Would this strike you as odd?

[wendibird22]

So DD1 and DD2 are both involved in the same sport, but on two different teams (different age groups). A few nights a week their practices start/end the same time. Until yesterday, practices were at the same location. But do to scheduling conflicts with the space, DD1's team moved to another location. So drop off/pick up to two different locations for the same start/end time is a bit challenging. Last night it was compounded by the fact that I had a work obligation last night and could only reasonably pick up one child and drop her at home and make it to work on time. DH was home mowing and desperate to get it done before the sun set. DD1's coach happens to live three houses down from us, so I asked her if it was possible for her to bring DD1 home after practice. She said absolutely, no problem.

So, practice ended at 7:30. At 8pm DH texts me that DD1 isn't home yet and am I sure that coach was bringing her home. Practice is 5mins from my house. At 8:15pm she finally drops DD1 off. She doesn't get out of the car or say anything about the delay so DH asks DD1. DD1 says that on the way home they had to stop at someone else's house to pick up another girl (classmate of DD1 and coach's daughter) because she was having a sleepover at their house. Coach and the 3rd girls mom got to chatting in the driveway and that's what took so long.

1. Is it odd that coach didn't let me "sure I can give DD1 a ride home, but I have another stop along the way."?
2. Is it odd that coach would pick up a 3rd child for a sleepover that my DD1 wasn't invited to, when all 3 are friends and classmates?

DH and I were just baffled. DD1 didn't complain and didn't seem to feel left out. But it just struck me as odd that you wouldn't mention that it would take 45min to bring my kid home and that she'd want a potentially awkward encounter among the 3 friends that could've resulted in hurt feelings. I either would have mentioned the stop so the parent wouldn't worry, dropped the kid off BEFORE picking up the sleepover kid (only 5mins away) or said I couldn't give her a ride home as I had another errand to run.

[khalloc]

I dont know. You asked for a favor so I dont really think you have a reason to complain. I probably would have mentioned that I had to pick up another kid, but I can see where someone else might not really think to mention it.

[ahisma]

It wouldn't upset me, I think the coach was trying to be helpful and fit in your request among her other commitments. The delay was longer than would typically be assumed, but life happens. I'm assuming that you have an existing relationship and a way to contact the coach, given that she's both a coach and a neighbor.

[khm]

I always assume when the coach is bringing my kid home, they'll be late regardless because coaches are the last to leave - parents are late to pickup, etc. I'd imagine she was at the field for a decent amount of time past 7:30. I doubt she planned to chat with mom #3, so I can see time just getting away. I can also see not giving a heads up re: the additional errand since mentally it should have been a 5 minute errand not a "stay and chat" errand.

The sleepover might have been a fun sleepover, or the coach was doing a favor to the 3rd parent by watching their kid for the evening.

It might bug me a titch if my kid was sad about it, but really, we've all gotten used to the fact that we aren't invited to everything (my kids are older than yours, I can remember those feelings though).

[bcafe]

No, not odd at all.

[JBaxter]

No not really you asked the coach for a favor and they did you the favor. Why would they change what they had planned?

[american_mama]

Alittle odd, but not that odd. Maybe it was a last minute change for her to have to pick up her DD - if the invitation was last minute or other pick-up plans were changed. Maybe since it was a 1:1 sleepover, she thought sometimes you're the one kid invited, sometimes not, and kids at their age accept that their turn comes and goes. I have sometimes been unhappy doing a carpool because it interferes with my ability to run an errand, and I am increasingly squeezing an errand in anyway and I notice other parents doing the same too when my kid is with them.

[MMMommy]

No, not odd or inconsiderate behavior. You asked for the favor, she obliged. The delayed drop off and reason for delayed dropoff wouldn't bother me at all, nor would I have expected any advance explanation for the delay.

[anonomom]

I don't think it's odd, but I also see where you're coming from. When I have another kid in the car, I won't run a side errand and try to make sure we go straight to our destination. Until this past summer, I assumed all parents were that way. But when we carpooled to camp with other parents, there were a few times somone would run an errand on the way home. The first time it happened, I ended up texting the other mom about 30 minutes past the time I thought DD would come home, :bag. So I see where you'd have been surprised or even uneasy. Now I've learned that it's fairly normal behavior.

[Kindra178]

Not odd at all. The girls had plans that didn't involve your daughter.

In the situation you describe, if I were that coach, I would have been annoyed that dh didn't pick up his daughter. I guess I don't think mowing the lawn is a good excuse.

[JamiMac]

No, I honestly don't think it's weird at all.

[LBW]

If it was another parent, I might have expected a heads up that she wouldn't be coming straight home. But after the fact, the scenario you describe wouldn't bother me.

Since it was the coach, I wouldn't have expected my child until 8 or 8:15 at the earliest since the coaches usually stick around until everyone is gone, often talk to parents, and have equipment, etc, to deal with.

[123LuckyMom]

I wouldn't have batted an eye. The coach was doing you a favor. If I were the coach I might have mentioned that I'd be a few minutes late, but I don't think it's strange or inconsiderate that she didn't mention the side trip, that she made the side trip, or that her choice meant that your DD knew two other friends were having a sleepover without her. I would have been sympathetic if my child were sad to know friends were having fun without her, but I'd also remind her of the many times she's had play dates or sleepovers with one friend only. It didn't mean she liked her other friends any less, right? I'd just be very thankful the coach was willing to help me out, and I'd remind my DD of that kindness, too.


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[mackmama]

I think it's odd. If I were the coach, I definitely would have mentioned to the parents the expected delay. I want to know where my child is, so being 45mins late would give me pause for concern. I also think the sleepover part is a little odd and am glad it didn't hurt your child's feelings.

[DualvansMommy]

My BIL is head coach for his school soccer team, so he had people asking him for dropoffs as favors. Wouldn't bother me, since I already know that generally speaking, coach tend to be the last to leave the field.


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[TwinFoxes]

Not odd at all. The girls had plans that didn't involve your daughter.

In the situation you describe, if I were that coach, I would have been annoyed that dh didn't pick up his daughter. I guess I don't think mowing the lawn is a good excuse.

I was thinking the same thing!

Also, let's just establish that kids have one-on-one sleepovers and they will not always want to invite our kids. It's not a slight. It's nothing anyone should be upset about. It's just life. It's not like it was a party where the whole class was invited.

[boolady]

I was thinking the same thing!

Also, let's just establish that kids have one-on-one sleepovers and they will not always want to invite our kids. It's not a slight. It's nothing anyone should be upset about. It's just life. It's not like it was a party where the whole class was invited.

:yeahthat: Not seeing why anyone's feelings would be hurt or the coach should have gone out of her way to keep the sleepover a secret. Kids having friends and doing things with different friends at different times is a good thing. It's not exclusionary.

[mackmama]

I was thinking the same thing!

Also, let's just establish that kids have one-on-one sleepovers and they will not always want to invite our kids. It's not a slight. It's nothing anyone should be upset about. It's just life. It's not like it was a party where the whole class was invited.


:yeahthat: Not seeing why anyone's feelings would be hurt or the coach should have gone out of her way to keep the sleepover a secret. Kids having friends and doing things with different friends at different times is a good thing. It's not exclusionary.

Of course people have sleepovers and don't invite all kids, but I still think it could be hurtful to pick someone up when someone who isn't invited is in the car. I find that odd and thoughtless. Sounds like others don't have a problem with it, but I wouldn't do it.

[JBaxter]

Not everyone shelters their kids from things that happens in the real world. It sounds like the coach's child had previous plans the OP asked for a favor which she happily accommodated. Why should she have changed plans? Children have to know the world does not revolve around them and others have plans and feelings not associated with them.
Of course people have sleepovers and don't invite all kids, but I still think it could be hurtful to pick someone up when someone who isn't invited is in the car. I find that odd and thoughtless. Sounds like others don't have a problem with it, but I wouldn't do it.

