Navigating PTA Politics

[anonomom]

I'm running an event for our PTA this year; my first time chairing one of our most important and well-attended events. To help, I recruited a team of people who have worked on past projects and who are very talented, hard workers. We've been working together very well.

I recruited a friend of mine for decorations. She's well-known at school for doing amazing work and has been involved in several other projects. This past week, we met with school administration to get approval for ideas, and there was a weird vibe in the meeting. The principal was uncharacteristically curt and negative, and said no to several of our ideas. I figured we'd just caught him on an off day and we planned to re-brainstorm to come up with ideas he might like better.

Yesterday, my friend got an unbelievably rude email from him about the work she'd done on a different event at school. At the heart, he was right -- he wanted her to remove some decor that had been at school for a week after the event had ended. He also made a comment that he needed to approve any future decorations like it. Factually, he has every right to decide what goes up at school and how long it stays there. But the way it was presented was just terribly rude (not to mention, she did this work at the request of a faculty member, who did get approval for her ideas beforehand. It's not clear why he criticized a parent volunteer directly rather than dealing with his own employee).

At this point, my friend is very upset. She spends hours of her time volunteering, and it's not the first time she's been treated poorly for it (there's a long backstory here). She no longer wants to be involved in school, but she says she'll do my event because she doesn't want to leave me in the lurch. Honestly, I think she should drop out -- no school event is worth feeling horrible and I'm not willing to put her or anybody else in the position of being treated badly for work they do voluntarily.

But how do I navigate this with the PTA? If my friend drops out, I will not recruit someone to replace her. I'll decorate myself, and it will be just the bare minimum (I have neither the time nor the inclination to do more). Both she and I will likely be criticized. While I'd like nothing better than to say exactly why she quit, (a) it's not really my story to tell and (b) I have five more years at this school. I cannot afford to get on the principal's bad side. How do I protect my friend (since I put her in this position) without alienating the people I have to work with for the next half a decade?

(and FWIW, I know that is is absolutely crazy to be fretting this much about a PTA thing. The pettiness of it all just blows my mind.)

[SnuggleBuggles]

A few thoughts...
it sounds like the backstory probably matters. Not to us but for the reaction from the school. Nothing you can do there. The school could have a legitimate reason to be upset.

Do you have a PTA liaison who can walk you through the correct protocols? Make sure your note stepping on any toes... do you have info from that past event?

It sounds like you're only hand picking volunteers. That doesn't fly at our school. We do open opportunities up to everyone. We don't like things to get cliquey- and you miss out on some talent!

I do agree you should let her off the hook- maybe delegate a behind the scenes task to her? And then recruit for more help within the whole community not just your buddies.

Dear goodness though, I can't imagine "the PTA" harping on inadequate decorations. We're just happy if events happen. No one gives 2 dogs about the decorating. Definitely not something that merits much stress!


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[ahisma]

This is exactly why I bowed out of a few projects this year;) Personally, I find the best approach is to see your commitments through in an honorable way and then politely bow out the next time(s) something rolls along. I'm still quite involved, but avoid certain dynamics like the plague. Help your friend with the decorations - approach it professionally and send a concise email outlining the plan so everyone is on the same page, then follow it very closely. Get past it and move on. Life is too short for unnecessary drama, but there's no point in burning bridges when you'll be in the building for another 5 years.

[trcy]

This is exactly why I bowed out of a few projects this year;) Personally, I find the best approach is to see your commitments through in an honorable way and then politely bow out the next time(s) something rolls along.
I was going to suggest the same. This PTA stuff is still very new to me, my oldest just started K. Luckily I haven't seen any dramatics yet. But I am not behind the scenes. I just offer to help when needed with events. Mostly I volunteer with DD's classroom and that has been relatively drama free.


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[wellyes]

I don't understand why she is letting the principal get under her skin so much. I wouldn't.


But, it is what it is. I'd finish up, and bow out, and quietly tell people I like -- who ask -- that the reason this PTA has a problem getting volunteers is the relationship with the administration / lack of tact. Not for the purpose of trashing the school, but to avoid sending friends into the lion's den.

[TwinFoxes]

I don't understand why she is letting the principal get under her skin so much. I wouldn't.


But, it is what it is. I'd finish up, and bow out, and quietly tell people I like -- who ask -- that the reason this PTA has a problem getting volunteers is the relationship with the administration / lack of tact. Not for the purpose of trashing the school, but to avoid sending friends into the lion's den.

I tend to agree with this. I wouldn't let an annoying principal keep me from volunteering at my kids' school. It sounds like the principal lacks people skills, but I also think leaving decorations up for a week after an event is annoying. Your friend may just be expressing frustration in the moment, but once she's had the chance to cool down she may change her mind. If she's willing to help with the decorations, I would just let her.

As for whether the principal spoke to the person who approved the decorations, maybe he did. There's too much hearsay/unknown backstory to really know what went down.

