

[TwinFoxes]

I think you should wait until you get the class assignment. Your school may have a policy on not giving them out because they get bombarded with teacher requests. If you wrote the letter asking for the type of teacher you think would be best then you did your duty. I've never been in a school system where you could pick the teacher. You can suggest and hope for the best. If I'm readin it right there are new teachers that you don't know anything about. If your concerned its to soon to send your son then red shirt him.

:yeahthat: I doubt they'll let you choose/switch teachers just because he's a young K. I just don't know what more you can do at this point. I haven't read your previous posts, so not sure what went into the decision to red shirt/not red shirt.

[hillview]

I'd wait and then reach out once school starts to do a get to know you with the counselor and teacher. It is stressful I don't think there is much more you can do at this point. Our DS2 has some special needs and here is what works well for us (we ended up red shirting).
- come in after a week or two to meet teacher and counselor -- see how things are going and review his 504 plan
- formal 504 plan review in October
- meetings on ad hoc basis as concerns arise and regular emails with the teacher/counseling staff
- month school ends discuss how things went and plan for next year

Good luck!

[khm]

I think if you've asked about placement twice and been firmly rebuffed twice - it isn't about your approach, it is about their stand on the matter.

I think you've done what you can do within their guidelines at this time.

[MMMommy]

I think if you've asked about placement twice and been firmly rebuffed twice - it isn't about your approach, it is about their stand on the matter.

I think you've done what you can do within their guidelines at this time.

:yeahthat: I think you've done all that you can already.

[Mikey0709]

Tough situation - and we all have been there. Unfortunatley as stated above, i don't know ANY public school districts who take teacher requests. And like above, those that push usually get the one they DON'T want!Sometimes the only way to really guarantee the education you want - is private school. Then again, private schools get bad teachers too!

Unfortunatley this doesn't end at K..... we're sitting here CROSSING our fingers for the "better" 1st and 3rd grade teachers. I hate that i feel this way- but the only consolation is that it's only a few subjects, for most others they change during the day. Ours is also a 2 year cycle - so they will keep the same teacher for 2 years, instead of 1.

It stinks - but can you do this EVERY YEAR?????

Honestly - i sort of wish i didn't know anything about teachers, hoping that the school i'm in had done their job and hired the best. Not every school or every teacher is going to be a good fit, and I can accept that. BUT - - it would make it easier if i didn't KNOW THAT in advance and feel for my kid.

I think I would wait and see who you get. How will you react if you get one of the NEW teachers you don't know? Would that bother you? They may be an excellent fit? That actually happened to us and can tell you we had such an INCREDIBLE and MOTIVATED 1st year teacher who was out to prove herself - and we reaped the benefits.

[KrisM]

I agree that you've done what you can. When will you get the teacher assignment? Once you get it, maybe go in and talk to the teacher about what he needs.

I'm anxiously awaiting DD's teacher this year. I wrote an email about what we are hoping for, and the principal was involved last year, so I'm hopeful that it works out well for her this year. We should find out Saturday, and I can not wait!

[SnuggleBuggles]

Nothing else to do, imo. In the future, I think you should resist the urge to write these letters. They might have been ok with it one time but it sounds like you have done it several times.

[egoldber]

So our school invites these types of letters and even has a special form. They don't make any promises, but say they will do their best. So unlike many, I don't find it problematic to write this type of letter in general. Some schools welcome parental input and some say no input is allowed. But it sounds like OP's school has a culture of allowing such letters. I think part of what happens is that many times the school have limited options. They have to balance where they place kids with IEPs, ESL services, boy/girl ratio, kids with known behavioral issues, kids who are bullies, separating cliques, separating kids who fight when together, etc. I don't envy schools the process.

But you have already written a letter, so I think that is all I would do at this point. The only way I would write a new letter is if you got new information over the summer. A new diagnosis, etc., that type of information.

[anonomom]

Replying to a whole bunch of issues/comments:

Our school encourages letters; though they will not allow specific teacher requests or letters that clearly describe a specific teacher. I did once ask for DD2 not to have a specific teacher, because DD1 had such a disastrous experience with her. I hated doing it, and one of the reasons I'm reluctant to speak to the principal/counselor this year is that I know that this teacher still looms in first grade and I'm trying hard to choose my battles (and then, of course, I get mad because this school has enough abusive, harmful teachers that this is an issue that comes up in multiple years).

