What's Your "Get Out of My House" Cutoff?

[anonomom]

If you have neighborhood kids who come in and out of your house to play with your kids, what time do you cut that off?

I'm really struggling with this. The kids in this neighborhood seem to be out at all hours, and I don't understand it. I have one kid who regularly rings the bell at 6:15 pm to see if my 7yo can play. No, she can't! It's dinner time! I finally asked the mom to stop letting her do this, but I resent being the "bad guy" here.

The kids on our street have to be at the bus stop at 6:45 am. How do these children have time to be out until 7 or 7:30 every night, playing? Don't they eat dinner? Sleep? Do homework?

I will grant that a lot of my frustration comes from the fact that this level of sociableness (is that a word?) is completely foreign to me. I did not play with friends as a child, period. It was not allowed. So I"m trying to let my kids have as much freedom as possible and to encourage them to be active and friendly, but I hate every part of it. I hate the doorbell ringing 3-5 times a day. I hate hoards of children making snarky comments about my house. I hate it all.

Gah. Sorry for the rant. Parenting sucks sometimes.

[Kindra178]

Dinnertime is a natural cut off - I assume you are not inviting the kids for dinner?

[petesgirl]

Yep, dinnertime. Or I use homework as a reason for my DS not being able to play too sometimes. We have a few neighbors who don't eat dinner until closer to 8 and I have to be very persistent with them because they will argue and say, 'well my mom said I can stay until it's time for ME to eat.' sorry, kid, my house and my rules.

[bisous]

Hmm. My thread got lost.

I was just saying that the line can be anywhere I want it to be basically. I think bedtime or dinner are just fine as cutoffs but I've told neighborhood kids it isn't a good time when I'm working on a project or my kids have chores or any number of reasons. I just say "it isn't a good time right now" and that has generally been enough.

[hillview]

For my 05 bday kid it's 6-7 but we eat early. I'm opposite and am thrilled when they play outside. That said I think you can run your own show and do whatever you want to. I'd have no issue telling all the kids your kid can't play after 6 or whatever time. Just make it a rule and be consistent and the other kids will learn.

[marymoo86]

No kids inside for starters here. All play is outside until dinnertime.

[anonomom]

Thanks, all. I figured dinner time was a normal, no-need-to-discuss-it cutoff, but apparently in this neighborhood it isn't. I'm so tired of the doorbell ringing while I'm trying to get dinner on the table. And I get (perhaps irrationally) resentful when I have to be the one saying no when I feel like the kids shouldn't be asking in the first place. I wouldn't mind if they were already here and I had to send them home. It's when they're looking to start playing at 6:15 that I get pissy.

[bisous]

OP I admire that you are giving up so much to give a different experience for your kids. I think if you have a cutoff time--say dinner or whatever you pick, you'll be able to really enjoy some of your time in your own home. Only 3 hours per day of madcap kid play, lol!

[trcy]

Not sure if this would help, but I have seen signs (on etsy, or similar sites) that you hang on your front door. One side says yes, the kids can play, the other side says they can't.

ETA: something like this
http://www.skiptomylou.org/free-printable-kids-cancant-pay-door-hanger/


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[petesgirl]

Would it work to ignore the door while you are doing dinner?

[KrisM]

People eat at different times. Waiting until 6:15 is very late for us. We usually eat about 5:15. My next door neighbors eat about 7pm. Our kids play with each other in between dinners :). So, others may be using dinner time too, but it's not a universal time. So, just make it whenever works for you. If that is 6pm, so be it.

My younger 2 don't go to the bus until 8:40am, so if they are out until dark, it's fine. Right now, that's about 6:45pm, but in mid-summer, it means they can be out until 9:30 or so.

[hillview]

People eat at different times. Waiting until 6:15 (http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/x-apple-data-detectors://1) is very late for us. We usually eat about 5:15 (http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/x-apple-data-detectors://2). My next door neighbors eat about 7pm (http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/x-apple-data-detectors://3). Our kids play with each other in between dinners :). So, others may be using dinner time too, but it's not a universal time. So, just make it whenever works for you. If that is 6pm (http://windsorpeak.com/vbulletin/x-apple-data-detectors://4), so be it.
so.
This is us too. We eat early and then send the kids out to play. Neighbors eat later. You have a right to your own rules. Get a sign or tell your kids to tell the other kids the rules.

[mackmama]

5pm is our cutoff. Time for a little rest, dinner, etc.

[Philly Mom]

In the summer we are out until dark. We eat outside. Our neighbors go to bed earlier so they just go. Other neighbors keep similar hours as to us but the parents are good about setting limits. No one thinks anyone is a bad guy for setting limits. During the winter, 5:30/6 is definitely the limit. Kids go to bed earlier, etc.


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[KpbS]

5pm is our cutoff. Time for a little rest, dinner, etc.

This is us too, except we don't have neighbor kids in and out, we have the occasional play date. Sometimes I'll make an exception for DS1 if it is a kid that knows our house or who has eaten with us before.

Honestly, I draw the line at kids making snarky comments about my house/rules/kids. Those ones are not welcome back. Can't stand it. We recently hosted a child overnight as a favor for the parents. He was so incredibly rude. Told DS our house "sucked" and we "sucked." He refused to play with DS games that he enjoys at his house. He woke up my other DS (intentionally) after he was already in bed asleep. Just so rude. It was a good teaching moment for my DC and example of how we never act as a guest in another's home.

[MaiseyDog]

Thankfully the standard rule in our neighborhood is that everyone needs to be at their own house when it starts getting dark. We still use the old "if the street lights are on, you need to be home." We tend to eat about 7 so this time of year, everyone has sorted back to their own houses by that time. In the summer, I just tell whoever is in the yard that the girls have to come in for dinner and they need to move on

[khm]

Kids didn't really come in my house at that age, but they did play outside. I would just tell them that they had to play outside. Don't ask to come in here or go in their house. Period. We kept the garage will stocked with outside play gear.

Very true on dinner times. Some people eat really early, some really late; some are consistent with their time, some eat early or late with no consistency. So, "dinner time" is a crapshoot.

Gently, you might need to work on reframing it. I, also, am not a good "host mom". I just don't care for the extra noise and stress. But, I'd hate it if my kids weren't being asked to play! So, think of it that way. Additionally, it doesn't last forever. :)

Like you said, this is something you want for the kiddos, so try and enjoy that they have neighbor friends that you missed out on.

If it isn't a good time, cheerily say so. If a kid is rude, let them know that that wasn't nice. Kids are big on pointing out differences and don't always realize they are being rude.

[amyx4]

My kids answer the doorbell. At that time of day, I know it's not for me! At that point, I yell from the kitchen, "Yes, they can play but dinner is in XX minutes or XX time." My kiddos have cheap watches and flashlights by the front door. Watches so they come back on time and flashlights as it's dusk here. Our neighbors have different times for dinner, chores, homework, bed etc. The kids have all figured out how to work around it. By now, I think the whole neighborhood know when we have dinner!
I didn't grow up in a neighborhood, so it took some getting used to. However, I think the positives of neighborhood play have outweighed the negatives.

Also, as a mom of older kids, I do want to let you know it feels like it lasts forever (and ever) but really (sadly) it doesn't.

[Dayzy]

In our neighborhood kids are out until all different times. My kid gets home from school before 3, but the neighbor's boys don't get dismissed from their school until 4. And she's a nurse and doesn't get home until 6:30ish. They are generally out later because she doesn't have dinner on the table any earlier than 7.

[teresah00]

Kids eat at all different times in our neighborhood. If my kids are done their homework and chores they can go back out after dinner.

[123LuckyMom]

I've struggled with this, too. We've got a gang of kids on our street, and they all play together. I love it! The issue for me, too, though is that it seems like sometimes nobody else eats or has a bedtime! I think it was summer, though, and everyone, including me, was willing to be lax about the rules and let the kids stay up late. Now we all have dinner times. Sometimes the kids do eat at one another's houses. I've sent my kids elsewhere with and without their own food, and I've hosted, too. I just decide what will work on that particular day. I'm not afraid to tell kids to go home or to have my kids tell someone it's not a good time to play. All the parents text each other and ask to have kids sent home or supervise the group as they go from house to house. Right now my kids are out raking an elderly neighbor's leaves, and they're being supervised by one of the other parents. I think the key is just to be willing to tell the other kids and families what you need.


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[TwinFoxes]

People eat at different times. Waiting until 6:15 is very late for us. We usually eat about 5:15. My next door neighbors eat about 7pm. Our kids play with each other in between dinners :). So, others may be using dinner time too, but it's not a universal time. So, just make it whenever works for you. If that is 6pm, so be it.

My younger 2 don't go to the bus until 8:40am, so if they are out until dark, it's fine. Right now, that's about 6:45pm, but in mid-summer, it means they can be out until 9:30 or so.

This rings true to me. We eat late. Our neighbors eat early. So when they knock on our door at 6pm, they've already eaten and we haven't. And when my two knock at 5pm, the the neighbors are sitting down to dinner. School doesn't start here until after 9am and gets out at at 4pm. I feel like we're threading a needle with giving them play time.

To answer your question, OP, whenever you darn well please. I have zero problem telling kids to get the heck out, or now isn't a good time. I don't feel like the bad guy. I'm a grownup, they're kids, and one of us is paying the mortgage! As far as kidlets saying snarky things about my house, that's never happened. I have sent my neighborhood BFF's kid home for hitting, though. He was welcome back the next day and he's never done it again. It's really not a big deal to us here.