[Simon]

No, not odd or inconsiderate behavior. You asked for the favor, she obliged. The delayed drop off and reason for delayed dropoff wouldn't bother me at all, nor would I have expected any advance explanation for the delay.

:yeahthat:

[elektra]

We have so many pick up and drop off situations these days that it wouldn't strike me as odd at all. I wouldn't expect someone to hurry home or adjust their routine if it included the type of drop off and chatting you described.

[Kindra178]

Of course people have sleepovers and don't invite all kids, but I still think it could be hurtful to pick someone up when someone who isn't invited is in the car. I find that odd and thoughtless. Sounds like others don't have a problem with it, but I wouldn't do it.

But it shouldn't be hurtful at all. That's the point. Sometimes two kids hang out and other kids aren't invited. Next time two other kids hang out and another one is not invited. Mack, the dynamic changes so much as your daughter proceeds through elementary school. I wouldn't have known this either when my oldest was in kinder.

It's also not thoughtless - coach lives three houses away from OP. Why would coach want to double back and get friend after dropping off OP's daughter? I wouldn't want to do that, especially at 8 pm.

I thought I would mention also that it's doubtful the coach left practice right at 7:30. She might have taken a few trips to the car, chatted with other parents or stayed to talk to a couple of kids.

[bcafe]

I thought I would mention also that it's doubtful the coach left practice right at 7:30. She might have taken a few trips to the car, chatted with other parents or stayed to talk to a couple of kids.
Yes, and our soccer practices routinely run over on time, the coach must wait until all kids are picked up, talking with parents, etc.

[TwinFoxes]

But it shouldn't be hurtful at all. That's the point. Sometimes two kids hang out and other kids aren't invited. Next time two other kids hang out and another one is not invited. Mack, the dynamic changes so much as your daughter proceeds through elementary school. I wouldn't have known this either when my oldest was in kinder.

It's also not thoughtless - coach lives three houses away from OP. Why would coach want to double back and get friend after dropping off OP's daughter? I wouldn't want to do that, especially at 8 pm.

I thought I would mention also that it's doubtful the coach left practice right at 7:30. She might have taken a few trips to the car, chatted with other parents or stayed to talk to a couple of kids.

100% agree with this. My girls are the same age as OPs, and by then "whole class" events have disappeared. Is it really hurtful to think that there is someone in the class who likes another kid better? Really? Your kid ALWAYS has to be #1 on the invite list? Again, we're not talking a huge party, or multiple kids, but just one other kid.

[boogiemom]

Of course people have sleepovers and don't invite all kids, but I still think it could be hurtful to pick someone up when someone who isn't invited is in the car. I find that odd and thoughtless. Sounds like others don't have a problem with it, but I wouldn't do it.

What do you think she should have done differently? The only other thing I can think of is to tell you she couldn't do you the favor of bringing DD home. Would you have preferred that? She may well have felt it was a bit awkward but you needed help and she did the only thing she could do in that situation. I would not have felt awkward about it as my boys typically have one friend over at a given time so there are others who are left out each time but it all equals out in the end and they have always been fine with that.


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[1mom2dylan]

I find it odd that the husband didn't pick up the child instead of mowing the lawn.

[KrisM]

Not super odd, no. If I were the coach, I probably would have said that I could bring her home, but had another stop to make first, just as a heads-up. But, if someone didn't tell me and they were a few minutes later than I expected, it would be fine.

I would not have expected her to drop my DD off and then go back out to pick up the friend for the sleepover. That's adding a lot of driving in for a favor.

[bisous]

I find it odd that the husband didn't pick up the child instead of mowing the lawn.

I'm imagining he probably would have but figured "I could just ask the coach who lives so close to me..." but that's just my read.

I think one of the issues is that adding an extra kid to a car pool isn't difficult but I do think that if adding a child significantly alters my route, that might be a little bit more of an inconvenience. I think in this case the coach opted to add your DD but didn't go out of her way to change her plans which is one of those healthy boundaries things.

[StantonHyde]

Honestly??? I would be GRATEFUL that somebody brought my kid home within an hour of practice being over. The fact that DH couldn't stop mowing the lawn for the 10 mins round trip to get the child is the part that is odd to me. Who the coach picked up or dropped off or talked to during the trip home is irrelevant--its not like it was her drug dealer. I would not have expected a heads up about anything unless it involved an ER or a lawyer.

Kid home, DH didn't have to stop what he was doing, I was doing whatever it was that I had to do=success to me.

[HannaAddict]

Not odd at all. The girls had plans that didn't involve your daughter.

In the situation you describe, if I were that coach, I would have been annoyed that dh didn't pick up his daughter. I guess I don't think mowing the lawn is a good excuse.

This. I would be annoyed to drive a child so someone could mow their lawn. The coach did a favor and just didn't think to say she was picking up a child on the way. The coach did nothing wrong or inconsiderate.


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[mmommy]

I don't really understand the problem. I'd suggest that if you have specific parameters in mind when you ask for a favor, you should either clearly voice those restrictions or not ask for the favor. It's entirely unfair to ask for a favor and then be baffled when the person granting it cannot read your mind.
I can't see how her agreeing to do this favor for you somehow means she cannot also do the things she was already planning to do during that time, especially when what she was doing during that time, a little socializing and running errands, is the exact same sort of thing we all need to to every day.

[JamiMac]

I don't think it's odd for her DH to ask her to bring her DD home to finish mowing if the coach lives three doors down. This wouldn't bother me to do for someone in the slightest, but I'm not an easily annoyed person in situations like that. I do, however, think it would be odd to expect the coach to deviate from her plans if asked the favor. I agree with jbaxter, that arranging things where our kids think the world revolves around them, leads them to heartache and struggles down the road.


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[daisysmom]

:yeahthat: Not seeing why anyone's feelings would be hurt or the coach should have gone out of her way to keep the sleepover a secret. Kids having friends and doing things with different friends at different times is a good thing. It's not exclusionary.

Yes, I agree with Kindra, Twinfoxes and boolady. My DD is 9.5, and at this age, I would not think twice about keeping my preplanned activities/schedule even if I was doing another mom a favor. In fact, I have... taking kids home from swimteam and I will stop by the library and return books, etc. As busy as life is, you get things done when and as you can and I don't think I need to ask permission or even notify another parent of a child older than 6 or so, honestly. And the sleepover thing is just part of life.

[daisysmom]

100% agree with this. My girls are the same age as OPs, and by then "whole class" events have disappeared. Is it really hurtful to think that there is someone in the class who likes another kid better? Really? Your kid ALWAYS has to be #1 on the invite list? Again, we're not talking a huge party, or multiple kids, but just one other kid.

Exactly. It is a tough lesson to learn, and I think my DD really learned it in second grade. But in 3rd and now 4th, she doesn't think twice about not being included in one-on-ones, nor does she think anything big when she IS the one included and there is another girl also riding with them. Better to learn this lesson early on IMO and things go much smoother for everyone, and there is actually MORE inclusion on the other side, I think.

[wendibird22]

I really truly appreciate all of your perspectives. To clarify, neighbor coach is a friend. When I coached her daughter this past winter and spring, I frequently gave her a ride home from practice. And I totally neglected to mention that DH did stop mowing to go pick up DD2 from her practice. I believe I mentioned that two girls at two practices at two different locations ending at the same time. He couldn't be in two places at once and because I had to work, I couldn't pick up the other child. So given that coach lives on our street (so not out of the way), that we are friends, and that we've given her kid a ride home often, it wasn't unusual for her or I to ask for the carpool. And the activity they are in doesn't require any equipment or pick up. Parents are always on time and practice always ends on time. So, yes, we expected she'd have to be the last one to leave, but just didn't expect the additional errand. I'm not at all mad, it just struck me as odd. It didn't strike most of you as odd and I really do appreciate knowing that my reaction was clearly not the norm.