I am totally ok with the unknown and I 'm not looking for Mary Poppins. There is one "unknown" in the kindy lineup and one teacher that other parents literally describe with the word "meh" and I'd be fine with DS being in either of those classes. I just don't want him in a class where the teacher tears down her students and yells at them for the sin of being 5.

A large part of my reluctance to go in is that I know I can't pick my kid's teacher, but that would 100% be the goal of the discussion, no matter how hard I tried to couch it in general terms of being concerned about DS' readiness and his personality type. I'm not now and never have been comfortable with that kind of artifice. I know I'd end up just coming out and saying exactly why I was there, which of course, is frowned upon.

ETA: Parents at this school absolutely pick their kids' teachers by speaking to the counselors and/or a current year's teacher. I find it all rather mysterious, partly because of my own personality. While I'm cordial and friendly to everyone, I don't tend to cultivate relationships with school personnel unless there's a specific reason (it would no more occur to me to swing by the counselor's office to "say hi" than it would to fly to mars). I do know that once you have that "in," the counselors are very receptive to hearing your wishes for your kids' teacher. And once a child is enrolled, some teachers actively seek parental input for the next year's placement. It's luck of the draw on whether you get that kind of teacher, and we've never had that luck. :-)

[Kindra178]

This may not be what you want to hear but it seems to me you are very uncomfortable sending him on time. Honestly, if he were six already, I doubt you would care as much on teacher placement and the like. How do I know this? My twins were almost six when they started kinder and ds was a new five year old. Because my twins were older, I knew that they would have the experience to handle more and the different situations presented. I think you should strongly reconsider your decision to send him on time.

[llama8]

I would wait and do nothing. My daughter started K at 4, so he is not that young. Unless he has special ed needs, I would not have written the first letter either. I am a teacher and a parent and I am a firm believer in letting things play out without interference unless in extreme circumstances.

My DD was in K 2 years ago. She was 4 and the youngest in the class. She is very smart, but very sensitive. She got the older and gruff teacher. I was very concerned about how it was going to play out, but I did nothing. Guess what: my daughter loved K and she did very well.

Good and bad are opinions and unless your child has had a teacher before, how to do really know they are good and bad? What is good for one child may be bad for another.

I would be most most concerned about getting a reputation as "that parent" so early on. I would hate to use up my complaints over things that may not be an issue. I would reserve my complaints or requests for when they are really needed. Administrators would take it more seriously if it is not a habit. IMHO

[anonomom]

This may not be what you want to hear but it seems to me you are very uncomfortable sending him on time. Honestly, if he were six already, I doubt you would care as much on teacher placement and the like. How do I know this? My twins were almost six when they started kinder and ds was a new five year old. Because my twins were older, I knew that they would have the experience to handle more and the different situations presented. I think you should strongly reconsider your decision to send him on time.

It's more that part of my calculus in sending him on time was that the school had a strong kindergarten team, with two really great teachers, to very good ones, 1 indifferent and only two bad. Now we have one very good, one indifferent, two bad and one unknown. I won't be more comfortable with the two bad ones in a year's time.

ETA in reply to Llama, the issue here isn't of teachers with a vaguely bad reputation, or even ones that I think aren't great. DD1 has had a mostly-unbroken string of mediocre teachers, and while it kind of sucks, I don't (and wouldn't) interfere. I have personally witnessed one of these two teachers abusing a child -- standing over her, yelling "Stop it! Stop Crying!" and then abandoning her alone in a hallway while she returned to her classroom (and it later turned out that the child was an ESL student who had just arrived in this country and was having trouble adjusting). Another child I know was in her class and by the end of the year, he was calling himself names and telling his mother "I know I'm a bad student. Ms X says so." Her classroom is a toxic environment for any kid who's the slightest bit vulnerable, and I don't want that for my kid (or any kid, for that matter).

Believe me when I say, I don't ever want to be "that" parent. I don't expect my kids to have awesome experiences every year. But I don't want my child's introduction to public school to be in a classroom where he will be screamed at and torn down.

[Green_Tea]

OP, what's the birthday cutoff in your district?

[anonomom]

8/30. DS turns five this week.

[Kindra178]

I won't be more comfortable with the two bad ones in a year's time.



While obviously we all want the best possible teachers for all our kids, I really think you would be more comfortable with the "bad" or unknown teachers in a year's time. That's really the difference between having an old for the grades kids versus the young for the grade kid.

[LBW]

Wow - He just turned 5? That is really young, so I understand why you are concerned.

At this point, since you think assignments have already been made, I'd wait it out until you get the letter. If he does get assigned to a teacher who won't be a good fit, THEN go in and talk to the principal. There's no point in doing so now.

[egoldber]

So here is what I would do. I totally understand your reluctance to talk to the counselor about choosing a teacher. But I think it is absolutely 100% OK and expected to talk to the counselor about the support you think your DS will need in the coming year.

I would send an email or call the counselor saying you want to talk about some specific concerns about your son. I wouldn't mention his age because IMO this has a lot more to do with personality type than age. I would mention that you feel he is perhaps unusually sensitive for a rising K kid. This is not your first kid and this is not your first rodeo. You know what is coming. I would tell the counselor to please keep an eye/ear out for him. I would mention (with ZERO guilt) that you wrote in your letter that he needs a warm/compassionate/supportive K teacher and that you feel this is critical. But regardless, could she please just check in with him the first week or so and see how he is doing.

This is not asking for special treatment, this is asking the counselor to do her job. A big part of what they do is help K kids adjust and are on the lookout for kids that are struggling.

It also gives her a reason to think to herself, "Holy Smokes! He got MS X who is a dragon! Let me run to the principal real quick and see what I can do!"

[wendibird22]

I agree with others that I think you've done what you can at this point. Aside from the toxic teacher who sounds like a lost cause, I think there are so many variables that go into a child's success in a particular classroom. Sometimes you can have a fabulous teacher who is a poor fit for your child. Sometimes you can have a fabulous teacher but some really challenging classmates who aren't a good fit for your child. Sometimes our children are entirely different people at school then they are at home and the type of teacher we think they need (based on their home personality/challenges/strengths) is actually not what they need for school.

I think at this early stage, since you already voiced your preferences, the principal/counselor might have a hard time hearing you out since you haven't given your child's placement a chance. You have no other reasons to voice concern than the ones you already expressed in your letter. If you let it play out and see what happens, if you do believe it's not a good fit or their are heightened concerns, then you have concrete examples of current issues/challenges to express.

[AnnieW625]

I agree with others that I think you've done what you can at this point. Aside from the toxic teacher who sounds like a lost cause, I think there are so many variables that go into a child's success in a particular classroom. Sometimes you can have a fabulous teacher who is a poor fit for your child. Sometimes you can have a fabulous teacher but some really challenging classmates who aren't a good fit for your child. Sometimes our children are entirely different people at school then they are at home and the type of teacher we think they need (based on their home personality/challenges/strengths) is actually not what they need for school.

I think at this early stage, since you already voiced your preferences, the principal/counselor might have a hard time hearing you out since you haven't given your child's placement a chance. You have no other reasons to voice concern than the ones you already expressed in your letter. If you let it play out and see what happens, if you do believe it's not a good fit or their are heightened concerns, then you have concrete examples of current issues/challenges to express.

I agree with this 100%, plus I would hate to have a defeatist attitude before the school year even begins, but I think you have done all you can do right now.

[TwinFoxes]

So our school invites these types of letters and even has a special form. They don't make any promises, but say they will do their best. So unlike many, I don't find it problematic to write this type of letter in general.

Same here, I don't think there's anything wrong in the asking. I'm in the same district as Beth and it's very commonplace. (I've never filled one out because the girls are in a language immersion program, we know who they'll be getting every year.) But at this point, OP, I think you have to let the chips fall.

[IansMom]

I completely agree with egoldber. However, I would send DH to handle this (especially if he thinks it should be). I have found that administrators and teachers often react differently to dads. I don't really know how to explain it but there are times when I have sent DH to the school to handle certain issues. It may be my imagination but I feel he can get the job done quicker than I can, and they have a different type of response to him.

Also, OP, we have the same type of school environment where certain parents absolutely get the teachers who are perceived to be the best (usually current or past teachers of the year or who have won other awards/grants). I just understood it this year when DS was placed with the "best" second grade teacher this year. I was told (unofficially) his teacher placement at the end of the last school year (in April). I didn't realize what really happened until I saw the class--no major behavior problems, PTA board members kids, and kids of current teachers at the school.

Like you, I would never have understood why this was happening. However, I am active in the school. I don't hold a PTA position, but I have met with the counselor (we had a HORRIBLE kindergarten teacher and she was very helpful), and I casually meet with the curriculum specialist (she has regularly meeting times for parents--I'm always the only person when I show up). I know the assistant principal from kindergarten year, and our principal was new last year. I made an appointment with her the first month of school to discuss what had happened the past year, and what I hoped would happen going forward. She was very receptive, but she is an outstanding principal, in general.

Anyway, I think just developing a positive relationship where the administrators/teachers know you in a positive way wouldn't hurt. Also, I make sure I speak to the administrative assistant at the front desk. She is very warm, in general, but I think just maintaining positive relationships and having positive interactions make it easier if I have a true issue that needs to be addressed at a later time.

[bisous]

So here is what I would do. I totally understand your reluctance to talk to the counselor about choosing a teacher. But I think it is absolutely 100% OK and expected to talk to the counselor about the support you think your DS will need in the coming year.

I would send an email or call the counselor saying you want to talk about some specific concerns about your son. I wouldn't mention his age because IMO this has a lot more to do with personality type than age. I would mention that you feel he is perhaps unusually sensitive for a rising K kid. This is not your first kid and this is not your first rodeo. You know what is coming. I would tell the counselor to please keep an eye/ear out for him. I would mention (with ZERO guilt) that you wrote in your letter that he needs a warm/compassionate/supportive K teacher and that you feel this is critical. But regardless, could she please just check in with him the first week or so and see how he is doing.

This is not asking for special treatment, this is asking the counselor to do her job. A big part of what they do is help K kids adjust and are on the lookout for kids that are struggling.

It also gives her a reason to think to herself, "Holy Smokes! He got MS X who is a dragon! Let me run to the principal real quick and see what I can do!"

This is FANTASTIC advice. Take it.

Just to mention, I remember reading some research has shown that there are really only two things that a parent can do that will dramatically affect a child's academic trajectory: reading aloud at home, and helping select the best possible teacher. (The study was illustrating that time spent volunteering in the classroom or with the PTA showed no effect on school success). I think teacher quality is SO important for our kids. I think I'd do just about whatever I could to make sure you didn't get a bad teacher. These definitely exist and you've met a few! And I agree, a year older would mean your DS is 6. And 6 is still too young to deal with a really mean teacher!

But take my advice with a grain of salt as I'm really over worrying about being "THAT" parent.

[maestramommy]

I think you should wait until you get the class assignment. Your school may have a policy on not giving them out because they get bombarded with teacher requests. If you wrote the letter asking for the type of teacher you think would be best then you did your duty. I've never been in a school system where you could pick the teacher. You can suggest and hope for the best. If I'm readin it right there are new teachers that you don't know anything about. If your concerned its to soon to send your son then red shirt him.


Agree with all of this. Our school has a policy against picking specific teachers. All a parent can do is tell them what they think is important for the school to know about their child.

This year there were 3 out of 4 new 1st grade teachers, and DD3 got one of them. He was a total newbie and male, the only thing we knew about him. I had already filled out the parent form the school sends home each year to inform them of anything they think the school doesn't already know. Other than that I did nothing. He was a great teacher (thought exhausted! I taught art in his class each month and during the fall semester he looked totally haggard by Friday afternoon, lol! poor guy), and DD loved him.

[Momit]

Our school has had a lot of retirements and new teachers joining the staff in the last couple of years. The new teachers have turned out to be amazing. The parents who were nervous about the unknown became these teachers' biggest fans. I hope your child has the same experience, OP.

[PZMommy]

If there are that many bad teachers is switching schools an option??