[anonomom]

I've been volunteering for 4 years, drama-free. I'd heard about issues, particularly with our past PTA administration, but I naively thought that as long as we kept our heads down, did good work and didn't foment drama, then things would go smoothly. I was wrong.

For this event, recruiting is a hybrid -- there's usually a core team planning/making decisions, and we ask for help from the larger community. You kind of work your way up; volunteering and getting to know people, then eventually being asked to take on more responsibility. I've held two open recruiting events for my committees, maintain a mailing list of everybody who expresses any interest, and send out sign-ups to the entire school community.

And my friend is absolutely willing to honor her commitment. I'm just thinking maybe it isn't in her best interests to do so.

[BunnyBee]

I don't understand why she is letting the principal get under her skin so much. I wouldn't.


But, it is what it is. I'd finish up, and bow out, and quietly tell people I like -- who ask -- that the reason this PTA has a problem getting volunteers is the relationship with the administration / lack of tact. Not for the purpose of trashing the school, but to avoid sending friends into the lion's den.

This. After two schools of crazy people, I stay far away from the PTA. It's never worth it, unfortunately. I'll drop off requested items, but I do not get involved in anything that requires dealing with people.

[petesgirl]

I've been volunteering for 4 years, drama-free. I'd heard about issues, particularly with our past PTA administration, but I naively thought that as long as we kept our heads down, did good work and didn't foment drama, then things would go smoothly. I was wrong.

For this event, recruiting is a hybrid -- there's usually a core team planning/making decisions, and we ask for help from the larger community. You kind of work your way up; volunteering and getting to know people, then eventually being asked to take on more responsibility. I've held two open recruiting events for my committees, maintain a mailing list of everybody who expresses any interest, and send out sign-ups to the entire school community.

And my friend is absolutely willing to honor her commitment. I'm just thinking maybe it isn't in her best interests to do so.

I would actually be inclined to think it is in her best interests to finish this project, if the other members and community will be critical of her if she bows out. Personally, I would rather have the principal dislike me over the other parents at my child's school. But I think you will need to personally oversee the clean up/decoration removal to be sure it is in line with what administration wants. You are in a tough position on this one.

[KpbS]

Would you be inclined to meet with the principal to smooth the waters? I think I would let my friend out if she wanted out and let her make that decision. Minimal decorations are fine. Yes, more often look better, but really aren't necessary and I wouldn't go above and beyond if I was doing it myself. Not my area of expertise either.

[khm]

I'd just have her tone down and do minimal decor and let her end her run gracefully.

Maybe unrelated but his rant somehow reminds me of one year, the dads planned the end of season sport picnic. They adamantly didn't want "the moms going crazy again" so they totally left us out of the emails. They wanted to grill some meat, bring some chips and popsicles and be done. No salads, sides, desserts, etc. I wonder if this principal is just pushing for minimal extra "stuff"/distractions and more focus on the event itself or raising of the funds or whatever it is. Maybe he's a bit over dealing with the politics, too?

I dunno, he didn't go about it in a good way though. Sorry your friend is feeling hurt.

[Corie]

Factually, he has every right to decide what goes up at school and how long it stays there. But the way it was presented was just terribly rude (not to mention, she did this work at the request of a faculty member, who did get approval for her ideas beforehand. It's not clear why he criticized a parent volunteer directly rather than dealing with his own employee).



If your friend did some decorations at the request of a faculty member, I probably would have assumed that this faculty member would remove the
decorations when the event was over. Not your friend.

[ahisma]

I think your friend is the one who needs to decide how she wants to advance.

[squimp]

I don't think I would get involved. I would encourage my friend to do what she needs to feel comfortable.

[vonfirmath]

Is it the principal of the school upset?

Or the president of the PTA? Because the PTA does not have a lot of say in how the principal wants to run their school

I know our PTO would LOVE and has volunteered to get rid of a school-room of unused junk. But the Assistant Principal won't let us (And there may be district wide reasons he does not). The PTO does not operate in a vacuum where it can do anything it wants.

[bisous]

I don't understand why she is letting the principal get under her skin so much. I wouldn't.


But, it is what it is. I'd finish up, and bow out, and quietly tell people I like -- who ask -- that the reason this PTA has a problem getting volunteers is the relationship with the administration / lack of tact. Not for the purpose of trashing the school, but to avoid sending friends into the lion's den.

I agree with this too. I'd let your friend decide how she wants to continue. If she continues, I'd support her. If she drops out, I'd fill in to the best of my ability and maybe simple is the best you can reasonably pull off in the circumstances and if so I wouldn't feel guilty at all. I wouldn't let the principal's rudeness stop me from doing something for the benefit of the kids.

[ett]

I don't think I would get involved. I would encourage my friend to do what she needs to feel comfortable.

:yeahthat: