Would you let your child join a church... [Archive] - Baby Bargains & Baby 411 Community

Pennylane

10-13-2016, 01:14 PM

That you are not a member of? She has been going weekly the last 3 years and was baptized there. I attended occasionally but We are not members and have no plans on becoming members .

Thanks!

Ann

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anonomom

10-13-2016, 01:37 PM

This is a well-timed question, as I am grappling with the same issue.

I think yes. At least, I'm taking DD1 to a UU church this weekend, because she wants to join a church. I have no interest in attending at all, and won't join unless I have to, but I will let her join if that's what she wants.

That said, I wouldn't allow her, at her current age, to join a church that I felt went against our family's core values. She can do that when she turns 18, but not now.

khalloc

10-13-2016, 01:41 PM

I'm confused. How do you join a church? If she was baptized there and has attended for 3 years, isnt she already a member? Is there an official process? I grew up Catholic and I dont know of any official way of becoming a church member. We just went to our neighborhood church. I stopped attending church when I went away for college. just wasnt my thing.

Pennylane

10-13-2016, 01:55 PM

I'm confused. How do you join a church? If she was baptized there and has attended for 3 years, isnt she already a member? Is there an official process? I grew up Catholic and I dont know of any official way of becoming a church member. We just went to our neighborhood church. I stopped attending church when I went away for college. just wasnt my thing.

She has to take a few membership classes and then she will be a member.

Ann

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cheme

10-13-2016, 01:56 PM

Who does she go with? I guess if you are okay with her being baptized there and going weekly, then I'd also likely be okay with her becoming a member. What does becoming a member mean/require? I'm guessing she has to be a member to do some of the activities?

Pennylane

10-13-2016, 01:58 PM

This is a well-timed question, as I am grappling with the same issue.

I think yes. At least, I'm taking DD1 to a UU church this weekend, because she wants to join a church. I have no interest in attending at all, and won't join unless I have to, but I will let her join if that's what she wants.

That said, I wouldn't allow her, at her current age, to join a church that I felt went against our family's core values. She can do that when she turns 18, but not now.

Thanks for your response ! It definitely doesn't go against our core values BUT it is not a church I probably would attend if it wasn't for her. Honestly, I wouldn't be going at all if it wasn't for her . They have a wonderful youth group and she has met some amazing people there .

Ann

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almostmom

10-13-2016, 01:59 PM

Yes.

My daughter decided last spring that she wants a bat mitzvah. I am an agnostic non-practicing Jew, so she has that right! So we looked around and joined a temple this fall. I don't plan on being very involved (and DH and DS will barely be), but she will go to Hebrew school and participate. I will go sometimes to support her though. And they did assure me that her devout atheism was fine (I didn't tell them about mine!). So I made sure it was an ok fit for her.

squimp

10-13-2016, 02:17 PM

I think I would if my kiddo was passionate about it. I'd kind of view it like an extracurricular activity. It would be easier for me if she went with a close family friend or family member.

JBaxter

10-13-2016, 02:24 PM

If it makes her happy and she has a connection and its not some freakish cult let her do it. It sounds like its not spur of the moment and she has put thought into joining.

Simon

10-13-2016, 02:38 PM

Dh and I have had this conversation and decided that we would allow it. Dc haven't asked to join yet (too young), though they have sometimes requested to attend church and we go when we wouldn't have otherwise.

Pennylane

10-13-2016, 03:29 PM

Who does she go with? I guess if you are okay with her being baptized there and going weekly, then I'd also likely be okay with her becoming a member. What does becoming a member mean/require? I'm guessing she has to be a member to do some of the activities?

She goes with me most of the time or with a friend.

Ann

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robinsmommy

10-13-2016, 04:02 PM

Keep in mind that many churches have the expectation that members help support the church with either money or volunteer work. Are there any such expectations for her? Or for you as a family?

Pennylane

10-13-2016, 04:40 PM

Keep in mind that many churches have the expectation that members help support the church with either money or volunteer work. Are there any such expectations for her? Or for you as a family?

Money no, and she already volunteers every other week !

Ann

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123LuckyMom

10-13-2016, 06:37 PM

I think positive community is great for kids, especially intergenerational community like you find in church! If she has friends and is volunteering already, she's finding that community valuable. As long as the church wasn't espousing teachings I felt to be destructive, I would definitely let her become a member.

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essnce629

10-13-2016, 06:56 PM

Sounds fine to me. I'd probably let DS2 join a UU church if he asked.

TwinFoxes

10-13-2016, 10:36 PM

What's the difference between what she's doing now and what will happen if she becomes a "member"? I don't see a downside I guess.

KpbS

10-14-2016, 12:29 AM

Yes, definitely. If she is old enough for the youth group and eligible to become a member, yes.

meggie t

10-14-2016, 09:50 AM

I'm confused. How do you join a church? If she was baptized there and has attended for 3 years, isnt she already a member? Is there an official process? I grew up Catholic and I dont know of any official way of becoming a church member. We just went to our neighborhood church. I stopped attending church when I went away for college. just wasnt my thing.
Just to answer this part, in Catholics churches you do register as parishioners (as a family or an adult; I haven't heard of a minor being a parishioner on their own), receive envelopes for tithing, etc. You probably didn't do this since you were a minor but if you received the sacraments, then your parents were probably registered parishioners.

Pennylane

10-14-2016, 10:22 AM

Thanks everyone! I guess I just feel bad that she is going to be the only member from our family! She is excited to officially become a member .

Ann

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nfceagles

10-14-2016, 10:43 AM

Thanks everyone! I guess I just feel bad that she is going to be the only member from our family! She is excited to officially become a member .

Ann

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I would applaud her willingness to forge her own path. I think that alone is pretty cool. And I can understand the quandary. We attend a church but aren't members because my DH understands and respects why I can't become a member. So we may well face the same question with our children.

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khalloc

10-14-2016, 02:22 PM

Just to answer this part, in Catholics churches you do register as parishioners (as a family or an adult; I haven't heard of a minor being a parishioner on their own), receive envelopes for tithing, etc. You probably didn't do this since you were a minor but if you received the sacraments, then your parents were probably registered parishioners.

Gotcha. I assumed they had registered I guess. I just wasnt sure what you had to do to become a member besides registering with your name/address.