Rant about my bf...I might lose it!

[Hippoharbor]

My ex and I are on friendly terms. Last year he invited myself and my boyfriend to his annual Halloween party (big shindig with catering, DJ, bartenders, security, shuttle). My bf, being from Russia, has never had the chance to celebrate Halloween with a costume party. I don't like parties, especially where I don't know a lot of people. Bf made me promise to go this year, which I agreed. I was feeling uneasy about going and asked my ex if I could invite along my friend and her husband, so I would feel a bit more comfortable. He reluctantly agreed.

This morning, my bf asked me to ask my ex if we could also bring along his ex-wife! I am like, WTF. First of all, I was already uneasy about asking for two of my friends to be invited. I am not willing to ask to invite anyone else. After all, this is not our party; we don't have the authority to invite others. I would look like a dumbass to everyone at the party to be seen as the person who invited her bf's ex.

My bf and I have been fighting all morning over the phone about this. I kept trying to explain to him that I can't ask for anyone else to come with us. He kept saying "well she is my friend", "just ask for one more". Well, a few minutes ago, he finally admitted the reason he was so persistent in wanting her to be there. (Backstory: his ex is 38. When they separated 6 yrs ago, she began "dating" one of her customers at the blackjack table she worked at. She eventually became his office manager-he owns his own company, AND she, her mom, and their 12 yr old daughter moved in with him. He is 78. She has lately been telling my bf that she wants out of that relationship but feels stuck, no money, nowhere else to go).

The reason he has been so insistent on her going is he wants her to meet someone else 'well-off' (my ex and his friends are all well-to-do professionals) so she can leave this other guy. I get that he wants his daughter to be around a 'normal' relationship in regards to her mom, but he was putting me on the spot to invite his ex so that she could be 'pimped out' at this party. We have been fighting all morning about this. I don't get it. I don't know if it is a cultural thing for him to think that this absurd idea of his is okay, to be fixing up his ex. Why put me in the middle of it? Why strain our relationship over it?

[div_0305]

This seems weird, but the path of least resistance would be that you ask your ex, tell him you not asking on your own, and let him say no--it's already more people than he wanted with your bringing your other two guests. Done deal and your BF can't blame you. It sounds like your BF is a pushy person and creating a problem in your relationship to satisfy his ex. That would concern me--cultural issue or not.

[mikala]

Um, what? Cultural issues aside this is all just bizarre to me. I can't comprehend how he could try to invite his ex to his current gf's ex's party. That just seems awkward at so many levels.

Eta: I would NOT ask your ex for permission to bring another person for any reason, even for the purposes of hearing a no that you can pass along to current BF. It's way too close to the party and it's tacky and rude to invite even a neutral person, much less to introduce this weird dynamic. It should be enough for you to tell current BF no and have him respect that. It raises huge relationship red flags if he isn't respecting your feelings enough to just drop it.

[bisous]

Um, what? Cultural issues aside this is all just bizarre to me. I can't comprehend how he could try to invite his ex to his current gf's ex's party. That just seems awkward at so many levels.

Eta: I would NOT ask your ex for permission to bring another person for any reason, even for the purposes of hearing a no that you can pass along to current BF. It's way too close to the party and it's tacky and rude to invite even a neutral person, much less to introduce this weird dynamic. It should be enough for you to tell current BF no and have him respect that. It raises huge relationship red flags if he isn't respecting your feelings enough to just drop it.

I agree with all of this. I wouldn't do it. It isn't fair to the host and I wouldn't feel comfortable. The pressure your bf is putting on you is concerning to me.

[ahisma]

No. End of story. You already accommodated his desire to go. Enough is enough. I don't care who the host is, ex or not, it's just asking too much.

[gamma]

Since you don't really enjoy big parties and are going to please DBF, I would just say that the whole thing is getting to be too much and any more pressure and you will be letting your friends know that all of you won't be going this year. End of story.

[Corie]

Since you don't really enjoy big parties and are going to please DBF, I would just say that the whole thing is getting to be too much and any more pressure and you will be letting your friends know that all of you won't be going this year. End of story.

I agree.

[mommy111]

I wouldn't go. A party is supposed to be fun and thus is already sounding like torture

[ckso]

Since you don't really enjoy big parties and are going to please DBF, I would just say that the whole thing is getting to be too much and any more pressure and you will be letting your friends know that all of you won't be going this year. End of story.

This is how I feel too. And wanting her to go so she can hook up with someone rich? OMG. If she goes, she might be super aggressive or something and embarrass both you and your ex. I would absolutely not ask to invite someone like that


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[twowhat?]

My first thought was don't go! You bent over backwards to make him happy because you didn't want to do, and now he's trying to get you to bend over backwards again? No thanks. The fair thing is that no one goes.