My DS is turning 5 five days before the cut off. He started kindergarten last week at the age of 4, and other than being exhausted by the time he gets home, he has done fine. We didn't get a chance to request a teacher for for him, but they did have us fill out a form about our child. In that form I was very specific about who he is and some of the hardships he has overcome (a preemie and numerous delays and health issues). I figured from that info they would place him with the best fit. So far he has done great and he really likes his teacher. My older DS (also new to the school), is identified gifted, so he needs to be in the gifted cluster class, so teacher choice isn't an option.

[Cam&Clay]

This whole thread makes me very glad that I am no longer a classroom teacher. And people wonder why so many teachers get out of the profession...

[JamiMac]

No, I would not talk to the school. You already have written the letter. Let it go and see what you think of his teacher once he's in a class. I don't think it's fair to base an opinion on others' opinions. Honestly, I'd be questioning any adult irl that described a teacher as "meh". That seems like a term used here on the BBB but I can't imagine someone saying that to you without elaborating more, when asked about a teacher.


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[spunkybaby]

So here is what I would do. I totally understand your reluctance to talk to the counselor about choosing a teacher. But I think it is absolutely 100% OK and expected to talk to the counselor about the support you think your DS will need in the coming year.

I would send an email or call the counselor saying you want to talk about some specific concerns about your son. I wouldn't mention his age because IMO this has a lot more to do with personality type than age. I would mention that you feel he is perhaps unusually sensitive for a rising K kid. This is not your first kid and this is not your first rodeo. You know what is coming. I would tell the counselor to please keep an eye/ear out for him. I would mention (with ZERO guilt) that you wrote in your letter that he needs a warm/compassionate/supportive K teacher and that you feel this is critical. But regardless, could she please just check in with him the first week or so and see how he is doing.

This is not asking for special treatment, this is asking the counselor to do her job. A big part of what they do is help K kids adjust and are on the lookout for kids that are struggling.

It also gives her a reason to think to herself, "Holy Smokes! He got MS X who is a dragon! Let me run to the principal real quick and see what I can do!"

I agree with Beth's advice. IME it is harder to switch teachers once the assignments have been made public, but if you send a reminder email to the counselor, there is still time for the counselor to check on the teacher assignment and possibly make a switch if necessary.

[spunkybaby]

Just to mention, I remember reading some research has shown that there are really only two things that a parent can do that will dramatically affect a child's academic trajectory: reading aloud at home, and helping select the best possible teacher. (The study was illustrating that time spent volunteering in the classroom or with the PTA showed no effect on school success). I think teacher quality is SO important for our kids.

:yeahthat: I think I read the same study.

[AnnieW625]

This whole thread makes me very glad that I am no longer a classroom teacher. And people wonder why so many teachers get out of the profession...

:yeahthat: I am not a teacher, but I agree with this and some of things in this thread would make me really sad if they were said about me if I was one of the teachers in question. Teachers have bad days just like everyone else, and while I am not saying that what Dragon Teacher said is fine or justified I would hope that since the situation has happened things have gotten better with her. If I were the OP I would probably consider switching schools if that were an option because I could go into that situation with a completely open mind.

I also like the suggestion of having the father go in and discuss things with the principal. Also counselors are there for a reason use them if you need to.

[bisous]

This whole thread makes me very glad that I am no longer a classroom teacher. And people wonder why so many teachers get out of the profession...

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I'm not getting that vibe at all from this thread! I think the OP was clear that there were two poor teachers that she did not want to have, but another 6 that she'd be fine with! There really are bad teachers out there. I come from a whole family of teachers and they lament bad teachers as much or more than I do! PZMommy above is a K teacher and she talked about moving schools.

I do understand that it is impossible to know exactly what kind things are like inside of a classroom full of kids and maybe teachers are mischaracterized occasionally as "bad" teachers when the description doesn't fit. Honestly, I've never seen that happen. OP is pretty involved with the school (if I'm remembering correctly) and mentioned that she personally witnessed some questionable behavior from one of the teachers that she then reported to the office. In other words, this isn't a case of idle gossip, but observed behavior.

[JBaxter]

OP you will quickly become "that parent" I understand you have 2 teachers of the 5 or 6 you don't want? ( I got confused) You wrote a letter stating your upcoming Kindergartener would do better with teachers with X personality I think you should stand back until you get the teacher assignment then if you get as you put it one of the BAD teachers go in and complain and ask for a new teacher ( they may or may not switch him you have a legit complaint about one teacher you heard yelling at a child the other is hear say from other parents. One established teacher you have labeled "good" seems to be the one you want because you don't know about the other 2 or 3 teachers. This will be every year for the next 12+. All of us have had kids with great teachers average teachers and teachers we really would have preferred them not have. At this late in the game its going to be a wait and see for the assignments. Some schools will not give them out before a certain date and there are 100 PLUS parents in your shoes right now. But every teacher who is been labeled "bad" are not bad for every student the same with "good" teachers .

This was the very first year I knew beforehand who my son had and it was only because he tested into a special class. I have 4 boys 24-7 so we have been through a LOT of teachers.
I hope your child gets one of the teachers you have labeled "good". But teachers get a bad rap when the vast majority get into teaching for the right reasons and yes some are better than others. Labeling the BAD & GOOD touches a nerve with some of the teachers on this board. They are very very often over worked under paid and expected to do miracles with children of differing abilities an a over crowded class room.

[anonomom]

FWIW, I do understand that people's opinions on teachers are highly subjective. The teacher I am hoping for DD1 to get is the "mean" teacher in her grade (and no, I have not written a letter for her). I think she'd be a good fit for DD, even if she isn't the teacher most of the kids are hoping to get. And I know next to nothing (good or bad) about the teachers in 2nd grade, so I haven't written a letter for DD2 this year., either Historically, I've gotten involved only (a) in kindergarten, because writing a letter gives me a chance to introduce my kid to a school that doesn't know him/her yet, or (b) when there is a known problem, like the teacher that DD1 had in Kindy who now teaches 1st.

That said, in my 5 years at this school (and having experienced 10 teachers among my kids), I've found that the general scuttlebutt on the teachers is pretty accurate. The teachers reputed to be exceptional generally are (both good and bad). Other personality traits are also generally reported accurately, even as each kid "fits" differently with each teacher.

In this case, I should note that I was very careful in my OP to state that there were two teachers that I thought would be a bad fit for DS, not that they were categorically bad (though I reverted to shorthand in later posts). Clearly, each of them gets a class through kindy every year and not every child they teach has a horrible experience. But based on my personal observations as well as, yes, their reputations, I'm pretty confident that neither would be a good teacher for DS. As it stands right now, there will be 5 kindy teachers next year: one who I'd be thrilled if DS got, two that I'm neutral on, and two that I think would be a problem. At the end of last year, there had been 4 I'd have been happy with, 1 I had no opinion, and 2 that would be a problem. The staff has changed over the summer.

We've looked into private school in the past, when DD1 was on her third poor teacher in a row. And we would absolutely consider it again for DS if it became clear this school was harming him. But of course, I don't want to go to that (expensive, difficult, disruptive) option unless and until I've exhausted all possible ways to make public school work.

[KpbS]

Well, it's complicated.

If you truly feel you have NO sway whatsoever with the counselors, ie going in now and explaining your son's situation would be pointless, I wouldn't do it. If you feel your concerns might be heard, I would schedule a meeting. If he is assigned a difficult teacher, perhaps you could be granted a change. They really do hate to change, IMO.

If your DS gets the teacher you absolutely do not want, then what? Do you want to red-shirt him and try again next year? OR do you want to find an alternative setting very quickly? There are LOTS of private schools here at differing price points, not many remaining spots though, when school starts. I think you have to decide the answer to this question before proceeding.

Honestly, in your shoes, I would look for a different school altogether given your past experiences with your DDs. Charter or magnet options? Tuition assistance at a private school? Catholic schools? Seems like too many sub-par years. You could do an amazing job homeschooling your DC too.

[squimp]

I am also in the wait camp. You have given your input and they are busy just putting kids in spots. I would see who the teacher is, and if you are positive that it would be a bad fit, ask immediately for a switch and make it very clear. Our school also doesn't take requests per se but in reality they have a history of listening to parents and making placements based on that.

[KrisM]

Any update?

[anonomom]

Any update?

I decided not to talk to the school, for the reason many of you pointed out here -- I thought the letter was enough and wanted to give things a chance to work out. I was planning to take Egolberg's advice and talk to the counselor once school started, just asking her to keep an eye out for him.