[essnce629]

Doesn't seem odd to me at all.

My DS2 does soccer and basketball throughout the year and we rarely leave the second practice ends. Sometimes he'll spend an additional 10-15 minutes on the court/field playing, then want to run around with a friend, I'll start talking to another parent, then he'll want to play Pokemon Go around the park, etc. Practice is walking distance to our house and there's been times that we don't get back home till 45 minutes after practice officially ended.

[SummerBaby]

I don't think it's odd or offensive at all that she picked up the other girl. However, if I were the coach, I would have mentioned to you that I had to pick up the girl and therefore might be a little delayed getting home.

[happi]

Coaches have families and lives also. Your husband should have went to pick your daughter up from practice. We coach sports and help parents out alot. If I would have brought your daughter home and he was mowing the lawn and you complain that I stopped and visited with another parent while picking their child up to spend the night don't plan to ask me to help you again, because I won't. Maybe you should try coaching a sport, it isn't easy. Especially when parents think their child comes before anyone elses!

Also, you don't think kids don't talk at school about sleepovers or playdates? They do all the time and not all kids are invited to them.

[khm]

Coaches have families and lives also. Your husband should have went to pick your daughter up from practice. We coach sports and help parents out alot. If I would have brought your daughter home and he was mowing the lawn and you complain that I stopped and visited with another parent while picking their child up to spend the night don't plan to ask me to help you again, because I won't. Maybe you should try coaching a sport, it isn't easy. Especially when parents think their child comes before anyone elses!

Also, you don't think kids don't talk at school about sleepovers or playdates? They do all the time and not all kids are invited to them.

If you read her post a few above this one you'll see she has indeed been a coach.

[jerseygirl07067]

Not odd per se, but I woul have sent a text at some point explaining the delay.

[wendibird22]

Coaches have families and lives also. Your husband should have went to pick your daughter up from practice. We coach sports and help parents out alot. If I would have brought your daughter home and he was mowing the lawn and you complain that I stopped and visited with another parent while picking their child up to spend the night don't plan to ask me to help you again, because I won't. Maybe you should try coaching a sport, it isn't easy. Especially when parents think their child comes before anyone elses!

Also, you don't think kids don't talk at school about sleepovers or playdates? They do all the time and not all kids are invited to them.

I do coach. Coached her daughter for 2 seasons and gave her lots of rides home. As I said, my husband stopped mowing to pick up our other DD from practice. Both practices ended at the same exact time and he couldn't be in two places at once (this coach had to move practice from the regular locale to a new locale across town). And I totally didn't complain to her at all and wouldn't. She did me a favor. I just thought it was odd that she didn't mention she might be a bit delayed. Most of the PPs have said they wouldn't find that odd and I totally appreciate that feedback.

[bigsis]

But it just struck me as odd that you wouldn't mention that it would take 45min to bring my kid home and that she'd want a potentially awkward encounter among the 3 friends that could've resulted in hurt feelings. I either would have mentioned the stop so the parent wouldn't worry, dropped the kid off BEFORE picking up the sleepover kid (only 5mins away) or said I couldn't give her a ride home as I had another errand to run.
Honestly, sometimes people have lapses in memory. I have them all the time, if you ask me something, I will answer and then later remember that I should have said this, I should have considered that, etc. Most of the time, we ALL mean well but we fall short a lot. As a WOHM I'm always wanting to help another mom. And yes, sometimes I forget about details and maybe sometimes I'm seen as inconsiderate. But really, I mean well. :(