DS ended up getting the teacher I most wanted for him. Plus, it turns out that he has 4 kids in his class that he already knows, and I know of at least that many summer birthdays in the class. It's literally the best situation I could possibly have hoped for, and much better than I expected. He had staggered entry this week and liked it, and will start for good on Tuesday.

This is actually the best year we've ever had, teacher-assignment wise. Both DDs also got teachers that I think will be good fits. I'm very optimistic.

[KrisM]

I'm glad to hear it seems to have worked out really well! Having a good teacher match is really nice.

[IansMom]

So happy about your update! Here's to a great school year!

[trcy]

Great update!


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[123LuckyMom]

That's wonderful! Thanks for sharing the good news!


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[MMMommy]

Great update!

[ckso]

It's more that part of my calculus in sending him on time was that the school had a strong kindergarten team, with two really great teachers, to very good ones, 1 indifferent and only two bad. Now we have one very good, one indifferent, two bad and one unknown. I won't be more comfortable with the two bad ones in a year's time.

ETA in reply to Llama, the issue here isn't of teachers with a vaguely bad reputation, or even ones that I think aren't great. DD1 has had a mostly-unbroken string of mediocre teachers, and while it kind of sucks, I don't (and wouldn't) interfere. I have personally witnessed one of these two teachers abusing a child -- standing over her, yelling "Stop it! Stop Crying!" and then abandoning her alone in a hallway while she returned to her classroom (and it later turned out that the child was an ESL student who had just arrived in this country and was having trouble adjusting). Another child I know was in her class and by the end of the year, he was calling himself names and telling his mother "I know I'm a bad student. Ms X says so." Her classroom is a toxic environment for any kid who's the slightest bit vulnerable, and I don't want that for my kid (or any kid, for that matter).

Believe me when I say, I don't ever want to be "that" parent. I don't expect my kids to have awesome experiences every year. But I don't want my child's introduction to public school to be in a classroom where he will be screamed at and torn down.

I know this is a totally different topic but you should consider sending him on time based on whether he is ready, not based on the kindergarten team. Most of the time you can't pick the teachers anyways.

On another note, "good" and "bad" teachers are very subjective. DD1, so far, have had 2 wonderful teachers and I absolutely love them. But I know there were parents in the class that hate them and would consider them "bad" teachers.

[dogmom]

I think in general one of the things we forget is how tuned in our kids are to our feelings/discussions about school, especially the sensitive ones we get all worried about. In the past I've been very careful not to talk when my DD even in our house about issues I have with her teachers. I've learned the hard way even in my bedroom after bedtime little ears pick up things. I try very hard not to let my anxiety spill over into a self fulfilling prophecy about a teacher. My DD's first grade teacher was not "strong" and many parents complained. But it was first grade, she was happy, and I was careful about asking questions of her. She still thinks of the teacher fondly. Some of her friends say "I had a bad first grade teacher" but can't really say way, years later, and I can't help but feel they are just repeating it.

I'm not saying parents should never be concerned, but sometimes I do worry about self-fulfilling prophecies.

[gatorsmom]

I decided not to talk to the school, for the reason many of you pointed out here -- I thought the letter was enough and wanted to give things a chance to work out. I was planning to take Egolberg's advice and talk to the counselor once school started, just asking her to keep an eye out for him.

DS ended up getting the teacher I most wanted for him. Plus, it turns out that he has 4 kids in his class that he already knows, and I know of at least that many summer birthdays in the class. It's literally the best situation I could possibly have hoped for, and much better than I expected. He had staggered entry this week and liked it, and will start for good on Tuesday.

This is actually the best year we've ever had, teacher-assignment wise. Both DDs also got teachers that I think will be good fits. I'm very optimistic.


Wonderful update! That must make you feel a little more confident in this school's administration. We had a year like that last year. All of the teachers were an excellent match for my kids and it was nice not having the drama and whining come home to me. We all slept better without that stress. The year before was NOT a good year for my DS1, teacher wise. And I'm bracing myself for when DS3 gets that teacher in 2 years. Love the teacher personally and think she's a genius but her style clashes with my kids.